A few basic questions

[MadlyInLuv 94]

So my wife and I are going to Hedo in March. We're excited and have been fantasizing about having sex around others, going into the playroom, hot tub, etc. We are super noobs that aren't really in the lifestyle, but through our fantasizing about the trip we've discovered that we might not object to super light play. My wife is freaked out a bit by (she's in the medical field so bear with me lol) any swap of mucus membranes/kissing/etc. I think it's our way of keeping it super-light with a pinkie toe in the water and keeping the major stuff between the two of us for now.

 

My question is -- is it even possible to meet a couple that is ok with ultra tight boundaries of just maybe some body touching, kissing of the breasts, hand job, maybe the other wife using a hitachi on her, or just having sex with our own partners in the same room? While the thoughts of that turns us on a lot, I realize it's ultra tame for most of those that would be there and might be a frustrating request. I mean...how do you even bring up such strict boundaries to someone? Wouldn't most people just assume you want to at least perform oral or have sex or at least even kiss?

 

Bizarre questions, I know! We are super nice people I promise! We are just going at a snails pace!

[Fi86 78]

Firstly congratulations on wanting to dip a toe in.

 

I don't think you'll have the problems you're concerned about if you make sure you're in the correct setting and communicate clearly.

 

I assume you're thinking of going to a club? Clubs always have a strict no means no rule, and they cater for people's different needs and desires. Just because you've gone to a club doesn't mean she's going to get gangbanged the second she puts one foot through the door. Far from it, some people will be there just to socialise, some to watch, some to play light, others to play heavy. In fact, a lot of clubs recommend on the first night you keep your clothes on and get used to the environment, then ease in.

 

All clubs I've been to have couples only nights (although they sometimes also let single women in). I'd go to one of those, or a newbie night if they do them. They'll be no pressure, go relax, perhaps not even play. It's not uncommon for couples on couples nights to not swap, so then you can fulfill your desire of having sex around others, and if you're asked to swap just politely decline and this will be accepted without issue.

 

Once you do want to start a level of sharing then communication is key. Communication is always most important when swinging! Just say you're perhaps still new, still getting comfortable, and that you'd like to keep to light play, hands and toys, and no kissing. Everyone has boundaries, it's expected, yours might be lower than others but people should respect them, or at worst choose not to play with you (no harm done).

 

Have fun!

 

Oh and regarding your wife's germ fear, I've been in the lifestyle for many years and pretty much done it all. Never caught anything but a cold.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Thanks for the input! We aren't going to a club. We're going to Hedonism 2. ?

 

We just figure being there around everyone in that environment will give us a nice safe "what happens in Vegas" atmosphere. Just didn't want to seem strange or uptight to others. In other words light play excites us...but we still are wanting to keep firm boundaries. I was just trying to figure out how you bring up "sure we'd be ok with touching, toys, caressing but no kissing, oral, or intercourse." I'm also not sure if people would actually be interested in those sort of tight restrictions.

 

Either way we will enjoy the open sexy atmosphere even if nothing happens. ?

[Fi86 78]

I'm sure you'll be fine. Relax and enjoy.

 

This might sound silly but protected intercourse doesn't really involve exchange of body fluids, so in a weird way that might be more acceptable to you than oral or kissing?

 

BTW you're not alone with being uncomfortable with kissing, it's not the exchange of fluids which puts me off but I don't feel comfortable kissing men that I'm not at least good friends with. I usually say no kissing as one of my boundaries. But I'm fine with oral, intercourse (including sometimes bareback and/or anal/DP), and with kissing other women. So go figure, maybe I'm mad lol.

[padoc 1,703]

Hedo may be way too advanced for you two. I'd suggest a visit or three to a well attended on premises club before you go off to Jamaica.

[hkdilbert 182]

Hedo may be way too advanced for you two. I'd suggest a visit or three to a well attended on premises club before you go off to Jamaica.

 

I disagree. Hedo is what you make of it. There are many people who go who are not swingers and have a wonderful time. It's what you make of it. Go and have a great time together with no expectations of swinging activity. Have fun in the playrooms and having sex wherever and whenever you like. If you happen to connect up with another couple and do whatever so much the better.

[HornyToronto 51]

We went to Hedo several years back and had a great time on the nude beach, and being exhibitionists/voyeurs. We were never aggressively pushed or prodded into doing anything we didn't want to. The trip is what piqued our interest in swinging to begin with. Many years later we have slowly begun to pursue the LS, one baby step at a time. If we were going the same week as you, we wouldn't have and problems (and would welcome) your boundaries, since we are newbs as well. I'm sure you'll find others in the same situation as you there, and will have a great, sexy time.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Hedo may be way too advanced for you two. I'd suggest a visit or three to a well attended on premises club before you go off to Jamaica.

 

On the contrary... We did a lot of research and asking of questions before we booked. We are super excited to immerse ourselves in a sexy anything goes atmosphere.

 

We just wanted to get a sense of how to approach or talk about boundaries with others when ours are probably a hair tighter than most. We haven't done this before.

[ChaTam 43]

Hedo may be way too advanced for you two. I'd suggest a visit or three to a well attended on premises club before you go off to Jamaica.

