Finding People To Swing With

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So, you want to swing. You’ve had all the discussions and you think now you’re ready. But wait, how do we get started actually finding people to have sex with us?

 

You could always ask a close friend that you are comfortable with but this is not recommended by most. Some have had good luck with it and others have lost friends by even mentioning the fact that they are interested in exploring an alternative lifestyle.

 

The two most popular ways are placing a personal ad on one of the many different adult ad sites on the internet and attending a swinger’s club or event.

 

Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Geographic location also plays a part in which of these will work best for you.

 

The club route: If you live in an area where there are clubs available this is a very good option to start meeting people with. Clubs come in many different forms...Off-premise, On-premise, Socials and Meet & Greets...you also have house parties in the mix but they are not something I would recommend for a newbie.

 

Off-premise clubs are basically like any other night club you would attend, with the only difference being that everyone there is a swinger or is interested in becoming a swinger. They are great places for new people to check out the scene, interact with others and ask questions in a no pressure atmosphere. There is a sexually charged atmosphere, lots of dancing and talking and getting to know people. No sex occurs at an off-premise club, if you meet someone for playtime you have to leave the club and obtain a room or head out to someone’s house before play can occur.

 

On-premise clubs are the same as off-premise with the exception that sex can and does happen on-premise. Usually in rooms that are provided specifically for playing, which range from private rooms to group rooms.

 

Socials are basically like off-premise clubs, but are usually held at a hotel that has a large meeting room or ballroom, and are usually held only once a month. You will find dancing, socializing and lots of flirting going on. Sex does not occur at a Social but the advantage over an off-premise club is that you are only a walk away from a hotel room if you happen to meet someone for playtime.

 

Meet and Greets are basically just a group of swingers who get together only for the purpose of meeting face to face for dinner and conversation. Hook-ups can and do occur but it’s not the main focus of a M&G.

 

All of these have the advantage of getting to see the people you are meeting right away, there’s no waiting for pictures to be sent and no time between e-mails and/or phone calls trying to arrange a time that is convenient for all to meet. Play can and at times will occur the same night you meet someone, if everyone is in agreement. The disadvantages are that you can be overwhelmed at times with numerous people vying for your attention as well as having those you would rather not play with asking to play and then dealing with having to turn them down gracefully.

 

The ad route: Ads are a way of meeting people when you don’t live in a place where there is a club close enough to visit and/or you’re just not a club type of person.

 

By placing an ad you are able to spell out everything that you are interested in exploring. What type of people you enjoy spending time with, if you’re just looking for a one time hook-up or if you’re looking for long term play partners. When placing an ad you’re able to tell what type of experiences you have had, what type of experiences you want to have, what you like to do sexually and with whom you would like to do it with. You are also able to search ads and find people you are interested in and contacting them.

 

One of the things that you will have to deal with when placing an ad is answering the responses you get. Some will be from people you might have no interest in. You will have to write back and let them know. Another possibility is that you might wind up playing tag with those that you are interested in trying to find the time to meet. Also, you will have to deal with those who are not really serious about swinging and those that will stand you up once a date has been made.

 

No matter how you decide to meet people for sexual play, be it via the ad route or attending a club, you will only get out of it what you are willing to put into it. You must be able to put effort into your search. If you’re at a club get up and talk to people, don’t wait for them to come to you. If you have an ad out and you’re not getting the response you want, look it over and see what you can do to make it more appealing to others as well as looking for those you’re interested in and making the first move with contacting them.

 

Always remember, there is no right or wrong way to go about it. Find the way you’re comfortable with and have fun in your adventure.

[udsarge 119]

One thing to not forget, no matter what search method you choose, is to have patience. Not everyone is into sharing a partner, and not everyone that shares is a good fit for what you may be looking for. Be patient and have fun with the process.

[Dremel54 19]

Geographic location definetly stinks. We live way up in northern Maine, and it feels like we are so alone when it comes to swinging.

[njbm 2,871]

If you live in an isolated area, your best bet, if it is in your budget, is a lifestyle vacation. Hedo, Desire, Caliente, Bliss cruises. A lot of choices of people over a week.

[Dremel54 19]

Njbm, someday maybe! With kiddos, that becomes a bit impossible for now. But again, someday!

[Discreetbiguy28 15]

Any recommendations for websites to join

[njbm 2,871]

SLS and SDC are popular.

[Guest]

I would also never rule out simply "ASKING SOMEONE"

 

I mean don't get me wrong I totally agree with the original post and agree that placing on line adverts on swingers sites, or attending swinging clubs and events are all great ways to meet people, they are often the most common ways of meeting people to play with, however I have also had some fantastic experiences simply by asking people I meet in real life if they would consider a threesome / open minded friendship, in fact about 99% of the MFF threesomes I have had have all been due to me asking the right girl, the right questions.

