Heck of a Time Getting Started

[cavykitty 15]

Hubby and I are newbies and have yet to have our first experience. And not for lack of trying. We've perused different matching sites, craigslist, etc.

 

We found our first couple just before the new year and had planned a hotel get together for NYE. Everything was great and ready to roll as of 5PM NYE. We'd rented the room, picked up the snacks and drinks. We were supposed to meet at the hotel around 8PM. Then suddenly about an hour before we were to meet, the other couple called it all off with a weird and bogus excuse. Then we were out a lot of money for a room that never even got used.

 

We waited a bit and found another couple recently. They seemed absolutely perfect. They had experience swinging. They invited us over for a little get together at their home. The premise was that we would get to know each other and advance toward the "end goal" by the end of the night. We played pool and board games. The guy was really touchy feely, which I enjoyed, and hubby attempted to put the move on her, but she seemed resistant. As the night progressed, the other couple disappeared upstairs for a bit and when she came back she sat down, alone, and said "Okay, here's the deal. I don't want to play tonight. We are having guilt issues. I hope you understand." Of course I was understanding and respectful as was hubby. He came down after a bit and seemed upset. Then we played strip poker which ended with me being stark naked. We pretty much immediately left afterward.

 

The next morning the male of the couple insinuated that his wife had been uncomfortable and nervous. They hadn't done this in a while. I was okay with that and stated we'd enjoyed their company and would hope to get together again. Originally there had been talk about getting together again this upcoming weekend. They've gone completely silent. I did send him a message apologizing if we had made her uncomfortable for any reason or if it was felt there was a boundary crossed that she hadn't wished to cross. That we enjoyed their company and had fun and that hubby and I could see them as playmates if they still wished, or even platonic friends. Still radio silence.

 

I feel like we keep finding "duds". Or perhaps we are doing something wrong. I genuinely feel bad for making the female of the second couple uneasy or if my hubby had said or done something untoward. The male in the 2nd couple seemed seriously interested, so something had to have been wrong on her end. To note, we've played around with the ideas that perhaps she had a problem with my husbands weight, which I would understand not everyone is okay with some extra pounds. We had traded photos in advance so his weight should not have been a surprise.

 

What could we be doing wrong? Was I out of line admitting and apologizing for anything that may have or may not have happened with Couple#2? I just wish more people would be open and honest and just say "Sorry, we're just not that into you" rather than ghosting. It won't hurt our feelings and we certainly would appreciate the honesty. If it is something else, like one of us said or did something, just tell us. I'm at a loss of what to do next and about to just give it all up.

 

(Btw, we live in a smaller area where swinging isn't immensely popular so finding other couples is like searching for diamonds).

[njbm 2,872]

We are moderately experienced swingers and we have these events happen, too. It’s hard to find a four way match. Here’s an idea: try a club or resort or a cruise, if the funds and time permit. This way, you will be exposed to a multitude of couples and increase your odds of finding a good one.

 

Also, if a couple or a member of a couple is not receptive, we move forward.We move to another couple. We had a couple of situations where we gave it a second chance and it worked, but usually not.

 

Don’t give up. It’s tough to match and we’ve tried a lot. It’s (probably) not you!

 

You don’t know what problems the other couple has. The failures to launch may have nothing to do with you. My thought: their loss. Next!

[padoc 1,703]

If this was easy, everybody would be doing it. In many ways, swinging is worse than high school. Then, all you had to do was like the other person and ultimately decide how far you wanted to go in the back of a Plymouth. With swinging, you need some kind of 4-way connection and after that is established you need common ground on rules of engagement. Generally speaking, the venues are better than a Plymouth but everything else requires effort and thought and some degree of trial and error.

[Guest]

In our experiences, best opportunity for meeting with other couples is a local or “in state” couples club. Many are listed here.

[agreatguy 269]

We tried the online thing. Too much flirting without any payoff. Lots of time spent trying to connect with couples then you they ghost. Finally got to a meet and greet with one couple. Their pics weren't all that representative and they confided that they had lied about their age with made them several years, not just a couple years, older. Not that age was a hang up for us but what else were they lying about? During the emailing phase we explained we were soft swap only if we were comfortable. At the meeting now they telling us that separate room full swap is their preference and why it's a better way to go... After that we ditched the sights we were on.

