Playing With Friends

[adamgunn 1,460]

I know, I know, this topic has been beat to a pulp. Many experienced swingers, I among them, have consistently said, “Don’t do it. Way too much could go wrong, the friendship could be lost, you might get talked about and outed.” Well, is that true?

 

Let’s suppose you’re with a couple you’ve known forever, and things turn sexy. Three things could happen.

 

One - You take our advice, you don’t play. Probably, you’ll wake up in the morning and say, “damn, that would have been fun.” But the next time you see them you won’t feel too bad about it, everyone will go back to being their vanilla selves, you’ll have a question in your mind along the lines of ‘what if’, but everything will be okay.

 

Two - You ignore our advice, you play, have a great time. The next day everybody says, “my god that was wonderful!” The next time you see them, you can’t wait for everyone to take their clothes off. And in social situations, no one says anything, no one feels the other spouse up, you all play it cool. After some period of time you guys drift apart sexually but the friendship and some great memories remain.

 

Three - You ignore our advice, maybe even have a great time when you’re all going at it. But the next morning somebody says, “gee, I really wish we hadn’t done that.” The next time you see them, somebody cringes, the others think ‘what went wrong?’ In social situations, things are strained. Probably you guys will drift apart as friends.

Alternatively, somehow it slips out that the four of you are involved. Your other friends think ‘WTF?’, start avoiding you, when the sex stops being great you drift apart with that couple and everyone else is treating you like you’re jerks.

 

In the 'do you play or not' situation you’re facing at that particular moment in time, I can’t begin to make a prediction about which outcome is most likely. There’s way too many variables. If you make the choice to play, well I hope you considered what the outcome might be. And, by the way, if anyone is drunk at the moment the chances of Alternative Three happening go way up.

 

One more thing. If the friend you and your SO are thinking about is a single male, I can almost guarantee a bad outcome. Single men who are young and/or drunks are complete assholes. I’m sure there are multiple studies that can prove that!

 

Good luck

[findinganswers 369]

As you know, because you have read my posts, we have played with our good friends for a few years. Maybe we are fortunate, everything is going well for us. Don't know what the future holds in any part of any relationship or in life in general. The sex with our friends remains exciting. Our friendship has stayed intact.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Finding answers, I congratulate you on your good fortune. As I said, it is possible to have a sexual relationship with previously vanilla friends. I simply don't know what the likelihood of it working out for any individual couple and situation is.

[mphil17 35]

I know, I know, this topic has been beat to a pulp. Many experienced swingers, I among them, have consistently said, “Don’t do it. Way too much could go wrong, the friendship could be lost, you might get talked about and outed.” Well, is that true?

 

I don’t think anybody realizes that swingers get outed to the vanilla world and this is one way it happens. Two podcasts I have listened to were outed to the vanilla world.

 

When swinging goes wrong it can have far reaching consequences.

[PeterJ 940]

Let’s suppose you’re with a couple you’ve known forever, and things turn sexy. Three things could happen.

 

Yes, those are three variations in a broad spectrum of the scenarios that could play out. There are many others.

 

Early in my own life such an incident provided my first experience of sex with more another couple while in the company of my wife. A few glasses of wine were involved, but no one was past being able to consent. My wife kinda kicked it off. The sex was soft — nude close dancing, deep kissing, heavy petting with orgasms, ejactulations — everything but oral or penis in vagina.

 

None of the three post-play scenarios Adamgunn described occurred. My wife and I later spoke with the wife in the other couple about whether she would be interested in being involved with us on an ongoing basis, but she already had an outside relationship. And that was it, we went on with our friendship with the other couple just as we had before. The long-term result was that I had become aware that I enjoyed sexual play with others in the presence of my partner and her’s. And my then wife that she preferred sex with one other person at a time.

 

Oh, and dozen years later, long after we’d both split from our first spouses, the other woman and I began dating. We’ve now been married almost 30 years. She’s bi but monogamous with me. With her knowledge I play with couples and groups. She doesn’t, but over the years has become comfortable with my sexuality.

