Dear single guys

[agreatguy 269]

Guys, If you come out to a club on single guy night don't be a wallflower or a creeper. Engage, be charming and be able to perform. Women still want to be seduced and made to feel hot and sexy and wanted. It's frustrating that she has to do most of the work to seduce you then when she get's you where you she wants you it's over in 5 minutes.

 

That is all.

[peekaboo 45]

Well said. I absolutely agree. Single guys roaming around a club or party can really come across as creepy and unappealing. I mean, seriously, make me laugh, tell a joke, show some of your personality. Prove to me your a human being at the very least. Jeez.

[agreatguy 269]

Exactly

I just want guys to know that women, mine at least and I don't think she's alone, want to be pursued. Certainly not in a creepy way but she's there all dolled up looking for another guy that will take the time to make a little small talk and feel the situation out then move things along. She's not looking for an Adonis although that doesn't hurt. A charming personality and a clean cut appearance mean more to her. So guys, You've put some thought into doing this, I'm guessing it took some courage to make the decision to do this, now put some effort into getting ready, trim the beard, shave, smell nice but not overpowering, dress to impress. Even if it's just nice jeans and an un-tucked shirt make sure they fit well. When you get to the club, mingle. If you've prepare yourself you'll be more confident. Women like confidence not cockiness. Know a couple of slightly suggestive or provocative jokes or if you're just naturally witty make her laugh. We all love to laugh and it sets us at ease.

 

Here's another hint. Learn a little something about women's shoes. If she's wearing something that looks expensive, strappy and sexy with a tall heel she wants them to be noticed...by everyone. It may feel awkward at first but it's a great opening line to compliment her shoes. I'm not saying it will get you laid but it will most likely open the door. I dare you, just walk up and say "Hi, I just wanted to come over and tell you that those might be the sexiest shoes I've ever seen and they make your legs look great". Then, after she's reacted to your compliment, look at him and say "You must feel like the luckiest guy on earth" Come back and report to us after you try it.

 

My wife was getting frustrated and it wasn't just her. I don't think we saw any of the guys make a move all night. I think the only one that got to play was the one she seduced. There were 3 or 4 guys just sitting alone at tables. A couple were walking around the room but had a blank stare, not even trying to make eye contact. Only one guy appeared to have a creep factor, just the way he was lurking in the shadows. Everyone was avoiding THAT guy.

 

We stopped at one table where a guy was sitting and she said something to him. He responded but didn't try to continue the conversation. I mean here's this good looking 40 something woman dressed in a lacy, very low cut top, short skirt and strappy stilletos approaching you and you can't think of something to move the conversation along? Show some interest? We just walked away shaking our heads.

 

Later she mentioned an interest in another guy and said something about the guys needed to grow some balls. I excused myself to the bathroom at what seemed an opportune time to speak to him. I asked him if he could be charming. He said he didn't know. Seriously, you're at a swingers club on single guy night and you don't know if you can be charming? I just told him if he could find some that there was a lady with me that might give him a chance. Jesus, how big do you need the door to be? He eventually walked by us again and she reached out for him to ask him some question or other. Then started asking what it was like being a single guy at the club, what brought him out, was it his first time? The guy was ok once he started talking and while I don't mind seeing my wife be the seductress I know she wants to be seduced too. She had to do all the work from the first word to making the first move and beyond.

 

After she got done rocking his world then other guys wanted to introduce themselves including the guy she tried to talk to earlier. Why? Because you were watching and now you know for sure that she will fuck you? Or was it because it was getting late and now you had enough alcohol to give you some courage? Sorry...They missed their chance but she was still gracious enough to talk to them. She was sly enough to try to coach them up for next time asking if they had had any luck knowing they hadn't. Then asked me if I would give them some advice on how to have more success from a guy's point of view.

 

We've heard the stories about guys being too aggressive. Our club doesn't put up with nonsense but they don't tie a guy down in his chair either.

[Achilles84 20]

Honestly, I get where this topic and content is coming from, but I can imagine it's a little bit of a drawback approaching a couple where the man is scowling around at all the single guys. On single guys nights, I'm sure it could feel like a sort of "meat show" to the single guys, where they might feel as if they're being judged on looks alone, and if not approached, no one is interested in them. I'd say on this topic... The candle burns at both ends. We as couple's should also try to mingle more, instead of sitting with our partners, drinks in hand, staring around the room like lost kittens waiting to be collared by the pussy catcher (lol). And as men, we should try to give our women space to mingle herself.Let her mix it up with a nice (or not so nice lol) guy and bring him back to you for an introduction. Because wether hes an Alpha or not, it's intimidating to approach a woman with her husband/bf sitting right beside her.

