Why the single male bashing?

[mk7124 15]

Let me begin by saying: I am a married male and my wife and I are new to the swing scene.

 

An observation: There seems to be a lot of single male bashing in the swingers community.

 

Are single women better than single guys or is it just a fact that so many men have fantasies about being with two women? Are women more inclined to fulfill their husbands fantasies? Why do so many of you think that you are doing the male a favor? Maybe he is doing your wife a favor.

 

I firmly believe that this whole swing thing is driven by male fantasies, therefore I am perplexed by the anti single male rhetoric.

 

I have also noticed one of Julie's comments about what can get a single male into a couple's door: Being well hung! Duh!

 

I have had plenty of discussions with mature females that really enjoy sex and ninety percent of them admit - yes it would be nice to be with a well endowed male.

 

Why is that? Here is a news flash: Most of us have an average penis! So, of course women are inclined to look for something different.

 

How many well endowed men do some of you know that actually swing? Narrows the field doesn't it? It's like being a priced bull. But you want that priced bull to be married - hmm?

 

Insecurity on your husband's part about losing his sweetheart to a single male. Better go with the married one - he is safer.

 

I think most people that swing are hypocrites.

[danc694u 19]

We just covered this, in a sort of fashion.

 

But, I can sum it up in just a few words for you. And give you a new look at the problem.

 

Hang a sign outside your house stating; "Free sex for women"

 

Have your female neighbor do the same. Except say "For Men"

 

It's simple math my friend.

 

Which line do you think will be longer?

 

Simply put, we get 25 offers from single men (all of them hung, they say), for every one offer from a single woman. And we do allow singles within our lifestyle

 

We just hate to see someone beg

[Stratecpl 19]

I like single men...of all sizes shapes and colors... Size ain't important to me..it's how well you know how to use the tool.

 

Since we've been involved in this lifestyle we've met some very nice single males, some have become very near and dear friends...We have had 3 or 4 times more MFM threesomes than we've had foursoms with couples. My hubby isn't in the least bit worried about me running off with a single guy....We're in this for fun and friendship...married couple or single man makes no difference to us...I find that single men are way less complicated than couples and much easier to please.

[danc694u 19]

Quote

Originally posted by mk7124:

I think most people that swing are hypocrites.

 

I couldn't resist returning to this LMAO. Come on in. There's always room for one more

[TNT 1,155]

Well, many men do fantazie about being with two women, my husband does, but not in the way you might think, he likes watching me with another woman, luckily, I like this too. But, his favorite fantasy is me with another man, so that is why we love single men. I do not feel like I am fulfilling only my husbands fantasy when we are with a single male, because it is also my fantasy too. The single man is doing us a favor by helping us to fulfill our fantasy and we are doing him a favor by allowing him to be a part of something that is very special to my husband and myself.

 

As far as the lifestyle being run by male fantasies, I don't think so. The male half of a couple might be the one to bring it up, but everyone knows that the woman rules the bedroom/club/social, or at least they do at the ones we attend. Every husband there will tell you whatever she wants is fine by him (as my hubby says, when momma is happy, everyone is happy).

 

Well endowed men? I personally know four that would put porn stars to shame. Do I like big dicks? Yes and no, there is such a thing as being to big and like Connie said, it is what you do with it that matters. By the way Connie, I totally agree with everything you said.

 

As far as my husband feeling threathened by a single man, NOT BLOODY LIKELY ! He knows I LOVE HIM and when we are with a single or a couple it is because we both want to be there and are having fun TOGETHER.

 

As far as single male bashing, its the ones that have no respect for couples that give the great ones a bad name.

[Jem 17]

I have also frequently wondered about the bias against single males. MANY of the clubs do not allow single males, or only allow them on certain nights.

 

Now, it is very true what danc694u said...there are many more single men interested than there are single women. However, a quota system would seem to work well for me...as in, a club could let in one single man for every so many couples they let in. This way, the club would not be overrun by single men, yet they would not be being discriminatory. I know some clubs do this, but FAR too many ban single men outright.

 

We have not yet attended a club. But I will NEVER knowningly attend a club that bans single men WHILE ALLOWING SINGLE WOMEN. If a club wants to be couples-only, that is fine. But the minute they start letting in single women, they better also admit single men (*within a reasonable quota*) or I will not go there ever.