 

I agree with Adamgunn’s point that initiating sexual play with other couples can have untoward consequences. But then many of the most enjoyable and satisfying things in life carry with them some level of risk. There are sports and leisure activities that involve a small but non-negligible probability of injury or death, including mountaineering, horseback riding, parachuting, cycling, skiing, spelunking, sailplane soaring, motorcycle riding and auto racing. I spent 15 years involved in one such activity. And for sure I’ve seen people pay a price (and sometimes the ultimate price) for engaging in these activities. A disabling injury or death isn’t suffered just by the victim, but by his or her family and friends. And those effects can persist for decades, as life-defining events.

 

I have been deeply saddened when this occurs to someone who clearly understood the nature and degree of risk he or she was assuming in engaging in the activity. But I’ve also seen cases where people get hurt or killed and I have reason to believe they didn’t grasp either the nature or level of risk. I am still saddened, but there’s also a part of me that wants to quote the title of Mario Puzo’s novel “Fools Die.” It’s really important to weight an accurate assessment of risk with the value given to the enjoyment of being engaged in the activity.

 

The above applies in a general sense to swinging. Unless your play is restricted to close-mouth kissing and handjobs, there’s some level of risk for STIs. In reading posts and comments on this board (and ignoring ones that seem to me clearly to be fantasies) over the course of several years it’s clear to me that in terms of specific sexual acts, there’s a pretty wide range of risks that people are willing to take. Few engage in intercourse with strangers without condoms, but a number will engage in it with long-time and trusted partners. Most find the risk/reward tradeoff of unprotected oral sex to be worth assuming, probably given how unsatisfying most people find oral with condoms and/or dental dams.

 

The same principles apply, in my opinion, to the selection of play partners. Or even the decision on the part of a couple to take what may be great fantasy to social and physical reality. On this board we don’t tend to hear so often from the people for whom an experiment turned into a disaster. For myself, I recall a couple I played with in a threesome more than three decades ago. There were some problems already in the marriage (yeah, big red light) and while all of us had a great time that night, it was a factor in the near dissolution of their marriage. (They survived as a couple and last weekend, 36 years later, I was in the town where they lived and we got together for coffee.)

 

Adamgunn is wise to point out some of the specific risks associated with playing with vanilla friends or even of approaching them. For some couples it’s going to work out and for some it will not. And some will end with serious negative consequences. In my opinion it’s okay to do it, but you’d best do it with your eyes open and not with your “eyes wide shut.”

[Guest]

It does seem there are divided opinions about this subject, the main three areas seem to be:

 

1: Positive: Some people play with friends and it works out really well.

2: Neutral: Some people play with friends and its okay but fizzles out rather quick and distances or even ends that friendship.

3: Negative: Some people play with friends and it leads into TOTAL DISASTER.

 

Personally I'd NEVER play with someone I already call a friend, I tried that a few times many years ago and both times it rolled out into disaster.

 

I'd say the main problems I have with playing with friends would be:

 

1: Talkers: Generally I find that once you give someone a secret then a lot of the time that person goes a tells other people, we all know how it works, you tell someone a secret in confidence and that person goes and tells someone else in confidence, that person then goes and tells another 2 people in confidence and before you know it everyone knows. Taking into account this person is a "Friend" then more than likely they know your other friends / know some of your family members / maybe know some of your work mates and before long the private little play time can become common knowledge.

 

2: Boundaries & Rules: From my experience years ago playing with 2 different friends I generally found that because they are "Friends" they kind of think your rules as a couple don't really apply to them, that they take liberties that a stranger perhaps wouldn't.

 

3: Fall Outs: If you do fall out with that friend, if you do have a severe disagreement, if someone they become offended, then sadly they have an awful lot of ammunition to throw around, that one moment they are your best mate and the next moment they are calling you a pervert / sexual deviant / gang banger / in fact people can be devious and may even send emails to your work / family / friends.

