Our Journey, getting back in the saddle, and the wife is no longer bi-curious...

[pleasuredeviant 24]

Hello friends,

 

My wife surprised me last night when she shared that she was upset we weren't pursuing any opportunities in the LS as much recently. As background, I usually am the one searching, screening, initiating conversations with couples in pursuit of that elusive 4-way connection. I will admit I slowed things down after a couple of conversations sensing some insecurity and lack of desire to play with couples we were talking to, focusing on our relationship for a bit. She had also brought up a moral confliction she was having recently and I was under the impression she just didn't want to do this anymore. I learned a few things in our conversation.

 

I learned that she really has enjoyed the great experiences when we clicked with a couple and she got to experience what she really wanted... specifically 2 cocks and BDSM Dominance (separate experiences, + a single male once). She does want to continue playing in the lifestyle. She also shared that she has typically felt obligated to be 'bi' as most women are bi and it comes with the territory. It seems to me that she thinks she HAS to be willing to play with the ladies for a successful swap. She said to me very clearly, twice now, 'I do not want to lick pussy anymore'.

 

So therein lies the opportunity and the challenge...

 

The opportunity: We learned something together over the last 6 months, she is not bi-curious, or even bi-selective. She is straight (she will flirt, fondle, receive oral), she is not bi or in this for the ladies touch. Now we know and can update the profiles and set expectations up front with couples we meet.

 

Now the challenge: I read early on that 85% of women in the lifestyle are bi, and our experiences and a quick tally on SLS couple profiles certainly validate that. It seems like a gateway that opens up so many new couples to the lifestyle so that the woman can have the bi experience and it typically has been the first step towards a play session when the ladies start kissing/fondling/etc.

 

My wife is into this because she gets her pornstar fantasy, she gets to be the girl sucking on 2 cocks while riding a 3rd. She was doing the bi thing at first because she thought it would help us connect with other couples and get the ball rolling. Was she right?

 

Please share your thoughts and experiences. I would love to hear from some of the 'bi' ladies out there that can share your thoughts on playing with a straight couple. Would you consider it for the cock action alone or is it one of the requirements when connecting with couples? Would you enjoy giving oral to a woman and not receiving in kind (even though the men would gladly take that role)?

[padoc 1,703]

This hobby is a journey and it appears you two are finding your way. We've been doing this for about 15 years and have learned a few things along the way.

1st…this is about US. Mrs Doc is straight, she has no interest in licking another pussy and we've discovered that if g/g is the primary focus of another couple, we're not going to play. There are a lot of women who are situationally bi, some who are truly bi and some who don't care one way or another. Mrs Doc is just NOT interested and we expect her choice to be respected.

2nd.. we don't owe anybody anything but simple courtesy if we meet them and that, only if they turn out to be who they posted that they were.

3rd, couples who state that "the ladies will start and the guys may join in later, are presuming waaaaaay too much. We'll go with the flow often but don't dictate terms to us!

4th…..this is our hobby and is recreation for us. If something starts to look as if it's not going to be fun or Mrs Doc is uncomfortable, we're out of there with nothing more than an "I don't think so".

5th…at the end of the night, we're going home together, taking a shower and we'll either see the other people again or not depending how we BOTH feel about the encounter. This really IS about us and it should be for you too.

[pleasuredeviant 24]

This hobby is a journey and it appears you two are finding your way. We've been doing this for about 15 years and have learned a few things along the way.

1st…this is about US. Mrs Doc is straight, she has no interest in licking another pussy and we've discovered that if g/g is the primary focus of another couple, we're not going to play. There are a lot of women who are situationally bi, some who are truly bi and some who don't care one way or another. Mrs Doc is just NOT interested and we expect her choice to be respected.

2nd.. we don't owe anybody anything but simple courtesy if we meet them and that, only if they turn out to be who they posted that they were.

3rd, couples who state that "the ladies will start and the guys may join in later, are presuming waaaaaay too much. We'll go with the flow often but don't dictate terms to us!

