Audition night - should I just be myself?

[IchBinEinSwede 16]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm new to this forum but decided to write a thread because of the following:

 

- I'm a single guy (know how it sounds...) in his late 30's who've been invited to an audtion night at a swinger's club. The question is, how should I behave during my first visit? Should I just be myself? Should I walk around and introduce myself to others? What unwrittten rules and social codes are at play?

 

Why am I doing this? Because I love sex & erotics and because I enjoy giving pleasure to others, maybe fullfilling their dream. When they feel good, I feel good.

 

My worst fear is that I'll be isolated and keeping to myself, with others judging me as a freak. It's difficult to prove that I'm a serious and respectable guy by just writing here but I consider myself being one.

 

Hope to get some advice, and thank you in advance!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I'm a single guy (know how it sounds...)

 

There are many first timers who start out with a single male. We did and found out that those times were the best times. I'm not saying everyone so lower your weapons

 

Just be yourself. Don't try to be the person you think other people might want. Let them decide. It's an audition. If you are not someone that handles rejection well then maybe you should try a different approach.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Excellent questions.

 

Swing clubs are social and sexual. Moreover, as a single male it is essential to remember that you are there to fulfill a couple's (or a lady's) fantasy, not the other way around.

 

Things that matter:

 

1. Perfect grooming and hygiene. From eyebrows to toenails, you want to be at least attractive to all five senses.

2. Choose clothes that are simple yet in perfect repair. Choose neither exotic nor elaborate--you are a blank canvas for others' thoughts.

3. Be rested. Avoid depressants such as alcohol. No street drugs of any kind. You may find it useful to "drink socially at the party". Very light drinks (such as a white wine 'spritzer') or not at all.

4. Smile. Let your expression and body language be open to all.

5. Choose conversational topics that are at least upbeat. Think about how you might compliment a lady on her dress, her shoes, her jewelry, whatever.

 

As a single male you have to strike a balance between letting people come to you and reaching out to those who seem either interested or isolated. The latter is important. It happens from time to time that the gent goes to the swinger club and does not stay close to the lady. One of your most important tasks is to spot ladies who seem not only isolated but even uncomfortable. Your greatest successes will come in making those ladies feel wonderful about the club and wanting to come back.

 

People who come to swinger clubs are there to fulfill fantasies. As a single male, that's your role--to help singles and couples fulfill fantasies. Have three or four ways of asking about their fantasies for the evening, and what you might do to help fulfill them. Listen carefully, and look at body language.

 

At some point, intimacy will be suggested. After all it is a social and sexual experience. You must learn to ask two things with clarity and with grace. The first is asking for consent. The second is asking for boundaries or limits. This will seem terribly awkward at first. With practice it will be easier.

 

Once you have established consent and limits, it is important to ask likes and dislikes, turn ons and turn offs. Again, it will seem awkward at first. Ask both, but especially listen to the lady. Ladies run the lifestyle.

 

Err on the side of safe sex. Err on the side of gentleness. Focus on her pleasure. Regardless of the experience, make sure you tell every lady or couple how wonderful the experience was for you and how they are unbelievably hot. No one goes into the fantasy with the idea they are terrible at intimacy. At the same time, if the gentleman asks you what you did to make is lady scream with pleasure, be generous with the information.

 

Have a plan and toiletries and extra clothes as needed to freshen up after a play session. The next couple wants you to be just as fresh.

 

Never, ever, "kiss and tell". What you do with one lady or two ladies or a couple or whatever the scene happens to be, it is for others to discuss and never you. Such discretion will always be appreciated. Do not ask for their names or contact information; however be generous with yours if asked. They will remember you to the club and to other members.

 

Above all, remember the golden rule: do unto others.

 

Good luck.

[Erik13 157]

My advice...pay attention to and talk to the husband as well. Nothing irks me more than when a single guy ignores me.

[agreatguy 269]

Of course be yourself. Who else would you want to be?

 

Excellent advice above. Just be charming and outgoing. Work the room, not everyone will be there looking for a single guy but there are couples that are there for that purpose. Keep in mind that just like in the vanilla dating world there is someone for everyone.