 

4: Sexual Expectations: One thing I did learn from the friends I played with years ago is often your imagination or day dreams about that person / about what playing with them would be like don't always add up to reality. That you might imagine your friend is a clean person, but then when you get in bed with them you kind of find out they aren't that clean, that you imagine your friend will be okay in bed but then find out they are into totally different things from you or are a prude. I mean name your poison, if its a guy maybe he can not even get it up / maybe his dick is super small / maybe he has genital warts. If such things happened with a stranger you could refuse to play with them, never meet them again, but it does become harder if that person is a friend, what are you going to say to your friend, we don't want to play with you because you smell bad, don't look after your genitals, have weird desires.

 

 

For me the consequences are also a massive part.....

 

 

If you meet a stranger and start a new friendship then you can decide what information you tell that person, this stranger doesn't know where you work, doesn't know where you hang out, doesn't know your family or other friends, the stranger has limited information about you. On the other hand most "Friends" do know where we work, do know our friends, family, personal details and sadly if things go wrong all of that can have awful consequences.

 

I mean if you do fall out with this "Friend" or they somehow become upset with you and start telling people then imagine your boss at work finding out your a swinger, that your work place gets a email describing you a sexual deviant and giving links to your profiles. If you have children imagine that information getting to your children's school. Imagine your family been told about your exploits.

 

I think friends are in the best position to do most damage if things go wrong.

[adamgunn 1,460]

PeterJ, thanks for the post. I would say that your initial scenario plays into my scenario 1 - you guys thought about it, didn’t play. I had to be very generalized, there’s a thousand (or more) individual differences. I’m glad it worked out for you in the end.

 

Sun, the comment you made was so great! “One thing I did learn from the friends I played with years ago is often your imagination or day dreams about that person / about what playing with them would be like don't always add up to reality.” I think so many people come into this thinking that their particular daydream is going to be fantastic, and then they hit the reality and say, “Huh? I didn’t think it’d be like that!”

And that goes for so much in life, from things you do as a kid to jobs, and kids, and well, just everything. Who said life, or the LifeStyle, was going to be perfect?

[Guest]

Thanks adamgunn.

 

Years ago when I played with several "Friends" our day dreams or expectations certainly wasn't met, in fact it caused us massive problems which I'm happy to explain to give people some examples of how playing with friends can go wrong.

 

1: Stalker: In my late teens / early 20's me and my girlfriend at the time were just getting into swinging and wanted to try MFM / MMF threesomes but was very nervous about meeting a total stranger so we decided maybe playing with a close male friend would be better. We decided to speak with one of our best male friends, a single guy that we had known for over 10 years, in fact at the time he was a very close friend of mine and we would hang out together at least 4 or 5 times a week, sometimes more.

 

The scenario in our head seemed perfect, I mean he was at my house virtually everyday where we would play computer games / board games / have a few drinks, I guess it was your average late teens / early 20's type of friendship and we knew he was a clean enough person, so the question was "Your here almost everyday anyway so why don't we both bang my girlfriend all over the place and have a sexual friendship" and in fairness he jumped at the opportunity and said he would be delighted to join us for a threesome.

 

That night we both tuck turns fucking my girlfriend and it felt great, there was no arguments, no hassle, and it didn't feel bad or weird at all, in fact it all felt rather nice seeing him head home. Perhaps a few days later we invited him around again which is where all the trouble began. We hung out for a while and decided to try another threesome seeing us all strip naked and get into bed, we began playing with my girlfriend and suddenly his entire attitude changed and what spilled out was a serious case of homophobia, that really he wanted to fuck my girlfriend but didn't even want me to be there and made comments such as:

 

"I'm not kissing her after another man has"

 

"I'm not sticking my dick in her after another man has"

 

"I'm not going down on her if another man has"

 

"I don't want your dick anywhere near me"

 

I found it all really odd because he had never really shown major signs of been homophobic before, plus over the years we have shared beers / shared bottles of wine / shared the occasional smoke, but he was basically saying he wouldn't touch anything that I have touched first despite the fact I'm a very clean person.