 

I also think this subject heavily depends on the couple in question, for example.....

 

1. Some couples want to find a play partner but are simply not confident enough to attend a swingers club / don't like the idea of a swingers club / don't live near a swingers club.

 

2. Some couples want to find a play partner but do not like swingers websites / do not like getting bombarded by rude often lying single men / or the sites contain no members where they live.

 

That actually a lot of couples want to find a play partner but for whatever reason website / swingers clubs haven't worked for them, in which case simply asking someone in person can really work.

 

There is a little TRICK to this subject but firstly let me explain that personally I do NOT recommend asking people you already know, that I do not recommend asking friends / work mates / old school buddies / neighbours / people who know your other friends or family members, if your going to ask someone about swinging in person I strongly suggest it been someone you don't know.

 

Secondly let me explain that "Swinging" or having a threesome or foursome is not just something that happens in swingers clubs or swingers websites, in fact most people on this planet would "Consider" having group sex if asked in the correct way, and sure a lot of them might say "NO WAY!!" and refuse the offer, but also a good percent of them would say "YEAH SURE, WHY NOT"

 

 

SO HOW DO YOU ASK A PERSON IF THEY WILL HAVE GROUP SEX WITH YOU?

 

 

Well I have mentioned this several times in other posts but the TRICK IS to simply ask a person for a threesome, without directly asking that person to have a threesome.

 

The methods I have used especially on single women would be as follows:

 

 

Say for example that I am at a bar / club / event / meal / day out / on a train / at a party and I notice someone who is single / not seemingly attached to anyone then if I like to look of that person I will do my best to strike up and general conversation, that really I'm just a friendly guy making small talk with a stranger.

 

It doesn't really matter what you talk about, for example....

 

"Nice weather were having / have you been here long / what do you think of the music / what do you think of the food / whats your favourite music / so are you here with your partner or friends / do you live local / that's a nice jumper where did you get that / did you see the news the other day / whats your favourite drink"

 

Really it doesn't matter what you talk about as long as you can get a small conversation going and MY AIM is generally to find out if his person (man or women) is single.

 

If they are single, not currently dating anyone, and seem okay about making small talk and chatting then I move onto phase two which is where I ask them for a threesome without actually asking them for a threesome, which perhaps sounds a little strange but basically once a general conversation is flowing I will say something like.....

 

 

OPTION ONE: "Hey I know this probably sounds extremely strange, I know this is a really weird question but I could do with other peoples opinions about this subject. You see the other day one of my friends told me him and his wife had recently tried a threesome with someone and he asked me if he thought that subject was okay? Really I didn't know what to say, I guess he was looking for peoples opinions about the subject, what do YOU think about threesomes, do you think they would be good or bad?"

 

OPTION TWO: "Hey I know this is a really strange topic but the other day I watching the news on TV and they ran a story about the subject of threesomes, by all accounts they are becoming really popular now but personally I had no idea what to think and was really surprised they mentioned such a topic on the day time TV, what do you think about the threesome subject, do you think it would be good or bad?"

 

 

Now at this stage you HAVE NOT asked that person for a threesome, you HAVE NOT asked that person to consider a threesome with you, in fact all you have done is simply asked their opinion about the subject and generally you will find there are only two possible answers that person will give.

 

Negative Answer: "Eeeewwww NO WAY a threesome sounds proper disgusting, I would never have a threesome, that would be wrong, that would be bad, that would be cheating, it sounds horrible"

 

In which case you now know that person would NOT consider a threesome, their gut reaction was to say "NO WAY!!!!" so they have given you their answer.

 

Positive Answer: "Yeah the threesome subject sounds kind of cool, I think it could be fun, people are free to explore, sounds like it could be interesting, why not"

 

Then basically you already know there is a dam good chance that person will say YES to having a threesome

 

 

If for whatever reason the person becomes freaked out by you asking that question, or even offended then you can easily back out of the subject, if they become upset at you asking you can say....

 

"Hey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset or offend you I only mentioned the threesome subject because a friend asked my opinion and didn't know what to say, or because I noticed a TV program about it and was a bit confused by it all, and yeah I'm like you I think it would be bad, I think it would be disgusting, sorry for talking about a weird subject guess I was just wondering on peoples opinions that's all"

 

Then you can quickly end the conversation with that person "Anyway nice meeting you, hope you have a good night, thanks for the chat, bye"

 

However if a person does give a positive answer then (which is what you are looking for) then I usually ask them for their phone number or ask if I can please add them to face book, if they ask WHY? I simply reply by saying I'd like to speak to them more / like to get to know them more and then in the days that follow I will message them and be a lot more honest about my intentions, ask if they would consider meeting up in person to speak more about the subject, let them know I'd be interested in a safe, friendly threesome with them, that I'd like to talk about it at least, that a nice fun new friendship is better than then been single, that we could meet up and discuss it at least, that if they decide its a no then no harm done, if they decide it could be a yes they we all have something to gain, ect, ect, ect.

