How do you respond "Was it better than me?"

[adamgunn 1,461]

machiavel55, I understand how you are missing the analogy of sex and cooking. Sex is not cooking. What the original author was trying to suggest, I believe, is that sex is not romance.

 

So, let’s take a different approach. Picture a woman, in her early forties, somewhat recently divorced. She has physical needs. So one evening she heads for a bar, picks up a guy, they have mind-blowing sex. The next day she has a wonderful memory, but she probably knows the guy is not going to wind up being her next husband. If she’s realistic, she won’t be too disappointed when he doesn’t call her for another date. Their brief relationship was simply all about sex.

 

*Some* people who are married have similar feelings. Sex is a lot of fun, and different people are able to perform in different ways. Now, the cooking analogy becomes more apt - would you rather have a great Italian meal or a really good steak? It depends on your mood, doesn’t it? Just because you had a wonderful meal of Osso Bucco, it doesn’t mean you’ll never want a T-Bone, does it?

 

Sex isn’t romance. Sex is *just* sex.

[Seanandem 48]

A great thread for me and the Mrs. to browse. This has always been my biggest concern about swinging. I, like many men, have this obsessive NEED to be the best for her in everything. It’s the reason we haven’t taken the final steps to this lifestyle. If I ever get to the point of the possibility of not being the best, I’m sure we’ll take the plunge. Before my wife, sex was just “sex”. I’d never had a session where there was genuine love, and never experienced anywhere near the level of passion and chemistry I share with my wife. She feels the same. Not lying here, that’s what I’m insecure about. I’d be heartbroken if she experienced that chemistry with another man. So, we’re takin it extremely slow. And maybe one day, we’ll get there. Thanks for the great perspective to all of you!!

[PSULioness 859]

 

*Some* people who are married have similar feelings. Sex is a lot of fun, and different people are able to perform in different ways. Now, the cooking analogy becomes more apt - would you rather have a great Italian meal or a really good steak? It depends on your mood, doesn’t it? Just because you had a wonderful meal of Osso Bucco, it doesn’t mean you’ll never want a T-Bone, does it?

 

Sex isn’t romance. Sex is *just* sex.

 

I like your food analogy. I like Italian, Steak, Thai, Chinese, Greek (yeah I know), Southern and I’m willing to try new things. I am not giving up the corned beef sandwich just because I had pizza. And now I learned I enjoy Clams, lol, but not giving up hot dogs.

[agreatguy 269]

I like your food analogy. I like Italian, Steak, Thai, Chinese, Greek (yeah I know), Southern and I’m willing to try new things. I am not giving up the corned beef sandwich just because I had pizza. And now I learned I enjoy Clams, lol, but not giving up hot dogs.

 

And for me it goes even beyond what my cravings are at any particular time. I love all the same things. To expect my wife to be all of those things to me at the time I want them is unrealistic and unfair to her. I think the analogy is very realistic if you are able to separate committed relational love from just sex. Both feel wonderful but they aren't the same thing.

 

The same goes for what she wants. She likes MFM. Now, we can try to recreate that with a dildo but we all know it isn't the same. That toy isn't going to show any level of enthusiasm or lust, it's not going to tell her how much it wants to be inside of her or how tight and wet she is or hot she looks or any of the many other things she likes to hear before or during sex. Coming from me it's still just coming from me. The only way to really add that second is to really add a second. Asking me to have a second cock and being a second guy is as unrealistic as asking her to be a different woman with a different personality, shape, style and hair color for that matter. Denying that we have cravings we really have is just as unrealistic and it's dishonest.

 

In my previous marriage, a comment about another woman's appearance would result in hurt feelings and some kind of remark such as "I'm sorry I'm not like her". Now the same comment is met with something much more favorable and promising depending on the venue. If it's on the street she might say something innocuous like "Yeah, she is hot", in a club she might jump up and go start a conversation.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Just because someone is better at ONE THING, nothing else matters...I don't think so. Any time we find something that someone else is better at, we ask the other to teach us how they did it so we can get better and do it again.

[Geoduck 26]

I’m confident that you told him the straight-up truth. But for swingers in-general, I think that a response to a question like this might sometimes justify a tiny, little white lie — “sex with you is always better.”

