Couple vs single woman

[Wyobrat 15]

So I'm brand new to the concept of swinging, threesomes, etc. My boyfriend however has dabbled in the past. We have been talking a lot about it and I think it's something I want to explore with him and am having curiosities leaning towards initially being with another girl which of course he supports haha. Here's where I would love some insight and different perspective...I'm leaning towards finding another couple, it feels safer somehow feelings wise like they stand to lose just as much if lines were crossed and also being able to maybe make some friends while we're making playmates so to speak. My boyfriend on the other hand leans more towards just finding another single woman I don't know if this is because this is what he has the past experience with so it feels more comfortable for him or what and he hasn't been able to tell my why this seems to be his preference. It would be wonderful if anybody could enlighten me to the caveats to both sides. Thanks!!!

[njbm 2,881]

I prefer swapping with another couple. Each couple has some skin in the game so to speak. As a male, I am not interested in playing with my wife with another male. I don’t mind if either of us has a threesome, but we do not have to be in the other’s threesome, if that makes sense.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

First, I see that you are new to Swingersboard. I’m pleased to extend a warm WELCOME.

 

Making four-person (couple-to-couple) connections definitely requires much more effort and much more patience than MFM. But the payback is worthwhile. My wife and I consider ourselves to be very successful in the lifestyle. It took more than a year to find our first compatible couple but it was the way that was comfortable for both of us.

 

You should urge your boyfriend to seek a couple-couple connection.

[Guest]

In my experience both options have their good points & bad points.

 

Couples: Might sound a little safer, might make you feel a little more secure, and sure meeting a couple you click with would be a fantastic achievement. However it is notoriously hard to actually meet a couple who does match you well enough, that getting 4 different people all to like each other, trust each other, communicate with each other can be a difficult task. In many cases you will meet a couple, you will get along with them, you will arrange 2 or 3 sexy meetings and then it fizzles out, that basically a lot of couples are very picky, they are almost looking for their perfect match who does and says everything they desire and couples lose interest very quickly. I would also say just because they are a "Couple" that does not actually mean they are safe people, or sexually safe people, or that they have a stable relationship based on communication and trust.

 

Honestly I have met various couples who are having WAY more sex than single people do. I have met up with couples who have 5 to 10 different sex partners, I have met couples who attend swinging clubs every weekend and sleep with strangers every week, I have met couples who have regular gang bangs where up to 10 different men sleep with 1 women. Some couples into this lifestyle actually have a very active sex life, far more active than most single people, where other couples are just starting out and have no one to play with. One other thing to watch out for with couples is where the man is obviously forcing his wife into this subject, where the wife has been talked into / pushed into trying swinging, where the wife actually doesn't want to swing at all but has only said yes to shut up her nagging husband.

 

Such situations can often lead to drama / arguments / bouts of anger and jealousy, if they are been pushed into this subject then the wife of the couple may suddenly burst out crying, storm out, start a massive argument with her partner, become rude, cold, snappy, hostile. I'm NOT saying couples are bad, there are some amazing lovely couples in this lifestyle, but just because they are a couple that does not actually mean they are safe. Another tactic often used by couples is basically trying to steal married women, that sure you will meet a couple, you will have several play sessions with that couple, you will get along well with that couple, and then once their foot is in the door they begin messaging the other mans wife and begin asking her to meet alone / play alone / have sex alone. That actually a lot of guys out there will agree to meet another couple, but really their long term goal is to sleep with this new women alone, that some couples will try and get someone else's wife to cheat with them.

 

In my experience a lot of couples are also not that interested in a friendship beyond the bedroom. I'm mean sure a lot of couples advertise that they are looking for sexual fun and friendship, however in reality most couples want, or even need to keep their sex lives very separate from their everyday lives. That really many couples want to fuck someone new on occasion but that doesn't mean they want to hang around with you as friends, that doesn't mean they want to introduce you to their families, introduce you to their workmates, introduce you to their other friends. Sure they might want to fuck you a few times a month but that doesn't actually mean they want to go out for meals, been seen in public with you, that a lot of couples want to keep their swinging partners at arms length away from their everyday lives, in other words there is very little friendship or company involved, you just meet up on occasion and fuck.