In our case, you don't have to be an Adonis. You don't have to be aggressive. You just have to be charming enough to get my wife's attention. We'd like you to show some interest and certainly telling her she is hot and sexy and letting her know, once she's shown an interest, that you'd like to have some fun with her is a pretty good way of making it happen. Just don't be creepy about it.

 

Here's our takeaway from a recent outing. We all know why we're there. It's what we like about a swinger's club as opposed to a vanilla club. The pretense is gone for the most part, so is the peacocking and tension(other than the good kind). Take advantage of that. Introduce yourself to couples as couples and strike up a conversation. If my wife is interested she'll let you know by keeping the conversation going. I don't give a shit what you look like. If she's attracted I'm all good as long as you acknowledge me and us, know your role and can be respectful to us and her. She wants to get to know you a little but it's not like she's trying to find a soul mate, she has that. She's trying to find an attraction to you enough that she'll let you seduce her and then let you fuck her. This is something she wants to do so you don't have to work all that hard at it just be charming. Do ask more sexual questions when it becomes apparent that there is an interest. Don't be afraid to express your sexual interest. Hint, if the conversation moves along more than 5 or ten minutes there is an interest so it's likely mutual. If she makes any moves toward you, touches you, grabs onto your arm, there is an interest. Learn how a woman shows interest and know how to react.

 

We recently went out on single guy night hoping to fulfill a fantasy. Some where about 2 hours in my wife made the comment that the guys there needed to grow some balls. I ended up having to go have a word with a guy that she showed an interest in. In a bit of an awkward moment I asked the guy if he could turn on a little bit of charm. He said he didn't know. I told him if he didn't know he was in the wrong place but if he could be a little charming there was a lady that would like to get to know him better. The guy had spent so much time walking around acting nervous that he didn't notice any of the couples that were eyeing him. He missed all the signs.

 

After our little conversation he walked by us again, in his own little world, and my wife reached out to him and said something. He stopped, talked to her and then us and was a decent guy that was charming once he relaxed with us. The only disappointment is that he really didn't know how to move things along. My wife had to make ALL the moves from first getting him to stop and talk right through to asking if he wanted to have his cock sucked after she had been making out with him and rubbing his cock. Now I like watching her be seductive but I would also like to watch her be seduced a little. She doesn't mind taking the lead but she likes a guy to be a little assertive, make her feel wanted, and go after what he wants.

 

After she had her way with her guy, then other guys came up and wanted to talk. She was done for the night so we were just hanging out and talking to some new couple friends but she was still willing to talk to these guys. She let them know right up front that she was done though. One was a guy that we tried talking to earlier in the evening and he was too damn shy to even stand up from his table and introduce himself when she spoke to him. I don't know where the courage came from after that but if he would have just taken the hint and engaged she would have rocked his world. Him telling her later that he thought she was hot and he would have liked to have a go at her was more of what she talked about later than the guy we actually had join us.

[IchBinEinSwede 16]

Thanks everyone for replying and thank you for all the advice!

 

As someone stated out, it's just an audition and I will be myself. If it would turn out that the club thinks I'm not suited as a member then so be it. Not much I can do about that.

 

Some random comments from me:

 

- As for drinking and alcohol, that won't be a problem. Yes, I can drink socially but I'd rather have water or something else. Me getting drunk will never happen.

 

- I'll keep in mind to focus first on the woman and then on the man. That said, I won't ignore the man. Probably they both - as a couple - get pleasure from it. Like for example the woman having sex and the man watching. It's better to know both sides wishes if you get what I mean.

 

- Me helping others fullfill their fantasies will be great! Because as I stated: when they feel good, I feel good :-)

 

- Finding out consent and boundaries will probably be awkward, yes, but hopefully practice makes perfect. We're all beginners at some point, right?

 

- I'll probably be nervous at first BUT the funny thing is for me that it might somehow be "easier" being at a swingers club rather than a vanilla club. The reason I say that is because everyone's there for the same reason.

 

Thanks once again!

[Wornsilver 219]

IBE Swede,

 

Your attitude is going to serve you well, in my opinion. You are receptive to advice, aware of the couple's desires and limits. Who wouldn't like you?

 

So many people take turns talking rather than listening to others, and you sound like you are actually interested in others.

 

Keep us posted.