Identifying details to avoid?

[c-rel 18]

Hey, somewhat new to the forum and this is my first post! My husband (early 30s) and I (early 20s) are fairly new to swinging, though we've talked through it a lot over the years and are ready to start going to clubs this weekend. We've also made plans with a single guy we're familiar/comfortable with for a couple weeks out from now. We're definitely getting started here and very much looking forward to it all!

 

We were talking the other night about chatting with people at clubs in general, and the topic of overly-identifying info came up as we wouldn't want to be caught off guard by questions that could reveal where we work, for example. We're not sure any of this stuff would be brought up by others anyway, so I have two questions:

 

1. What's your experience at clubs/sex parties/etc as far as whether or not this stuff really even comes up in conversation?

2. Which details about yourself(ves) do you avoid giving other swingers?

 

Thanks!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

the topic of overly-identifying info came up as we wouldn't want to be caught off guard by questions that could reveal where we work, for example.

 

Thanks!

 

The best approach is to tell the truth, but not all of the truth. If you're Bob and Carol, don't pretend to be Ted and Alice. But no last names at the outset. If you work at the VA Hospital, it's enough to say that you work for Uncle Sam. If you're a nurse, it's enough to say you're a healthcare professional. And so on.

 

If it's a random hookup, that's more than you'll need. But if you find that you like a couple and want to see them again, you'll end up exchanging additional information on some level.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

If it's a random hook up, most of the time you won't get asked anything in great detail. As said above, the best plan in almost all circumstances is to tell part of the truth. This way if you later develop a FWB relationship you won't have to explain why you said you were an astronaut when you actually work in an office. We live in a small town so if asked where we live, we say around the biggest town in the area (in our case, we live in the foothills outside of Sacramento). We both work for the state government (which has a morals clause so that's all we say about that). If after time we are still seeing each other and getting more FWBity its just normal to start getting into more detail, but only once a moderate amount of trust has been built up. No matter what, saying 'I would rather not say' is still an acceptable answer in most cases.