Do You Ever Feel Sorry for Couples that Do Not Swing?

[kikonkrome 844]

Driving back home from a great evening with a great couple, I really began feeling sorry for some friends of mine that are vanilla. I mean I listen to the issues they have, going to marriage counseling. No sex in the relationship for years at a time. I just began to feel really sorry for them.

 

My wife and I enjoy an incredible closeness. We have an amazing sex life. We go out and do amazing things both in and out of the bedroom. Rasie a bunch of kids. Sometimes I wonder how we do it all?

 

I listen to people that have been with their S.O. since High School and it just sounds like death to me. Can't go out to parties, no sex, no exciting vacations, can't get baby sitters for the kids, somebodies taking 'Ambien' or other psychoactive drug to cope. I mean it get's pretty uptight and petty. To me it just sounds like death warmed over.

 

I was just wondering if there are other people in our same zone? Having a great life with their best friend and lover?

[EastInWest 1,524]

I listen to people that have been with their S.O. since High School and it just sounds like death to me. Can't go out to parties, no sex, no exciting vacations, can't get baby sitters for the kids, somebodies taking 'Ambien' or other psychoactive drug to cope. I mean it get's pretty uptight and petty. To me it just sounds like death warmed over.

 

Taking vanilla/swinging out of the equation, I see this a lot and I can't imagine spending years that way. It's actually very hard for us to be friends with a couple that doesn't have any fun. That doesn't mean swinging, but I think we all know some couples who are just suffering through it.

[njbm 2,871]

Most people would find this hobby shocking and weird.

[Guest]

Yes, we know such couples. At various times each has had an affair, they both love to flirt with others and yet, they remain loving a loving couple. If alone with me, he enjoys a hug or a grab ass, her the same with my hubby. But, they would never consider swinging. In a couple of instances, we tried to move it pass the good friends mark, but they should no interest as a couple. In one case, after I pulled up my dress and showed them my tattoo one night, just above the thong line, he called me later in the week and asked about lunch, misinterpreting my intent apparently

[adamgunn 1,460]

No, I can't say that I'm sorry for couples that are lovingly monogamous for their entire lives.

 

No, I can't say I'm sorry for couples that have affairs but still love each other and don't want to take it past that.

 

No, I can't say I'm sorry for couples that have opened their marriage, choosing to have others lovers enhance their relationship.

 

I can say I'm sorry for the idiots of both sexes who go out and fuck other people, bitch at each other about their life and wind up getting divorced. But my sorrow doesn't exist because they're not into swinging, it's because they're fucking idiots!

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

The couple that you described wouldn't be able to survive swinging. It takes love, trust and communication to be successful with this. While I was (as well as Ms. Gold) in long marriages (over 20 years for both of us), the trust and communication just wasn't there to try something like this. Some couples just can't do this. Some couples have great relationships with each other and would never think about doing this. Some people are not wired for this. But a few of us, the lucky ones (IMHO), appreciate every minute!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Driving back home from a great evening with a great couple, I really began feeling sorry for some friends of mine that are vanilla. I mean I listen to the issues they have, going to marriage counseling. No sex in the relationship for years at a time. I just began to feel really sorry for them.

 

We cannot help but recall “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

 

Domestic happiness does not require swinging, nor are all LS couples happy. The closeness that you feel to/for/with your spouse reflects a deep respect and commitment that escapes many couples. The lifestyle can be a reflection of that trust and intimacy. The lifestyle can be an adaptation to the quest for variety within the trust of marriage. The lifestyle can be more. Perhaps the key point is that your lifestyle is built on the foundation of your marriage, rather than defining your marriage.

[Numex 2,416]

"Do You Ever Feel Sorry for Couples that Do Not Swing?"

 

I feel sorry for lots of couples, and swinging is only part of it. They just turn inward into a ball and don't do anything exciting in life.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I don't really think swinging is the answer when people are in closed off relationships. Usually it's much more than that that needs resolved... their unhappiness wouldn't be fixed by swinging so while I do feel sorry for them it's not because they don't swing.