 

I think it is an especially large annoyance point with me, because my fave thing ever would be a MFM threesome. Or a MMMF foursome. If a club bans single men, they largely cut off my possibilities for that, and are not taking into consideration MY wants. At the same time, I understand that most couples would not feel comfortable at a club that had 4 couples and 50 single men at it (though I would love it!). That would be messing with THEIR wants. That's why I think a quota system would be the best solution.

 

As for the "well-endowed" thing...yes, I realize that some women are very into that. I am not. There is ONE position in which I like it. Other than that, it is just painful, which therefore cuts off a lot of possibilities for me! I would by FAR prefer an average sized guy!

 

And I do not believe swinging is "driven by male fantasies." Yes, most of the couples that *I* personally know got into it at first by the suggestion of the male. But what KEPT them into it was the female! I know that in our couple, he suggested it. I thought he was CRAZY at first! :-) When I FINALLY tried it though (a year at least after his suggestion) I loved it way more than him...not that he didn't like it, but he's not into it on the level I am now! I think this happens with a lot of couples...at least the ones I know about.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by Jem:

because my fave thing ever would be a MFM threesome. Or a MMMF foursome. If a club bans single men, they largely cut off my possibilities for that.

 

JEM,

 

I think your wrong in that line of thinking. We have had many chances for a MMMF. In clubs that strictly forbid single males.

 

We occasionally slip back to the room to get something , and as a matter of manners, we invite folks back with us. More than once, but not always, only the men return to the room, while the women stay. Sometimes, it works the other way around LOL. That's when I get nervous

 

I think many come expecting a MMMF. But, it's never happened. Number one Maggie isn't comfortable with it. She hates even the thought of anal. So it would be gang bang and BJ's for all.

 

Number two: Knowing this, I've never requested she try any of the afore mentioned.

 

We're very comfortable in a group, 6 or more. And enjoy the hell out of the choices But, we lean more to MFMF, MFM, or FMF.

 

There are many chances for MMMF...and more, at any club. You just have to make yourself available to them.

 

We certainly understand the need for singles at a club. Because there are nights we would rather do a MFM or a FMF. But generally, that is based on the other spouse being unacceptable, or not interested. And, we understand that too.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Jem:

Now, it is very true what danc694u said...there are many more single men interested than there are single women. However, a quota system would seem to work well for me...as in, a club could let in one single man for every so many couples they let in. This way, the club would not be overrun by single men, yet they would not be being discriminatory. I know some clubs do this, but FAR too many ban single men outright.

 

Keep in mind that those who run the clubs are usually doing their best to keep the couples (their main clientele) happy. Without the couples it wouldn't be a swinger club it would just be singles club. Personally, I do swing with single guys..but they are also very easy to find when I/we choose to play with them.. couples are not as easy to find.

 

The club that we used to have near us, asked the members if they wanted single men to attend.. and while I few were for it, the majority was not.. so they weren't allowed.

 

There was one instance where they did allow a single guy to balance out the single female that was invited.. unfortunately what happened was that the single guy pretty much hogged the single female (of course that was as much her fault as his).. but it made some of the couples feel put out who were interested in the female and felt they couldn't approach her because of the single guy.

 

I have no problem with single guys at clubs but they should be limited (on a quote system of some sort) as was said, and there should be nights where it is couples only.. I think that would be the best way to appease everyone. But if the club only meets once a month or less often it makes it very difficult to have single male nights.. and if the couples for the most part don't want single males then the hosts pretty much have to do what they have to do to keep the couples happy and coming back.

 

 

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by danc694u:

I think your wrong in that line of thinking. We have had many chances for a MMMF. In clubs that strictly forbid single males.

 

I'll have to agree here as well. With so many bi-women looking for other girls to play with that leaves lots of hubbies looking for someone to play with... I've never seen a woman at a club have any trouble getting as many guys as she wanted.. even when it is couples only.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by mk7124:

Let me begin by saying: I am a married male and my wife and I are new to the swing scene. An observation: There seems to be a lot of single male bashing in the swingers community. Are single women better than single guys or is it just a fact that so many men have fantasies about being with two women?

 

None of the above. AS Dance694u pointed out it has much more to do with numbers. There are just fewer single females out there. By allowing single females into the clubs at all times, it helps many couples. And even the fact that they allow them doesn't mean they show up. Single females are just harder to find.. so by allowing them into the club that might help a couple or two find that elusive single female they have been looking for. And most often it has less to do with a guys fantasy of wanting to see two women together (or have two women) as it does with the females fantasy of wanting to be with another woman.

