How do you respond "Was it better than me?"

[PSULioness 839]

It has been a year for us and we are having fun. We have discussed rules and we don't have many. We discussed protection (we do sometimes play without), sex acts (almost anything unless we say no), kissing (no problem, I enjoy kissing), and who we will play with and when. I can play with any female alone or with him. He is allowed to play alone with 3 of my friends but he has to tell me before. I can play with one of his friends alone, his best friend. I originally was very much against playing with the friend and now we are both comfortable and enjoy when he joins us. He is the only guy we have threesomes with.

We discuss everything after playing. We made it a rule not to hide anything. I slipped last year and I felt very guilty. We know this will only work if we are both happy and having fun.

Recently we were together with his/our friend. They are both straight which make me the attention of both of them. My husband doesn't mind just watching. Most of the time it's one being busy and one in my hand or my mouth. My husband has told me he can sense an oncoming orgasm I'm about to have if I am sucking him. He likes to cum at the same time. The last time I came, he came and our friend was still going strong, which was fine with me. My husband left the room and let us be alone. It seems I got loud and very verbal.

After our friend left, we were talking and my husband asked if our friend was better than him. I said no and assured him that our sex is the best and that it was just me being frisky. My husband has not shown any jealousy before. I jus don't know how to handle the question. Am I to hold back? I even asked him that and he said he is happy it was a great time.

[lcmim 1,081]

Male response here:

Depends WAS it better?

 

If yes how and why?

If it was just better this time I would say your "frisky" response was adequate. THIS time it really worked for you. Next time maybe not. This has nothing to do with your husbands ability and would not be a problem with me.

 

IF this is a big issue for you in that you truly prefer this guy.

or

IF this guy is just generally superior in some way your husband can not or will not match, then there is need for an honest , all cards face up discussion.

 

I could probably deal with a bigger equipment issue more easily than "I like him better"

 

If you are happy with your husband and could walk away from the other guy for keeps then an honest and functional answer would be " He rocked my world this time. You guys really got me worked up."

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I’m confident that you told him the straight-up truth. But for swingers in-general, I think that a response to a question like this might sometimes justify a tiny, little white lie — “sex with you is always better.”

[PSULioness 839]

I was honest. I would have too much guilt if I lied. I could give up everything and be very happy with just my husband. My response to sex varies. Some times are good and some are great. I think my husband just heard me having a great feeling and he forgets that he has rocked my boat many many times. Usually if he is watching me and I am reacting the way I did that time he is thrilled for me. I know I was loud and talking dirty, something my husband likes. I just wonder if other men get jealous if their wife is enjoying too much.

[BabeAndApe 70]

I would suggest: "You're both great. You do this thing I like. He does this thing I like. Let's make sure you can do both things!"

[SAMnTINA 362]

Never better always different!

[2NoLimit 95]

Never better always different!

 

We agree with that statement ? %

 

In our opinion there is a big difference in sex and making love. Even if my husband is fucking me hard, we are still making love to each other (you can’t separate that connection). If another man is fucking me even harder...it’s not the same (we have no connection in the heart, could be awesome but never the same)

 

By the way my husband always hopes for someone to fuck me harder...He looks forward into reclaiming what will always be his.

[padoc 1,703]

I just wonder if other men get jealous if their wife is enjoying too much. I don't think that we've ever encountered "too much" fun. Good sex is simply that, good sex! If Mrs Doc is having fun, being treated with respect and affection and having orgasms, how could I be jealous. This is recreation and fun for us. On the flip side, she notices when I connect with a partner and really enjoy the woman, she'll even offer, "ohhh, he LIKES that" when she sees something is really working for me. The first time we played with a particular couple, the woman and I got busy and finished before the Mrs and the husband did. I don't know why (other than I really like this woman) but I stayed hard and we started round two immediately. Mrs Doc noticed and stopped boinking to ask "that never happens, tell me what you're doing"? Maybe it was because of this….there was NO jealousy!

[adamgunn 1,460]

There were times when my HW enjoyed other men more than me, i.e., they were 'better.' A couple of them were better than me most of the time.

