How does a woman nicely tell a man he is too big?

[njbm 2,871]

We are going to have a vanilla dinner with a couple who we like very much. We’ve played with them many times. The problem: their husband is 6’3” and very well hung. My wife is 4’10, 90 LBs., never had a baby and has post-menopausal self-lubrication difficulties.

 

You can see where this is going. She finds it uncomfortable to have intercourse with him. We like them as friends and we want to stay friends, but we are afraid we may insult them. Should we just tell it like it is? Anyone have a good spin on this?

[adamgunn 1,460]

Perhaps I don't understand completely. If the four of you have played frequently, has this issue not come up before?

 

And the solution is a tube of lube, isn't it?

[njbm 2,871]

I am sure lube was used. And my wife toughed it out. But it was not comfortable. For a male, what do you do when you get a toothy and rough bj? It’s hard to give directions,but one can try. With a big penis, he can’t shrink it.

[PeterJ 948]

I am sure lube was used. And my wife toughed it out. But it was not comfortable. For a male, what do you do when you get a toothy and rough bj? It’s hard to give directions,but one can try. With a big penis, he can’t shrink it.

 

A couple of observations. First, at a party a couple of years ago I was hanging out with a woman I’d met. We were fondling and kissing a bit while we watched another couple fuck. The woman was on her hands and knees, taking it doggie. The guy was just pounding into her and he had a really big cock — fat and long. My new friend said at past parties this fellow had approached her several times but she’d always politely turned him down. “I just couldn’t comfortably take all of that.”

 

In addition to lube generously applied, if an amply endowed guy takes it slow and is gentle, I think often his partner can without discomfort — even with pleasurably — accommodate an otherwise too large erect cock.

 

In my own marriage, my wife went through menopause more than a decade ago and doesn’t take hormones. Even with copious lube intercourse was tough, due in part I suspect to my average-length but thick cock, particularly if I’d had a quarter-tab of Viagra (which I sometime require for multiple sessions.) She found that additional foreplay and having a couple of vibrator orgasms got her sufficiently aroused that intercourse was enjoyable to the point where she would invite me to “really pound into me.” Finally, position can be important. Doggie, which had been a favorite of hers, no longer works for her. She does best with variations on missionary, including having me hoist her legs straight up by the ankles while I thrust.

[padoc 1,703]

Sucks to be him! If it's uncomfortable for my wife, he'll not get close again.

[njbm 2,871]

Would love to hear from women. I’m not sure how it feels to be rammed by a bazooka, but it cannot be good. Two of our closest friends have males with VERY large members. We want to remain friends, but I understand and support my wife’s quandary.

[asncpl 729]

I'm slightly taller than your wife, barely 5'2, and I also have some vaginal dryness issue due to the birth control I take. The pain she feels is likely the penis hitting the cervix. I usually do try to be a good sport about it, applying plenty of lube and trying different positions. It also helps to have lots of foreplay and go slow. Arousal actually makes more room inside the vagina (google "vagina tenting"). I also have no problem telling a guy that I can only take half of it and that he can't put the whole enchilada in. Half or whatever is better than not playing, and you can be creative like using a small vibrator on the part of the cock that he can't put inside. Oral sex and handjobs are also alternatives. It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing approach.

 

If you really don't want to play at all, I would be honest about it and put it in a complimentary way. I think most men would be flatter if a woman says he's huge.

[Guest]

If she’s tried it and didn’t like it, then the reason is really not relevant. She should be able to politely say no, or she could just decide to take care of him orally if other aspects of the interaction make it worth her while.

[Bluespruce1 706]

We literally just experienced this. We were with a small group and one of the guys was interested in me. As I continues to suck his cock it was clear that he was huge. When he was ready to put it in me I had to stop him. He was at least 10" and thick. I asked him to slow down and that I want sure I could take him. My husband and his wife worked on me while I continued to keep him hard. My husband got me very wet and continues to give me oral while he gently entered me. After a couple of minutes I was finally able to take him. Alot of the hung guys want to slam their cocks in you and you have to slow their roll so you can actually enjoy it.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

My wife, like some of the women in this thread, is small. We had an MFM once where the fellow was very, very well hung. It took some adjustment for her to take him. We had a wonderful afternoon spread out over a few hours, and she had sex with him for a lot of it. He started out slow, just gently putting the head of his cock in at first, and just slowly moving just a little bit in and out. Towards the later part of the afternoon, he was having sex with her doggie style, and though he wasn't pounding her per se (he had learned how much of his cock she could take, and it wasn't all of it) he was pretty vigorous for a while. With all the sex she had already had that afternoon, it was comfortable for her by that point. If he'd started out that way, I'm sure it would have been painful for her. She wasn't exactly sore after it all, but she felt very spent, like she probably just couldn't take anymore.