 

Single males on the other hand are much much easier to find for couples who want them. As I stated in my previous post, I agree that clubs should allow them in moderation or have nights where they allow them (if the club meets on multiple nights). But overall it does come down to what the club members want. And if the majority of those club members say they won't come in if there are single males.. then the club owner is smart to not allow single males.

[Stratecpl 19]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

I'll have to agree here as well. With so many bi-women looking for other girls to play with that leaves lots of hubbies looking for someone to play with.. I've never seen a woman at a club have any trouble getting as many guys as she wanted.. even when it is couples only.

 

(Connie perks her ears up at this one!!) Julie... I haven't ever thought of that scenario...This could be the happy medium I've been looking for! :)Now I'll see things in a more positive light at the next party I go too...gang bang here I come or is that cum?

[mk7124 15]

And most often it has less to do with a guys fantasy of wanting to see two women together (or have two women) as it does with the females fantasy of wanting to be with another woman.

 

I disagree! Since I am not a teenager with raging hormones and I've been around the block a few times, I don't have to do a survey to know that most men fantasies about being with two women or seeing two women together (I am probably one of the few men who'd rather be in a MMF situation with my wife).

 

I have no idea where these stats come from, but I do not know one woman who'd rather be with another woman than with two men (my wife included). It seems to me that even the swinging community would want us to believe that the FMF scenario is more acceptable than the MFM one.

 

And don't get me started on the single bi-male issue. They most definitely have no place in the swinging community (according to most swingers I know). Hence, my point about the swing scene being male driven (or should I say heterosexual male). BTW: I have never had a bi-sexual experience and consider myself straight, but for the sake of my wife and partner I would reconsider if it pleased her (ok - so maybe I am bi-curious). I am so confused! Anyway - there is wide spread discrimination against single males in the swinging community - period. And the fact that there are so many more males to choose from has nothing to do with peoples mind set. Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else. Well, I used to be a single male (17 years ago) and I have always been respectful of women and do know the meaning of the word "NO". There are a lot of good single males out there.

[CanadianCouple 18]

mk7124 --

 

Check out some of the posts from those who have attended parties with no limits on single men attendance. Reminds one of John Belushi in Animal House.

 

Dan

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by mk7124:

I have no idea where these stats come from, but I do not know one woman who'd rather be with another woman than with two men (my wife included). It seems to me that even the swinging community would want us to believe that the FMF scenario is more acceptable than the MFM one.

 

I know many women who only swing with other women. They probably don't even consider themselves swingers, but I do because they don't limit themselves to strictly their husband. They find that their hubby is all they want when it comes to guys, but they are totally bi and enjoy that side of things as well.

 

And what I stated above was from my personal experience, not something I made up. Keep in mind that every persons experience in this lifestyle is different. You said you are new.. have you ever bee to a club? If not, or even if you haven't been to the clubs I have been too.. then you have no reason or right to say that what I am saying is untrue.

 

Many people come into this lifestyle with misconceptions of what it is or what it will be for them. Don't put yourself in that position. Until you experience it, you can't say that certain things do or do not go on. I have seen plenty of females turn down extra cock in preference of a female or three. To each their own. Sounds to me like you have this preconceived notion (due to your Swinging is Male Fantasy Driven idea) that every female just wants extra cock and that anytime a couple engages in a FMF threesome or a woman is with another woman instead of another man that it is because of her man's fantasy.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by mk7124:

Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else. Well, I used to be a single male (17 years ago) and I have always been respectful of women and do know the meaning of the word "NO". There are a lot of good single males out there.

 

That is probably true.. unfortunately it's a case of what people have run into. You are talking here with several swingers who do swing with single guys yet you are still getting so defensive about it. However, while you are having this discussion with swingers who do swing with singles.. even we will tell you that we have had more than our share of encounters with single guys who DO just want to get laid are not respectful of our desires.

 

I see 90% of the ads that are posted on this site (one of the few swinger sites that actually allows ads from single guys).. and I'd say that more of them than not come off as egotistical guys who think that swingers are here to screw anyone and everyone.

 

NO, they aren't all that way. Which is why if a club is going to allow single guys they not only need to limit them but they also need to screen them well.

 

I'm really at a loss here for why you are so defensive.. more so it seems than most single guys we've heard from on here. I could understand better if the feedback you were getting was saying that single guys should not be allowed in the lifestyle. But that is not the case. What you are getting is our specific reasons for why each of us feels the way we do towards single guys in the lifestyle (and again most of those who have responded are people who do swing with single guys). That is what you asked for.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by mk7124:

Since I am not a teenager with raging hormones and I've been around the block a few times, I don't have to do a survey to know that most men fantasies about being with two women or seeing two women together

 

Uh Hello!!! I'm 41, and thought I wanted to watch Maggie with another woman. Note I say thought!