 

I encouraged her to tell me the truth, and she did. I'm not the best lover in the world, so what? (Although I feel I'm pretty good, and my wife and my other lovers told me so.)

 

I didn't mind not being the better lover, but I would have been pissed if she'd have thought the other guys would make better husbands . . .

[Guest]

I view the question as illustrating that he is not really ready for that type of swinging. To me, lifestyle husbands are not concerned if whether the other guy is better but more of whether you had a good time. He needs to understand that some guys make the team because they bat better, others because they throw better, and others because they catch better. It’s all good but it’s about sex, not love. He must understand that he’s the one you love and the one you are doing this all for.

[cplnluv1 871]

I have learned that I am not the best at anything. I was not the best basketball player, not the best baseball player, not the best golfer, not the best dancer, and I am not the best looking man in the world. I learned many years ago I was not the most hung guy, that one was a tough one for me. We are all given traits and we have to play the cards we are dealt with. To me my wife is beautiful but I never pictured her as a model for Sports Illustrated. I have always been driven to small breasted women though I enjoy a great pair. Some think a big butt is heaven, I don't. We are all a package and your husband married you for who you are and I am sure you married him for all his attributes not just one. I know I have been jealous about the friend who can make a shot from anywhere on the court or my other friend who has a 5 handicap on the golf course. I am still happy when I break 90. I always figured my wife was happy with my average sized penis and the sex we have. I was surely apprehensive the first time she was with someone else in front of me and more so when I saw his size.

Pleasure just like pain is a fleeting moment. We know we had a painful toothache and then the pain goes away. Your wife had a great sex moment, now it is a memory just like the great concert you may have gone to. She enjoyed Bruno Mars but she isn't comparing your singing to his. I once told my wife that a woman we were playing with gave me the best blowjob I ever had. Boy did I want to take that back. Instead we discussed what our partner did that make me think it was great. It goes back to communication and the enjoyment of seeing our partner pleased. Don't lie, tell him that the sex was great. Then tell him why you picked him to be the one you want to have sex with every day and why you love him. As others have said, sex is an act, love is so much more.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

"Better" is a relative term. As said above, I'm not the best at anything (there will always be someone better, no matter who you are), but having sex is and never will be 'making love'. Without the love, everything else is 'just sex', and we love each other. I don't mind if someone is better at some aspect of sex as long as she teaches me what it was he/she did to her that she enjoyed. We're never too old to learn and (maybe) teach someone else a thing or two.

 

I would suggest: "You're both great. You do this thing I like. He does this thing I like. Let's make sure you can do both things!"

[Erik13 157]

I don't care if a guy is more handsome, more well hung, or better in bed than me. I'm the one she loves and I'm the one she's coming home to every night.

[njbm 2,868]

It’s not a competition. It’s for fun. I hope that my wife meets guys who can do some things better than me. Maybe we’ll both learn new tricks to use on each other.

[machiavel55 81]

I view the question as illustrating that he is not really ready for that type of swinging. To me, lifestyle husbands are not concerned if whether the other guy is better but more of whether you had a good time. He needs to understand that some guys make the team because they bat better, others because they throw better, and others because they catch better. It’s all good but it’s about sex, not love. He must understand that he’s the one you love and the one you are doing this all for.

 

By far the best and most honest response in this thread so far.

Others are just beating around the bush and dropping cliches. to avoid the truth.

[machiavel55 81]

...........My husband left the room and let us be alone. It seems I got loud and very verbal.

After our friend left, we were talking and my husband asked if our friend was better than him. I said no and assured him that our sex is the best and that it was just me being frisky. ......

Now, be honest, was that the absolute complete truth or were you just being careful not to hurt his feelings?

[padoc 1,703]

In the end, we wake up together the next morning. All that matters to us is that we had fun the night before!

[rjmax2003 21]

Absolutely the BEST post I've seen on this web site or anywhere for that matter. Thanks!!!

[rjmax2003 21]

Absolutely the BEST post I've seen on this web site or anywhere for that matter. Thanks!!!

