Do you play on the first date?

[njbm 2,874]

Our general rule is no. We play with couples. We like to meet them first, have dinner, get a feel for what they are like, what their lifestyle experience has been.

 

On the way home, we ask each other if we would play with them. Usually, we can tell how we both feel. We also try to perceive how the other party feels.

 

If we want to play with them, we’ll ask them by text or email if they want to play on a future date. We get yes, yes but it never happens or no. Some are kind enough to tell us one of them would, but the other would not (invariably, the husband would). TMI! Just say no thanks.

 

If we are meeting a couple from far away or we are on a cruise, we get busy faster.

[Guest]

Nope generally I'd not play on a first date, we keep the first meeting to a strictly social meeting.

 

I also never arrange to have a meal on the first date, because a meal often leaves you locked into the situation for several hours.

 

Many years ago now I remember arranging a social meal with a couple and within 5 minutes of walking in the door we had sat down and ordered food and within the next 5 minutes it became plainly obvious to us that we did NOT want to know this couple, never mind play with them as the male of the couple was an aggressive / rude / pushy / seemingly angry person. I mean his pictures looked nice enough but in person who simply looked and acted like an aggressive won't take no for an answer thug.

 

Within 5 minutes of sitting down he was making comments such as:

 

"So we gonna fuck or what? We gonna fuck or is this just a waste of time"

 

"Whats your views on anal? Do you like it in the ass"

 

When we tried to reverse the conversation and simply say "Hello / how are you / had a nice day / what do you do for a living" and tried just to make general small talk the man became upset and inpatient.

 

That couple seriously wasn't for us but because we had arranged a meal / ordered food we were kind of locked into the situation, from that point I only ever arrange to meet people for a coffee, that way if we don't like the people, if we meet someone and they turn out to be aggressive / hostile / rude / have totally bad hygiene then we can quickly drink a cup of a coffee and make our excuses to leave, I never arrange to have a meal with anyone unless we have already met them before and know they are okay.

 

I still remember leaving that restaurant after our horrible meal with the pushy aggressive couple and honestly me and my girlfriend hardly even said a single word to each other, we didn't have to we both already knew it was a "HELL NO" within 5 or 10 minutes of walking in the door.

[Guest]

If the meet is from an SLS or similar online “meet”, then no, we don’t. If the meet happens at a couples club or as part of just a random chat that starts at a bar somewhere, then yes, frequently we do.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

While we MIGHT play on a first date (never say never), we don't PLAN on playing on a first date. The first date is just to meet and see if there is any connections. By keeping play off the table, it also takes the pressure out of that first meeting. In the end, you will find out more in five minutes than you would in 5 years of emails/texts/etc. There might be a couple out there that we click so well and completely with that we would consider playing, but we haven't met them yet.

[njbm 2,874]

We agree that meeting people is the crux of the matter.

 

We find that it is difficult to contact people on SLS or SDC and get them out for drinks or dinner. We suspect that many of the profiles are those of one interested and one disinterested party.

 

Much better success on vacations and, more particularly,cruises.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Yes, we played on the first night more often than not.

 

We had a strict screening process on SLS: Polite first email, more polite emails, a phone call in which he talked to both of us, then a meet at a bar for a drink. If she (and I, as well) liked him, we knew we were going to play with him eventually, why not that night?

 

I'm sure we had 15+ dates that way that worked out . . .

[Jane1902 476]

I have in the past. But as time has gone on I prefer ongoing playmates and also one method of avoiding cheats I find is to be clear I don't play on the first meet. I meet in a public place I don't mind hanging out in so I don't feel I waste time if there isn't a connection. One single guy pretty much said the same thing on the phone and ironically mentioned the same park I usually choose, we see each other regularly. I have never done a cruise or vacation but would think most people play pretty fast. The setting seems to say it and may be a let down if someone expects the same to continue once everyone gets home and back to life. Again it comes down to a favorite swinger word: Give me a C! I don't mean cock or cunt either!

[adamgunn 1,460]

Jane, I agree that if you say you don't play on the first date, a lot of the flakes and cheaters will leave you alone.

 

What we did was say that we 'probably' wouldn't play the first night. Yes, we got a lot of ghosts when that came out. However, when it came to finally having a date, we were free to change our published rule, and often did.

 

I remember one night, we met a guy at the bar, Mary brought him home, we all had a great time. As we were sitting around naked, getting ready for the second round, he said he was surprised, didn't think he'd get an invitation that night. Mary asked, "Are you complaining?" and we all laughed.

 

And, some of the guys didn't bring condoms, expecting that it would be just talk. No problem, we brought our own.

[playfulchick89 25]

When we go to parties, we try to. But off a site, we have, but won't be again.

[padoc 1,703]

Over the years we've developed a sense between us that, for want of a better term, we call our 20/20 rule. We generally know within 20 seconds to 20 minutes of meeting a couple whether we'll ever want to get naked with them. If it's a "no" we'll courteously finish the drink or meal and end the evening. If it's a yes and the other couple seems to be on a similar page, we will explore further on the first date, maybe full swap or not but we'll have some couples fun of some sort. Our theory is that none of us will get thinner, younger, or prettier if we wait a week or two or more to do what we all seem interested in doing right now.

[vaitape 35]

Yes, we play on the first date. We typically meet couples/singles on SDC. We take the time via email and chat to make sure there is a decent fit. Meeting is like the OP said - 20/20 rule - we've met you because we want to play, we will figure out pretty quickly if we were right or wrong. It's not going to change how we feel in the next week, so what waste a night out?

[yorktownvaguy 76]

As a single male, I've been invited to numerous 3-somes during our dinner meeting of our first date, I do not think either party was disappointed afterwards, I know I wasn't.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

We play on the first date if there is a connection. We meet for dinner/drinks and will usually go to a hotel after. If meeting at a club again it is with the intention to play, we have a little one and don’t get out often. So when we do we are looking to play if all are still in agreement once we meet.