 

Laying there naked we tried to discus the situation which was really odd and somewhat of a mood killer but decide he was welcome to "Go First" that basically we would take it in turns him, then me, at which point he hit us with the bombshell and basically said "Okay but I'm NOT doing it unless I can fuck her in the ass"

 

We had already explained that my size 6 to 8 girlfriend doesn't like anal sex / doesn't want anal sex, sure she was perfectly okay giving blowjobs, perfectly okay giving hand jobs, perfectly okay with pussy sex, but she really did NOT want anal sex, but we soon found out our friend was anal sex obsessed and he demanded that he either has anal sex or he walks. In that case we said "Fine then we can leave having a threesome" seeing us all get dressed and him walk out the door, in essence he knew we wanted to try threesome so used our desires to try and blackmail us into anal sex.

 

I found the entire thing SO STRANGE someone who is clearly homophobic but also obsessed with anal sex, and obviously we decided we wasn't playing with him anymore but sadly that was only the start of the problems, what happened over the next 2 or 3 months wrecked our desires to swing for the next two years. You see the guy left our house and we thought that situation had ended there, the next day I got up in the morning and left for work and about 30 minutes after I left the house he came banging on our door because he knew my girlfriend was in the house alone, he then tried to convince my girlfriend to let him in the house alone so they could have sex together without me there which she refused.

 

My girlfriend contacted me at work and told me what had happened so I called my friend and asked him what the hell he was doing? He replied by saying "Look we have had a threesome now so that means I should be able to have sex with her alone whenever I want" which I kindly explained that was not the deal and asked him not to come around to my house uninvited or when I'm at work. I reminded this guy that we could actually fuck my girlfriend all over every week but without anal sex, that there was no need for him to sneak around to see her alone, that we can both fuck her but I need to be home at the time.

 

I thought maybe my friend had got crossed wires so was rather civil at this point and thought the situation was dealt with. Sadly however a few days later I got up and went to work and again about 30 minutes after I left for work he came knocking on the door and spent about 15 minutes talking at my girlfriend through the window asking her to let him in the house for sex. This time I was really angry so sent him a very strongly worded text and asked him to please stay away from my girlfriend and got no reply so assumed he had been scared off.

 

Maybe 3 or 4 days passed and we thought he had been scared off until I again left for work and about 30 minutes later my girlfriend heard stones hitting out bedroom window which woke her up at about 7.30am and again it was him. This time he spent about 30 minutes shouting up at the bedroom window and shouting through our letter box asking my girlfriend for sex alone, and obviously all our neighbours could hear this. I again sent this so called friend a very strong / threatening text message asking him to please stay away from my girlfriend or else I'd make him stay away.

 

Again he didn't reply and vanished for about a week, again we thought we had scared him away and a brief period of calm followed until again I left for work and 30 minutes later he showed up at my house banging on the door asking my girlfriend to let him inside. By this time my girlfriend was terrified, she was afraid to even open the door when people knocked in case it was him. In response I sent another text messages warning him that if he comes near us or my house again we will call the police and have him done for harassment.

 

Yet again things went quiet for 3 or 4 days seeing me leave for work one morning, several hours later I got an extremely panicked phone call from my girlfriend, by all accounts she had left for work and this guy had come storming out of the bushes and ran towards her on the street, she managed to get away from him and run into a neighbours garden, the neighbour came out to see what was happening and saved her from this crazy obsessed man who we had spent years calling a good friend.

 

I had to leave work and by the time I got home my girlfriend was sitting in a chair shaking and was in tears with both my parents stud beside her, she was terrified, she had called my parents to come and guard the house so this man didn't try and break his way into the house. I was fuming and sent the guy a message telling him that we had called the police and was been interviewed as we speak. He again vanished and we didn't hear anything for maybe a week or two and finally thought we had scared him away, that the threat of police action had scared him away which at the time was just a threat not a reality.

 

Perhaps two weeks later I again get a super panicked phone call from my girlfriend as by all accounts this man had turned up at her work looking for her, she noticed him walking in the door and looking around / looking for her so she had to abandon her post and quickly ran and locked herself in the managers office. This man approached other staff members asking where my girlfriend was before leaving, shortly after my girlfriend was sent home form work, in fact work was so concerned they ordered her a taxi right to the door and asked the taxi driver to make sure she got home safe.