 

Hell, I didn't last 5 minutes..and I had to get in on the fun! Best I can do...maybe 10 minutes LOL

 

But you do have a valid point there

[Jem 17]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

 

ads that are posted on this site...from single guys.. and I'd say that more of them than not come off as egotistical guys who think that swingers are here to screw anyone and everyone.

 

NO, they aren't all that way. Which is why if a club is going to allow single guys they not only need to limit them but they also need to screen them well

 

 

Julie,

 

I completely agree about screening the single guys as well. I already stated how I hate the discrimination against single men I find in many places, but I also hate *idiot* single men.

 

I LOVE single men....*quality* single men. Single men who find me PERSONALLY attractive. Who want to get to know me. Who will take their time, flirting with me and seducing me. That is my personal definition of a quality single man. They do seem hard to find, but I know from personal experience that there are some out there. I know some people are looking for single men for fast and furious gangbang type things. Hey, if that's what they want, great! But that is so NOT what I want!

 

To each their own though....but when single men complain to me about not being wanted in the lifestyle, I have to wonder if they are the type who goes up to people and says "hey, wanna f*ck?" The type that just walks up out of nowhere and grabs your ass or boobs. The type who acts as though because you are a swinger, you should strip down and jump on them the minute they approach you. The type who would probably treat a $25 hooker better than they treat you. Etc. etc.

 

Yup, as far as I am concerned anyway, THOSE type of single men are not allowed in *my* world of swinging. Someone may want them, but not me.

 

But the considerate, flirty single man? Who makes you feel desired as an *individual*? Who wants to get to know you, and not just have a one night slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am? Who is as concerned with your pleasure as with his own? Oh, THOSE single men can call me ANY time!!! :-)

 

 

[mk7124 15]

Boy - I sure did open a can of worms. Thanks to Danc694u, Stratecpl, TNT and JEM for your feedback and input. Your humor is appreciated.

 

And, yes Julie - I was being a bit defensive (didn't realize that until I read my post again) - my apologies.

 

My wife and I have not been to any clubs and for now have no intentions on doing so (seems like a lot of the problems with single guys occurs in those settings) and yes we are new to the scene (less than a year). I'll keep all of this under advisement.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Jem:

I LOVE single men....*quality* single men. Single men who find me PERSONALLY attractive. Who want to get to know me. Who will take their time, flirting with me and seducing me. That is my personal definition of a quality single man. They do seem hard to find, but I know from personal experience that there are some out there. I know some people are looking for single men for fast and furious gangbang type things. Hey, if that's what they want, great! But that is so NOT what I want!

 

I couldn't agree more. I have done the gangbang thing.. but even still only with guys who I knew were nice decent respectful guys. Hell the last thing I would want int a GB scenario is one guy thinking he should be constantly connected to me somewhere, should be first, last and in the middle getting all the attention... or a guy who thinks that it's all about him. Hell the meaning of a GB pretty much keeps that from being all about one guy (but there are those who would still try to make it about them).

 

We do most of our playing with single guys, and have several that we play with regularly, but I don't go out looking for single guys to play with (as far as ads or anything go). I just got tired of weeding through 50 ads from the wrong type of single guys to try to find 1 decent one.

 

I always maintain to single guys trying to get in that if they have a club near them that allows single guys that is probably their best bet at getting a foot in the door. All we can do is hope that those clubs screen the single guys well (unfortunately at most clubs that isn't the case - all it takes is a look at the topic "idiot club owners in the "club questions" forum to see that, or any of the other posts on here from people dealing with single guys at the clubs). It's very unfortunate that that is the case.

 

It's even more unfortunate that you (MK7124) are so torn about possibly going to a club now because of this issue. On one hand you don't want to visit a club that doesn't allow single males, but on the other hand now you feel that too many problems occur because of those single males to attend a club that does. My suggestion (and what I suggest to pretty much all newbies attending a club for the first time) is to find a off-premise club.. yes there are some that allow single men .. there may still be some forward single guys there (think of it as going to a night/dance club only everyone there is interested in swinging).. but they are less likely to be a problem as you won't actually be swinging THERE. It would let you see what you can expect without being pushed into anything. And hopefully, if you do have any problems with any single guys, the club owners will be responsible enough to kick the guy out and not let him back in.

