How do I get her to do this?

[Guest Sicilianpyro]

So I am 29. She's 28. For about a year of watching the porn, expressing my willingness to allow her to explore with me watching or participating, her choice of man and everything, her position has not changed. Doesn't every woman want 2 men though?

[Judy39 145]

My biggest concern initially was that things might happen that I'm not comfortable with. So for me, and in fact for a lot of people, just going to the club with the view to watch, or to play with each other only, is the best way to start. Baby steps...

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Go to the Curious About Swinging forum and read everything, especially about improving your trust and communication. Then work on improving your trust and communication. Eventually you will both be able to share your secrets and fantasies. At that time, ask if she is interested in making some fantasies become real. If she says yes, then start with some of the simpler fantasies and work your way up. Next thing you know, you're a member of the club.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

How do you get her to do this? Simple. You don't.

 

All you can do is discuss it, and have her make her own decisions. If she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. And no, it isn't every woman's fantasy to have two men at once. Maybe someday down the road she might surprise you. But, pressuring her won't work.

 

As others have said, improve your communication. Really work on it.

[padoc 1,703]

"Doesn't every woman want 2 men though" NEWS FLASH: people in porn are actors! and most porn is someones fantasy. It's NOT real life but apparently you're watching waaaaaay to much of it.

[luvin eye full 140]

Good Advice every one - Some people have marriage boundaries that will allow this LS and some do not.

 

We simply do not know any where near enough to advise on how to move forward ( or leave it be lol )

 

I mean is she a saint directly from the pope? Has she had bad times with this before? or does she think you will think less of her?

 

There are so many questions that i think you should give a little about your dynamics and what she has actually said to you about it all.

[mcluvin73 18]

As has been said, you cannot make her do this. The more you try, the more it will strain the relationship. Y’all are pretty young and still have plenty of time to “do it”.

 

For us, it all started as dirty talk while we were having sex in various states of inebriation. And it was intensely fun. Afterwards, we couldn’t believe the crazy things we said and dismissed them as pure fantasy and booze. The more it happened the more we realized that both of us had these pervy fantasies. And we talked about them...a lot. Once we didn’t feel like they were so abnormal we talked about what would be acceptable and what wouldn’t. After many hours of discussion we were ready to take the next step together. All of the above took a solid year.

 

Moral of the story, take your time. It’s not a race. If you go too fast for either of you, it’s probably not going to end well. And also be prepared that she may never be into actually swinging. Maybe she just enjoys the fantasy. That can be fun too.