Do you play with singles who play together as a couple?

[njbm 2,868]

We are a married couple. We like to play with couples who are married or committed to each other. We find that they have a long term interest in their partner’s happiness.

 

We’ve met “couples” who are only a couple for the purpose of swinging. We have had limited success with them. We find that the man is gung ho and the woman is blasé/disinterested in a few of our meetings. No offense to “couples” in this arrangement. We just find it hard to connect with couples with this arrangement.

[Judy39 145]

I don't think you're alone in thinking that.

 

I personally try not to overemphasize any one criteria (unless it's a definite deal breaker) but in isolation, yes, a committed couple is usually more predictable, more transparent and more in tune with each other's feelings.

 

At the end of the day though, if they're hot, that's all that matters!

[Numex 2,409]

There's one guy my wife likes as a FB who has been in a couple of relationships during that time. It's both better and worse than a married couple. Obviously they like playing and both know it, but are still trying to figure out the other aspects of their relationship. One girl, first time I met her we pretty much just sat naked and talked about it all - what it was like being married to a woman who was still fucking a guy she knew before, when I participated, etc. We didn't even fuck that time, just oral both.

[padoc 1,703]

I agree with the OP. Committed or married couples have a vested interest in each other and in their shared experiences. FBC (fuck buddy couples) generally do not. They are essentially 2 singles using each other as a ticket to a club, event or couple. We tend to avoid FBC as a matter of comfort and trust.

[njbm 2,868]

I often wonder if the partners in the FBCs have sex with each other. I guess it varies.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Yes, we do.

 

A decision to play or not to play with two singles presenting themselves as a couple is based upon the same criteria as a decision to play with a single.

[adamgunn 1,460]

We were friends at one time with a couple who was not married. She was married to a gentleman with a disability, I'm not sure whether he knew and approved or not. He was cheating.

 

They met us at our swing club, then later we went on several dates with them. We all had a blast.

 

I think the key for us is that they were upfront with us about their relationship, and were quite mature about it. So . . .

[njbm 2,868]

We would not knowingly play with cheaters. As a semi-retired lawyer, I do not want to attend a potential deposition about my sexploits with a wayward spouse. There are enough couples who are married to each other or divorced and dating. We don’t want to play with people cheating, although you would not always know.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We prefer to be able to trust the couples that we play with and avoid as much drama as possible. Cheaters lack that trust and all too often are a promise of eventual drama...

[lizard-lix 32]

Not all married singles are cheaters...

 

My wife gave me a hall pass several years ago. I'd never cheat on her! I don't lie to her either. She is not very interested in sex and after a lot of discussion and work at it, she decided to let me out to play. It took a bit of additional work, but we are good and with it and happily together for life. She doesn't like sailing in heavy weather either, I have sailing buddies for that too. I HATE gardening, she has friends for that :-). We accept that one person can't be someone else's everything (kinda the point here, eh? There wouldn't be any swinging if we were all totally content with our partners).

 

My FB and I have had a good FB thing going for over a year. We are friends and respect each other, but we are not in love, never will be and simply enjoy fucking each other's brains out when we can.

 

We've been planning to look for some swing time and I can assure you that if we made your cut in the other ways, our unmarried status would not be an issue.

 

My point is that while some FB couples may be a risk, not all would be.

[PeterJ 940]

Not all married singles are cheaters...My wife gave me a hall pass several years ago. I'd never cheat on her! I don't lie to her either. My point is that while some FB couples may be a risk, not all would be.

 

This is similar to my situation. While my wife identifies as bi, and has a healthy libido for a post-menopausal woman, she is only interested in having sex with someone with whom she has a deep emotional commitment. And then only one involvement at a time. I connect with her on that level. She is my most desired sexual partner as well as life partner. We knew each other as social friends for 16 years before we became sexually and romantically involved and have been together for more three decades now and married for 28 of those years.

 

But in addition to that commitment that mirrors hers to me, I enjoy sex as a form of recreation and expression of friendship. (Most of my close female friends are women with whom I have a sexual history.) My wife generously permits me to pursue my wider sexual interests, but with some reasonable restrictions that I am happy to abide. No single girlfriends; I should play with couples, or women who are coupled and their male partners are present. (Single women are okay at parties.) My outside sexual play shouldn’t dominate my calendar — every couple of months is good. Every week would be too much. Always let he know when I’m going to be playing. And I should take appropriate steps to minimize the chances of contracting an STD and to stay healthy.

 

For the first ten years or so of this arrangement, my wife didn’t want to hear any specifics and not much in generalities. But the past few years when we are having sex and she’s really aroused, she seems to enjoy hearing about things I’ve done with others or seen at parties. As much as I would like it if she chose to join me in my extra-marital sexual adventures — a fact of which she is well aware — I think at this point in her life her sexual course is pretty much set.

[lizard-lix 32]

PeterJ, my situation is very similar.. I'm kinky, which she has no interest in, and I'm bi, so she seems to prefer when I am with guys, but has not excluded women. She is still at the no details stage, but if I am specifically going to meet someone, she ends up asking. I try to set my meetups for when I am already traveling for work, so that way she doesn't have to sit home knowing I am out having sex. Luckily my play partner is a work associate and we get to travel together every few months.

 

My wife is a retired NP/PA, so the no STI rule is the biggest item (she did STI counseling for adolescents, so it can be daunting to deal with her concerns, I've spent a lot getting regularly tested and asking the same of my partners).

 

Like you, I think my wife's sexual course is pretty well set, we have our loving simple sex when she wants it, and I enjoy my pursuits with friends now and then.

 

But back to the original topic, my playpal and I would be a great couple to play with as swingers. Totally drama free and we are about as open to anything as it gets.

[Guest]

I'd prefer not to.

 

We get a fair few requests from men who say they have a female fuck buddy / female friend who can join.

 

In our eyes it just increases the risk of STDS.

 

If the man is single and sleeping around, if the women is single and sleeping around then they will be seeing more partners than your average married couple.

[canucmeg 16]

Yes, as long as neither are married and cheating. We get hit by singles all the time and out pat answer is: Sorry we do not play with singles, male or female, but if you find a play partner contact us! And we never hear from them again!

[ConfusedHubby 118]

We used to be put off by this, but it doesn't really bother us anymore.  One of our favorite "couples" is a committed LS couple where the woman is married to someone else (also in the LS, though they rarely swing together) and a committed male who is essentially her full time boyfriend that she hangs with regularly and also swings with.