 

Sorry to intrude. Just my thoughts

[introvertswingr 55]

Well said. I absolutely agree. Single guys roaming around a club or party can really come across as creepy and unappealing. I mean, seriously, make me laugh, tell a joke, show some of your personality. Prove to me your a human being at the very least. Jeez.

 

 

Yes-- making me laugh is the easiest way into my pants other than feeding me! Put me at ease.

[PeeTWheatstraw 122]

I agree with you Achilles84. I think its easy to speak ill about single guys when you are coupled up with a woman but until you have been a single man in these situations, its hard to understand what the single male is thinking or has experienced in the past. I know for a fact there are couples that will try to embarrass a single guy just to impress their friends. Other couples want the single guy to be aggressive and to boast about their cock size. And some couples prefer to approach a single guy first. Just skim through a few profiles on SLS and you are likely to find a couple that fits each of those descriptions. Thats if there profile is even open to single men. I don't know where this stigma about single males came from but its definitely one of the reasons I rarely attend clubs or events for swingers anymore. I have met my share of married men that were complete assholes so it just goes to show you that you cant judge a person by their relationship status.

[agreatguy 269]

Honestly, I get where this topic and content is coming from, but I can imagine it's a little bit of a drawback approaching a couple where the man is scowling around at all the single guys. On single guys nights, I'm sure it could feel like a sort of "meat show" to the single guys, where they might feel as if they're being judged on looks alone, and if not approached, no one is interested in them. I'd say on this topic... The candle burns at both ends. We as couple's should also try to mingle more, instead of sitting with our partners, drinks in hand, staring around the room like lost kittens waiting to be collared by the pussy catcher (lol). And as men, we should try to give our women space to mingle herself.Let her mix it up with a nice (or not so nice lol) guy and bring him back to you for an introduction. Because wether hes an Alpha or not, it's intimidating to approach a woman with her husband/bf sitting right beside her.

 

Sorry to intrude. Just my thoughts

 

I can see what you are saying to a certain extent but they should know the score if they are at a club on single guy night. Most, if not all, of the couples are there for the same thing. That in itself should give them some them confidence and not intimidate them. Actually, I've been there as a single guy although it's been quite a few years. I looked for cues and if there wasn't anything obvious I mingled.

 

In this particular case we did walk around a bit and spoke to one guy who seemed shell shocked. He actually came and talked to us later but we had already had our fun for the night and were waiting on another couple to finish their evening so we could tell them goodbye. The guy she finally grabbed got many clues from her that he seemed to ignore including multiple glances and flirty smiles. I tracked him down and opened the door for him and he again seemed shell shocked. I don't know why. It's what he's there for. She finally grabbed his arm as he walked by and got him talking then he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

 

My wife has all the freedom she needs but I think she feels like she wants me there with her so I'll be there with her until she doesn't want that. What she really wants is to be pursued a little not always have to do the pursuing. Fortunately the guys she has pursued have all turned out to be decent guys and charming enough once WE broke the ice. I don't think it's too much to expect a single guy to approach us and start a conversation. I understand the fear of being rejected but that's going to happen, you move on to the next couple. My experience in the past and with my wife is that confidence is going to overcome a lot of other shortcomings a guy may have as long as he doesn't come off as arrogant. Any one of four of the five guys there that night could have had a great night if they had just approached us. As far as I could tell the only guy that got laid was the one my wife finally made a move on and he certainly left happy.

 

I guess that was the reason for my post other than it just being a rant. Just wanted to let guys know that confidence and charm will open the doors more than sitting by themselves waiting on the couples to make the first move.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

I’d like to offer an opinion on the subject. First, wish we had a singles night at our club. They don’t offer one. My wife and I love threesomes. Guys are charged a premium price. Almost double a couple. So this limits our choice. We’ve never played with a single guy at a club. The ones that are their, we have witnessed the same. They sit around. They don’t engage. Guess I can’t blame them. It’s tough. Even as the male of a couple, I’ve had some difficulty with other wives. Maybe I do it wrong. But I think this is a problem with guys in the couple too. I struggle with things to say. Even when I do compliment a lady, I’ve had them say something smart ass back. Example. I told a lady her outfit was the sexiest I ever saw. And her response was take a good look cause that’s all you get. Now, I’m sorry, it’s hard to be confident with ladies doing that. I can definitely see a single guy struggling with this. Some ideas on learning this confidence would be helpful.