 

oops forgot the response quote: I view the question as illustrating that he is not really ready for that type of swinging. To me, lifestyle husbands are not concerned if whether the other guy is better but more of whether you had a good time. He needs to understand that some guys make the team because they bat better, others because they throw better, and others because they catch better. It’s all good but it’s about sex, not love. He must understand that he’s the one you love and the one you are doing this all for.

 

Great analogy!

[Tahoecple 319]

There’s a difference between being honest and being brutal. I discovered early on in this that there was an awful lot about pleasing a woman that I didn’t know. All men think that they are the perfect lover, but the fact is that good sex isn’t instinctual, it’s an acquired talent. Being every woman is a little different there are learning curves in what it takes to really rock an individual woman’s world. The very nature of pleasing a woman takes it from the academic realm and places it in the realm of trial and error. One of the beneficial aspects of swinging that I caught onto early was the fact that I could learn from the things that turned my wife on the most, as well as what didn’t. It wasn’t as if I was trying to come up with the one thing that rocked her world, it was more in the nature of coming up with a top-40 list of the things she enjoyed most.

 

Being that we were teenagers when we got married the truth was that I was young and dumb. The things that most women think should be common knowledge, most men have never considered. Case in point, who would have thought that short, well-manicured finger nails were so important to women when it comes to fingers thrust into them. It’s also true that we ourselves don’t realize the things that rock us the most until somebody subjects us to that one little thing. Instead of treating your experiences as an evaluation of which man brings you the most pleasure and instead teat it as a learning experience into what brings you the most pleasure you make this into something that you can share with your mate.

 

Now we come to your question, the answer to the question is honesty is important, and total honesty can be devastating and should be avoided. If you’re with a man that really rocks your world for you it usually isn’t due to one thing. If one of the aspects that you found so very pleasurable with him was the fact that he hit your hidden launch button that sent you into ecstasy, and that hidden launch button is two inches beyond any place your husband in capable of reaching, that might be something that you don’t want to share. Instead you would want to expound on the little things that your husband doesn’t do that he’s capable of doing for you. Make this a learning process for both of you, you want to expand his repertoire of things that bring you pleasure, without destroying his ego.

[Numex 2,409]

"Was it better than me?"

 

"No, but I'm going to keep looking and trying."

[PSULioness 839]

More important is my original question and I think I have answered the question. Our guy friend is not better. I had my doubts about letting him into our bed the first time. He is too close to us and too much could go wrong. Being my husband is the one who suggested it I didn’t think of it as him being jealous. My doubts was I didn’t want to be used by our friend as something he could do when he didn’t have someone. He is a great guy and a great friend. I didn’t want to strain anything.

Jealousy wasn’t the issue when we were with others. I tell him what was good. He has seen me orgasm with others. I do orgasm. I talk more about the girlfriends. I get a big excitement making a girlfriend orgasm and I know he loves watching that.

Back to our friend. He is very verbal. He knows I am fine with most of what he says. No calling me a slut or whore. Pussy, ass even the C word is all in fun. I can be verbal and turn it up for him. My husband knows this and we have joked about it. Last week when my husband left the bedroom nothin changed. He knows I kiss during sex. We were going pretty strong I orgasmed and I got real dirty and asked for more. I was having another one and he was about to. It’s possible I was louder than normal. It was very very hot. I do know though that wasn’t the any better than we have a few times a week. I have been honest with my husband and we are a happy couple

[machiavel55 81]

..............

 

Now we come to your question, the answer to the question is honesty is important, and total honesty can be devastating and should be avoided. If you’re with a man that really rocks your world for you it usually isn’t due to one thing. If one of the aspects that you found so very pleasurable with him was the fact that he hit your hidden launch button that sent you into ecstasy, and that hidden launch button is two inches beyond any place your husband in capable of reaching, that might be something that you don’t want to share. Instead you would want to expound on the little things that your husband doesn’t do that he’s capable of doing for you. Make this a learning process for both of you, you want to expand his repertoire of things that bring you pleasure, without destroying his ego.