 

 

Women: In my honest experience a single women offers a much better level of friendship and in some cases are safer than couples, however single women come with their own issues and problems. Personally I think the good thing about single women is that you can actually meet ANY single women and ask them if they would consider a threesome? You don't actually need to use swingers websites to meet a single women, you need need to meet a very sexually confident single women to obtain a threesome partner. In my past all of the threesomes I have had with women have been with women I met in real life / at clubs / at bars / at social functions and NOT from swinger sites. In a lot of cases if you meet a new women who is single and you get to know her a little, chat in general, have a giggle, then you can simply ask a leading question such as:

 

"Bit of a strange subject but a few weeks ago a friend of mine said him and his wife was going to have a threesome with someone and he asked my opinion, what is your opinion on that subject, have you ever tried anything like that?"

 

Your not actually asking the women to have a threesome with you, instead your simply asking her opinion of the subject. If she responds in a very strong negative way, if she hates the entire idea of threesomes and finds them to be rude, disgusting, unhealthy then you know her answer would be NO. If however she thinks it could be fun, thinks it might be okay, is open minded about the idea then you know her answer might be a YES when you go ask her. There are plenty of leading questions you can ask.

 

"I watched a really strange program on the internet last week, it was all about threesomes, apparently they are the new cool thing to try, what do you think about that subject?"

 

"I was sat on a bus / train the other month and overheard this couple speaking about group sex and threesomes which I found really odd, what do you think about that subject?"

 

Basically your asking this women if she would ever consider a threesome but without actually asking her for a threesome.

 

That means you can basically ask any single women you meet, that if you get chatting to a women in a bar, pub, cafe, sports facility, party then you can basically ask her what her opinions about threesomes are. Remember ANYONE would consider having a threesome, they don't need to be on a swinging site to consider having a threesome.

 

Also yes in my experience a single women (if treated correctly) will offer a massive amount of friendship, company, companionship, and sex. That in my experience women are a lot better at mixing both friendship and sex in the same situation.

 

HOWEVER.....

 

Its also fair to say that keeping a single women interested in a friendly threesome is actually a LOT OF WORK!!!!

 

That generally when considering a threesome with you a single women will not just want sex, they will want a friendship, they will want company, fun, a regular situation, in many cases a shoulder to cry on, a situation which offers them some support and friendship. That in a lot of cases they are kind of looking for an alternative to a normal relaitonship. Putting it blunt unless you can offer that women fun and friendship on a weekly / regular basis then they do get board very quickly indeed and will move on and meet someone else.

 

Take for example your average dating situation, when a man meets a women and begins dating then what happens? Well generally they message each other everyday / or most days. They see each other 3 to 5 times a week, they have plenty of sex, plenty of conversation, they make themselves available for their new found love interest. Well a single women who agrees to have a threesome with you is often expecting that same kind of respect and effort.

 

Yes I do agree there are SOME women who would be happy with a purely sexual deal, some women who you could call up once a month just for a quick fuck. But the vast majority of women will not take kindly to been the once a month sex stop. In many cases to keep a single women interested in you as a couple can take a massive amount of work, the first time you don't text her for a week is when she gets upset, starts to feel used, starts to feel rubbish about the situation, that most women don't want to be messaged once a month just for sex, they need a very regular friendship to support that situation.

 

For a couple trying to offer that amount of friendship AND sex can be a very difficult and at times stressful task. That basically to keep a single women fully interested then you need to be messaging her on a almost daily basis, you need to be inviting her over 2,3,4 times a week, you need to be having sex with her enough. Sure a lot of WIVES may consider letting another women join in, but most wives might only want to see that women once per month, they want to keep her at a safe distance. However this single women will soon lose interest unless what your offering is a very regular / weekly situation.

 

In many cases it can take months or even years to meet a single women who agrees to having a threesome with you, and then after years worth of effort you don't meet her for 1 week and she is gone, she loses interest, she starts to feel like a sex object, starts to feel like she doesn't matter, that the friendship doesn't matter, that you just want to use her once a month for sex. In many cases to make it work / last with a single women then you basically have to date her as a couple, you have to see her on a very regular basis, and if your not seeing her in person you need to be messaging her, asking her how her day has been, asking her how her pets are, asking her what she is up to ect.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

Both couples and singles have their own good points and bad points, however don't be fooled into thinking the word "Couple" means safe. I'd generally say its a question of how much friendship you want? If you would actually like a good regular friendship with plenty of company then a single women will offer you that. If you would prefer just to meet someone once a month and have sex then a couple will offer that.