[luvin eye full 140]

I think you cast a rose colored light on swingers and a harsh cold one on others. ( well from this post at lest )

 

I mean the arrogant and judgemental style of the statement is beyond words. so before i say to many I'll leave it at that.

[samandtammi 99]

I have to agree that swinging is not the answer to unhappy relationships. There are many swingers I know who do not seem particularly happy with their S.O. (sometimes I think the lifestyle is the problem for them). I think I see a good number of women who swing for their husbands. People don't like to admit it, but I see it pretty frequently.

 

When a couple is happy, then what they are doing works for them. If they are not happy, something is wrong between them, which may or may not be related to sex.

[Numex 2,416]

I think I see a good number of women who swing for their husbands.

 

That's the key, I think. We started not with swinging, but with me letting my wife play by herself. As with anything, put your spouse FIRST, and you'll be happy. Remember that story, "The Gift of the Magi" ?

[mphil17 35]

I think you cast a rose colored light on swingers and a harsh cold one on others. ( well from this post at lest )

 

I mean the arrogant and judgemental style of the statement is beyond words. so before i say to many I'll leave it at that.

 

I agree, I read the OP in the same vein I read vanillas bashing swingers. The condescending arrogance is mindblowing. As swingers we don’t want to be judged, but then we turn around and judge vanillas.

 

It rubs me the same way hearing, “do you ever feel sorry for swingers? They have to find fulfilling sex and companionship from others, because their marriages are stale and lack passion.” Every marriage has rough spots, swingers or vanillas, why pity one another or question what works for them? Why not be supportive in our differences?

[kikonkrome 844]

I think you cast a rose colored light on swingers and a harsh cold one on others. ( well from this post at lest )

 

I mean the arrogant and judgemental style of the statement is beyond words. so before i say to many I'll leave it at that.

 

I agree, I read the OP in the same vein I read vanillas bashing swingers. The condescending arrogance is mindblowing. As swingers we don’t want to be judged, but then we turn around and judge vanillas.

 

It rubs me the same way hearing, “do you ever feel sorry for swingers? They have to find fulfilling sex and companionship from others, because their marriages are stale and lack passion.” Every marriage has rough spots, swingers or vanillas, why pity one another or question what works for them? Why not be supportive in our differences?

 

WooHoo!! Arrogant and Condescending!!! That's awesome and a new set of names I was called. :-) I guess I was/am not really sure about it. I was coming down from a great swingers high and thought about all the BS I listen to my friends complain about. Frankly thought to myself glad that's not me.

[luvin eye full 140]

lol

Yes that one rubbed me up the wrong way

 

What i should of said was - i disagree . ( hey i did say the statement was judgemental as well - can i get a woohoo for that )

[EastInWest 1,524]

WooHoo!! Arrogant and Condescending!!! That's awesome and a new set of names I was called. :-) I guess I was/am not really sure about it. I was coming down from a great swingers high and thought about all the BS I listen to my friends complain about. Frankly thought to myself glad that's not me.

 

I took it in the spirit it was intended, but I can see how others would read it that way. We've had a couple of vanilla parties we've hosted ruined by vanilla drama, and one was fresh in my mind, so I figured that was the kind of situation you meant: people who just aren't having fun together and think it's normal to resent each other for their overall unhappiness.

[luvin eye full 140]

The only thing I'll be critical with unhappy vanilla couples is that they stop trying. They get married and feel they don't have to work at it anymore. They let themselves go physically, fall victim to routine and, as a result, their levels of confidence in themselves drop. To be successful at anything you have to work at it. If, in the end, it doesn't work out, at least you can look in the mirror and say you tried.

 

To me, a couple who swings is an indication that they keep trying and NEVER want to lose that passion.

 

 

So there swinging is trying to work things out? sorry but crap!

