Any Newbies have any advice? Charlotte NC

[Agent Gama 21]

Wife and I are new and joined to explore the community and learn from others. As adventurous types we are excited for the journey! Who has the road map?!?

[lcmim 1,086]

Wife and I are new and joined to explore the community and learn from others. As adventurous types we are excited for the journey! Who has the road map?!?

 

Believe it or not you do.

Your journey your map.

 

Just plan the trip together and do not get too bogged down in set goals.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

If you are asking about clubs in North Carolina, this should help:

 

SwingLifeStyle NC Clubs

[zed911 23]

Actually this list is not up to date. Carolina Friends is now located about 90 minutes northeast of Charlotte in Greensboro, and Melting Pot for Adult fun moved to Hickory about an 90 minutes north of Charlotte. Club Alavant opened about a month ago just south of Charlotte’s Ballentyne neighborhood, however I have not been there.

[LKNcouple 36]

I don't think there are any on premise dedicated clubs in Charlotte like they have in Atlanta or Miami. I could be wrong.

[agreatguy 269]

We're relative newbies only having been on the journey almost three years. We enjoyed our first full swap earlier this year and recently our first MFM.

The best advice I can give is be prepared for the unexpected and don't over react when it happens...and it will. I'll give you a couple of examples of what we've dealt with. I've related this in other threads but I will do it again because I think it's important to where we are today.

 

Our first experience was a date with another couple we met on one of the sites. They weren't at all who they represented themselves to be. We told them we weren't even sure where our boundaries were as we were complete newbies but felt comfortable with soft swap and absolutely same room as watching each other is much of the appeal for us. They told us they were OK with that. After the wives had a phone conversation we met for dinner. It turned out they were much different. They confessed they were older than the age they posted. Not by much but it was still a lie and they spent time trying to justify it. Next they started trying to convince us that separate room full swap was the way to go and had all these reasons for it. It apparently worked for them but we'd given them our boundaries and they said they were ok with it. Next the wife of the other couple asks if she can text me separately since she likes to do that during the day to get turned on. It was just way too much for my wife. After the date she kind of broke down. It set us back several months. Were all lifestyle couples like this? We decided the dating sites weren't for us and that clubs might be a better fit since we weren't looking for FWBs. We prefer to meet a couple in a club, flirt, tease and see where it leads all within the span of a few hours not drag things out for days. All that emailing and texting seems exhausting to us. I guess we prefer things a little more anonymous.

 

We then went to a couple of clubs just to observe really. We got turned on by the atmosphere and played alone the first time. One time in the voyeur room my wife was playing with me and a guy asked if he could touch her. She gave her consent and there was just a little bit of touching by him. It turned us both on and we excused ourselves to play alone. Another time we talked with a couple who was looking for a woman to play with. After quite a bit of time the other husband said his wife would like to sit with my wife so we traded places. That ended up in the voyeur room with the ladies dancing for each other, some tit sucking and hands roaming on both parts and the other woman going down on my wife. We ended up fucking in front of the other couple.

 

So up to this point it's all been good. We go out again with the hopes of more happening. This is where things got sideways and I wasn't prepared. We'd had the talks about boundaries, condoms, kissing, how to get out of situations, signs, signals code words, being in tune, all the things any advice forum will tell you to do. So we go out to a brand new club full of anticipation and with the hopes that more will happen. It was more of an expectation on my part rather than just hope. The club was horrible that night. Nothing is happening and the vibe just isn't doing anything for us. After a few hours my wife tells me she just isn't feeling it and wants to leave. I am taken aback by this a little and start trying to convince her we should stay a little longer to see what might happen. She get's frustrated with me because I'm not hearing what she's really saying, that she's not turned on and isn't going to be turned on no matter what happens because she doesn't like the club or the vibe. We leave and I'm trying to figure this all out and as she's trying to tell me how she felt I'm just getting more mad because I'm disappointed that nothing happened and I'm still not listening to her. It took me two days to understand that while I was prepared for all the things that could happen I wasn't prepared for when nothing happened. She expected me to take her out of that situation, like we had talked about, but I was trying to convince her to stay. In her mind she thought "if he would do this to me now he might do this to me when I really need to get out of a situation where I'm not comfortable"

 

We had one other occasion where I was really tired and wasn't feeling it. Around midnight I said I just wanted to go home. That turned into a thing briefly until we both realized we had just reversed roles from the previous time. That really cemented being able to relate to each other on a level we hadn't been able to before.