[LIZA 20]

Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else.

 

 

well.....what else WOULD a single man (or even a single woman) be looking for at a swing club? Friendship can be found many places where you don't have to pay $100.00 to get in on the off chance you'll get to have sex with someone else's wife!

 

The number one reason a man would go alone to a swing club is to get laid! No big deal, but pretending otherwise is pretty ridiculous.

 

By the way, I don't know if it is based on age, location, experience or what but I have come across more couples on this board who were accepting of single men than I have in almost 5 years of real-life experience!

 

The few nights we have gone to a club when single men were allowed it would be mainly 1-2 other couples and 4-6 single men and the single men mainly shot pool all night. I guess it is different in other clubs but in general they are just not in-demand at all has been my experience..

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by LIZA:

By the way, I don't know if it is based on age, location, experience or what but I have come across more couples on this board who were accepting of single men than I have in almost 5 years of real-life experience!

 

I can't give you a reason for this one.. since everyone on here varies in all of those... but one thought on that....

 

Being open to single men is one thing .. but being willing to go to a club where there are more singles than couples is another thing. I would prefer to stick to clubs that either allow them only when they are sponsored by a couple OR that screen them very well and limit them based on a quota. But you wouldn't catch me in a club on single guy night. (just my thoughts).

[mk7124 15]

Originally posted by LIZA:

Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else.

 

 

well.....what else WOULD a single man (or even a single woman) be looking for at a swing club?

 

Ah - correction: My original post said absolutely nothing about swing clubs. Yes - as a single male frequenting a swing club I would expect to get laid - no pretense. My comments were based on my experiences so far as a new swinger. And, they are not solely based on what has been said on this board, which - I agree - seems to be pretty friendly towards single males. Since my wife and I have never been to a swing club it might be time for us to visit one, since all the negative feedback regarding single males seems to focus on them.

 

It is alwasy a good idea to read the original post in a thread before jumping to conclusions.

[danc694u 19]

Regardless of whether we are accepting of single males or not. As a group (swingers) we're still leary of them.

 

We do accept single males. But on a very limited basis. Same way with single females.

 

I should state, that it is based on the personality of the single. If they are pushy...No Way. If the first words out of their mouth is "Want to watch while I bang your girls brains out" or "I got 9 inches throbbing for you" They just lost any chance of ever hooking up with us.

 

More often than not. Those are the exact lines we hear. Of course the women, as a whole, aren't that bad. But some are.

 

I've met many single men in this lifestyle. Who fit in nicely. But for every one of them, there are 10 more that are just plain stupid.

 

In reality, I can not understand why the single men bitch so much about not being accepted. I had to go that route myself for awhile. But, I did have experience in the lifestyle so I knew exactly what was expected of me.

 

Maybe someone should devote an entire web site just for single males, looking to get into the lifestyle. We've tried to accommodate them on our homepage. And, have received some nice e-mails from single guys. But, we've also received the normal stuff too. "Wanna F***"

[pelagic argosy 18]

In my experience, I've noticed that many married men are as aggressive as the single guys that supposedly cause most of the problems. In fact, the only bad incident me and my wife had was at the hands of married men.

 

I think it's interesting when people get angry that someone is "hogging" the single women. It makes them seem like they are only at the club for the pleasure of the married people. Sounds a bit selfish for me.

 

Finally, I think most women could walk into any swing club, "regular" bar or club, or any other adult venue and set up a MMMF or as large a gangbang as she wants.

 

Edit-

I should say that I didn't realize that there were two pages to this topic, and posted my reply after reading only the first page-thus some of my responses deal with issues raised much earlier on-Sorry if it seems I'm a bit behind.

[Jem 17]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:

Finally, I think most women could walk into any swing club, "regular" bar or club, or any other adult venue and set up a MMMF or as large a gangbang as she wants.

 

I agree entirely. I'm sure I could walk into just about any bar or swing club on earth and find a bunch of guys who would love to "gangbang" me right then and there.

 

HOWEVER, since that is entirely NOT what I'm looking for, I still have problems finding quality single men. I think one of my/our biggest problems is that we are looking for an ongoing thing with someone (preferably multiple someones!), not just a one-night-stand. And while there are single guys galore out there, there are not NEARLY so many who both meet our other criteria AND want ongoing friendship and play with us. Many just seem to want quick one-time sex.