 

One thing to remember is that any situation, any threesome usually has a "Shelf Life" that its not going to last forever, that it will end with that person at some point, almost like saying you can meet a single women, you can both fuck your husband all over for 6 months, or maybe 12 months if he is lucky but sooner or later that women is going to vanish, sooner or later that person will walk out of your life and you will probably never see or hear form them again, and the same applies to couples and single men.

 

It might be an idea to simply meet someone, put in the effort, enjoy the hell out of it whilst you can and sooner or later they will move on.

 

 

If you do meet a single women it is vital however to make sure your husband / the man understands any rules, that he is not to become addicted to this situation, that he understands at some point THIS WILL END, that this new women is not a permanent fixture in your lives, that when she does leave be that in 1 month 5 months, or even 2 years later then he is NOT to get upset, he is to understand it won't last forever, that having two women is a occasional thing, that it might last 6 months after which you might not do it again for a few years.

 

You may also want to install some ground rules regarding communication, when this single women does leave, when she does stop seeing you, then it needs to end with her and your husband, that your husband needs to understand having a threesome with another women is not a free ticket or permission to have an affair with her behind your back, that once it ends, it ends and in time you might meet someone else instead.

 

Like stated however both options have their good points and bad points, personally I'd prefer a single women, in many cases if you meet the right single women she wont even be seeing anyone else. In my past I have met couple, I have slept with couples, then weeks later have found out I'm just one of their sexual partners, that they have 4 or 5 other men just like me, that actually the women I'm fucking has 4 or 5 different sex partners, where the right single women will basically be yours until the threesome ends.

 

In many respects if a man is asking for a threesome with a women he is basically saying he does love you, doesn't want to cheat, doesn't want to lose what you have, but sure he would like to have some fun sex with another women as well, because its fun and exciting. Denying him a threesome with another women often pushes than man further towards cheating instead.

 

Well that's my opinion at least, hope it helps.

[Newcouple17 101]

I wouldn't say we're against another woman or man for that matter, but right now other couples are who we're looking for and yes its frustratingly hard to find them!

[Wyobrat 15]

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome and the vast amount of insight! Some of the comments helped me better understand where he was coming from too. Your comments have certainly given me some food for thought, I still don't know which one we will choose but I value both sides of advice you all have provided and knowledge is certainly power :)

[couplers 4,658]

... In many cases to make it work / last with a single women then you basically have to date her as a couple, you have to see her on a very regular basis,...

 

After several years of hubby letting me have a boyfriend and sometimes doing MFMs with them, I decided to bring another woman/women into our life and bed. I did what you have suggested, probably because as a woman I knew this instinctively. I would select a woman I met, take her to lunch, coffee, shopping, even an evening "date" by myself. Eventually the conversation would turn to sex as it always does and I would ask questions, listen. If I liked her then my husband and I would begin to date her together, not only dinner and theater dates, but also weekends and even vacations together, her with her own room. We always paid for everything, everyone always enjoyed themselves, and we never applied pressure for sex. If she wasn't interested, neither were we. We are still on friendly terms still with all of those we dated. Some became lovers for hubby and/or me, and two are now part of our poly family. Joining hubby having sex with other women is what brought out my lesbian side, and so having them join living with us was natural and easy for me, and ultimately what they wanted.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

We like other couples, but we were in a long term relationship with another woman for over a year.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

My question before deciding what to look for is what is it that you are both looking for? Is he ok with you being with another guy? Do you want to be with another guy? Is he just wanting the FMF threeasome experience? Are you looking for just girl/girl play? All of those factors really determine what you should seek.

 

I get your point on feeling like a couple has as much to lose as you do, where a SF might not. I also get the theory /worry that a single would be more likely to develop feelings / get attached / cause problems, etc. In the end, those risks exist just as much with a couple as they do with a single (of either gender). I've seen couples who lack discretion far worse than any single (of either sex), and I've seen halves of couples who can't understand boundaries and want to communicate with half a couple when it's been expressed that they shouldn't.

 

I say all that to say, deciding whether to look for a single or a couple should not be based on worries, but on which one is more likely to provide you with the type of play you are looking for.