 

I have had some wonderful experiences with this approach, like stated most of the MFF threesomes I have had have been secured using this method, that really your main job is to simply find out if a person would be OKAY about the threesome subject, or if they are AGAINST the threesome subject. You are NOT asking that person to have a threesome, you are simply asking their opinion on a popular subject, the people who are positive about the subject will usually say yes to trying a threesome if asked correctly.

 

 

THE POWER OF SIMPLY ASKING:

 

 

To give only a few of my experiences about asking people in person I'd say:

 

1: BUS: In my younger years I was stud waiting for a bus because my transport had broken down, so standing their on a lonely Sunday evening I noticed a young blonde women sitting alone at the bus stop. I began to make small talk with her about the bad bus service, about the weather, and noticed she was from Poland so asked her about her home country. Having chatted for about 5 minutes I hit her with the threesome question and said a friend had asked my opinions about threesomes and asked what she thought? She gave a shocked answer but not a negative one, I asked for her number which she agreed to give me and I messaged her the next day.

 

I basically said the exact same as I said above, that I know this subject is weird, I know its a lot to take in, I know its a bit strange and shocking but basically that I'd like her to consider having a threesome with me and my girlfriend. That we are both very honest people, both very clean people, that we don't want to hurt her, that really I just liked her a lot and thought she sounded like a nice person, that if she is currently single like she said then maybe a new friendship with the intention of it been a threesome would be better than her been single.

 

In the end I simply asked her to meet me and discuss the subject more, to hear what I had to say to which she agreed. I met her in a local pub and finding a private area we sat in the beer garden and talked for several hours, I was polite, honest, told her about my intentions, told her about my partner, about our lives, gave her reassurance that we wasn't their to hurt anyone, that she would be safe, would be respected, that her body would be more than good enough, that I found her really attractive, that my girlfriend would be perfectly fine meeting her and knows I'm here.

 

What followed over the next week was a series of messages that went back and forth, she had questions, she had a few worries and once they was answered I was laid in bed pulling off her knickers and my girlfriends knickers as well, for the best part of a year I was sleeping with them both, we had plenty of threesomes together and some days I'd pop to her house after work and fuck her alone, then I'd head home and fuck my girlfriend as well. My girlfriend would get really turned on because she could still smell the other girls pussy on my cock, in fact my cock was still wet with the other girls pussy juice and my girlfriend would give me an epic blowjob then let me fuck her as we kissed.

 

2: PUB: This again was in my younger years before I had perfected this method, but basically me and my girlfriend was sat drinking with a girl we had met that night, it was a glorious sunny afternoon and we were all off work, we made general chat for several hours and had a few drinks, and can still remember sitting on a grassy area outside the pub when I suddenly just said "You know what I'd really like? I'd really like to take you both home now and fuck you both?" The girls froze for a second, they looked taken off guard until they both suddenly let out a little smile and said "Yeah okay then" and shortly later I was in a taxi home with my hands in both their knickers.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

The overall point is that you CAN simply ask people.

 

It is an incredible way of meeting single women for MFF threesome, which lets be honest a lot of couples are looking for.

 

Now as it stands we don't attend swingers clubs (not our scene) and I never even bother looking for a single women on the internet, in fact single women who do join swingers sites get FAR TOO MUCH ATTENTION they get messaged my every single man and hundreds of couples of a weekly basis, sure a single women on a swing site can easily rack up thousands of messages every few weeks, that for a genuine couple meeting a single women on line isn't always that easy and there are also thousands of other people wanting her attention.

 

In that case I simply go out and meet a single women in real life and ask her what she thinks about the threesome subject? That way I do find a single women to play with and she doesn't have 10'000 single men chasing her on the local swingers website. Sounds strange but sure if a girl is going to have a threesome with me then I'd much rather her be fucking me and my girlfriend and not fucking random guys every week off the swingers sites so sure asking a girl in person works for me.

 

I will say again however that I do NOT recommend asking people you know / asking people that know your other friends / work mates / or family members, instead ask a stranger, ask someone you don't know.

 

Ask their OPINION about the threesome subject.

 

If they give a negative answer - Then you already know there is no point asking them to join you.

 

If they become offended - Simply back out of the question and find someone else to speak with.

 

If they give a positive answer - Then chances are you will be having a threesome with them soon.

 

For me its simply about finding people who give a positive answer about the subject of swinging so sure I never rule out asking someone in person.