 

I was fuming / very angry so I spoke to my boss at work and explained my girlfriend was been stalked and asked for some time off work to resolve the problem, and like a star my boss gave me a little time off work. The next day I was off work so I woke up at the normal time and instead of going to work I sat in the spare bedroom with the lights turned off and watched our street waiting for this man to turn up. I sat there for some hours and form what I could see he didn't turn up. The next day came and again I woke up early and sat in the darkened spare bedroom watching out street waiting for this psycho man to come knocking on the door but again after some hours sitting there he didn't show up.

 

The third day came and I again woke up early and sat watching our street, I sat there for sometime and was holding the remains of cold cup of tea and was becoming frustrated, I didn't even know if this man would turn up at my house again, I didn't know when he would next arrive, didn't know from which direction he would arrive, and after 3 or 4 hours watching our street I decided to give up, and funnily enough just as I stud up to walk away I noticed a flash of movement in the bushes / woods over the road from my house. I paused to look closer and it was him, I just noticed him sneaking into the bushes over the road from my house and honestly what happened next totally freaked me out.

 

I stud their speechless, this guy was stalking my house, he was sat in the bushes over the road waiting to see if I had left for work, a few seconds later he ducked down behind the bushes and vanished out of sight. I was confused surly if your watching someones house the idea is to keep a close eye on the place yet he vanished behind the bush. Moments later his head poked up over the bushes and almost looked like his head was bopping up and down, like he was nodding his head up and down, I thought what the hell is he doing?

 

Anger tuck over and I can still remember dropping the cold cup of tea in my hand and honestly before that cup of tea even hit the floor I was half way down the stairs, I came crashing out of the house and running full steam I charged over the road and just jumped directly over the bushes nearly landing on top of this guy and to my horror he was actually stud their looking at my house and masturbating. I'm not proud of it but I gave him a severe beating and dragged him out the bushes with his pants still around his ankles, by the time I was done he had a huge black eye, bloody nose, various bumps and scrapes and he managed to jump up and run off down the street.

 

Once he was maybe 50ft away he turned around and started hailing abuse saying he was going to call the police for assault and ranting on that he was going to tell my parents / friends about our group sex desires seeing me give chase after him. Like a coward he turned and ran away but was hailing verbal abuse at me all the way. I'mm fairly sure half our street heard the commotion and sometime later the police turned up at my house with the intention of arresting me for assault. Luckily they walked in to find my girlfriend having a total breakdown, she was shaking like a leaf, crying, and I explained to the police officers that this man was stalking my girlfriend / stalking our house / that I had just caught him masturbating in the bushes over the road.

 

I think what finally convinced the police officers not to arrest me for assault was when I said...

 

"Look this is my house, I'm not the one harassing his house, its him coming here trying to get my girlfriend to have sex with him"

 

The police returned to the other bruised and beaten man and gave him an official harassment warning and from that point he never came near again, however the DAMAGE had already been done, not only had he totally put my girlfriend off the idea of swinging but he had also terrified her half to death, for some months she was scared to even leave the house, she would jump in fright anytime anyone knocked on the door, plus everyday we had to pay for taxi's to pick her up from our doorstep and drop her off right outside work where staff would be waiting to meet her, it actually cost us a small fortune in taxi fair but it was simply too dangerous for her to leave the house on foot.

 

That so called friend gave us an awful experience which was enough to put my girlfriend off swinging for several years until she finally began to get over the event.

 

 

2: Talker: Several years had passed and in the end we both agreed that trying with 1 idiot man was not a fair chance, that maybe we should try again with someone else, someone we know would not hurt us and again I made the mistake of picking a friend. The man in question was not the best looking of men but he had a wonderful personality, I could only describe him as been friendly / calm / fun / passive / caring and my girlfriend felt really comfy about him as a partner. Even my girlfriend agreed that he would not cause us any trouble, that he was passive, not the stalking type, and he had also been single for several years making us feel a little sorry for him.

