Swingers really just looking for friends? What do y'all think?

[SJBluebirds 195]

Normally, we don't look at the Craigslist Ads; we've found them to be predatory and full of people looking for money.

 

That said, we saw this one recently. It's not the usual, in that I don't think they're looking for play partners -- but Holy Cow! -- the sentiment totally resonated with us (well, me (the male-half), anyways). Almost (!) makes me wonder if I should rethink why we're always looking for new partners.

 

Here it is:

Quote

We thought we were swingers; we were really just looking for friends - mw4mw (City Redacted)

 

The title says it all.

 

We posted ads on CL, we had profiles on swingers' sites... but what we were really looking for was another couple to hang out with.

 

We're parents, professionals, and middle-aged. White, if that matters to you. Educated, employed, and seriously wondering if the 'rat race' here in XXX is worth it.

 

We thought we were looking for friends-with-benefits, but what we've finally realized is that we're looking for friends. You know; just some sort of connection with another couple. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Just intellectually and emotionally stimulating.

 

We're sure you know what we're talking about: humans need that connection of friendship, and it's just so rare. Something' lacking.

 

It's why none of us know our neighbors. It's why some of the developed neighborhoods don't even have sidewalks. Nobody makes that emotional connection with another family or couple, anymore.

 

I guess that's what we're looking for.

 

Anyone want to offer their thoughts?

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

It's interesting because there is a group of people I know from the lifestyle who now get together for dinner parties. About half the group no longer swings.

 

I think the Craig's List post reflects the sentiment of many who have tried the lifestyle briefly or who have been in for many years.

[SJBluebirds 195]

I think the Craig's List post reflects the sentiment of many who have tried the lifestyle briefly or who have been in for many years.

 

So.... Basically 'Everyone'?

[cplnluv1 872]

If you are looking for friends then they are a couple looking for friends. If you are looking for swingers don’t be disappointed if nothing like that happens. Don’t feel you can talk them into it. I am not sure why they would post on a swingers site.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

It sounds to me like they are unhappy and looking for someone or something to 'fix' their unhappiness. Be aware, even though some people think they want to be 'fixed', they also don't want to have to change (or do anything for that matter). Too much potential drama here, steer clear (I however realize that I'm biased as my first marriage was to someone who wanted fixing but didn't want to change...instead, their unhappiness was now my fault for not being able to make them happy).

[SJBluebirds 195]

When I copied the CL advert to this thread, I mentioned that it 'resonated' with us, and I think I was reflecting on the 'modern subdivisions no longer have sidewalks' idea. (I read a book a while ago lamenting the decline of the traditional 'friendly neighborhood', and it touched on that very point).

 

One of the things we've noticed in online ads and profiles (we're usually checking out SLS) is that many couples say they're looking for "Friends With Benefits" -- heck, *we* say something similar in our own profiles -- and we're pretty adamant that there be at least an emotional connection with any couple we meet one-on-one. We consider some of our dearest friends to be those we met through our adult playtime, and it morphed into decent 'vanilla' friendships too.

 

So, which part to we value more -- the sexual or vanilla aspects of our relationships? Hands-down: it's the non-sexual part of those relationships. And it seems that way for our playpartners as well.s

 

I just thought that the ad described the end-result perfectly. The friendships we have are the core of the relationship; sex is just an added bonus.

 

Just my $0.02

[njbm 2,877]

We agree. We have a special warmth for people we romp with, but some of those relationships have morphed into vanilla friendships.

[oc1234 435]

For a number of reasons, mostly age and health related, we haven't played for about nine months, but we still are very good friends with Bill, our male best friend and longtime threesome partner. We became good friends with Bill and his then wife in 1980 and a few years later we started playing with them. They divorced and we are still very good friends with his former wife and second husband who was also a friend. My wife has played with Bill from the mid 1980s. In the early years when our kids were young it was mainly the two of them alone during the day since he worked nights and my wife didn't work. Over the years it evolved into a combination of the two of them playing alone and the three of us having threesomes.

 

In the early 1980s we met SK who was a friend of Bill and his wife. He flirted with my wife and mentioned playing with her. My wife thought it was flattering and it excited me too but nothing came of it until 2014 when Bill asked if he could bring SK over the next time he had a threesome with us. We agreed and that led to my wife and I playing with him on an occasional basis. We haven't played with him for about a year, but we still keep in touch. In the past I have done a lot of nude photography and if things work out schedule wise, we are having him over to our to our house for some nude fine art/erotic pictures. It should be a lot of fun and SK, who is quite and exhibitionist, is really looking forward to it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Although the friends part slightly outweighs the benefits part, we really like that BOTH parts have serious weight. It adds an additional dimension to the relationship that just friends can and will never have. While we will get together with our FWBs and at times do vanilla things with sex not being on the table, knowing that we will and have seen them naked, seen them having sex, had sex with them, etc. means that there is a closer bond that 'just friends' can never have. We can actually TALK about sex (and just about anything else for that matter) without fear of shock or losing the friendship. It seems that sex is something that more (most) people want to be able to talk about but can't (IMHO...just look at how dominate it is in today's society from advertisements/TV/books/etc). We already have plenty of friends, but our closest friends that we can be our real selves with, that we can talk about and do (for that matter) almost anything with are our FWB. Just like swinging takes a relationship to a new unforeseen level, FWB takes friendship to a new level.