 

 

[Stratecpl 19]

I agree with Jem on the "Ongoing thing" THat's what we look for number 1, when screening someone...couples or singlemales. We're not into the one night stands and it makes it easy to weed those types out from the way they respond to our ads. Out of countless single men we've had contact us..we've only found a few that were for real. We've developed wonderful friendships with some of these guys too.

 

Connie

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

"Ongoing things" seem to be very difficult to develop in general.. whether with a single or a couple. You figure with a couple that's 4 people who all have to mesh and hit it off. Hell I had enough trouble finding one guy that I meshed with well enough to have an on-going thing.

 

We have made friends with several couples within the lifestyle tho, and we are lucky. However, none of those friendships are based on swinging, or were developed through the swinging lifestyle (actually most were developed through my amateur site with other swinger couples who also happen to have amateur sites). In all of these cases we are friends first.. and if something happens and we want to play we play.. but there is never anything put out there where any of us feels like when we get together we have to play.

 

Which brings me back to single guys. We have only found 1 single guy so far in our experience that we have been able to develop that sort of friendship with. In other cases, it either becomes a case of they expect sex every time we get together or a case of you never hear from them again. Both cases suck. I don't feel that I should be put in the position to be someone's object.. and yes this is something we've encountered with married couples as well. And I would say that one of the pushiest males I've ever seen is a married guy. His wife is beautiful and sweet.. and someone you would love to be around.. if only you didn't have to have her hubby around too.

 

Another issue we've ran into with single guys is that all too often the fantasy that they have in their head is not something THEY can live up to (and this is true for guys in general - married as well). They think they can handle what they are about to do but when it comes down to it... they aren't UP to it.

 

It's unfortunate that like someone said for every nice well-intentioned single guy out there, there are 10 more who are (for lack of a better word) stupid. All it takes is doing a search through the personals on this site or any other and reading the ads that single guys place.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:

Finally, I think most women could walk into any swing club, "regular" bar or club, or any other adult venue and set up a MMMF or as large a gangbang as she wants.

 

Very true... but think about this.. most women who walk into a swing club realize that what swinging is about and are there looking for couples (just like the couples are looking for the single females)... unless of course that single female just walked into a club like the Fox Hole in San Diego... then she's probably looking for a gang bang.

 

And like someone else mentioned.. there's a big difference between being able to get as many guys as you want to fuck and being able to get the KIND of guys you want to fuck you.

[danc694u 19]

We're getting ready to go out. Soooo maybe you guys can get some slack from all the posting LOL..

 

Turning this thread around. After reading Julies post with regard to "some" married men. Oh Hell Yes! Some of them are worse than the single men!

 

We've met married men that just could not take a hint. Some were extremely aggressive, to the point of having to be told flat out, Get the hell away from us!

 

But, that's an entirely different subject altogether. Maybe even a new topic for posting

[LIZA 20]

MK7142-

 

I READ your original post. MY OWN experience with single men (and swinging in general) is in a Club environment, hence my statements!..........for someone who is not even actively involved in swinging you certainly do have a lot of opinions AND a very sharp tongue.

 

Good luck in whatever it is you are searching for..........as you say, you migth want to actually investigate some of this before you preach as an expert on what drives swinging (is it a Heterosexual Male driven phenomen, etc) I think you might find things to be just a tad different than you think!

[LIZA 20]

I just re-read your original post and am stunned by how far off you are on a lot of points.

There are some women into gang-bangs and super-big men but that is VERY rare.

 

A single guy hung like a horse is STILL a single guy and will be treated as such.

 

You seem to have such a huge chip on your shoulder about so many different things you might want to re-think whether or not swinging will be a good idea for you

[mk7124 15]

Hey Liza,

 

Speaking of sharp tongues - you might want to check yours at the door.

 

It seems to me that you (and a few others posting here) are under the impression that

unless one frequents a swing club they are not considered "real swingers". Hence, my comment about us maybe visiting a swing club, in order to acquire first hand experience with single males in that setting. Do not confuse that remark with us not being active swingers. New maybe, but still active. You really should take some reading lessons.

 

Furthermore, you seem to be the one with a chip on her shoulder. You remind me of someone that is a member of an exclusive club, that objects to new members (with their own ideas and opinions) from expressing them.

 

[lycioos 16]

MK7124,

 

I noticed that towards the end of your original post you said something to the effect of:

 

"Insecurity on your husbands part about loosing his sweetheart to a single male. Better go with the married one - he is safer. I think most people who swing are hypocrites."