 

 

 

 

QUOTE=agreatguy;592236]I can see what you are saying to a certain extent but they should know the score if they are at a club on single guy night. Most, if not all, of the couples are there for the same thing. That in itself should give them some them confidence and not intimidate them. Actually, I've been there as a single guy although it's been quite a few years. I looked for cues and if there wasn't anything obvious I mingled.

 

In this particular case we did walk around a bit and spoke to one guy who seemed shell shocked. He actually came and talked to us later but we had already had our fun for the night and were waiting on another couple to finish their evening so we could tell them goodbye. The guy she finally grabbed got many clues from her that he seemed to ignore including multiple glances and flirty smiles. I tracked him down and opened the door for him and he again seemed shell shocked. I don't know why. It's what he's there for. She finally grabbed his arm as he walked by and got him talking then he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

 

My wife has all the freedom she needs but I think she feels like she wants me there with her so I'll be there with her until she doesn't want that. What she really wants is to be pursued a little not always have to do the pursuing. Fortunately the guys she has pursued have all turned out to be decent guys and charming enough once WE broke the ice. I don't think it's too much to expect a single guy to approach us and start a conversation. I understand the fear of being rejected but that's going to happen, you move on to the next couple. My experience in the past and with my wife is that confidence is going to overcome a lot of other shortcomings a guy may have as long as he doesn't come off as arrogant. Any one of four of the five guys there that night could have had a great night if they had just approached us. As far as I could tell the only guy that got laid was the one my wife finally made a move on and he certainly left happy.

 

I guess that was the reason for my post other than it just being a rant. Just wanted to let guys know that confidence and charm will open the doors more than sitting by themselves waiting on the couples to make the first move.

[adamgunn 1,460]

SexyHorny, good points.

 

At our club, they allow a limited number of single guys; yes, you're right, it costs them a lot more AND they have to be sponsored by a couple and come with them the first time. Like you say, the choices are limited. On the other hand, experienced single males tend to be less creepy.

 

If a guy approached us, we tried to take some time with them even if we didn't plan on playing with them that night (or ever.) That helped their confidence, after that they'd be sure to say hello to us on subsequent visits. My wife was quite the flirt, she approached many a single male and asked him to dance. A few were, as you say, shell-shocked but they got over that quickly when she would grind her ass against him and drag his hand to her breast.

 

After we had been in the lifestyle a couple of years, one 'typical' night would be that we would go into a private room with a couple and swap. Later, long after midnight, my wife would find she was still in the mood and if a sexy single male approached her, she'd take him into a room often with me trailing along to watch and keep her safe. Good times!

[Jwcalgary3 22]

This is a very interesting thread. My wife and I are only starting to discuss the lifestyle and flirt with possibility of going to a club. At this point it would only be to take in the atmosphere, people watch, and do our own thing in a private room, but knowing us and what we’ve discussed the next most likely scenario is to hook up with a single male. She has no interest in couples at this point and I’m ok with that.

 

I could see this happening as a gradual step and maybe opportunistically at first....pretty sure she wouldn’t want to go to an explicit single men’s night right off the bat.

 

I’ve been assuming that a Friday night where a limited number of vetted single men are allowed would be a good environment to test the waters. We go with our game plan being to play together but with options for her to test the other waters at her own pace. I’m a bit worried reading this thread that the guys might not take the initiative to get the ball rolling. She’s at the point where she’s not ready to dive in and do the pursuing - like she doesn’t want it to be her idea or fantasy too obviously.

 

We think we’d enjoy a club regardless, but if our end goal is MFM or M watching MF are we better off looking for a partner directly online?

 

Advice welcome

[adamgunn 1,460]

JW, both of your solutions, club and on-line, are practical and reasonable. And both have hazards.

 

Club: You say your wife is less than flirtatious. This will not be a good fit at the club, as many single men are fraught with concerns themselves; the good ones don't want to come off as 'creepy.' If you simply nod in a single guys direction, particularly if she would say, "Hello, how are you?" that could get the ball rolling. I told you how my wife turned into a single guy stalkier, I wouldn’t think you’d need to go that far. But you do need to be seen as open, if you sit in a corner all night you can expect that no one will approach you.

 

OnLine: The method is to create a *paid* profile on a site, inviting single guys to communicate with you. You can expect dozens of replies in the first week. Most of them, unfortunately, will be a flake and you’ll have to winnow through them. Even after a seemingly good group of emails back and forth to a guy, expect a few to ghost you; they are probably married men fantasizing and seeing how far they can go. You’ll need patience and a thick skin. But with enough work, we found the rewards to be worth it.

 

The best of luck to you.