Not your average, average guy

[doc_oso 22]

So a few years ago I had all the confidence in the world. I have a fairly mellow personality, down to earth, 6 ft. tall about 230 lbs. and in shape (gym rat). That confidence went away when my ex wife cheated repeatedly and would tell me how much better they were because they were much bigger downstairs than I am (right about 5 inches erect). This crushed me psychologically, emotionally and almost spiritually.

 

I left her and have moved on to the love of my life (grade school crush) and we're set to get married next year! Occasionally I struggle with the memories of my past because I never wanna experience that again. I've perfected my craft (of working with what I have more than just my junk) and my fiance tells me she loves me and "it" almost daily if not multiple times in the day which is nice. This has done great things for my confidence!!

 

Here's the dilemma... The one thing I left out is that I'm a black man. I'm not small in any other way besides downstairs which is COMPLETELY opposite of the stereotype. I don't want to get into this and someone see me wanting to experience their first BBC and I let them sending me right back down that rabbit hole I came from.

 

Am I over thinking this? Has anyone experienced this before if so what did you do and how did you get past it?

[Fi86 78]

In my experience the decision to have sex is almost always made on personality and compatibility. Body type, penis size, etc are much less important, if relevant at all. If a woman likes you enough to swap then penis size won't come into it. You're an average size anyway, it won't be an issue.

 

Huge cocks can cause problems anyway.

 

Relax and have fun.

[doc_oso 22]

Thank you! I hope that holds true, I just don't want people to get caught up in my first impression because it really doesn't add up to the certain part of my body .I care more a out the connection personally than just going around and sleeping with as many women as possible, but there are women that only care about that (nothing wrong with that).

 

I guess my question should have been if a couple is looking for that BBC experience how do I kindly let them know that "as cool as I am you still won't get that experience with me"? If that makes sense.

[Fi86 78]

Size doesn't just mean length hun, many people forget that. For vaginal sex girth is more important, a thick cock makes for a far better feeling than a long one. Many women can't take more than 6-7 inches fully inserted anyway, so at 7-8 inches (usually about an inch at the base doesn't actually get inserted) cocks can get uncomfortable or painful. For anal the opposite is true.

 

When getting to know a girl who you want to swing with I'd just ask what she's looking for, the conversation should go in that direction anyway. I doubt the answer will usually be BBC anyway but if it is just say you're average in size, no shame in that!

 

BTW I also prefer well endowed men, 7-8 and very thick (6"+ preferably), but I'd never be disappointed or think twice about having sex with a guy that's 5". I've slept with guys more like 4".

[doc_oso 22]

This makes me feel even better thank you so much for the reassurance. I'm excited to try things and explore, and now that I've kind of regained my confidence I'm leery of risking it. This group is awesome!

[JandKinBoise 858]

Lots of kind things will be said and hopefully all will go well. I was in a situation where I thought I was past the size issue. I was going to be having sex with a guy and his wife. He and I had been friends with benefits for several months and he finally talked me into a 3-way. On the big day, when I dropped my pants, all ready to go, she says 'wow, that's really small'.

 

So shit happens, some people speak without thinking about others feelings or have no idea how to treat a man's ego. So go forth, but be prepared for some ignorant 'lady' to do a few years psychological damage.

 

The 3 of us had an affair that lasted 2 years. She got past the size issue once she learned how much 2 average size dicks can do to one woman. I will say though that her opening comments had a major effect on how I felt about her from the very beginning. I felt nothing for her feelings and if she was liking or wanted whatever we were doing to her. This is what she wanted though, to be treated like a total slut. So I guess it worked, in some sordid manner.

 

This lifestyle can lead to some odd situations.

[TricianMike 772]

Doc I can’t imagine she left you because you didn’t measure up. After reading on this forum and many others, it is usually men who write about size. I can tell you first handed, you can also google it, that the average is much smaller than you see in porn. 5 inches is normal. I know you are black and maybe the average is larger. Let me give some advice, you have what you have. Obsessing over it doesn’t make it 10 inches. I have been with men smaller than you and had fun. 5in doesn’t feel much different than 6 or 7. When it comes to bigger men, which isn’t as common as you may think, it is more of a holy shit moment. I won’t say playing with one isn’t exciting. The actual sex isn’t necessarily better.

[doc_oso 22]

JandKinBoise, I can only imagine how that felt. You're a better person than me, I probably would have just left the whole situation alone and moved on. But thanks for the heads up. I'm taking all experiences and advice as we enter this lifestyle.

