Dazed and Confused after all four don't feel the same way toward each other

[NHCuriousCouple 15]

We've been married for 10 years and are brand new to this lifestyle. After much discussion, my husband and I placed a profile on a swinger's site and found many couples, but narrowed it down to one we really, really clicked with. The husband of the couple and I chatted for many, many hours a day and then brought our spouses into a group chat. We chatted online for a few weeks (all parties individually and as a group) and then decided to meet in person.

 

After a really amazing day and evening with them, we met them again 2 days later and then again 2 days after that. Our days were full of fun, laughter, dinner, and some really hot soft swapping.

 

Unfortunately, something happened along the way, pretty early on, and I fell hard for the husband of the other couple and he fell for me as well. I was completely honest with my husband and immediately told him about my feelings for this person. He was accepting of it and doesn't feel threatened or insecure in any way about it. My husband also told me at that point that he has strong feelings for the wife of the couple, which was also fine with me. The problem is this.....the wife of the other couple has feelings for my husband, but just at a friendship level at this point. When she found out that her husband and I are into this way deeper than the other two, she panicked and now needs time to sort things out.

 

In my head, the fact that he and I developed deep feelings for each other doesn't change anything. I would never leave my husband for anyone and he has said the same. They're just that....feelings. So, my question is...what are we to do? This is so scary to leave this in the hands of one person. I really thought we were all on the same page and moving along very well together, but now we've hit this roadblock. I can only hope it's a temporary one and that the wife will come to realize that I really want nothing from her husband and there's no way I'd ever leave mine. I'm completely happy where I am. I'm of the mindset that people can love more than one person at a time, but I realize that not everyone is like me.

 

Do we just wait for her to make a decision or do we just call it quits? It would be very, very difficult for me to do so, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in this situation.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

. . . Do we just wait for her to make a decision or do we just call it quits? It would be very, very difficult for me to do so, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in this situation.

Assessing other people’s feelings based simply upon a description is risky. But

You have said that all of you are new to the lifestyle and that tips the scale in my mind. My advice is that you all back away from this a bit and begin looking around for a few other swing couples — sample a few other items from the buffet to see how they taste.

[Guest]

There is a thing called "New Relationship Energy" or NRE for short.

 

In a lot of cases when we first meet someone new they always seem fantastic, the sex always seems great, that in many cases we put this new person on a pedestal, we believe this new person is amazing, that they are clean, honest, fun, that they won't hurt us, won't lie to us, we very easily get caught up in the moment.

 

Then 6 to 12 months down the line we starting noticing all the cracks, we start noticing they are not as clean as we first thought, not as honest as we first thought, that they do in fact have various problems, that sometimes they have lied to us badly during that honeymoon period, this is where we find out that they are not that committed towards the situation, where we begin to see the real picture.

 

Its easy too believe you have "Feelings" at first, to get caught up in the new relationship energy, however give it a year and you might find out this person is not really what you expected at all. That I'd try an avoid the world feelings and just enjoy the ride and see what happens.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

One of our 'golden rules' is never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with. You HAVE to wait until she is ready to make a decision. Trying to force things, or just about anything else you all do at this point, will result in this being over (and cause potential drama). Give her the time to decide, without applying pressure, on how (or even if) things are to continue.

 

Sun&Moon is right with the NRE, especially with first time or new couples. Hearing that your spouse has 'feelings' for someone else can be alarming. Maybe instead of using the word 'feelings', use the word 'connection'. At this time, the only choice you and your husband have is to walk away from this couple or to wait and see what happens. Her husband can work on improving their trust so she will feel more comfortable with whats going on, but keep in mind, she may still decide to walk away and you can't do anything about it. Give her space and hope for the best. Maybe, after she has had some time to process things you can all get together as a group (not play) and talk about her concerns, but now there really isn't anything you can do but wait and give her the space she needs.

 

Let us know how things go.