 

I have through the years read tons of posts by swingers putting down vanillas, monogamy, etc..pointing out that the in the LS couples are 100% honest with each other and can talk about the most sensitive topics in a constructive manner, etc....and in this thread I read that some things are better left unsaid? ''he was not better just different''?, ''she comes home with me''?.....I do not agree....as soon as one starts avoiding the truth, the relationship is being tainted, diminished.

[TricianMike 772]

Does your husband want you to enjoy? Your husband should want you to have great sex. Swinging should not be a competition. I would ask him why he is asking. Tell him it was great and that you don’t compare and that you think all is great if it’s good. I would think you never asked him if one of his playmates was better than you. Men are always competing and they they always need to be reassured they are the best b

[afterwork 89]

Better suggest subjective value determination..."different" states objective evidence. It is always different and that is our enjoyment to be in the LS

[Tahoecple 319]

The OP poses and interesting dilemma that is occasionally faced during this type of activity. To be honest regarding an extraordinarily pleasurable encounter, or to consider the feelings of a spouse and diminish the encounter. To answer that question, I think you first must consider the reason you are engaged in this activity in the first place, “the pleasure it provides each of you,” should be the answer to that question.

 

Personally, I want every encounter my wife engages in to be as pleasurable, as exciting, and as stimulating as possible. I’m also not so naïve as to believe that I know every possible activity that achieves bringing her those feelings. As much as anything when I watch her engaging with another man I look on it as a learning prosses. If I see him doing something that I haven’t done and see that she is enjoying whatever it is that he is doing, that becomes something that I may want to include in our personal love making. On the other hand, if it’s something that she’s not receptive to, that then becomes something that I will eliminate from my repertoire of techniques I engage in when I’m with her.

 

The answer to what brought you so much pleasure during your encounter with this man will determine the answer you tell your husband. If your response was due to the technique used by this man, and if your husband can incorporate that technique with you, then that would be something that you would want to tell him. If on the other hand, if your response was due to an emotional response to this man as an individual you may want to keep that to yourself.

 

To be honest with your husband you first must be honest with yourself. In most cases we don’t take the time to analyze what it is that brings us pleasure, we just know that whatever it was we enjoyed it. If you are with another man, and during that encounter you have an extraordinarily positive reaction to whatever he did to you, you may want to give that some thought because your husband is going to want to know why you responded as you did. It’s just a, “guy thing,” we want to know exactly what he did so that we can duplicate that technique with you to get the same reaction from you.

 

Keep in mind that men and women think differently. Where women can communicate on a subliminal nonverbal level, men are detailed oriented and can only communicate on a verbal level. If you want him to understand anything you are going to have to tell him in detail what you want him to understand. In this case I would suggest that you come up with as many specific things that this man did to you that generated your response. If your response was totally in reacting to this man on an emotional level, I would then come up with as many things as you can think of that you would like for your husband to engage in when he’s with you, and think about curtailing your encounters with this other man.

 

The thing to remember is that open and honest communication is the most important aspect of any relationship, and that common-sense trumps everything.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

He's not better. Just different. And I enjoy you and him in different ways. You are both unique and special to me. I love you. He's something we do for fun.

[iHustle 16]

I think for this to work, honesty really is the best policy! I've been in a similar situation, and lucky for me, I was able to answer the question honestly!

 

"Baby, sex with you is on a whole nother level!"

 

I really hate lying, so if we ended up being with someone that I did enjoy more than her, that would be a problem! But I really don't ever see that happening because we both understand that emotionally we love each other more than anything, so that puts a passion into our sex life that can't be matched by random swinging!

 

As far as sex goes, we both think it would be ridiculous to only have sex with 1 person for the rest of our lives. I mean, as great as the sex is, that would still suck! I love a good Rib Eye, but if you told me that's all I could eat for the rest of my life, it would get old really quick!

 

So keep your entree hot at all times, but pairing them with lots of yummy sides!

[luvin eye full 140]

In this case ( the post )

You did the right thing - he asked and you told him - and i think you were telling the truth.

 

But why did he ask? when your at the same level of excitement with your husband are you not as loud?

See with a close friend there is more to lose for your husband - and if you act differently then he thinks oh shit she likes him better then me!