 

SW_PA_Couple,

 

With all due respect, I have to disagree. To us, there's nothing wrong with another lover giving my lover a memorable time. Sometimes--maybe even many times--sex with a first-time partner can be so-so. After all, the couple doesn't know each other, and they don't know what makes the other person have a mind-blowing experience. With one memorable lover, it took us two times in bed (plus one sexy play in a shower before the second time, which included lots of foreplay and intercourse, though not to orgasm) before we had terrific sex. So, first-time sex between two people can be great, but not always.

 

If my partner had terrific sex with a new lover--and newness can easily add to the equation--I'd be happy. Did she orgasm more often than normal or stronger or louder than she usually does? If so, great (I'd hope for that to happen in a moresome). And I'd like to know the details of what the new partner(s) did to drive her to that ecstasy (unless it was just the novelty of a new lover who didn't use any new techniques).

 

Newness can be a great turn-on, but that doesn't necessarily mean the new partner was better, requiring a "sex is better with you" response, even of the moresome encounter rocked her world.

 

Sex with a new partner could be OK, it could be good, or it could be terrific.

 

After a moresome, my partner would come home with me. That's the most important thing, as I'm sure you know. :-)

 

During the moresome play, I'd love hearing her moan and orgasm with another or others, even if she made sounds not usually made in bed with me.

 

I really dislike lying (even white lies). If my partner just had great-great sex, I'd want to know about it as much as possible (I might be an older dog, but I can still learn some new tricks ). That wouldn't change her love for me, which is the most important thing.

 

SW_PA_Couple, if If misunderstood your comment, I apologize.

 

Best wishes,

Geo :-)

[GoNatural 104]

"Better" is a relative term. As said above, I'm not the best at anything (there will always be someone better, no matter who you are), but having sex is and never will be 'making love'. Without the love, everything else is 'just sex', and we love each other. I don't mind if someone is better at some aspect of sex as long as she teaches me what it was he/she did to her that she enjoyed. We're never too old to learn and (maybe) teach someone else a thing or two.

I'm very similar. I'm a single male, but I've been in open relationships. I just want to be the better spouse, the romantic anchor in her life. Other guys will likely be better at intercourse. I struggle with lasting long, sometimes. I'm damn good at oral and fingering though, damn good.

 

Being a little bit of a cuckold I like knowing the comparison for intercourse, but I won't compare for fingering or oral, just learn when I see something new that works.

 

There were times when my HW enjoyed other men more than me, i.e., they were 'better.' A couple of them were better than me most of the time.

 

I encouraged her to tell me the truth, and she did. I'm not the best lover in the world, so what? (Although I feel I'm pretty good, and my wife and my other lovers told me so.)

 

I didn't mind not being the better lover, but I would have been pissed if she'd have thought the other guys would make better husbands . . .

[Aaron911 45]

I just wonder if other men get jealous if their wife is enjoying too much. I don't think that we've ever encountered "too much" fun. Good sex is simply that, good sex! If Mrs Doc is having fun, being treated with respect and affection and having orgasms, how could I be jealous. This is recreation and fun for us. On the flip side, she notices when I connect with a partner and really enjoy the woman, she'll even offer, "ohhh, he LIKES that" when she sees something is really working for me. The first time we played with a particular couple, the woman and I got busy and finished before the Mrs and the husband did. I don't know why (other than I really like this woman) but I stayed hard and we started round two immediately. Mrs Doc noticed and stopped boinking to ask "that never happens, tell me what you're doing"? Maybe it was because of this….there was NO jealousy![ATTACH=CONFIG]9188[/ATTACH]

 

My wife was swinging with my bestfriend who was extremely hung and she told me he was the best because of that but I'm not insecure or jealous but you just have to know there's always someone better than you. It's simple math ya know. As long as she's happy then I'm happy too. I want her to experience it all right??

[Bluespruce1 707]

We swing because we both recognize the we have a need to experience sex outside of our marriage. We also know that this means that we are going to have partners that simply blow us away for one reason or another. I have watched him with women that absolutely worship his cock and instinctively know how to make his toes curl. He has watched me be taken by guys that make me cum over and over and even squirt. It’s part of the game and if you are that insecure, it’s not a game for you.

[Numex 2,459]

Often times I'm thinking that the woman I've got my dick in right now and am fucking for all I'm worth is the best sex ever. But that's how I, as a guy, think.

[oc1234 435]

I always hoped my wife finds the man she is playing with is better than me. If you are playing with someone new, it should be very exciting and better than anyone else at that particular time. I also get really turned on by her really having a great time.