 

Any one that - Oh why bother lol

 

I disagree lol

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I get what Desireswingers is saying. I was in a long marriage where my ex stopped trying. She had gotten married and had a child, which was what was 'expected' by those she knew, but that didn't make her happy...and that was my fault (for not making her happy). She then just quit trying to contribute to the relationship and just gave up (the things that society imposed on others that should make them happy didn't make her happy).

 

Swingers, on the other hand, have to have a relationship that is SO GREAT they can trust and talk honestly and openly about their wants and desires...and then be able to take action on them as a couple without fear of losing their partner. To be successful with swinging, you need to have a great relationship to start with. Not saying that there are vanilla couples that don't have great relationships...there are, but there aren't very many swinging couples that have bad relationships and are successful with swinging.

[luvin eye full 140]

What i find the real problem here that so many of you "open minded " swingers are implying that unless your screwing other people your passion for your mate is some how less and your doomed - what a lot of shit - to be frank lol.

 

I have seen swinging couples self exploded and there marriage a horrible and public death - the premises that swingers have better relationships because they swing is crap and one could argue that swingers need to have others because they are less inclined to ride out the rough patch and use swinging as a way to not look at there own ways. once again crap - but it still could be said and just like here many "open minded monogamist" would agree.

 

My point is none of these statements are right - a relationship to work needs open and clear contamination with a willingness to work out everything - though love of your partner given and taken, and you find those people in both styles of life because it's in them and not because they do some thing.

[luvin eye full 140]

Yes, and another method to fix a marriage is have a child. Sigh. Read it again. I never said that.

 

You like the others here are tiring to imply at the very lest that because you swing you try hard - that does not come from your swinging practices or at lest i would hope not. this kind of thought process that wants to have all the thing you have said comes from the person and no matter in what life style they will give everything to it mind body and soul.

 

a Lot is said by people thinking some how because they have a"Better sex life" ( in there own eyes ) or car or money or lawn that some how this shows them to be more, even some thing else ..... "is a indication that they keep trying and NEVER want to lose that passion." for what ever it is.

 

This is truly not right - the above comes from having those qualities - the things you see are a result of using them. and swinger do not have a monopoly on these qualities nor do monogamist people.

[HornyToronto 51]

spelling? grammar? punctuation? sigh...

[mphil17 35]

This is truly not right - the above comes from having those qualities - the things you see are a result of using them. and swinger do not have a monopoly on these qualities nor do monogamist people.

 

I tend to agree, monogamists and swingers both want to believe their marriage philosophy makes for a better or stronger marriage. If you think about it, it’s the mantra of the swinging community, “swingers divorce less often”. Unfortunately, the research simply isn’t available to back up that statement. The small amount of research done has been through the lens of current, active swingers, so of course the data will Trend that direction, but it isn’t an accurate sample. Most unhappy or divorced swingers aren’t hanging around swingers forums or other places swingers gather, thus, the data is skewed.

 

I’ve been around the lifestyle long enough to see the good and the bad, one does not outweigh the other. I have a decent amount of swinger friends that won’t divorce and put on a good front when out with other swingers, but home life is anywhere from disconnected to disfunctional to toxic, but they swing to have sex. People stay married for all kinds of reasons, and it isn’t always due to happiness and openness, even swingers.

 

I don’t push the swinger narratives of swingers are happier and divorce less, or swingers have fewer STIs, because I’ve not seen any evidence of it. It’s a risk, and I’m willing to take it, but I could end up being one of the, not so rare, couples that one partner leaves for the swing playmate, it happens. Cheating happens in all kinds of marriages, even swinger marriages.

[luvin eye full 140]

spelling? grammar? punctuation? sigh...

 

Sorry - hey at lest your marriage is probably better then mine because of it!

 

Though i did think i was doing all right for the most part - i mean 15 primary schools in 7 years and 13 high schools in 3 years, then going to to work and feed a single parent family so your siblings would have a better chance to learn ( by not moving all the time )

 

would count for a little slack - but you know how we swingers are -

 

Peace to you all.