 

I think there is some truth to that statement but maybe not in the way that you seem to be emplying. In some, not all, but some ways it is safer to entrust your sweetie to a married person. If you put the matters of the heart and trust aside, there are alot of aspects to swinging such as physical safety. You certainly wouldn't want a man to become rough with your wife or loose control with her. And there are also the issues of STD's. Now, certainly being married does not make you excempt from either of these issues, but the simple fact that another women has committed and is still committed to you does make the odds a bit better. Saftey for a loved one always has to be the first priority and if the perception of saftey is there in married men, than that is where one needs to go.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[LIZA 20]

Your first post gave the impression you had very little experience but MANY opinions you presented as absolute truths (none of which I have found to be remotely true in the past 5 years)

[lycioos 16]

Hey Liza, are you refering to me, or the guy who has a name that sounds like a computer code????????

[LIZA 20]

I was referring to the original poster (Mk 7124). not you

[Guest SierraDenali]

This question was asked and answered in another thread but...

 

I would encourage you to read Nancy Friday's website at www.nancyfriday.com and her books "Women on Top" and "Men in Love" which will explain to you the dynamics at work as to how and why women feel they do and why men feel what they feel.

 

I could explain it, but it would take me a thesis to write it.

 

In a nutshell, it's how little boys are raised into men, and their perceptions as to how and what women are to them. I.E. Men don't have a problem with lesbians...the more the merrier. Gay men, forget it...their disgusting...Double standard? Or plausible?

 

I like anal sex...love it, feels terrific. I don't want a man fucking my ass. A gal with a strap on, you bet! It's no different than what you're implying. It took until I met my wife that I could enjoy lowering my guards and acknowledging her I like my hindparts touched and stimulated. My question to you, how many of you would be disgusted or turned on by such a revelation, and if it were your revelation.

 

Men are no different about other men than what I just said. Their very nature is what your referring to.

 

Personally, men don't attract me...with the exception of a few who I'd kill to have their physiques.

 

Our society as a rule doesn't have a problem with women liking women...but men & men, there is a double standard.

 

And like my other post, I apologize for my prejudice, but I am who and what I am, and unless the situation is something I'm absolutely comfortable with, I will not change.

 

You have a nice day...

[lycioos 16]

You were on a roll Liza, don't stop now.

I'm still trying to figure out why this is such a big deal to this mike guy considering he claims to be married and not single, so I say "what difference does it make?"

[LIZA 20]

I think maybe he is one of those "married but I swing alone" kinda guys

[mk7124 15]

You people are too funny. Actually, my wife read the entire post and thought I was an asshole for posting it in the first place. Oh, well!

[youngmichiganmale 15]

I have to say that, before I begin, all of you people who waste time writing a novel or book length reply succeed only in repeating yourself several times over - Just in different words and expressions (the majority, anyhow). Keep it short and get to the point. If I want to read a novel, I have a bookshelf full of them at my disposal.

 

Single men do get a bad rep in the swinging lifestyle, let's face it. And the majority of that bad rep comes from our experience with pushy, cocky, demanding single males who lie to entice a couple, or just plain don't know how to take "no thank you" for an answer. I think however, that it is unfair to staple all single men together and place a label on them because of our experience with a few assholes.

 

It's all in your approach.... Were you invited, or are you pushing yourself on a couple whose ad clearly states their interest in other couples and bi-females only? Are you exaggerating your penis length and sexual prowess to entice or convince them? Are you outright begging, and does your email sound like a desperate plea? These are all things you have to consider. It is not single males in general - It is timing, direction, and a little common sense. And patience isn't a bad virtue either...

[impell 15]

HI,

 

We are new to the board and found this thread very interesting. We are admittedly relatively new to the lifestyle but I wanted to toss in my .02 cents.

 

We very much enjoy mfm 3somes among other things. The problem we have seen with trying to hook up with single males is that they have generally been dishonest or Terribly cocky and rude. Unfortunately we guys we have met up with have tried to get something going on the side with my wife. We are learning not to tell people where we live, work, phone numbers. It really sucks. In mentioning where we work. Mr. X took it upon himself to call her at work and attempt a 1 on 1 meeting when we had been very clear about the fact that we only play together. Another "gentleman" offered a trip or an on-premise club to my wife while I was away. This is a problem for me. I trust my wife but I have to admit I do not like these guys trying to go "behind my back" No trust, no honesty, no more contact.