 

This is where it's coming from more then likely - with a stranger or couple there is more space then if a close friend can just come on over.

 

I also think there is better and different - and this depends on a lot of things - so just tell him the truth ( which i think you would of anyway )

 

lastly if the friend is bigger than your husband and he hears you get more louder then with him / the husband thinks you like it better.

That's because we are told this by everything from ads to shows to movies to porn and yes even on this site.

[PSULioness 839]

Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you all for the a great present, your advice.

I agree with all of you who said that talking is the most important thing in a relationship. Last night we stayed home. Just the two of us. Tired after shopping we decided we needed to just chill. We were just mindlessly watching TV. I felt it was a perfect time to talk. I said we need an honest talk about swinging. We talked about the different things we liked and we talked about some of what we didn’t. Then I asked him why he asked if I thought our friend was better than him. He said he didn’t mean it like that. I just answered Honest. Then he said he did think about some of the guys being better. Then he said I have to be honest. I said the sex that time was just great. I never thought of it as better. I just thought of it as great and that we have had plenty of great sex plenty of times. I asked him if he enjoys me having great sex, isn’t that what both want. I asked him if he has met anyone bettter than me. I think he understood where I was going.

Talking is good.

[adamgunn 1,460]

"I said the sex that time was just great. I never thought of it as better. I just thought of it as great"

 

Now, that's the way to feel about he LifeStyle! Congratulations on opening up to each other. You'll be fantastic in this hobby.

[Numex 2,409]

Your husband should want you to have great sex. Swinging should not be a competition.

 

Yeah, that. ^ It doesn't have to be fair or even either, if you know what I mean. My wife has more sex than I do because she wants and physically can. I'm hoping all the time that whatever she's doing whether I watch or not, is better than anything before.

[Geoduck 26]

I don't care if a guy is more handsome, more well hung, or better in bed than me. I'm the one she loves and I'm the one she's coming home to every night.

 

I know I'm replying to an old thread, but it's a good one (and we were away from the board for some time, trying to catch up).

 

Maybe the other man is better at a certain technique. I remember one of my former lovers: She and I had this incredible sexual position that drove us both wild. It never worked with another lover--it was good with others, but not the same electricity.

 

There's a certain excitement about exploring a new lover, whether it's just sex (swinging, for example or making love for the first few times with someone who might turn out to be a significant other.

 

If the lady of my life had an extra-wild orgasm with a man we were in a MFM with (I'm straight) or when we were swapping with another couple, I'd love for her to tell me later what the man did to drive her wild. I'd ask, "Is this something you'd like us to try? If so, please teach me."

 

If we're sharing an MFM or swapping with a couple, I would hope we'd all have great sex. And yes, I'd be more than happy knowing what we just encountered was a shared sexual experience, not a looking-for-love experience.

 

After getting home, I would love to cuddle. If that would lead to more--she might be too sensitive, or I might...who knows?--then all the better.

 

Bottom line: If playing with moresomes, let's hope all have great orgasms!

 

Geo

[agreatguy 269]

 

There's a certain excitement about exploring a new lover, whether it's just sex (swinging, for example or making love for the first few times with someone who might turn out to be a significant other.

 

That newness is something that we obviously naturally lose with our SO and it's not possible to get it back. Familiarity can make for great sex too but it's different. We swing for the variety, the newness. Some people cheat because they want to feel that endorphin rush of falling in lust again. That rush can make sex feel totally different that familiar sex. It can be something you've never done before. It can be exciting because it's just outside of our comfort zone. It can be kinky or naughty or animalistic and our responses to those situations, if we aren't holding back for fear of what our SO thinks, will likely be very different than it is during familiar sex.

