Freaking out when approached

[Jeeplady 15]

I'm looking for some advice. My husband and I are new to this lifestyle and we do not do any kind of swapping, zero. We are fine with people playing in the same room as us, even on the same bed, but no touching. We have had couples approach us before wanting to talk. I'd love to meet new people and hang out, drink, etc but I freak out every time we are approached. I don't know what to do about our limits when meeting new people. Can you give me advice me please?

[lcmim 1,086]

Relax.

Early on it will come up. Be upfront about where you are on your journey.

Guess what, most of us have a similar story .

 

The first couple we met were perfectly content to just talk. They explained, asked us questions, gave advice and took us to a dance. After them we were more confident of the path we were on.

 

You never have to step beyond your comfort zone.

Anyone who pressures you needs to be dismissed.

The two of you need to be first in your own eyes. Anyone worthy of your time will appreciate this.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

My husband and I are new to this life style and we do not do any kind of swapping, zero.

 

True of about 98% of the population so this isn't anything new.

 

We are fine with people playing in the same room as us, even on the same bed, but no touching.

 

FYI: this is known as soft swapping. If you do move forward, just let anyone you play with know what your limits are and they are usually honored.

 

We have had couples approach us before wanting to talk. I'd love to meet new people and hang out, drink, ect but I freak out every time we are approached.

 

Where have you been hanging out? Unless it is a swingers club, they probably are just trying to be friends or have someone to talk with. Now if you HAVE been hanging out at swingers clubs, then ask yourself the question of why you are freaking out. If you do meet a couple, and you all decide that you want to do more, you just need to let them know what your limits are. We have all been where you currently are and know the feelings that you are experiencing. You may later find that you want to expand your limits, and that's fine as well. Rules and limits should always be an ongoing discussion between you and your SO. Just do exceed them until you have both agreed (in advance) to change what the limits are.

 

I don't know what to do about our limits when meeting new people. Can you give me advice me please?

 

First set the limits and rules with your SO, then tell whoever you meet what they currently are. It really will be okay and most people will not exceed your boundaries (single men possibly excluded). This is supposed to be fun and exciting...let it be fun and exciting. The key is communication...with your SO and with your play partners. If it isn't fun, try to figure out why. Maybe this just isn't for you, or maybe there's something holding you back and it's time to break through that barrier. We wish you the best and let us know how things progress.

[adamgunn 1,461]

Good post, Gold, but I have a question.

 

Is two couples on the same bed 'soft-swapping?' I know, this is technical, but I always thought swapping was touching (kissing, licking, etc.) with the other couple, but stopping short of vaginal penetration. Therefore, no touching wouldn't be soft-swap. Or do you think I'm wrong?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Full swap is intercourse...soft swap is everything less than full swap. What the limits to that are set by the people usually in advance. I guess a better term for what you are looking for is same room sex.

[pleasuredeviant 24]

Full swap is intercourse...soft swap is everything less than full swap. What the limits to that are set by the people usually in advance. I guess a better term for what you are looking for is same room sex.

 

Clarification here, soft swap typically describes oral play with another couple, parallel play or same room sex is where you play with your partner next to another couple, exhibitionism and voyeurism are performing in front of or watching another couple play.

 

And to the OP, it is very common to discuss your boundaries with other couples. Some will not want to play with you because you are new and have very low limits, others will be happy to help you along. Just be up front that you are newer, exploring and only interested in same room parallel play at this time, all very normal getting to know another couple in the lifestyle.

[Guest]

I would love to be a professional boxer but I don’t like getting hit, so I am not. Swinging isn’t for everyone.

[agreatguy 269]

I'm looking for some advice. My husband and I are new to this life style and we do not do any kind of swapping, zero. We are fine with people playing in the same room as us, even on the same bed, but no touching. We have had couples approach us before wanting to talk. I'd love to meet new people and hang out, drink, ect but I freak out every time we are approached. I don't know what to do about our limits when meeting new people. Can you give me advice me please?

 

It sounds like you are voyeurs/exhibitionists only. Is that where you see yourself staying or is it simply where you are comfortable right now but hope to do more? I know that's a tough questions to answer being new but I guess I'm asking how you feel right now if you had to define where you are and where you want to be. There isn't a wrong answer BTW but it helps other members of this community relate their own situations as relevant and to know how to answer your questions. The only answer that may be problematic is "we/I don't know" as it may indicate more communication is necessary before proceeding any further. More importantly by learning to answer that question honestly here it will give you confidence where ever you happen to be in your journey so that you don't freak out when you have to answer it in real life situations.