4th…..this is our hobby and is recreation for us. If something starts to look as if it's not going to be fun or Mrs Doc is uncomfortable, we're out of there with nothing more than an "I don't think so".

5th…at the end of the night, we're going home together, taking a shower and we'll either see the other people again or not depending how we BOTH feel about the encounter. This really IS about us and it should be for you too.

 

Thank you for the reply and you are dead on with all of these. We are in a good place here regarding our needs and boundaries. It is definitely situational as you shared, and I would not be surprised to see her 'flip' into bi mode in the right situation. I think it was the expectation that she had put on herself and perhaps I might have reinforced in our profiles and engagements. We are new to the lifestyle, and the communication has been the most important key to us growing and learning more about each other and our desires.

[Judy39 145]

I am bisexual but will happily play with a straight couple. Female play is reserved for situations where there is mutual attraction and desire for female play. I really wouldn't want to force it on anybody!

[Erik13 157]

My wife is straight and the female half of the couple we play with keeps doing more and more with my wife when we all play. We told her from the get go no bi play.

Now my wife feels obligated to play with her. We're becoming really good friends with them and they're great play partners...we just don't know how to tell her to back off my wife.

[pleasuredeviant 24]

My wife is straight and the female half of the couple we play with keeps doing more and more with my wife when we all play. We told her from the get go no bi play.

Now my wife feels obligated to play with her. We're becoming really good friends with them and they're great play partners...we just don't know how to tell her to back off my wife.

 

I think if we were in your situation... wait we are in your situation... re-reading your post I just realized we are in this exact situation too.

 

Background: We met this couple, Dave & Terry, from out of town a few months ago at a club and hit it off. It was their first time at a club or swinging. We ended up in the play area where nothing was going on yet, kinda nervous nobody making a first move yet. I went to the bathroom, came back and my wife was sitting with her top down and they were each sucking on one boob. Game time! I looked around and found a semi-private room with see-through curtains around it, so it's public, but with a curtain boundary. We all migrate over, the ladies use the restroom while Dave and I get ready, review the boundaries and pull out the condoms. They come back and we start off pretty normal straight swap. Once the licking/sucking/fucking was near complete and the guys had come, my wife asks to suck our dicks together, fulfilling her two dicks at same time fantasy. While sucking us, Terry starts licking my wife, which she enjoyed and kept coming, squirting even. Afterwards my wife was elated that she got her two dick fantasy and didn't have to lick a pussy, which is what led to the OP topic. It was a great night, one of our favorite so far in this journey. We love the couple and know it's gonna be fun to see them again.

 

And wouldn't you know it, this morning, not 8 hours after our discussion, they kik'ed us this morning out of the blue asking if we wanted to play next weekend.

 

However... we have an obligation to talk to them about our new boundaries, just so expectations are not assumed. My wife did not give her oral 'that' time, but it is very clear the other woman is into the bi play by the kik convo. The other woman also wants to get the two dick experience she missed out on the first time. So we will be honest with them, in a good way. We have made plans already to see them and while I don't want to jeopardize those, we have to be honest to avoid an uncomfortable situation or missed expectation. I plan to bring it up casually via kik the positives for us from that night; both the ladies want to experience multi-cock action (check), both the men love giving ladies oral (check), and my wife loved that she did not feel obligated to provide oral to the female, did not expect it from her, but enjoyed it nonetheless and would again as along as it wasn't expected in return.

[couplers 4,654]

... I learned that she really has enjoyed the great experiences when we clicked with a couple and she got to experience what she really wanted... specifically 2 cocks and BDSM Dominance (separate experiences, + a single male once). She does want to continue playing in the lifestyle...

 

This part of your post seems to be the answer. Your wife likes multiple men, so if you're OK with that, go with it. It also seems she is alright with couples' swaps without any bi action, so look for that too. BTW, I have a lesbian side, but if a woman isn't interested in girl/girl play, I respect that. I predict, however, that ocassionally she will run into a woman who she is attracted to and will play with.