 

I remember our first swap. I loved watching my wife go down on the guy. As they were standing and kissing she managed to get his cock out of his pants. She squatted down and started blowing him. He was bigger than me which was great. She ended up on her back with him going down on her and after a while I heard her tell him that she needed to feel that big cock inside of her. He didn't respond immediately because he was really enjoying what he was doing. She told him again, almost begging him to fuck her "with that big cock". It was hot to hear it at the time in the heat of things but it also stung just a little. She's never said that to me the way she said it to him. Later that night we had sex again and she told me my cock feels best. I think it actually stung a little more at the time. I thought about it over the course of about a week wavering from feeling a twinge of something, jealousy?, inadequacy?. But then I realized it was hot for her to have a bigger cock and that's ok, that's why we do this, for these different experiences. I want her to have as big of a cock as she wants, as much pleasure as she can handle and I want her to get totally absorbed in the experience. When I get to reclaim her the sex is rarely familiar.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

I know this thread is old, but I just wanted to add a couple of things.

 

I never thought of sex as being a "score". If it's great, it's great. If it's not, it's not. There's no objective measure of how 'good' it is. It's entirely subjective. I can have great sex with my wife. I can have great sex with another woman. I am not going to compare the two. How I respond to one woman is different than how I respond to my wife. It's not fair to compare, for anyone. I don't think I want to be in the position of telling my lovers "Sorry honey, but you'll never be as good as my wife" or something like that. In swinging we make comparisons to flavors of ice cream. If you like blackberry, cookie dough, fudge brickle, and mint ice cream...are you really going to compare them on some objective scale? They're all good.

 

I'm not into swinging to replace my wife, nor she me. We're in it to have fun. We have fun with our lovers. That's the point.

 

If someone is feeling insecure, they should say so of course. Communication is key.

[Numex 2,409]

Maybe I'm odd, but to me I feel much more secure in our marriage that if my wife is lusting for something that I can't give her, she can get it elsewhere and then come home to me. She tells me about her activity, we can then discuss it however much we want, and life happily goes on. This sometimes happens, but now we usually do couple swaps.

[Guest]

Let’s face it, even in a fairly short term marriage our husbands have been with us a hundred or hundreds of times, from the early get to know you times right on through. If they are there watching us respond to another man, they know if “it was better” for us. But realistically, do you think they encourage us to go out and do this so we can turn to them and say, “oh, its so much better with you.” If that is how we felt, then why would we go out and do it again, and again. To me, at least with my hubby, its a matter of comparison, he gets excited by seeing me excited so the more excited I become, the more so he becomes. We happened into an MFM, my doing, with a guy that turned out to have an extremely big dick. The sight of the size and being able to handle it turned me on immensely as I enthusiastically gave him oral sex, and then I actually asked him to fuck me with it, I was so excited. And to my surprise and contrary to me years of saying sized didn’t matter, it did and I am sure I showed it. As it came to an end, I began to worry that I had gone to far, showed my excitement too much. But, no, compersion, hubby was equally excited, there was no issue of wow, you really enjoyed that more than you ever have with me, no jealousy, just compersion.

[Numex 2,409]

As it came to an end, I began to worry that I had gone to far, showed my excitement too much. .

Whenever my wife and I play, we both hope to have the best time possible. I'd be disappointed if my wife didn't have a good time, and am wishing it is better than anything before. The more we enjoy a play session, the better the sex is between us later. We talk about all of it, including who our favorite play partners are. The guy she likes the best, I actually encourage her to see him and for her to feel comfortable about it, even playing alone. How could I be jealous when she is happy and good to me?

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Am I the only one that thinks this is a ridiculous question?

 

I have had sex with my wife for 20 years. On any given session it can be ok, just getting through it, good, amazing, mind blowing, think-about-it-all-week. The factors that determine which of those is the case is a list so long I couldn't post it here or you would all get bored and log out. A few: I had a mild headache. She had one. She was recovering from a cold. We watched a very hot movie. The kids weren't home. We had just the right amount of foreplay. The moon was out. I got a good end of the year review. My football team won. She got a compliment at work that put her in a good mood. She had a bad experience at work that set her off for the rest of the day.

 

You get what I'm saying? At any given time the stars can align and have an amazing sex session with my wife. The same is the case with other people in both directions of it being just ok, or fantastic.

 

Was he better is a ridiculous question and the answer is not set based on who the sex was with. Did the stars align for that period of time? That's the question and it has little to do with skills.

[Sawman 84]

"I prefer you."