[doc_oso 22]

Doc I can’t imagine she left you because you didn’t measure up. After reading on this forum and many others, it is usually men who write about size. I can tell you first handed, you can also google it, that the average is much smaller than you see in porn. 5 inches is normal. I know you are black and maybe the average is larger. Let me give some advice, you have what you have. Obsessing over it doesn’t make it 10 inches. I have been with men smaller than you and had fun. 5in doesn’t feel much different than 6 or 7. When it comes to bigger men, which isn’t as common as you may think, it is more of a holy shit moment. I won’t say playing with one isn’t exciting. The actual sex isn’t necessarily better.

 

You're very right she eventually told me she cheated because when I left for overseas she felt abandoned and when came back from overseas she felt like I didnt talk to her (which I didn't talk to anyone really) which hurt her so she said shed hurt me by doing that then telling about it and sending pictures smh. I have no clue what the average is for black guys but based on the stereotype I'm not there which is fine with me now I just don't want to under-deliver for someone that may think I'm,one way then I start this self-hate thinking all,over again.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Last I checked 5" is considered normal...nothing wrong with being normal. In our experience, most 'well endowed' men have no skill. Their size is all that matters so they just slam it in over and over until they are done (how was that for you, sugar?). A little skill and effort can easily outperform them. Remember it's the skill of the magician, not the size of his wand...

[doc_oso 22]

Last I checked 5" is considered normal...nothing wrong with being normal. In our experience, most 'well endowed' men have no skill. Their size is all that matters so they just slam it in over and over until they are done (how was that for you, sugar?). A little skill and effort can easily outperform them. Remember it's the skill of the magician, not the size of his wand...

 

I agree absolutely. That's why I have worked on being exceptional in every other area that I can, so that whoever I was with can look past the average part if that makes sense.

[Jane1902 476]

First I find the term BBC dehumanizing. I don't like being identified by my body parts. I am turned off by men who advertise themselves by their endowments or brag about their skills. If there is chemistry and we are having fun I would have no problem taking a ride on average, with your wife's permission and perhaps her participation.

[doc_oso 22]

Yeah I see where you're coming from but I'm fairly easy going I look at as just a term people say so it's less awkward than just bluntly speaking their minds. My better half has mentioned seeing me with other women so perhaps she'd be okay with it all joking aside thank you for the reassurance.

[padoc 1,703]

We've found that being around most bbc's has not been enjoyable. Mrs Doc refers to that subset as walking penises. Many bring no finesse, no class and few skills to the party, just their dick. Plus, she says there is a blood volume issue. Most human, she posits, haven't enough blood to maintain that huge erection and higher thought processes simultaneously (this applies to bwc as well). We would find the OP and his fiancé to be a much more attractive option than the standard BBC because he sounds like a caring and gentle man which to her means he's much more than the sum of his dick length and skin color. We had friends and playmates early on that, over time and moves, we lost track of. He was a C-5 pilot, a Major and was an average sized black man in all aspects and she was a petite, white Captain in the USAF. We had wonderful, fun loving and highly erotic evenings with them over three years. We both wish we hadn't lost track of them and we hope they think of us as fondly as we do them. Dick size and skin color hadn't a damned thing to do with it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Guess what: your wife knows just how big you are and yet she still stays with you. You must be good at something else since size doesn't matter (to her).

[doc_oso 22]

That makes total sense to me. Because of how I was brought, up race doesn't really play too big of a factor in things I choose to do or not do. But to hear a first world experience from someone that's been swinging before is very comforting, so thank you for your response.

[doc_oso 22]

GoldCoCouple said:

Guess what: your wife knows just how big you are and yet she still stays with you. You must be good at something else since size doesn't matter (to her).

 

You've got that right. She's talked to me about her partners before us and most of them were bigger than me, however she's explained she enjoys our intimacy because while I may not be able to provide that "full feeling" I focus on everything else that I can.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Funny: it seems like the men always worry about not being big enough compared to other men while the women worry about being too big compared to other women

[luvin eye full 140]

Well what I want to know is what kind of spam filter does nature have? I mean it still makes around 85% of us males average size - 5 to 7 inches.

 

Now the spam I get tells me this is not good and I should be bigger, the internet says the same and a lot of posts here tell me that it is best to be bigger ( well not directly - you just don't see many post about how great it is screwing your average husband compared to " i love big cock on some other guy and .... lol ).

 

But still nature does what it thinks is best - WTF doesn't it ever get the messages I and the other 85% do!!!

 

lol ok - so you're fine and all is well - if your girl is happy with you then who cares what others think.

[doc_oso 22]

Goldcocouple it's ironic ain't it haha

[doc_oso 22]

luvin eye full said:

Well what I want to know is what kind of spam filter does nature have? I mean it still makes around 85% of us males average size - 5 to 7 inches.