 

We decided to speak with this friend and ask him if he would like a threesome with me and my girlfriend to which he replied "Yeah Sure" and seemed excited by the idea, after a few days chatting we laid out all of our rules / boundaries, we made sure to explain we didn't want him turning up to our house uninvited, that having a threesome doesn't mean he can sleep with my girlfriend on his own or whenever he wants, and we asked if he would be interested in a ongoing sexual friendship, that basically him and me could tag team my girlfriend all we wanted in private to which he agreed.

 

The day finally came and getting undressed and all getting into bed he uncovered what could only be described as a super pale / white / spotty body and a mass of ginger pubic hair that looked like it had never been trimmed once in his life. Half of his body was covered in spots, he obviously had skin issues. However we pressed on and my girlfriend laid there kissing him and playing with his cock but basically he just wouldn't get hard at all. My girlfriend tuck the plunge and began sucking his dick but after 20 minutes of giving him oral sex he remained 100% flaccid, he just could not get even a slight erection.

 

We called it a night and put it down to nerves, I think several days later we decided to try again, but sadly the exact same thing happened he simply could not get hard at all and at this point began describing how he had erectile problems. It also made my girlfriend feel really bad, I mean she was hot, she had a lovely slim body, great breasts, was good looking and even had a nice tight pussy, but still he just could not get hard in the slightest so we called in a night.

 

Me and my girlfriend spoke and decided to give him a lot more time and also decided that he could try playing with her alone, that we would work with him, try and build up his confidence, let him explore with my girlfriend alone for a while until his nerves settled and even began thinking about E.D drugs such as Viagra to help him. None of that actually came to pass because only a few days after that second attempt we found out this man had basically gone and told everybody we know that he was having a MFM threesome with us and that he had fucked my girlfriend several times.

 

At the time my rather large group of friends all went to the same nightclub and had been going for many years, we had been to the club so much we could simply walk in the managers office, everyone knew us, we were there every weekend without fail sometimes 2 or 3 times a week we would all go to the exact same club. Within less than 1 week every friend we had knew about our threesome exploits, within 2 weeks people we didn't even know had been told about our sexual desires.

 

Several weeks later we went to our favourite nightclub and was approached by two different guys we had never met who basically said....

 

"Hahaha you had a threesome with that guy, fucking weirdo's"

 

That guy had basically told every friend we had and half of our favourite nightclub and in at devastating results on our life / social life / relationship.

 

Friends stopped calling us / friends stopped inviting us out / all our male friends looked at me like some in the closet gay boy, all the women looked at my girlfriend like some cock hungry whore, people stopped returning our texts and calls, I think mainly people thought.

 

"I better not hang around with them because they will ask me for a threesome and everyone will find out"

 

"I better not let them hang around with my girlfriend because they will end up asking her for a threesome"

 

"I better not let them hang around with my boyfriend because they will try and get his cock"

 

Within a single month that guy totally crippled our social life, everyone we had called friends for years now looked at us as some perverted dick hungry couple and I was branded as a gay boy, where my girlfriend was branded a whore / slut. From having a massive group of about 50 friends we went down to 1 or 2 friends who stud by us and the rest outcast us as sexual deviants.

 

Looking back I think that guy had been single for so long, that he had not had sex in so long, that he was obviously suffering from severe erection problems that he simply wanted the entire world to know he had sex, and for them to think his dick does work. It really hurt us, I mean he never even had sex with my girlfriend, he couldn't even get his penis hard for 1 second never mind enough to have sex, but still he announced to the entire world that he had sex with my girlfriend several times.

 

That situation not only lost us friends, not only scared us away from our favourite nightclub, not only upset my girlfriend and put pressure on our relationship, not only put my girlfriend off the idea of swinging totally and caused arguments and grief between us, but it also made us very lonely and finally did contribute to our final break up.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

We learnt the hard way that playing with friends is not worth the risk, that I vowed never to play with a friend again, never to play with anyone who knows our other friends / who knows our family / who knows our work mates or where we work / who knows our working patterns.