 

We prefer an on-premise club. Most people are there to meet and play. You see what they look like. If they look like your type you can approach. If they are receptive you can talk a bit to see if there is a connection. If there isn't you can move on to another couple. You aren't stuck with them. We see some couples regularly at our club that are just there to watch or be watched. We know who they are and what they are there for. We still talk to them if they want to talk and we don't have any dashed expectations. The hardest part about a club, especially if you are both shy or introverts, is approaching people. On the internet it's easy. You send out a flirt and if you get a response you might have something. It's really not that much harder in person. Most people in the clubs are very receptive. A few aren't but they are stuck in the corner anyway. Just walk up and say "hi". A good opening line is for the woman to comment on the other woman's shoes, hair , dress, whatever. That usually breaks the ice.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

This is why we don't waste a bunch of time with emails and texting. We try to set up dinner or drinks (with no play planned) to see if there is any interest. You will be able to tell more in 5 minutes than an eternity of email and texting. Just to let you know, there will be couples that you are totally into but will not be that into the two of you. Don't take it personally, just move on. It happens. Finding the 'right' couple, especially if you are looking for a four way match, is hard, but it is worth it when it happens. It's a numbers game so meet when everyone seems interested and don't take if personal if after meeting one or more aren't interested. Find the next couple and start again.

[njbm 2,872]

We find a lot of people come up with colds and sore throats on the day that we are supposed to meet other on-line couples. Maybe it’s a bad flu season.

 

Looking forward to going to Caliente in April and Alaska (lifestyle cruise) in June. More people, people who are swingers who are looking to play.

[padoc 1,703]

There are plenty of clubs in Houston. If you don't want to dabble close to home, take a weekend, head up I-10 to San Antonio and spend a couple of evenings at Players. We've NEVER had a bad night there.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

We've perused different matching sites, craigslist, etc.

It started this way for my wife and I. We persisted and became successful beyond any of our initial expectations. But here is the thing. Forget Craig's List completely. Web sites like SLS, SDZ, and SDC are useful but the very best way to get started is to meet people face-to-face at meet-n-greet events and swing club parties. Do not expect instantaneous results. But once you get to know the right people, they will introduce you to other people who will introduce you to other people. Persistence pays.

[Guest]

I think a lot of swingers would tell you "Patience is a Virtue" that in this lifestyle it can take a seriously LONG TIME to find the right single / right couple for you to play with.

 

I understand my experiences are not the same as everyone's, but from my experience I have found that.

 

50% of the people you meet are "Duds" that for whatever reason they don't show up / get cold feet / become jealous / are not ready to play / have not talked enough as a couple about this subject / are not what your looking for / are time wasters / cancel plans at the last moment / make excuses / break your rules or boundaries / ECT.

 

40% of the people you meet are "Okay" and you seem to get along really well with them, you chat really well, seem attracted to each other, maybe even play once or twice, but then it fizzles out, then all of a sudden they vanish, have a change of heart, become too busy to meet, take a break from the lifestyle, that your friendship with them doesn't last long.

 

10% of people you meet are "Great" you get on really well with them and build a long lasting fun friendship that can last for many years.

 

 

I guess its just about been patient and waiting to meet one of the 10% be that a couple or single.

 

Suppose its like the old saying "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" you generally have to meet a lot of people before you find the right one, doesn't mean you have to sleep with them all.

 

Perhaps a good idea for your next meetings would be to arrange to meet a little earlier in a bar / coffee shop, then if the person / persons do arrive and are game to play that night then go and find a local hotel with rooms available. Walk in and book the hotel room, go upstairs, and have the other couple follow you up 10 minutes later.

 

However over the years I have found hotel security is becoming wise to such things, that some hotels have very strict security now, that visitors have to check in / sign in / or the hotel has rules about no guests allowed / have electronic keys to get through doors / has receptionists waiting to greet anyone who comes in. Other hotels are easy, even if your not a guest you just walk in and walk straight up the stairs without even been questioned or seen by staff.

 

Generally I spend an afternoon checking out 4 or 5 local hotels, walk in the hotel, ask staff about the prices / rooms / facilities and look around, see if your guests can actually walk in without been hassled by hotel staff. In the city I use to live in there were 3 city centre hotels where our guests could simply walk in and walk straight to our room without even seeing a hotel staff member, other hotels however our guests would have to walk straight in and be met by hotel staff / receptionists and would have electronic keys to get onto the hotel floors / CCTV everywhere / rules about no guests, ECT, ECT.

 

I learnt early on to never book a hotel before I was sure the person would turn up, and to never book a meal for a social meeting or else you can end up stuck their for 2 or 3 hours and paying for a meal with people that you don't actually like once you have met them in person.

 

I also found if you book a hotel in advance it makes the other person or couple think they don't have to contribute towards the costs.

[RogueLois&Clark 15]

AGREATGUY - Send us a PM please. We have some similarities and would like to chat. Thx