 

Now the spam I get tells me this is not good and I should be bigger, the internet says the same and a lot of posts here tell me that it is best to be bigger ( well not directly - you just don't see many post about how great it is screwing your average husband compared to " i love big cock on some other guy and .... lol ).

 

But still nature does what it thinks is best - WTF doesn't it ever get the messages I and the other 85% do!!!

 

lol ok - so you're fine and all is well - if your girl is happy with you then who cares what others think.

 

 

You're right about that for sure I told my lady the other day in grateful that I have one that works when i want it to and keeps working as long as I need it to but I'd sure be happy if I was proportioned betterhHaha. She's content with what I have and shes very reassuring of such but deep down sometimes I feel she misses being with someone packing a little more than me.

[Jane1902 476]

Please, a big dick isn't everything! My ex-husband had one but he wasn't a great kisser. As the marriage was failing I had no desire for him, preferred playing with myself. Ironically my first lover post divorce had a small penis (less than 5") but he gave me the best sex ever at the time (just keeps getting better). You can get a dildo or vibrator to play with your wife with.

[doc_oso 22]

Jane1902 said:

Please, a big dick isn't everything! My ex-husband had one but he wasn't a great kisser. As the marriage was failing I had no desire for him, preferred playing with myself. Ironically my first lover post divorce had a small penis (less than 5") but he gave me the best sex ever at the time (just keeps getting better). You can get a dildo or vibrator to play with your wife with.

 

Makes sense to me. It doesn't bother me so much anymore I look at as if someone wanted a guy that was 6'5"... There's nothing I can do for them I just don't have those genetics to be that tall and dick size is the same, but in regards to her I want HER to have it all. This post was in general, how do I handle not meeting the expectations another couple may have based on what I look like.

[Jane1902 476]

I hope that you don't worry so much that you can't rise to the occasion. Are you so big otherwise that perhaps proportionally you feel off? Going bald makes it look bigger. Please don't get a lack of confidence that gets the best of you

[luvin eye full 140]

Makes sense to me. It doesn't bother me so much anymore I look at as if someone wanted a guy that was 6'5"... Theres nothing I can do for them I just dont have those genetics to be that tall and dick size is the same, but in regards to her I want HER to have it all. This post was in general, how do I handle not meeting the expectations another couple may have based on what I look like.

 

lol if you get to that point with a couple then your dick size will not be a problem - Because what you look like has already been taken into account ( over all looks )

 

Also you Wife will never "have it all" because there are billions of men out there and what ever 15% is of that is still millions - are you wanting her to screw them all? lol ( if you mean having it all is bigger cocks that is )

 

Better would be to give your wife everything you can - mind body and soul. sex with others is just a novelty remember that.

[doc_oso 22]

Jane1902 said:

I hope that you don't worry so much that you can't rise to the occasion. Are you so big otherwise that perhaps proportionally you feel off? Going bald makes it look bigger. Please don't get a lack of confidence that gets the best of you

 

I'm not hung up on size anymore I used to be that way. I know she enjoys our sex life I guess I just don't like to not be what anyone needs to an extent. But thanks for the perspective I appreciate it!

[doc_oso 22]

lol if you get to that point with a couple then your dick size will not be a problem - Because what you look like has already been taken into account ( over all looks )

 

Also you Wife will never "have it all" because there are billions of men out there and what ever 15% is of that is still millions - are you wanting her to screw them all? lol ( if you mean having it all is bigger cocks that is )

 

Better would be to give your wife everything you can - mind body and soul. sex with others is just a novelty remember that.

 

Touche you have a point there haha I don't want her screw millions of men. I just want her to have what she wants

[luvin eye full 140]

doc_oso said:

Touche you have a point there haha I don't want her screw millions of men. I just want her to have what she wants

 

and from what you posted - she has it already lol, Now all you need to do is actually believe it - I mean really she's not lying to you.

 

Do you think because of the ex and internet porn where every chick goes wild for the big cock and not the average one that this may also be in your head even a little?

 

Problem is now they call a average dick small - men wanting to be the best their girl ever had then hear and see all this crap and think oh man she must want it bigger.

 

Honestly we all need to have a think on how we relate to each other - you know years ago I used to try and stick up for girls and say why the hell should they feel like shit so much that they feel plastic surgery was the fix.

 

These days it is the guys - I have to ask - where is the love? How did they get us to trade our self worth for lies, we trade the truth of our partners for the bullshit of the internet. gzzzzz I can feel a Pink Floyd song coming on (wish you were here)

 

So after that little rant - just know your wife needs only you and nothing else matters.

[lcmim 1,081]

doc_oso said:

That confidence went away when my ex wife cheated repeatedly and would tell me how much better they were because they were much bigger down stairs than I am.

 

Which was entirely the effect she was going for my friend. She wanted out and wanted to be nasty about it for some reason.