 

Although the sex part has been fun and good. We have yet to meet a trust worthy, honest single male we are comfortable building a relationship with. It would be really really nice to meet a decent guy who enjoys partying and the sex but has no expectations beyond that.

 

To me, its like killing the goose that lays the golden egg. I wish I could have meet a couple like US when I was single. Great sex, no strings, "Hey, call me when you guys want to party again!"

 

Maybe we are doing something wrong in screening guys to meet. But the fact is that we have not had any of the above mentioned issues with the couples we have met. So, in our limited experiences we can see why people would tend to bash single males.

 

Have a nice day and thanks for letting us add to your conversation.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by impell:

Unfortunately guys we have met up with have tried to get something going on the side with my wife.

 

BINGO!!!!!!! And then for a comeback they tell you, you're just being insecure and jealous. LMAO

 

JUST ONCE....we would like to meet another single guy, who actually understood what swinging was about. We do actually know one Finding another would be great.

 

But, this problem isn't just limited to the guys

[TNT 1,155]

I guess we have been lucky with the single men we have played with...they all respected the fact that we are a couple and would never dream of contacting me for a one on one. This could have something to do with the fact that hubby always mentions something about his gun collection on the first meeting, LOL. But really, he is VERY, VERY picky when it comes to the single men we play with. Months will pass between the first contact, via email, IM, or even meeting at a social or club before we ever agree to a meeting with them, and then it is only to set and talk face to face.

 

We have found that the ones who are willing to hang around for a couple of months just chatting on the computer and/or exchanging emails, before actually meeting us are the ones who make the best third in our MFM threesomes.

 

The ones we have played with had all been in the lifestyle for a while and understood all the rules. They were all gentlemen, polite and very respectful and actually took the time to get to know us as a couple.

 

There are some good ones out there, it just takes time to find them.

 

Teresa

[martin 15]

not to get myself in deep shit again but it would seem to me that this is the perfect reason to have a married male as a playmate.he goes home to his wife and with any luck wants to bring her the next time. i would love to meet a couple who wants a no strings fun time and if they wanted to do it again great if not ok too. i have also had, back when i was single, a couple who after a first time would not leave me be . not that i didnt like them or found them a great time to be with but it got real pushy and very uncomfortable. so couples are not imune from less than acceptable behavior. but i guess that makes sense , just because your married dosent cure you of asshole tendancies.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Married males are fine so long as their wife knows what they are doing and they aren't cheating on her. Swinging is the antithesis of cheating, we aren't hear to help some married guy cheat on his wife, we can fulfil our fantasies without breaking up a marriage.

[LIZA 20]

Absolutely!

There are SO many single and attractive men who would LOVE to try swinging.......Why would a couple want a married man going behind his wife's back??

I have heard a bunch of times that the mans wife knows all about it and gives her blessings, but funny thing is I have only heard that from the man, NEVER the so-understanding wife!

If you are a married man and your wife isn't into it, you're pretty much S.O.L~

[martin 15]

you missed my point , i understand about the cheaters , obviously from my posts of the recent past. my point was only from the veiw of NOT having some single guy start chasing your wife around at work and being a general pest. once again just an inquireing mind.

[danc694u 19]

Originally posted by martin:

my point was only from the view of NOT having some single guy start chasing your wife around at work and being a general pest.

 

We had this happen just recently. Although I was concerned about it. It wasn't out of jealousy. It was more out of concern for Maggie's well being.

 

A recent meeting with friends introduced us to a nice, soon to be divorced guy. He was very well mannered. Didn't seem pushy at all. And, a really nice looking guy.

 

BUT! He called daily for about a week. Then, he made it a point to show up at Maggie's place of work for 3 straight days, and waited in the parking lot for her to get off work. Which is generally somewhere between 5 pm and 10 pm, depending on the day.

 

This in our opinion, is not the way to go about getting hooked up with a couple. It is a good way to get your ass shot off though.

 

Just my thoughts.

[TNT 1,155]

BUT! He called daily for about a week. Then, he made it a point to show up at Maggie's place of work for 3 straight days, and waited in the parking lot for her to get off work. Which is generally somewhere between 5 pm and 10 pm, depending on the day.

 

You mean to tell me that this guy is still walking around. I'm afraid that should we ever find ourselves in a similar situation, the guy might be walking around, but it would be with a definite limp.

 

A prime example why you have to be so careful when it comes to picking single men.

 

Man David, that's scary, I hope you handled it for Maggie's sake.