[Numex 2,459]

I always hoped my wife finds the man she is playing with is better than me. If you are playing with someone new, it should be very exciting and better than anyone else at that particular time. I also get really turned on by her really having a great time.

I agree with you 100%, but I think the reality of it is that he's not better, just different. What is better for me and my wife is getting multiple partners - more. Variety and in a way, selection; who she wants sex with that fits her needs at a specific time.

[JessicaJamison 864]

I hate that fucking question so much.  To the guys in the group, don't ask that question unless you are prepared to get a truthful answer.  I told my husband to never ask that ever.  Sex is just different with different people.  I enjoy sex with my husband but he is more of a passionate lover, but I like rough sex the most, so I got one guy that goes really hard an he is the best sex partner I have for my style of sex.  Adam and I don't make live we Fuck.  My husband makes love, I like being fucked but it Doesnt mean I don't enjoy being loved too.  

[10thBadger 25]

On 12/14/2017 at 11:45 AM, PSULioness said:

It has been a year for us and we are having fun. We have discussed rules and we don't have many. We discussed protection (we do sometimes play without), sex acts (almost anything unless we say no), kissing (no problem, I enjoy kissing), and who we will play with and when. I can play with any female alone or with him. He is allowed to play alone with 3 of my friends but he has to tell me before. I can play with one of his friends alone, his best friend. I originally was very much against playing with the friend and now we are both comfortable and enjoy when he joins us. He is the only guy we have threesomes with.

We discuss everything after playing. We made it a rule not to hide anything. I slipped last year and I felt very guilty. We know this will only work if we are both happy and having fun.

Recently we were together with his/our friend. They are both straight which make me the attention of both of them. My husband doesn't mind just watching. Most of the time it's one being busy and one in my hand or my mouth. My husband has told me he can sense an oncoming orgasm I'm about to have if I am sucking him. He likes to cum at the same time. The last time I came, he came and our friend was still going strong, which was fine with me. My husband left the room and let us be alone. It seems I got loud and very verbal.

After our friend left, we were talking and my husband asked if our friend was better than him. I said no and assured him that our sex is the best and that it was just me being frisky. My husband has not shown any jealousy before. I jus don't know how to handle the question. Am I to hold back? I even asked him that and he said he is happy it was a great time.

If you do not know how to handle the question and it is a simple question. You trying to figure out how not to tell the truth because you are afraid of hurting your husband. That is pretty simple

[10thBadger 25]

On 12/14/2017 at 3:50 PM, PSULioness said:

I was honest. I would have too much guilt if I lied. I could give up everything and be very happy with just my husband. My response to sex varies. Some times are good and some are great. I think my husband just heard me having a great feeling and he forgets that he has rocked my boat many many times. Usually if he is watching me and I am reacting the way I did that time he is thrilled for me. I know I was loud and talking dirty, something my husband likes. I just wonder if other men get jealous if their wife is enjoying too much.

Of course other men would get jealous. Or maybe not just jealous but hurt at some level even though you know you are sharing your wife. I know somebody’s going to say that it is ego/insecurities/jealousy as it seems to be the favorite catchphrase or any feelings that are bad. But in saying that, from a man’s point of view. Of course he had some hurt feelings because like you said, he knows he has rocked your boat many many times and just assumes that no one else can do that for you even if that’s right or wrong. Now saying it might be a little bit of ego but of course he wants you to enjoy his friend because he is sharing you but he doesn’t want you to enjoy the friend more than you enjoy your husband. Just put The shoe on the other foot. And then you will probably understand how he feels or how he felt at that moment. He would not have asked you if you enjoyed your friend more than him if he did not have this in his head that you were enjoying your friend more than him. It’s just that simple

[10thBadger 25]

On 12/16/2017 at 5:10 PM, Tahoecple said:

There’s a difference between being honest and being brutal. I discovered early on in this that there was an awful lot about pleasing a woman that I didn’t know. All men think that they are the perfect lover, but the fact is that good sex isn’t instinctual, it’s an acquired talent. Being every woman is a little different there are learning curves in what it takes to really rock an individual woman’s world. The very nature of pleasing a woman takes it from the academic realm and places it in the realm of trial and error. One of the beneficial aspects of swinging that I caught onto early was the fact that I could learn from the things that turned my wife on the most, as well as what didn’t. It wasn’t as if I was trying to come up with the one thing that rocked her world, it was more in the nature of coming up with a top-40 list of the things she enjoyed most.