 

My mother (yes, my mom! one of the rare times she ever spoke of such things) once told me about a friend of hers who was very petite; under 5 feet as well. Her husband was very well hung. My mom said she'd had to consult a gynecologist about it. I've no idea what the gynecologist did for her though.

[Sophy 569]

I am only 5’2 and I have “handled” big guys (both long and/or thick) by using the aprópiate combination of: arousal, technic and lube.

[padoc 1,703]

The key is patience on the part of the guy. Before we met, Mrs Doc dated a guy who was 10 inches plus and quite thick. She said that he always took his time to make sure she was aroused and well lubricated and then he SLOWLY eased into her until she was comfortable and until she started to move and rotate her hips. Once that happened, he was able to stroke but was careful not to drive or piston fuck her. He was very considerate and good in the sack. To my good fortune, he was otherwise a nut case and she eventually booted him and his big dick to the curb. We have 2 good friend couples where the guy is big, not quite as big the first guy but BIG. Both are consistently considerate and patient. They are generally well and wetly rewarded for it.

[Bluespruce1 706]

You are exactly correct - so many hung guys have no idea how to use it. It's definitely not the size that's the problem. When you get a guy with ahuge cock to take their time, it's amazing.

[Fla-swing99 136]

If I were in your situation I could understand how uncomfortable it would be to have to tell him how you are feeling during sex with him. My husband and I are huge in believing that honesty goes a long way. You can all try sitting down together and expressing to him that it is of no fault of his that he has a very nice and large cock, but that for you it is just a bit too big and therefore is uncomfortable. If the conversation is had between all of you in a respectful and friendship way, I think the other couple will appreciate your honesty and respect how you feel. I do not feel it will put a damper on your friendship with them in the least bit.

 

I would rather someone be brutally honest with me about something rather than lie or hide something that maybe they don't like about me just to save my feelings from being hurt. It is not fair to you to not express how you feel and continue to not enjoy having sex with him just to save his feelings. Honesty and communication is the most important aspect of the lifestyle and, unfortunately, many people are afraid of telling the truth. I say have a heart to heart conversation with them and you will likely find that no one's feelings are hurt and your friendship with them remains as good as it was.

[Billygoat 443]

I’m not huge but bigger then most.  I learned a long time ago to...not rush.  Take things slow.  I love foreplay....and love giving a woman oral....as often and for as long as I’m allowed.   I also use oral not only to arouse but make her as wet as possible.  Lube when needed of coarse.  My experience is that physical size of the woman has little to do with what she can accommodate.   Mind set, comfortable setting, relaxed and turned on all help make for a better experience.  Entering slowly, a little at a time, pausing to allow her to adjust and become comfortable before introducing more.  Never just thrust or plunge all in....unless she asked or directs you to.  It is all about patience.   I have seen and been with larger women....taller and thicker build who only enjoyed average or smaller men, anything more was painful.  And small built women who can handle a rare but huge cock.   It isn’t about body size as much.  It is a lot about technique.  
 

[BIC1961 23]

I have a tilted cervix which limits me to around 8'ish inches in length.  Girth is not a problem, the bigger the better.  I love a very hard, fast and furious pounding doggy style, but anything too long will spear my cervix, which is exceptionally painful.  I can manage slow movements, but it takes a bit of body maneuvering to find the right comfortable angle.  I can take much larger at other angles, such as on my side.

 

There are a couple of males the local house parties who I limit my play with for this reason.  I've told them why and they understand.  Periodically I get an idiot male who tells me I just need a good stretching out and he can do that for me.

[couplers 4,642]

On 3/21/2020 at 8:25 PM, BIC1961 said:

...  Girth is not a problem...

Same for me, in my pussy.

 

If a guy is too long for your vagina, then do anal.  He'll appreciate it and no dick is too long for your rectum.  (That's where girth is a problem.)  Just lube up both his dick and your bum hole.