friend caught us. Not sure what to tell her.

[Madaboutus 15]

We have a very large friend group from our kids growing up. No swinging. But there is one couple we like and we flirt with a lot. Privately. We went out last night to a concert. The two couples and one other woman. Mutual friend. Wasn’t planning on it but both of us went a little farther with the other couple. It was a lot of fun. Here is the problem. The 5th wheel caught my husband and the other wife making out. She of course assumed she caught them cheating. She is not a swinger and I am sure she will judge. What the hell can i tell her? I really do not want to be completely honest but I don’t want her thinking my husband cheats on me.

[Guest]

Oh, I know. There is nothing wrong with a few kisses. He’s going through a phase right now.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

Tell your friend that you were too busy kissing that woman's husband to notice.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

What the hell can i tell her? I really do not want to be completely honest but I don’t want her thinking my husband cheats on me.

 

There are two aspects here that are convolved. What you say, and what she thinks. Let's separate them.

 

What you say: If you are not asked, say nothing. If you are asked,say as little as possible to arrest the line of questions. We would say, "thanks for the observation, I know, he knows that I know, and both of us would be grateful if this went no further".

 

What she thinks: If she does not comment, say nothing. What she thinks is irrelevant. If she indirectly or directly asserts that she thinks your husband is cheating AND you want to disabuse her of that notion, you MUST directly refute the statement. We would say, "You are incorrect. I know my husband kissed so-and-so. He knows that I know."

 

The risk is that she will ask you directly, "Are you guys swingers? Do you have an open marriage?". Here, we would demur and either ignore the question and say nothing or give a generic response: "When we married, we agreed that some aspects of our life would remain private." You might choose to lie. We are lousy liars. We simply do not tell all of the truth.