 

Being that we were teenagers when we got married the truth was that I was young and dumb. The things that most women think should be common knowledge, most men have never considered. Case in point, who would have thought that short, well-manicured finger nails were so important to women when it comes to fingers thrust into them. It’s also true that we ourselves don’t realize the things that rock us the most until somebody subjects us to that one little thing. Instead of treating your experiences as an evaluation of which man brings you the most pleasure and instead teat it as a learning experience into what brings you the most pleasure you make this into something that you can share with your mate.

 

Now we come to your question, the answer to the question is honesty is important, and total honesty can be devastating and should be avoided. If you’re with a man that really rocks your world for you it usually isn’t due to one thing. If one of the aspects that you found so very pleasurable with him was the fact that he hit your hidden launch button that sent you into ecstasy, and that hidden launch button is two inches beyond any place your husband in capable of reaching, that might be something that you don’t want to share. Instead you would want to expound on the little things that your husband doesn’t do that he’s capable of doing for you. Make this a learning process for both of you, you want to expand his repertoire of things that bring you pleasure, without destroying his ego.

Against all rules of swinging, you are telling her to lie or to hold back information from the husband. That is very inconsistent with everything else that is told to us newbies that are learning. Communication communication communication, honesty and truthfulness

[10thBadger 25]

On 12/19/2017 at 11:12 PM, PSULioness said:

More important is my original question and I think I have answered the question. Our guy friend is not better. I had my doubts about letting him into our bed the first time. He is too close to us and too much could go wrong. Being my husband is the one who suggested it I didn’t think of it as him being jealous. My doubts was I didn’t want to be used by our friend as something he could do when he didn’t have someone. He is a great guy and a great friend. I didn’t want to strain anything.

Jealousy wasn’t the issue when we were with others. I tell him what was good. He has seen me orgasm with others. I do orgasm. I talk more about the girlfriends. I get a big excitement making a girlfriend orgasm and I know he loves watching that.

Back to our friend. He is very verbal. He knows I am fine with most of what he says. No calling me a slut or whore. Pussy, ass even the C word is all in fun. I can be verbal and turn it up for him. My husband knows this and we have joked about it. Last week when my husband left the bedroom nothin changed. He knows I kiss during sex. We were going pretty strong I orgasmed and I got real dirty and asked for more. I was having another one and he was about to. It’s possible I was louder than normal. It was very very hot. I do know though that wasn’t the any better than we have a few times a week. I have been honest with my husband and we are a happy couple

Question, have you ever joked about something that you were uncomfortable with but just went along with it. Maybe your husband is not really OK with the fact that he is verbal and you are Verbal back with him. Maybe he doesn’t get angry but he just starts to wonder. And then that question comes up because it is something that is on his mind and it is obviously something that he is curious about but at the same time doesn’t want to feel that he is stopping you from doing something that you want to do. I know everyone in here has been in a position where they were joking about something in conversation but felt uncomfortable but never let on to everyone else that it bothered them. Just like you would want your husband to protect your feelings, I think you need to think about  maybe not being so verbal with this friend to protect your husbands feelings.

 

And I totally agree with you when you said that you did not want to be the go to girl when your friend does not have a new one. And I agree with you when you said that you did not want to have  that person in your bed with your husband that is a friend and things can go south. Your husband may not be jealous but even as friends there’s always a little competition even subconsciously. And even though you would not want this to be true, the friend that you have that is in your bed subconsciously might be trying to talk to your husband and inadvertently causing problems which is what you thought from the beginning.

 

Just my two cents

[Anon321 524]

On 11/24/2020 at 6:17 AM, JessicaJamison said:

I hate that fucking question so much.  To the guys in the group, don't ask that question unless you are prepared to get a truthful answer.  I told my husband to never ask that ever.  Sex is just different with different people.  I enjoy sex with my husband but he is more of a passionate lover, but I like rough sex the most, so I got one guy that goes really hard an he is the best sex partner I have for my style of sex.  Adam and I don't make live we Fuck.  My husband makes love, I like being fucked but it Doesnt mean I don't enjoy being loved too.  