 

I also respectfully disagree. We have been to hedo a number of times. We have gone and not had any kind of sex outside the room, had public sex together, soft swapped and full swapped. We had fun each trip and never ever felt any pressure to do anything we were not comfortable doing. I felt much more pressure to buy drugs than any pressure by fellow guests. Don't worry for a second, Hedo is a great resort and a great place to dip your toes in.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

I also respectfully disagree. We have been to hedo a number of times. We have gone and not had any kind of sex outside the room, had public sex together, soft swapped and full swapped. We had fun each trip and never ever felt any pressure to do anything we were not comfortable doing. I felt much more pressure to buy drugs than any pressure by fellow guests. Don't worry for a second, Hedo is a great resort and a great place to dip your toes in.

 

When I brought up Hedo to my wife (and described all that goes on there) I was a little surprised that she was so excited and open to it. We'd been talking about how hot it would be to go to a club in a nearby city for a while just to look around and be exhibitionists, but it was still such a great moment when she jumped on board with Hedo right away and had me book it. It further excites me that she is open to interacting with another couple so close if we meet the right folks and the opportunity presents itself. Such a turn on! We have firm boundaries and a plan, which is very comforting.

 

I'm assuming when someone asks if you are in the lifestyle, you just say 'yes, but we are new and want to restrict it to same room sex, some toy play or touching but no intercourse, oral, or kissing'? Is that how you handle it?

[ChaTam 43]

 

I'm assuming when someone asks if you are in the lifestyle, you just say 'yes, but we are new and want to restrict it to same room sex, some toy play or touching but no intercourse, oral, or kissing'? Is that how you handle it?

Yep, that's exactly how I would handle it. Be prepared to have couples walk. You will meet people who will not be interested in that style of play. Don't take it personally, it's no different than you guys looking for what you want.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Yep, that's exactly how I would handle it. Be prepared to have couples walk. You will meet people who will not be interested in that style of play. Don't take it personally, it's no different than you guys looking for what you want.

 

Thanks for your help! I'm told at Hedo you will engage in a lot of socializing and hanging out anyway. In that type of scenario, with everyone there to enjoy vacation, I'm hopeful that some more advanced couple might take mercy on our newbie restrictions and go along with it anyway if everything else clicks and the stars align correctly.

 

Even if it doesn't happen that way, I'm going to enjoy the heck out of spending my anniversary trip with the wifey in such a sexy place.

[njbm 2,877]

You don’t have to tell about your restrictions the first thing out of your mouth, but be careful not to lead on serious Swingers for too long a period of time. We’ve invested a couple of hours flirting with couples at Swingers events only to find out they are voyeurs when the rubber hit the road.

 

Once we hit it off with a couple so well, we said to ourselves this is too easy. Voyeurs.

[njbm 2,877]

Padoc had a great idea. Go to Trapeze in Atlanta. You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, but you’ll have a much better idea of what the hobby is like. It is mysterious until you’ve seen it in practice.

[Guest]

Going to Hedo is like jumping into the deep end of the pool. Its not a couples place, rather more like 3 men for every woman. As such, there are a lot of aggressive people. Starting out at your local couples club would be a much more friendly, facilitative environment. That said, you’ll get a little bit of an experience your first day and, most likely, throw out your artificial restrictions and enjoy the remainder of your stay more completely. You know, that’s the way it is. You don’t go on vacation to diet. Party on.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

We would have suggested Desire RM or Pearl before Hedo (although we have never been to Hedo). We just aren't interested in the man/woman ratio. Plus Desire is couples only and a nudist resort that allows swinging (swinging isn't the priority there, being nude is). Still it's done so go and enjoy. Usually if you say no and/or tell others what your boundaries are they are respected (but be ready to tell them again since not everyone hears the first time). Have a great vacation and let us know how it goes!

[MadlyInLuv 94]

We would have suggested Desire RM or Pearl before Hedo (although we have never been to Hedo). We just aren't interested in the man/woman ratio. Plus Desire is couples only and a nudist resort that allows swinging (swinging isn't the priority there, being nude is). Still it's done so go and enjoy. Usually if you say no and/or tell others what your boundaries are they are respected (but be ready to tell them again since not everyone hears the first time). Have a great vacation and let us know how it goes!

 

Got it. Yes it's done now whether we like it or not. lol

 

We are going with a group though, so that should help I think. I've been asking questions on the travel forum and everyone seems to agree that we can be benign over on the clothing optional side if we need a break from the wild side.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Padoc had a great idea. Go to Trapeze in Atlanta. You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, but you’ll have a much better idea of what the hobby is like. It is mysterious until you’ve seen it in practice.

 

We were originally planning on a Trapeze trip. This opportunity for a vacation just came upon us so we decided to go for it. Honestly we wanted our boundaries (deep end wise) pushed a bit. Otherwise we'd lay on the beach at Desire the whole time and come back wondering what the big deal was.

[ChaTam 43]

Got it. Yes it's done now whether we like it or not. lol

 

We are going with a group though, so that should help I think. I've been asking questions on the travel forum and everyone seems to agree that we can be benign over on the clothing optional side if we need a break from the wild side.