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Sex is just sex, no matter how mind blowing, earth shattering it may be. I'm with the one I'm with because of the total package. It's like going to a great restaurant and deciding that I'm leaving my SO for the cook just because they are better at cooking...

[Shore2Please 610]

My husband has told me it can feel like a vise or a flutter.

[couplers 4,614]

I once asked my husband if a woman was better than me. Knowing me perfectly, certainly better than I know myself, he said she was much better than me (and went into details). "What are you going to do about it?" he asked. It made me extremely jealous, got me wet, and I'm still working on it to our mutual benefit.

[Tahoecple 319]

We’ve been in this to one extent or another for more years than I care to remember. My most astounding discovery was the educational value it provided both of us. We’re all reluctant to critic the love making skills of our SO. We are also unable to conceal our reaction to somebody doing something new and very pleasurable to us for the first time. The course we adopted was to not look at it as somebody being better, but instead ask what it was they did that you found so pleasurable.

 

Most often, that proved to be a simple technique easily learned and added to our repertoire of skills. Lovemaking skills aren’t inherited naturally. They are learned and perfected skills, taught through trial and error. The greatest lovers are those who took the time and effort to learn how to provide ecstasy to the person they’re with.

 

With that in mind my suggestion is to not ask, “was he/she better than me.” Instead ask, “You really got off on whatever he/she was doing to you. What did they do to get that reaction from you?” Then work on whatever it was until you are better than they were.

[padoc 1,703]

A couple of comments above are right on point. We always have a debriefing session, usually on our way home from a club or party or while cleaning up at home after having guests. We know each others moves and responses so we're interested in what our new partners did differently, better or worse than we do. Then we try to add the good stuff to our repertoire. Swinging has made us way better lovers than we were when we started.

[ToeDippers 83]

I am guilty of asking the question. We just had our first experience with a woman. I didn’t feel threatened about a dudes size or how long he could go, I was more interested in how good it was when she went down. When I asked I just wanted to know if she enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching another nude woman in our bed. My wife answered that it was alright. Just alright? She seemed to like it a lot. I pushed it for a better answer. She said she was very nervous. Anxious. I had noticed she seemed uptight at the time. So much was going on, nude, sex, touching, kissing, me being touched and touching this woman. Then she said she was used to how I do things and it was different. I said that is the excitement being different. Then she flipped the question. I was kind of honest and it was exciting. Can’t say it was better.

[luv2was 117]

"I've had better."

... from the movie "Liar, Liar"

[machiavel55 81]

Sex is just sex, no matter how mind blowing, earth shattering it may be. I'm with the one I'm with because of the total package. It's like going to a great restaurant and deciding that I'm leaving my SO for the cook just because they are better at cooking...

Great topic....but once more I do not understand how sometimes analogies with food, etc...are used.

I started cooking when I got my first place, I love food, in the 40 years since, occasionally, among my friends, there has been husbands/bfs who were/are far better at cooking than I am.

As a man, being less skilled at cooking is something that will never bother me.

The way a woman feels about the cook of the amazing meal she just had cannot be compared to the emotional connection or the adoring looks a woman has with the man she just had amazing sex with.

[machiavel55 81]

I am guilty of asking the question. We just had our first experience with a woman. I didn’t feel threatened about a dudes size or how long he could go, I was more interested in how good it was when she went down. When I asked I just wanted to know if she enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching another nude woman in our bed. My wife answered that it was alright. Just alright? She seemed to like it a lot. I pushed it for a better answer. She said she was very nervous. Anxious. I had noticed she seemed uptight at the time. So much was going on, nude, sex, touching, kissing, me being touched and touching this woman. Then she said she was used to how I do things and it was different. I said that is the excitement being different. Then she flipped the question. I was kind of honest and it was exciting. Can’t say it was better.

 

I'm curious, you say you don't feel threatened by a guy's size or stamina, but have you been in that situation? has your wife been with another man with you there?

[ToeDippers 83]

I'm curious, you say you don't feel threatened by a guy's size or stamina, but have you been in that situation? has your wife been with another man with you there?

 

Absolutely not. Of course I wasn’t her first and she said my last.