5 inches will do the trick. I am a tad longer but not in anywhere near the kind of shape you are so my "usable length" might not be what yours is. There are no complaints coming my way though. I would consider that the "love of your life" was probably not worth the honor and that you dodged the bullet.

[Napoleon 230]

There's things physically, financially, socially, intellectually, psychologically, and spiritually about me some women will view as above average while other women may view those same exact things about me as average or below average. With that being said, my confidence and pride in myself I'm not lacking at all and how women or any other man wish to "rate me" based on whatever factor does not increase or decrease the confidence and pride I have in myself.

 

Stop connecting your confidence and self worth as a man based women's opinion. Women can be with the absolute perfect man in every way possible and still end up unsatisfied over time. Women are never fully happy with themselves or fully happy with the man they have. Don't let women make you feel less of a man.

[Newandnaughty 3]

Napoleon, I really get a kick out of your posts. Are you shallow? Maybe a little bit, but I also think it’s a bit of a defense mechanism. I say keep on getting those early 20’s girls while you can. That all being said, sounds like there was a woman at some point that really twisted your cap backwards. Broken hearts suck, hopefully sooner than later you’ll find the woman that eventually repairs it.

[Napoleon 230]

Napoleon, I really get a kick out of your posts. Are you shallow? Maybe a little bit, but I also think it’s a bit of a defense mechanism. I say keep on getting those early 20’s girls while you can. That all being said, sounds like there was a woman at some point that really twisted your cap backwards. Broken hearts suck, hopefully sooner than later you’ll find the woman that eventually repairs it.

 

How am I shallow?

 

And nope, no woman broke my poor little heart. No defensive mechanisms. No woman has hurt me, actually?????, no wait, one time in grade school a girl in my class kissed me on the cheek without my verbal consent and gave me cooties.

[Newandnaughty 3]

How am I shallow?

 

And nope, no woman broke my poor little heart. No defensive mechanisms. No woman has hurt me, actually?????, no wait, one time in grade school a girl in my class kissed me on the cheek without my verbal consent and gave me cooties.

 

My bad. You get picked on a lot as a kid? Bad lisp? Maybe a stutter? Tough home life growing up? There’s always an underlying issue when people look at life the way you do. Always, like 100% of the time. Usually it’s a broken heart when you don’t want any children, don’t want a wife, don’t want a girlfriend (3’s better in case one leaves there’s still 2 left). What word would be better than a bit shallow? Maybe selfish?

[Napoleon 230]

My bad. You get picked on a lot as a kid? Bad lisp? Maybe a stutter? Tough home life growing up? There’s always an underlying issue when people look at life the way you do. Always, like 100% of the time. Usually it’s a broken heart when you don’t want any children, don’t want a wife, don’t want a girlfriend (3’s better in case one leaves there’s still 2 left). What word would be better than a bit shallow? Maybe selfish?

 

- I was picked on as a kid no more or less than any other kid. I wasn't a snowflake kid, I fought a lot as a kid.

 

- I grew up in a tough neighborhood but I had a strong family, a very strong father and a loving mom, and great siblings.

 

- Yes I stuttered a little as a kid. No big deal.

 

 

- I'm not a "one woman only" type of man. And as far as a one or all of my girlfriends leaving me, I've never been afraid of any woman leaving me and never will be. Only men who don't have an overabundance of women they can easily have sex with or get in a relationship with are afraid of a woman leaving them. I can easily replace all my girlfriends. I'm not short on available attractive women.

 

- I love kids( I have cool nieces and nephews). I just don't want kids of my own. I don't want to deal with the time consumption and other stressful factors that comes with being a father. And I got a vasectomy a few years ago.

 

- Marriage offer me no benefits. In fact at my far above average financial level it would be foolish of me to get married. Besides currently 50% to 75%(depending on location) of marriages and up in divorce, 80% of all divorces are initiated by women, at least 50% to 70%( depending on location) of all wives and girlfriends cheat(swingers wives and girlfriends cheat also). If my girlfriends cheat( they probably have based on current adultery stats for women), on me, no big deal. I'm not married to them, they don't live with me, and I don't have kids with them - dumping them would cost me little.

 

- The men and women close to me doesn't think I'm selfish.

[Newandnaughty 3]

- I don't want to deal with the time consumption and other stressful factors that comes with being a father. And I got a vasectomy a few years ago.

 

- Marriage offer me no benefits. In fact at my far above average financial level it would be foolish of me to get married.

 

I’ll give you props for being honest. Some/most people would see those 2 lines as selfish, but like I said, major props for being honest. Wasn’t and not trying to bust your stones, just curious where the crass came from. Different strokes for different folks. See ya on the next thread ??