I consider this to be almost exactly the dynamic with me and my GF.  Our sex together is definitely more passionate and lovemaking style however my GF loves really rough sex and while there are certain things I am capable of doing in that area there are other things that I cannot do and certainly not do as well as other guys can do and I accept that and move on.  So it's not really about who is better but rather acknowledging that we and the experiences we bring are very different.

[10thBadger 25]

On 12/23/2017 at 2:53 PM, luvin eye full said:

In this case ( the post )

You did the right thing - he asked and you told him - and i think you were telling the truth.

 

But why did he ask? when your at the same level of excitement with your husband are you not as loud?

See with a close friend there is more to lose for your husband - and if you act differently then he thinks oh shit she likes him better then me!

 

This is where it's coming from more then likely - with a stranger or couple there is more space then if a close friend can just come on over.

 

I also think there is better and different - and this depends on a lot of things - so just tell him the truth ( which i think you would of anyway )

 

lastly if the friend is bigger than your husband and he hears you get more louder then with him / the husband thinks you like it better.

That's because we are told this by everything from ads to shows to movies to porn and yes even on this site.

Great answer and great post. That’s exactly what I was saying and what my wife was thinking the same exact thing. Because he is a close friend, subconsciously different can be trying to outdo his buddy by using his wife even though he doesn’t really think about it verbally. And that friend gets to walk away thinking I meet her louder than he has ever made her and out of sight pounding his chest with a sheepish grin. Of course the friend is not trying to cause problems but at the same time he is using his friends wife  as a springboard of success when he doesn’t have anybody around as a girlfriend. Subconsciously the friend is also thinking, this is a great deal. I get to hammer my friends wife when I am single and pleasure her more than my friend. The fact that she is seeming like she is emotionally attached to the friend because he is a good friend of both of them, he’s making it harder for the husband to understand why she is making loud noises with his friend then she is with him. But she does not want to be honest with her husband, even though it is the truth from what I see. Maybe I shouldn’t say the truth but from what I’m reading

[10thBadger 25]

On 1/30/2019 at 1:07 AM, oc1234 said:

I always hoped my wife finds the man she is playing with is better than me. If you are playing with someone new, it should be very exciting and better than anyone else at that particular time. I also get really turned on by her really having a great time.

That is just silly lol

You see that you always hope that your wife find somebody better than you?

 

Really dude lol

 

That is like saying, I always hope that I lose a fight and get my face punched good. Lol

 

No man HOPES That his wife finds a better lover even though it will probably happen. What to wish for it is Ridiculous

[MidwestHoneys 359]

Unless you have experience with sex with others you can’t comment. There is no award for answering and posting the most posts in a week. Where do people have time to post so much?

 

To answer the original post: I would hope if Honey is fucking a guy she is getting the best fuck ever. Why would you want her to have a just mediocre time. No matter how good I am there will always be a better player. I’m athletic, participated in a bunch of sports and was considered very good. In HS I ran track and was the second leg of a 4x400 relay that won the states. Two of my teammates had better splits than me and I was happy the final leg brought it home. In basketball I was not the best on my team, I was good enough to make the team. 
Honey is an excellent cook, makes fabulous schnitzel, speatzle and her moms sauerbraten is to die for. Then we found a restaurant that was even better. Still love Honey’s cooking. 
Honey has fucked so many guys I can’t worry about somebody being better. I can’t worry if a guy is bigger or goes longer or does new things to her. There is no way I can be The Best, if I can’t be the best why would I care if she found someone better. 
One time she came home after a threesome without me and said she one of the greatest times, so great she wanted me to meet them. When I met them I told the guy that Honey said he was one of the best fucks she ever had. Talk about feeding a guys ego. I don’t know what they different, he was athletic, decent looking, his cock maybe bigger but not huge. I was happy that she enjoyed as much as she did. 

[TricianMike 788]

4 hours ago, MidwestHoneys said:

answer the original post: I would hope if Honey is fucking a guy she is getting the best fuck ever.

The better question I knew was asked before, four years ago. Who searched for an old question?
 

I am blessed to have a husband that isn’t jealous. He never tells me who or what I can do. He doesn’t lack in the pleasing department, he is pleased when I find a great partner or two and maybe three. 
Let us be straight, I don’t meet men because he wants me to, I pick the men I think would be fun and when we meet couples they should both be fun, sometimes we are right, not always. I also can be satisfied by making a partner happy. 
We have met men that don’t need to do everything, some men just want to go down and please, how come some men don’t understand if I just want to give head.