Playing with neighbors

[2NoLimit 95]

We were approached by a couple online that lives in the same small gated community as we do (can’t say for sure if we have seen them in the past). It feels kinda awkward and we don’t really know how to approach this.

The couple looks nice and around our age. We understand that most try to keep friends out of it, but what about neighbors?

 

We just feel like we need to tread lightly on this one.

[2NoLimit 95]

We think they know that we live in the same community as they pointed out the name and mentioned neighbors (perhaps from one of the pictures). We agree that we are probably overthinking this...Still feels awkward. They know what we look like, and we know what they look like as well. The unsettling feeling is if you meet a couple and don’t like them you can always move on without ever thinking you would see them again, not in this situation (association meeting, etc...) Regardless of whether we play or not, the LS is something that’s not widely accepted, and some couples are very open about it, we are not (Job, kids, family, etc..) so that is what we mean by tread lightly. Also, we are no longer in the position to just ignore them. We will be setting up a meeting, but was looking for couples that have had the experience with something like this, for all we know they can become FWB that are real close, so we do see the positive in this.

[Guest]

Personally I'd avoid this situation, sure having play partners who live close (in the same city) is a good thing but having play partners who live on the next street over could be very problematic, that perhaps its too close for comfort.

 

Like alexandsandra said there are 50 things that could go wrong, not only the neighbourhood finding out, not only a fall out with this other couple that makes living there hard, not only the chances of them been a bad or pushy match, but also I'd very concerned that if you got to know this couple then there is a good chance they would be knocking on your door without been invited.

 

In years past a few of the couples we played with would have a foursome with us, would meet us as a couple, would begin a very mild friendship, then behind the scenes would be asking my girlfriend to meet them alone. I'm NOT saying all couples are like that, but I do find that sometimes the male half of the couple simply wants to sleep with other women so he agrees to play with a couple, then tries to get that new women to meet alone, to sneak around behind her partners back.

 

I did mention this in another post somewhere but years ago one of the single guys we played with actually stalked my girlfriend, he would hide in the woods / bushes over the road from house and wait until I left for work, then once my girlfriend was in the house alone he would come knocking on the door asking her to let him in the house.

 

My own parents are a great example of this, they live in a small community and their neighbours often knock on the door and say things like.....

 

"I was going to come around earlier but I noticed your windows were closed and when your in the house you always have your windows open"

 

"I was going to come round early but your living room curtains were shut and when your in the house you always have your living room curtains open"

 

"Where have you been today I noticed you left in your car at 7am in this morning"

 

The people in my parents community have got use to their habits just by the fact windows are closed / curtains are shut / the car is not there.

 

Its actually easy for people who live close to figure out your routine, to figure out what time the husband leaves for work, what time the husband gets back from work, what days your off work.

 

My house is also a good example, about 50% of the time I put my bins out for the bin men to collect and one of my neighbours has then opened my gate and brought the bin back into our private garden so I come home from work and someone has been in my garden.

 

I think a lot of the time neighbours notice a lot more than we think, they notice what days you have visitors / notice what time you leave for work / notice what days you go shopping / notice the car you drive / they can easily figure out your routine and personally I always try and avoid that. I don't want people I swing with knowing too much about our routine, from past experience when they figure out too much they end up asking my girlfriend to meet them alone when I'm out at work ect.

 

 

One thing that did JUMP OUT AT ME is the fact you said they recognised your pictures, that they figured out you live close just by looking at your pictures, that alone is a big mistake, never send anyone pictures that shows your house / street / road / in fact on pictures we send I edit out any distinguishing marks, tattoos are edited out / faces are cropped off naked pictures / the background is just a plain wall no family photos hung on the walls.

 

I never send naked pictures with faces on, never send pictures of me posing with friends or family, never show my house or local area.

 

Maybe I'm wrong and you could build a great friendship with this couple but personally I'd avoid the situation.

[ViSexual 1,008]

We had adventures with five couples. Three were friends before we knew that they were into swinging, or they knew that we were. We remained friends even after we stopped swinging. The 'swinging' was simply something we shared with them and we all enjoyed. Honestly, being friends or neighbors just gives you something more in common than only the sexual attraction and enjoyment.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

We received, a few years ago, an SLS invitation from people who live only one street down. We answered and have never regretted. We would do the same again.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I don't think I'd have much problem playing with people who lived in our neighborhood **IF** we hadn't known them well before and they seemed to have a need to be discrete.