 

In each example the person knew too much about our lives, in each instance the person (a so called friend) broke our rules and boundaries, that seemingly friends do not think the rules apply to them, that in each case the friend did not match our expectations or day dreams. In each example we were sure that this friend would not hurt us, we imagined this cool / easy / fun and sex packed adventure, we imagined our friend would be super happy at the chance to have sex, we imagined friends who would not hurt my girlfriend, who would respect us, who would respect our home, rules, and our lives and privacy.

 

We imagined some kind of super long lasting sexual friendship, we imagined a world where me and this other guy would both fuck my girlfriend all over for many months or even years, we imagined a world where me and him fucking my girlfriend was "Normal" for us. That we would be friends, we would party, we would have laughs, play games, chill out, have nice meals and when the night is done we would all head home and both get fully balls deep in my girlfriend without the need for anyone to know.

 

I imagined a world where my girlfriend could snuggle up with us both of the sofa watching a film, a world where she would feel safe, comfy, respected. I imagined how cool it would be to be able to totally trust my friend, to both fuck my girlfriend either together or alone, how exciting it would be to see one of my best mates just shoving his hand in my girlfriends knickers, to fuck my girlfriend together and then next time fuck her by taking it in turns, then fuck her 1 on 1, to really explore with this great friend that we trusted.

 

In both cases however none of our dreams actually happened, in both cases the friends did our lives and relationship some serious damage, looking back I was young / trusting and it tuck playing with two different friends to prove me wrong. Some people say that playing with friends is amazing, some people say playing with friends is okay, personally I say its just not worth the risk. I think in a small amount of cases playing with friends can work, but int he majority of cases it ends up in disaster.

 

Now I strictly avoid playing with anyone that I call a friend, or anyone who knows too much about my life / other friends / work / family / working patterns ect, and for me that has paid off, in fact sometime later I met a stranger, met a single guy off the internet who knows nothing about our lives and we not only had countless threesomes with the next girl I dated but I still know him to this day, that about 15 years later after meeting him I still know him, are still on good terms, one phone call from me and he arrives with a lovely clean hard cock and has never once stepped out of line or broke any of our rules.

 

We have recently moved house but hopefully in a few months after getting the final few jobs done with the house me and him will be fucking my girlfriend all over the place, she really enjoys our dicks, one on one / DP / DVP / oral the full works, and he is perfectly happy been around another guy naked. That actually meeting a stranger and making a new friend out of them has proved to be a lot better than picking someone we already call a friend.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

One more thing. If the friend you and your SO are thinking about is a single male, I can almost guarantee a bad outcome. Single men who are young and/or drunks are complete assholes. I’m sure there are multiple studies that can prove that!

 

Good luck

 

I think there is a difference between doing it with friends versus people you know. They call it stranger danger for a reason.

 

It's a matter of trust. And comfort.

 

Adding sex to a friendship changes the friendship. Good sex will make your friendship stronger. A bad sexual experience will ruin a good friendship.

 

Most of our experiences were with single men. Most of them were good.

 

Being young makes them probably inexperienced. No one likes drunken assholes.

[PSULioness 839]

I am reading some really long reasons as to what can go right or wrong. & you wrote you would NEVER and I guess that is an emphatic never and then you go on to describing the times you DID. To me that means you did and you ran into problems. Maybe the problems were there before you NEVER, oops, Did try it. Let’s get past the swinging part. Did you ever do anything non-sexual that you will NEVER do again? Maybe a food you ate that made you sick. Plenty of others are still eating that food. Maybe you broke your leg skiing but others are still going back up that hill to ski back down. Maybe these aren’t the best analogies. The point is some people will take risks others won’t.

A big point people make is being outed. What if you don’t care if you are outed? Our best friends already know. It seems many of my college friends have been playing longer than us. My husband, with my okay, told his best friend. We were sort of outed by association to my closest friend. I was originally upset that she knew. I think it was more embarrassment than upset. It’s funny how she wants to join us know. Even though we know that she knows, we have been putting off that eventual fun. I’m not even sure why we are putting it off. I think it will be sooner than later.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

We have had swinging experiences with friends (not at the same time). It all went well. But neither of these friends knew each other, nor did they know other friends of ours.