 

I don't mean to push my opinion because it's just that, my opinion. having said that I really don't think the single men will be an issue at all. We've been to both Desire properties and Hedo a number of times. Each do some things better than the others and creeps can be found at any of them. We were last at Hedonism in July, 2017. We did see single men but we were not bothered in any way by them. We weren't even approached. I believe there is a market for single men at Hedo and there's no shortage of demand. Single men won't bother wasting time on a couple that aren't looking for single men because there are plenty that are.

 

Don't waste any time on the prude side... Get a drink and get naked. It's going to be a very fun holiday!

[ChaTam 43]

We were originally planning on a Trapeze trip. This opportunity for a vacation just came upon us so we decided to go for it. Honestly we wanted our boundaries (deep end wise) pushed a bit. Otherwise we'd lay on the beach at Desire the whole time and come back wondering what the big deal was.

 

Believe me, you will never come home from Desire wondering what the big deal was. Lot's of action at Desire... We've been to Desire about ten times. We like it more than Hedonism but really enjoy Hedonism also. You can't go wrong with either. After you go to Hedo be sure to give Desire RM a try.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

Update -- We are taking the advice and going to Trapeze (to play with each other in the back ultimately) for an evening in February prior to our Hedo trip. We also tagged along with a group, got into said group's secret Facebook group, and have been chatting it up with all of them. They are all VERY nice, and totally helpful. I think the combination of all of this will make the Hedo trip a lot of fun rather than a lot of nerves!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Not bizarre at all. There are as many types of swinging as swingers, and there are definitely those who are just into same room sex (having sex in the same room with others - who are also either having sex, or not). I would suggest that should you meet a couple you seem to be hitting things off with that you just express that you are new and very uncomfortable with the idea of swinging, but that you'd be ok with ..... and then if they are comfortable with your boundaries you can proceed. Some will decline because they want more, others may be perfectly OK.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

OK! So we went to Trapeze. The food was great. We went on a Friday night (single males allowed), and so I think the vibe was a little different. There were single guys scattered about, but all of them were respectful. I think it was because of this that people weren't really mingling. We ate, drank, and people-watched for quite a while as the place filled up. Not many couples were talking to others. We had a great time just talking to each other, having a few drinks, and dancing. One thing that was really great is that you feel really free to dance dirty in the club for obvious reasons.

 

Around 11:30 we got out of our clothes, charged into the back like a boss, and had crazy good sex with each other in the couples room. Anxiety about PDA, being around people in the lifestyle, and having sex right next to others is now gone! It was a great suggestion from the group that we do this prior to our Hedo trip. I wish we could have interacted more with people, but it didn't seem like that kind of a night. We are going to make a return trip on a Saturday night (couples only) to see if that changes the vibe.

[tbone1 79]

My wife and I are leaving in a few days for our 15th trip to Hedo 2. Every time we go, we meet some really nice people from all over. While it is lifestyle friendly resort, you will find some people who are nudists but not in the lifestyle at all, others who may be voyeurs and/or exhibitionists, those into soft swap or full swap, etc. After you check in, get naked and head for the nude beach or the nude pool. Get a drink at the bar, and say hello to whomever is next to you. In five minutes, you'll have a new friend, and they will introduce you to their friends, and soon you'll have lots of friends. Everyone is very friendly. When you find someone you hit it off with, make plans to have dinner together. In all our trips, we have never been pressured to do anything we did not want to do, nor have we ever had an issue with a single male. There are two important rules at Hedo, respect, and no means no. If anyone breaks these rules, lots of nice folks and security are usually right there to intervene if necessary. Communicate and stick to your rules, or communicate and change your rules when you are sober and not in the heat of the moment. Have fun together, and enjoy the freedom. It may be the best vacation you have ever taken. Hedo has more repeat visitors than any other resort, and the reason is the people and the staff. Once you go, you'll know. Good luck, and make sure to post about your experience after your trip.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Congrats on getting that first time out of the way. It seems like Friday nights at the bigger clubs are always a little more reserved in a way, less mingling, etc. It's like people are more comfortable mingling when they are forced to by proximity. Everyone wants others to do the approaching, so do yourself a favor and if you see someone you'd like to talk to approach them. They'll be grateful, you'll be grateful, everyone will have a better time.

 

OK! So we went to Trapeze. The food was great. We went on a Friday night (single males allowed), and so I think the vibe was a little different. There were single guys scattered about, but all of them were respectful. I think it was because of this that people weren't really mingling. We ate, drank, and people-watched for quite a while as the place filled up. Not many couples were talking to others. We had a great time just talking to each other, having a few drinks, and dancing. One thing that was really great is that you feel really free to dance dirty in the club for obvious reasons.

 

Around 11:30 we got out of our clothes, charged into the back like a boss, and had crazy good sex with each other in the couples room. Anxiety about PDA, being around people in the lifestyle, and having sex right next to others is now gone! It was a great suggestion from the group that we do this prior to our Hedo trip. I wish we could have interacted more with people, but it didn't seem like that kind of a night. We are going to make a return trip on a Saturday night (couples only) to see if that changes the vibe.