First swingers club (onsite) experience upcoming, a few questions.

[Emptynest2018 17]

Hello all,

 

Originally posted this in the "curiosity" section.. but I think this section is perhaps the better fit.

 

First post here and looking for advice on a few questions.

 

My wife and I have decided to attend an onsite club on August. First time, no past experiences of any sort just something we have agreed to explore to add a little something different and some spice. My wife is not at a point where she is comfortable with the idea of soft or full swap, (I am but have realized by reading up on this forum that the name of the game here is to go at the slowest partners pace so thats my intent, no pressure on her) so our intent is to go and have a great time and just be with each other sexually in the play area.

 

My question is when it comes to the dancing section of the party (pre play room). If we switch partners dancing what is the norm with touching etc. I haven't discussed this possibility yet with the wife but would like to know what is the norm? Hands roaming, kissing etc. Is it ask first? Is it considered acceptable as soon as one agrees to "dance"?

 

Obviously we have discussed limits in the playroom... any other advice or tips anyone can give would be most appreciated!

 

I welcome any questions at all...any information that I can provide to get the best answers!

 

Thank you in advance!

[adamgunn 1,460]

You're obsessing. Take it easy.

 

Plan on going, having fun. If something happens, it will happen. If not, you'll still have a great time just hanging out in a sexy environment.

 

As far as what happens between people, I've seen it always be fairly organic. For example, if you were dancing with a woman and she puts a hand on you, put your hand somewhere generic, say her waist. You'll feel it if she wants to go further.

 

Go, have fun.

[Emptynest2018 17]

Thanks for the advice.. Im not too concerned with me personally as I would handle things exactly as you said above... was more worried about the wife being "surprised" by another male without asking... if that makes sense.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Absolutely, that makes sense. In our experience, well over a decade, that problem - the wife being assaulted by a man against her will - never happened. Yes, I've heard the stories on this and other forums, I assume that the majority of them are exaggerated.

 

Yes, when we were playing in a public area at our clubs more than a few men wished to join the play. ALWAYS they asked respectfully, my wife would either give her permission or deny them, there was never a problem either way.

 

For your first time, I'd suggest you two make a 'rule' that once you're playing with someone (should you be lucky enough to have that happen,) no one else should join in extemporaneously. That should calm any fears she should have. And remember, one of the purposes of you being there is to make sure nothing unpleasant happens to you.

 

The best of luck, let us know what happens . . .

[Emptynest2018 17]

Absolutely, that makes sense. In our experience, well over a decade, that problem - the wife being assaulted by a man against her will - never happened. Yes, I've heard the stories on this and other forums, I assume that the majority of them are exaggerated.

 

Yes, when we were playing in a public area at our clubs more than a few men wished to join the play. ALWAYS they asked respectfully, my wife would either give her permission or deny them, there was never a problem either way.

 

For your first time, I'd suggest you two make a 'rule' that once you're playing with someone (should you be lucky enough to have that happen,) no one else should join in extemporaneously. That should calm any fears she should have. And remember, one of the purposes of you being there is to make sure nothing unpleasant happens to you.

 

The best of luck, let us know what happens . . .

 

Perfect and thank you for the advice... she seems pretty firm on just playing together but in the group environment this time...which is fine, her pace... no pressure. To be honest I think its a pretty good first step on her part to be willing to go to a swingers club and have sex with me in public.. she was raised super conservative so im proud she is finally agreeing to experience coming our of her shell some... don't wanna push as I suspect that would backfire and she would close off completely.

[agreatguy 269]

Wondering if you made it out yet?

[Emptynest2018 17]

We had it scheduled for the 17th however had to cancel due to some unforeseen circumstances (death of close friend). Haven’t rescheduled yet but hopefully soon!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Report back when you do...

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

your in california, which club. we are always looking for places to go./

[Emptynest2018 17]

We plan on trying “Club Twist” in San Francisco but I hear “Club KISS” in SF is also good so may try that as well.

