New and nervous

[AllenLynn32952 15]

Hello,

 

We're are new to the lifestyle. We've been married 13 years and been mostly monogamous (few soft swaps at parties,nothing big). We've been talking about stepping more into it and have decided to take a positive step forward by going to a local club. We've talked long and are agreed on our limits and rules. Our plan is to start out nice and slow (watching and being watched) with flexibility into soft play if connections happen and level of comfort fits. We're looking for advice for first timers. We've read a lot on both the do's and don'ts but would love additional advice for starting out. Mrs is the more reserved and nervous and will be setting the pace for things. We don't expect anyone to hang out with the slow couple (which we're fine with, we'd be happy to just have sex in public and enjoy the atmosphere together). But what good sage advice can you give for interacting with people? We're not against chatting and being social (would love it in fact). And there is a possibility that it could lead to something but nothing guaranteed. So how do you recognize if someone is just being social or trying to be persistent. We've read threads about predators that sometimes go after new couples and Mrs is afraid of being pressured into something that'll ruin it both for us. Also nervous about the "fine art of saying no". Is there a fool proof way without being mean or rude? If we turn someone down because we're not ready now but may be later, are we hurting any future playing? You know, mostly the same questions that are on a lot of these newbie posts.

 

Thanks

Allen

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First off, welcome to the Swingers Board!

 

It sounds like you guys are doing a great job of being on the right track with getting started! You've talked about things together, which is the most important of all, and then have a plan to just take it slow, which is also important.

 

In terms of the being social, I would just say be yourselves. You might not feel comfortable being the life of the party flitting from one group to the next, now or ever. That's really more of a personality type thing and that's not us either. But, you can introduce yourselves to those at the tables around yours, give a big smile and a Hi to those you meet while at the bar getting a drink, etc. Just do those low-level things and they probably will result in hitting it off with someone to where the conversation grows.

 

A good club shouldn't have any "predators". Anybody who has that objective or can't take no for an answer should be immediately shown the door. So, just say "sorry, not interested" if someone gets pushy and should they keep it up, then let the club know and they will take care of it.

 

Most swingers are very understanding of newness...they were there too one. So, a "sorry, but we're not ready for that yet" doesn't necessarily close the door forever with them. They know how it is, they may never see you again, or you may become regulars at the club and regular playmates eventually.

 

Good luck and hope you have a great time. Please let us know how it goes!

[Scaredstiff 129]

We've found that just being honest with other people is the best way, we tell people we're new and just edging in , they've all been there and most will be keen to help ease your nerves and worries, when you're ready and you meet that special couple that you're comfortable with everything will happen naturally , just don't set targets or goals

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Knowing that there MAY be predators is all you really need to know on this subject. Just be aware and check in with your SO and make sure that everything is going well with them is all you need to do. Otherwise, 99% of the couples are great and will obey any rules and limits that you have. Just be open with what you want and don't want. Start out with chatting and being social and most couples will understand that there is a possibility that it could lead to something but nothing is ever guaranteed. Plan on having a night of fun and whatever happens, happens...even if nothing else really happens.

[padoc 1,703]

We had only 1 bad experience with a couple we met at a club in over a decade and when it happened, we were 2 years into exploring our hobby. I missed warning signs and I've never made that mistake again. From that point on if someone gives either of us the slightest twitch, we move on no matter how hot the couple. There is always a risk, but people at swinger clubs tend to be less prevue (believe it or not) or at least more honest about their pervs.

We actually got roofied at vanilla bar one night. Mrs Doc was at the bar and I was in another room for awhile watching a game and chatting with a buddy. When I came back to the bar, she was on the dance floor. My drink was empty so I drank hers. A short time later I was totally wasted (only 2 drinks, barely enough for a buzz). She had to help me to the car and then help me into bed. I remember very little. She said she had exchanged pleasantries with a guy before going out to dance. Our best guess is that he targeted her figuring she was alone

and I tanked his plans inadvertently. The moral is: bad shit can happen anywhere