Spouse changing bi orientation/preferences?

[Guest]

I need advice on how to deal with my wife's changing views on bi-comfortableness. It seems (to me at least) that the vast amount of swinger couples are comprised of straight men and bi women, ranging from mildly curious to absolutely furious. In our case, we started out with the both of us being curious (me slightly more so), but it has evolved to the point where she will only play with toys with other ladies, and will receive breast sucking or oral, but no reciprocation. I, on the other hand, enjoy playing with the men more than I expected, though it's certainly not a deal-breaker if the other guys are straight. It's become somewhat uncomfortable for us at swingers meet-and-greets; we are finding that many couples have good chemistry with us at first, but immediately cool off when they discover that my very sexy wife is not into their equally hot bi wife. The interest on the guy's part seems to remain constant in the Mrs., but the ladies often seem to cool on me as a result. Ironically, the Mrs. is almost always good-to-go with little foreplay- she is more 'male' in that regard than me. I would have expected her to be much more into women as a result. It seems to be a somewhat of a sore subject for her every time we discuss it, and it makes it difficult to relate exactly what kind of play to expect for potential playmates.

 

It should be noted that her enjoyment over watching the guys play has not waned. However, she doesn't seem to recognize how disappointing it is that she has no bi interest, or how difficult it becomes to keep another couple's interest with no spark between the ladies. That being said, the number of couples with (openly) bi males is very small, so the situation gets even more complicated and sometimes discouraging.

 

Is there anyone else who has experienced or is experiencing this issue? If so, any insight/counsel you could provide would be greatly appreciated. Cheers!

[JandKinBoise 858]

Just getting 4 people together to have sex is difficult. Now add these stupid agenda items. I totally get where you are coming from. My wife, who I describe as a gay man, trapped in a woman's body has the same attitude about pussy. She tried it, didn't do anything for her, off the table.

Through many discussions and compromises, we came to the conclusion that if I'm bi, and she loves dick but not pussy, then why bother having another woman present? With a single bi man, we can both get what we want and not have to try to deal with the seemingly impossible task of finding a compatible couple. Is it super important that you have another woman present?

[njbm 2,877]

You have two minority positions. Most women will play bi, most men will not, from our experience. The four way match is tough. I second playing with a single bi man.

[Guest]

Thank you for those responses! It's comforting to know I'm not the only one in this position. Although I like playing with the guys, I still enjoy pussy too, and she is just as accommodating with that as she is with extra guys. She loves watching me with the ladies, but even amongst the unicorns we know, most are at least bi-curious. So it takes some coaxing on her part to encourage them, she doesn't want them thinking it's a rejection of them.

 

I also don't want to paint dear Wifey as standoffish. She gets on very well with the ladies, and is always bubbly and outgoing no matter who is there. She enjoys swinging very much, but she is more attuned now to what she likes and prefers. She gets super hot waiting me with other partners, whether men or women (as I do when watching her); I just wish we weren't 'against the grain' with most others. For us, foregoing other females is not an option, as I enjoy them just as much as guys (and I believe she enjoys it too).

[NWAtlSwing 522]

Most cpls with bi women are fine with no FF play as we have found. Especially if she does not mind the women playing a bit with her. We have found playing with bi guys for mmf is fun to do. That is how we have that play, and we get with other cpls for the other play.

[luvin eye full 140]

Lol 1st world problems hey!!!!

 

Man you have a wife that is down for what you want ( screwing other chicks as well as guys if you want ) and your take on this is you wish she was bi?

 

Your post nearly sounds like it all her fault that you carn't play bla bla.... Do you realize what you have got? Well off course you do - but you want more - or at lest that's what it sounds like.

 

I think you should stop talking about it- and just respect her way just as she does yours,

[Guest]

Luvin, you don' know anything about me, so I will assume that you simply misunderstood the intent or tone of my post. Otherwise, I would probably mistake your tone as rude and presumptuous. I am full aware of how lucky I am to have this amazing woman as my wife- a fact which I thank her for every day. I was simply trying to get perspective and perhaps vent a bit about the trifle difficulties this situation does present. And since this is a forum about "situational Swinging help", my question and perspective was full appropriate. What certainly is NOT helpful, however, is to tell someone that their are 'privileged' (as if I didn't already know that) and should just 'stop talking' about an issue that bothers someone. AS in most other areas of life, communication and discussion are the keys to continued happiness in ANY relationship, but especially in a swinging marriage- even about topic that are not always pleasant.

[luvin eye full 140]

Sorry for giving you thing thing you wanted "perspective" i guess it does not match yours. but it is A"perspective"

 

What i find in your post is that you want - that's ok we all want something in and out of this LS. my point is from your own post she has told you

"It seems to be a somewhat of a sore subject for her every time we discuss it," Because she does not want to do it any more - you know this to be true -

 

You say it's not help full to tell you to stop with this line of talk - but tell me this if your statement about your wife's reaction to talking about it is what you have posted - then why does NO not mean NO to you.

I agree talking is important - but not to the point where you end up like what you have posted is her response.

 

TX you are right that i do not know anything about you yet i can tell you from your post this - Your wife wanted to try out bi stuff - found she was not that into it and rather not do it but is happy for you to still do what you like.

 

It comes down to this - do you respect your wife enough to except her not wanting to do bi stuff any more?

 

Lastly - i am not trying to be mean even if it comes out to you that way -

[padoc 1,703]

There is a fine line between conversation and nagging. Perhaps the op has crossed it.

[Guest]

Points taken.