[findinganswers 369]

I don’t understand the fear. It’s a plus if they live near. You can play without the problems of traveling and getting a room. You want to play and they want to play. If you click go enjoy.

[2NoLimit 95]

We have never met them nor do we recall seeing them before. If we had an empty nest, then it would be a thrill to try and have some FWB in our community.

 

The picture that we think might have hinted was one in the community pool (not our house).

We agree in trying to avoid this situation as Sun&Moon suggested, but now we don’t want to seem rude, and think it could get even more awkward to just ignore a neighbor. As mentioned, we will set a meeting and will just be honest and mention that we would not feel comfortable in playing with neighbors (If it got that far), but it’s nice to see open minded couples in our community. We think the risk outweighs benefits.

 

Thank you all for your advice.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Okay, 2No, I see your point. Let's create another scenario. You now know this couple is in the LifeStyle, you consider a thing with them and decide you want to be careful. Cool.

 

But then, you attend a party, they're there, there's sparks going. Would you play with them at the party?

 

Not trying to prove a point, just want to know what you think.

[2NoLimit 95]

Okay, 2No, I see your point. Let's create another scenario. You now know this couple is in the LifeStyle, you consider a thing with them and decide you want to be careful. Cool.

 

But then, you attend a party, they're there, there's sparks going. Would you play with them at the party?

 

Not trying to prove a point, just want to know what you think.

 

That’s like couples that create the no kissing rule, in the heat of the moment...well it’s probably going to eventually break, or they may change the rule.

 

Can’t say what would happen in that circumstance, is it possible, yes! Never say never, but we are not looking for it, and we would have to discuss it within ourselves like any other rule.

[DaddyzGurl 31]

We think they know that we live in the same community as they pointed out the name and mentioned neighbors (perhaps from one of the pictures). We agree that we are probably overthinking this...Still feels awkward. They know what we look like, and we know what they look like as well. The unsettling feeling is if you meet a couple and don’t like them you can always move on without ever thinking you would see them again, not in this situation (association meeting, etc...) Regardless of whether we play or not, the LS is something that’s not widely accepted, and some couples are very open about it, we are not (Job, kids, family, etc..) so that is what we mean by tread lightly. Also, we are no longer in the position to just ignore them. We will be setting up a meeting, but was looking for couples that have had the experience with something like this, for all we know they can become FWB that are real close, so we do see the positive in this.

 

I feel like they fact that you can't just play & break without knowing if there'd be any drama or anything as a repercussion is reason enough to not entertain the idea of playing with them. One of the best parts of our lifestyle is being able to "break free" (what I call it) from your play partners when things get uncomfortable so why put yourselves in that predicament? There's plenty more where they came from lol.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

It would be wise to consider having a sexual relationship with someone you see everyday in a non sexual way like a coworker or next door neighbor. It's convenient and can be fun unless the non sexual issues interfere.

[jnrswinger 62]

Seems to me that since you both know who you are and live in the same gated community, then you are going to have to deal with it at some point when you eventually run into each other anyway. So you need to deal with the elephant in the room as soon as possible, otherwise it could be a total embarrassing disaster. Sounds like you like the look of them, so set up a meet-n-greet with no expectations and discuss it openly. Tell them your concerns - a big on apparently being you need discretion. Talk about how you will deal with vanilla situations and if you stop swinging with them. Discuss any potential situations like swinging solo with one or both, etc. Then I would say if you like them and they seem to be OK people, go for it. Having swinger friends close by could have huge advantages. It certainly makes a lot of nice situations much easier like say some spontaneous fun or trading spouses for the night at your separate homes, etc. Plus it's much easier to introduce other swinger friends to each other - or even look for new swingers together which could be a lot of fun.

 

If you definitely don't want to swing with them, then just politely tell them thanks but no thanks, you prefer not to swing in your own neighbor hood. They will respect that and the fact that you had the respect for them to meet and tell them face to face. You never know, you might end up with some great new vanilla friends.