New

[bb312sb 15]

My wife and I are very new to this scene , so new in fact that we have do nothing as of yet. We have been intimately playful with another couple that are friends of ours and we were thinking of how to get it to the next level. By playful I mean very playful " my wife and other lady kissing , fingering , etc. , as well as each of us has seen each couple having sex" nothing has crossed between anyone except foreplay by the females , except a few body shots and light touching. Any advice out there??

[bb312sb 15]

Any advice would be helpful, usually spending most weekends with this other couple and sexual tension is ever increasing.

[Judy39 145]

Why don't you all go to a club together?

[bb312sb 15]

Typically we all hang out around home together and have drinks and such , not really many clubs near by.

[PeterJ 960]

As numerous members of this board have noted in comments on similar threads, sexual play with existing friends can easily become a fraught situation. But you have already crossed that bridge. People have different opinions about this, but to me on the continuum of sexual activities, if you’ve gotten to the point where the women are being fingered, and you have watched each other fuck, you are right up close to oral and intercourse with each other’s partners.

 

If this is something that’s happened on several occasions (as opposed to once or twice when — you do mention doing body shots — all of your are drunk) you and your wife should have a conversation between the two of you as to where you’d like this to go. And then assuming you are both on the same page, and you’d like to take it further, then I think you should tell your friends the two of you have discussed what’s been going on among the four of you and that you’ll like them to take a few days to discuss the situation and how they would like to proceed (assuming they dont’ come directly back to you with the news that they’ve been talking about too and are prepared for the four of you to talk.

 

However things transpire in the short term, be prepared for your friendship with this couple to change. You may wind up in some sort of poly situation, or just that at least for a while there will be a FWB component to your friendship. (And that the arrow of time will likely dictate that when the FWB component goes away, it will take the rest of the friendship with it.)

[padoc 1,704]

What Peter just said! Let us know how it turns out!

[Guest]

I'm sure you already know this but generally its not a great idea to play with friends or people you know, and by people you know I mean:

 

Friends / work mates / people who know your other friends / people who know your family / people who attend the same hobby hangouts, ECT.

 

YES some swingers do choose to play with their friends or people they know and for a small percentage (maybe 10% of people) that works out wonderfully sadly for the other 90% of people who decide to play with people they know it backfires in their faces and can cause an extreme amount of damage to their lives / relationship.

 

Putting it simply when playing with people you know or call friends there is too much that can go wrong, not only do people have a habit of talking and letting secrets out of the bag but it will change that friendship forever. When I was very young in this lifestyle (over 25 years ago now) I decided playing with friends would be the safest / easy option and out of the two friends we played with it totally destroyed one of the friendships and heavily damaged the other, not to mention caused our life a lot of upset.

 

Playing with people you know can quickly become a mine field, they could.....

 

- Easily tell other people, this means they can easily broadcast your sexual exploits to your other friends / other work mates / family / neighbours / random strangers / ex partners. That alone can have a devastating effect on your lives and relationship together, that suddenly friends you have known for years find out your having group sex with people and suddenly those friends now class you as a pervert, they become scared of you. Your friends suddenly begin to think "I better stay away from them or else they might ask me for a threesome" or "I better stay away from them or they might ask my wife or my husband to join their sex group" and remember how quickly secrets spread, your friends tells 1 person, then that person goes and tells another 2 or 3 people and within a week every friend you have knows.

 

- Take liberties, The other thing I noticed about playing with friends is they can often take liberties, for example they turn up whenever they want, assume they can have sex with your partner alone, assume you will do anything they wish whenever they please, that they can contact your partner alone whenever they wish. That basically they can do whatever they like.

 

 

Playing with friends / people you know / people who know your other friends or family can have some terrible results, yes like stated sometimes it can work but most of the time it backfires and destroys the friendship or causes even more damage than that.

