Should I be upset???

[Newswing12 16]

There is a couple who wanted me and my husband to play with them and I just didn't click with him. They have a more open marriage than us and they will play separately with other singles, others who play separate, etc. Well even tho I have made it known I don't want to play with her husband she still texts mine and I don't like it. I feel it's very disrespectful and I feel just as disrespected by my husband because he doesn't tell me they text I have just seen it on his phone when he's had it open showing me something else. It's not that he's deleting or hiding it but he's not coming out and saying hey so and so texted me and this is what was said.

[dan63 106]

The trials and tribulations of the early days of the LS. I will refer you to two words that are at the core of successful couples swinging. TRUST AND COMMUNICATION. If I remember correctly, both of you are in the very early days of experiencing the LS. This is actually very common, and most couples, us included, went through some version of what you are experiencing.

 

It doesn't sound like your husband is intentionally hiding anything, and most likely it doesn't mean near as much to him as it does you. And please don't try to trap him into a lie. Just come out and tell him that you noticed he was still chatting with her (in a non-judgmental way) and explain that you thought as a couple you had decided not to play with them. You are fairly new to the LS and it sounds like you have had fun to this point, no need letting something like this become a huge roadblock for you.

 

I also believe that if you stay in the LS, in 6 months something like this would be a complete non-issue for you. By that time, hopefully, you will have built the trust to the point that you are confident he would never leave you for someone else and your communication will be to the point that either 1) he will know that you would rather he not talk to her or 2) he is upfront and just tells you about his communication with her out of a matter of routine.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Your husband probably is liking the attention and that a woman other than his wife is interested in him. HOWEVER, since you two will not be playing with either one of them, he needs to just block her on his phone. Trust and communication: without an abundance of both, swinging is not a good idea and one no from either of you equals a no for the both of you. Talk to him and explain your concern and ask him to stop talking with her (and he should be willing to do so without even thinking about it).

[Fla-swing99 136]

We realize this post is an older one however; it caught our attention. We both agree with the other responses you have received. First, a NO from either of you should be a NO for both. No one should ever “take one for the team”. Also, we agree that your husband should put a prompt stop to it by politely telling the other woman to stop contacting him.

 

Finally, one of the first boundaries my husband and I established right from the start is only my husband communicates directly with any and all guys and I only communicate directly with any and all females. Now, understand this is in no way a reflection on the trust my husband and I have with each other. What it does is it keeps any misunderstandings that could cause a potential problem. Why take that sort of chance? That boundary, if you two decided to try it yourself, would have prevented this issue from ever happening. The final suggestion we have is communicat, communicate, then communicat more between the two of you as much as possible. Trust and communication we feel are paramount to have with each other in the LS. Just our humble opinions....thank you for reading our response.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Fla-Swing, you bring up a great point. You and your partner should always be on the same page, should communicate completely, and if one is upset the other should do anything and everything they can to calm them down. That's called, 'being part of a committed couple.'

 

BUT . . . everyone in this life should understand that you can't control other people. They're going to do things you don't like from time to time and you can do one of two things: (1) You can get upset at every little thing and have a terrible time with all kinds of shit. Or (2) You can try to take care of the problem and if you hit a brick wall just shrug it off and go onto other things. (This is called, 'being mature.'

 

And I'm not saying you don't act mature, FLA-swing, just pointing it out to other people who read this.