[agreatguy 269]

We had it scheduled for the 17th however had to cancel due to some unforeseen circumstances (death of close friend). Haven’t rescheduled yet but hopefully soon!

 

You solicited advice about the dance floor and anything in general. We aren't much for dancing but like to watch. My observations is that the women(as with most anything in a club) will initiate contact if there is to be any. Your wife will be fine, just assure her she's in control and nothing will happen that she doesn't want to happen but encourage her to open up to the idea if not the actual contact. The more she plays this through her mind, hopefully the more sexy she'll find the ideas that plant themselves there. You'll find some aggressive guys occasionally but that's not the norm. If you are approached by a couple that gets too aggressive be firm. Your wife will appreciate that. Funny thing about dancing...A guy just has to have the guts to make it on the floor, swing his hips a little and the woman will be doing the rest. It's actually fun to watch. I wish my wife would dance without having to get liquored up. It's a great way to meet and interact. People will comment on your clothes or lack of, the ladies shoes, her moves. It makes them feel sexy. By dancing your are opening yourself up by showing you are a fun and social person. That's my two cents on dancing from a non dancer(for the most part)

 

Other advice...You have the right attitude about just going and getting a feel for the place. Probably best not to jump in with both feet. We didn't but I will share with you some things I learned along the way. I was totally prepared for all the things that I though could happen. We had safe words, signs and signals for getting into or out of a situation. I knew what she expected, how to identify when her line might get crossed and how to get out of a situation that wasn't comfortable. We talked extensively about kissing and condoms and what each of us wanted and expected, all the practical things. We fantasized, we went to a club just to watch the first time, get a feel. She ended up getting turned on and we played just the two of us in an exhibitionist sort of way. We had fun.

 

The next time out was a disaster and I was completely unprepared. We went to a different club, got there early and stayed for a couple hours. We wandered around the place looking for people to talk to, maybe watch something going on. The vibe just wasn't all that good and it wasn't happening for her. About midnight, just about the time things were starting to happen she said she was ready to leave. I got upset because I didn't think we were giving it enough time. It didn't matter. She wasn't feeling it and I wasn't prepared for that. My expectation, due to the first outing, was that we would at least play. It wasn't going to happen and the more I tried to convince her to stay and give it some more time the more adamant she became about leaving. I heard what she was saying but I discounted her feelings In doing so I totally failed in removing her from a situation she didn't want to be in any longer. I didn't expect it to turn out that way.

 

One other time we went to what has become our favorite club. I had had a long day and was tired. Looking back it would have been better if I had just admitted that I probably wasn't going to be able to stay up late. I also had a minor injury that was bothering me that was exacerbated by my long day. By midnight I was the one calling it a night and it caught her off guard. I just didn't feel it. Didn't see anyone I was interested in and even if I had didn't feel like I was up to performing. She got a little upset with me and it was a quiet ride home and a quiet Sunday. After we finally came back together to talk about things and related the two incidents we realized that we had to be more in tune, go with the hope of having fun but not the expectation that something had to happen. It would be totally fine as long as we were leaving together. Once we got that behind us we've been able to have lots of fun whether it's just us or with another couple. She now wants to try a MFM which is fine with me. I love watching her when we swap. I'm sure I'll love making her the center of attention.

 

The point that I'm trying to make with the long winded anecdotes is: Be prepared for the unexpected. She is your princess, treat her as such and let her set the pace. Work out things that don't work and build on the successes. You should always see your biggest success as the fact that you walked in together and left together. First and formost this should be about the two of you together not one of you getting what you want with the other's permission. At least not at this point in your journey. It may take some time for her to loosen up and get comfortable with sex with others in reality. Be patient because when she does decide she likes it you'll be in for the best times you can imagine.

[Emptynest2018 17]

Thank you so much for taking the time to offer advice and detail your experiences I really appreciate it. Once we schedule a new date I am definitely going to go with the mindset you described!

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

Thanks for the names of the clubs. To bad we are in Southern California. Good luck.