 

My advice is always to meet someone new, someone who does not know about your life, someone who does not know your other friends, someone who does not know your family members, work patterns, work mates, and basically make a new friendship with that person. Keep your normal everyday life away from your private play life

[TnA83 314]

My wife and I are very new to this scene , so new in fact that we have do nothing as of yet. We have been intimately playful with another couple that are friends of ours and we were thinking of how to get it to the next level. By playful I mean very playful " my wife and other lady kissing , fingering , etc. , as well as each of us has seen each couple having sex" nothing has crossed between anyone except foreplay by the females , except a few body shots and light touching. Any advice out there??

 

You say that you have done nothing, but I would suggest that having watched each other have sex you are by definition soft swingers already and the girls have played together by fingering, you are one step above that. Some folks keep moving from there and some never progress beyond that. I wouldn't say never play with friends, but go with your eyes wide OPEN and heed what the others have said above.

[MarniJohn 172]

I agree with the above posters. Playing with friends is not something most of us would consider. I do know a couple who played with friends (originally vanilla friends). They had a falling out and one couple told their children that they had heard the other couple swings. It was a mess.

[findinganswers 369]

We must be in the 10%. We started playing with friends about 2 years ago. My wife and the other wife had been great friends forever. I am not sure how long my wife knew her friend and her second husband had been swingers. Somehow they told her how exciting it is and she told me. I was very skeptical for a bunch of reasons including why my wife wanted to and why with friends. People on here said don’t do it with friends. The thought of being with a woman who is our closest friend through so much of our lives also was exciting but letting another man be with my wife was terrifying. My wife never showed an interest in being with a woman and then the curiosity began. After our first time with them most of my doubts went away. Over time I think we made a great choice.

[PeterJ 960]

We must be in the 10%. We started playing with friends about 2 years ago. My wife and the other wife had been great friends forever. I am not sure how long my wife knew her friend and her second husband had been swingers. Somehow they told her how exciting it is and she told me. I was very skeptical for a bunch of reasons including why my wife wanted to and why with friends. People on here said don’t do it with friends. The thought of being with a woman who is our closest friend through so much of our lives also was exciting but letting another man be with my wife was terrifying. My wife never showed an interest in being with a woman and then the curiosity began. After our first time with them most of my doubts went away. Over time I think we made a great choice.

 

I’m pleased to hear this has worked out well for you and your wife and your friends as well. Two years is a significant amount of time, and that bodes well. I hope in a few more years you will be able to report that everything remains copacetic among the four of you.

[findinganswers 369]

I’m pleased to hear this has worked out well for you and your wife and your friends as well. Two years is a significant amount of time, and that bodes well. I hope in a few more years you will be able to report that everything remains copacetic among the four of you.

 

Since our first time with our friends we have met others who have become friends. I can’t imagine we would ever even thought of doing this with strangers back then. We never discussed swinging before. I won’t say my wife never thought of it, I certainly didn’t. I think my wife was more comfortable because it was her closest friend. As strange as it was, we made it a fun experience. In the beginning we played with them almost every time we saw them. They introduced us to others. We had parties. The wives played alone and we even played as a 3 some. We are still great friends. We do very normal friend thins together. Our world isn’t sex based.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We are also strongly on the 'don't play with friends' here. As pointed out, it can easily become common knowledge among all of your friends/family/work if things ever do go south (and they more often then not do).

 

HOWEVER, that being said, if you want to keep going down this road, crossing the next line is, in some ways, very easy (and very hard in others). The secret is for everyone to just TALK about it. If your friendship isn't strong enough to be able to have this talk, then you really shouldn't be going there. If nothing else, the women could talk (since they usually control what is happening anyways). Take things slow, but everyone should be communicating and (when the situation arises) asking for permission. NEVER assume that it's okay to touch (even after touching may have occurred in the past) unless it has been discussed and approved (example: everyone agrees that the men can touch both women above the waist or whatever). Because something happens once, until approved by the group, permission should be asked for it to happen again. Also, a rule that we have that has worked VERY WELL for us is that the women can communicate (phone/email/text), the men can communicate, and the group (all four) can communicate, but not a man and the other woman. This keeps secrets and jealousy much more in check (and helps the women feel safer). The women need to feel safe and secure for these things to work.

 

Let us know how things proceed and we wish you both luck.