 

The unexpected will happen to you at some point. You can't prepare for everything but what you can do is be open to hearing and understanding your partners feelings at any particular time but especially when things don't go as expected. Since those "failures" (We now refer to them as our greatest successes) we go out with hope but no expectations and if something happens or nothing happens we still have each other. We are able to laugh about it when the club is a dud. Then we'll just change our plan and go find a late night taco stand before going home and enjoying each other.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Road Map (and also using some of agreatguys post as signposts):

 

Love/trust/communication: can't have too much of any of the three and increasing one will usually cause all three to increase.

 

Set your rules and boundaries and NEVER exceed them. Do not decide to make changes when you are already in a sexual situation. If you want to make changes, discuss it in private outside of the situation (like on the way to or from a club/meeting/whatever). Remember: TRUST

 

We make it clear that we don't play on the first 'date'. If you meet a couple online that you think might be a match, don't waste time texting, emailing and/or calling each other. Set up a meeting for dinner and/or drinks. You will find out more in 5 minutes in person than 5 weeks/months/years of texting/email/calls. Either you click or you don't (and just because you think you click, doesn't mean they will feel the same...don't take it personal). This takes most of the pressure of the first meeting off of everyone and you can just try to enjoy meeting someone new (even if they aren't a match).

 

If one of us says no, then the answer from both of us is no. No questions necessary or asked. If one is 'not feeling it', there's always the next time. If the other doesn't listen to the first, there may not ever be a next time.

 

Don't go or do anything with preconceived expectations. Go with the plan of having a fun sexy time with your SO and anything else is a bonus. If you EXPECT something to happen and try to MAKE it happen, it will usually end up a disappointment and won't ever meet your expectations. Just plan on having fun and keep it at that.

 

When it comes to communication (texting or email) with another couple, the men can talk to the men and the women can talk to the women or everyone talks to everyone. This way there can be no 'sneaking' or misunderstandings (just because you are your SO are being open and communicating, it doesn't mean the other couple is doing the same).

 

You are a team and need to stick together. Keep talking, and learn as you go from past experience but try to minimize the drama as much as possible. This is supposed to be fun for the both of you. If it isn't fun, then you need to find out why it isn't being fun. Just keep talking and having a good time with your SO and no matter what happens, you will come away with a stronger, closer, better relationship. Good luck and let us know how things progress...

[Nude41fun 15]

Is the carolina friends in Greensboro an on premise club if so is it like the one they had near charlotte?

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

If you know the club list is out of date report the information to the moderators.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Is the carolina friends in Greensboro an on premis club if so is it like the one they had near charlotte?

 

No, it's a hotel takeover when they do Greensboro events.

[zed911 23]

Unfortunately club Alavant, which opened last spring closed their doors right before New Years. Not sure why. Great place. Very nice facility.

[Guest]

As far as we know, there are no true on-premise clubs in the Charlotte area. We are a member of Carolina Friends and it is a social club that sponsors Hotel Takeovers in the Carolinas. They have tried multiple times to establish an on premise club and are having problems with zoning restrictions as well as internal fighting and lawsuits. We have had some of the principal board members to a house party and all we could learn was that it was a hot mess. Regarding the Hotel takeovers...we don't go to them anymore. The majority of attendees are just curious and stepping out for a night to dress provocatively and flirt. We have been to three and left early. They are more like a high school dance than a serious swingers gathering. Our only other on premise club experiences were at Trapeze Club in Pompano Beach, it's where we started and it was fantastic. The other was at the Miami Velvet in Doral, and it isn't a serious swingers club. It is more for the posers. The husband takes his hot wife out to show off and play kissy kissy with other women, but there is no way in hell these men would ever let their wife take an orgasm with another man. It is more for the men to show off their hot young Latina wives, get all sexed up, and go home to screw.