Really need some threesome advice here

[Cbb434 16]

So a little backstory. Me and my wife have been together for 15 years. Since high school. We have a very strong relationship. And a very good sex life. We have talked on and off for years about having a threesome but have never made it happen.

 

Recently i have gotten her to try dvp with toys, fingers, etc.* Which is something that I've always wanted to do. And it turns out she likes it. Which is great because i like to do it to her. It happens quite frequently now and we both have amazing orgasms during.

 

So the other day she told me that she would like to have a threesome with one of our male friends. Which i agreed to. I think it would be great and it turns me on. Im kind of exited about the whole thing. Taking turns on my wife and hopefully trying the dvp out for real, if hes comfortable with dicks touching that is. Im cool with the whole thing. Even the fact that its one of my friends idk how i would feel doing this with a stranger.

 

So we were talking about it the other day and I brought up that maybe after the mfm threesome we do a ffm threesome. She said she would want to do that. Followed by "but you wouldnt have sex with the other girl". I was speechless. I didnt know what to say because we had just got done setting ground rules for the mfm. Which involved a lot of sex between her and the third.

 

Now i dont know what to do. It feels massively one sided and unfair. And dont get me wrong I didnt agree to the mfm just to get the ffm. I am genuinely into it. Also bit of info niether of us have had sex with another person only eachother. And i get it that she wants to have sex with someone else, but so do i.

 

But now im thinking why would i agree to this if shes the only one that gets to have sex with someone else. I thought this was gonna be the start of a great thing going back and forth between mfm and ffm threesomes and more. And i dont want to do the mfm and then pressure her into a ffm where i have sex with the other girl. Because that will just mess things up. I also dont want to tell her she cant have sex with the thrid. I want her to have that. I don't wanna do this and have feelings of regret or resentment towards her. Or even jealousy not of her and the third having sex, jealous that she gets to have sex with someone else and I don't. But on the other hand i still want to do it.

 

I guess im just really conflicted about this and she keeps talking about it and im trying to stay excited. But should i just call it off or go through with it because its something we both want? Am i being ridiculous about this? How should I proceed?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you*

[TheBiggerMan 83]

Tell her.

[CandDinCo 69]

Everyone ventures Into this lifestyle just a little bit differently. Most of the time, it's baby steps. A little at a time. When my wife and I first started, she was okay with me having oral sex with the other woman, but drew the line at me having full Intercourse with her. It wasn't until years later that she realized that she really enjoys watching me inside the other woman.

 

The two of you need to have a very open and honest discussion about what your rules and boundaries are BEFORE you take the plunge. Respect the rules you set for each other. After a while, it's okay to revisit those rules and see if there are any the two of you want to change. I'm willing to bet that you make some changes to the rules.

[N&G 207]

If it's not something that you want to do then don't agree to it. Don't think that things will change later on either. I'm always suspicious when the female already has the male picked out. Maybe there is more going on than you realize. Do you think that she would agree to playing with another couple that neither of you already know and everyone gets to play? If she says no then you already where you stand.

[Cbb434 16]

I guess all i can really do is talk to her about it. And i feel like the reason she wouldnt want me to have sex with the other woman in a ffm is because she is uncomfortable with her body and might think i will be more attracted to the other woman and get jealous.

 

But i have to put my insecurities away when doing mfm. like is he gonna be bigger than me, is the sex going to be better with him than with me. Am i gonna be left out. But I am able to put all that shit aside because i know we are doing this for our pleasure. And I am completely confident and trusting in my relationship.

 

And its like do I just go ahead and change the rules and say she cant have sex with the third after we already talked about it and said she could. I wouldnt want to do that anyways i feel like it would take half the fun out of it.

 

Should i just call the whole thing off? Because i know that after the mfm where she has sex with the third. Im gonna want the ffm where i have sex with the third and i know she doesnt want that to happen. The ffm threesome she is ok with just not the sex. And i know its gonna eat away at me because i let her and she wont let me. So will it be better to hold off on all of this until she is more comfortable and ready to reciprocate. Because i don't wanna do this in hopes that she will maybe one day let me do the same.

 

Thanks for the advice so far. And i am willing to take more input on the matter.

[MadlyInLuv 94]

My wife and I have talked through this since we are paused at soft swap. We arrived at this conclusion: we should both be at the same level of interaction. If she's having sex but she's not comfortable with me having sex, then that leaves the door open for feelings of jealously or 'being left out' which we do not want to experience.

 

Bottom line: we may get to full swap, but that will only be after she gets comfortable with the idea of seeing me penetrating another woman. I'm 100% fine with this. We may get there in a month, or never! It's cool.

[agreatguy 269]

I guess all i can really do is talk to her about it. And i feel like the reason she wouldnt want me to have sex with the other woman in a ffm is because she is uncomfortable with her body and might think i will be more attracted to the other woman and get jealous.

 

But i have to put my insecurities away when doing mfm. like is he gonna be bigger than me, is the sex going to be better with him than with me. Am i gonna be left out. But I am able to put all that shit aside because i know we are doing this for our pleasure. And I am completely confident and trusting in my relationship.

 

And its like do I just go ahead and change the rules and say she cant have sex with the third after we already talked about it and said she could. I wouldnt want to do that anyways i feel like it would take half the fun out of it.

 

Should i just call the whole thing off? Because i know that after the mfm where she has sex with the third. Im gonna want the ffm where i have sex with the third and i know she doesnt want that to happen. The ffm threesome she is ok with just not the sex. And i know its gonna eat away at me because i let her and she wont let me. So will it be better to hold off on all of this until she is more comfortable and ready to reciprocate. Because i don't wanna do this in hopes that she will maybe one day let me do the same.

 

Thanks for the advice so far. And i am willing to take more input on the matter.

 

It sounds like you're going to have to have a really difficult conversation. Pandora's box is open.

You have a right to ask for what you want out of this but she is heading that off at the pass already while she gets exactly what she wants. There's no way you aren't going to resent that, it sounds like you already do actually, and you need to tell her that you aren't comfortable with that kind of an arrangement so it might be better that you not pursue this at all. It may be that you present it to her in exactly those terms, as hard as that may be, and let the chips fall where they may.

[WSB421 91]

This sounds like a situation to pump the brakes hard on. I think you and your wife need to come to a mutual understanding to avoid the feelings of jealousy and resentment that will certainly creep up in a situation that you've predetermined to be unacceptable to you. The fact that the other man is a friend is another potential red flag I'm not sure you've given serious enough consideration to. What if it doesn't go well? Can you trust him not to tell other people, even if he's had a few drinks? If your wife has mindblowing sex with him, are you ready to feel compersion for her or will that create awkwardness between you and your friend? What if you don't want them to do it again but they both want to? I believe the adage around here that it's easier to make friends of swingers than vice versa. I understand the dilemna though, seems like a first experience with someone you know could make it less stressful for all concerned and I certainly have some female friends I'd love to sleep with but in my mind, probably a bad idea in the long term.

[ChaTam 43]

My advice, honestly don't worry about the ffm right now. Have and enjoy your mfm. The lifestyle is all about comfort. The more you play the more comfortable you guys will be. Once she has had the opportunity to play with another man (men) and she realizes both of your feelings for each other are unchanged she will likely be less concerned with you being with another women. You always read move at the slowest persons pace. If she is okay with mfm and your turned on by the idea... start there.

[Jane1902 476]

I am not part of a couple but I do understand as a woman feeling more comfortable with someone she knows already. I credit you for acknowledging how the uneven rules have you feeling. At least you’re talking.

[Cbb434 16]

Think all we need to do is talk more about the whole situation. And i do want to just go through with the mfm and worry about the ffm later. But now that i know how she feels. I dont want her to feel like she has to agree to me having sex with another woman in ffm just because i let her in mfm. Because i feel like after the fact shell agree to it but not actually want it. And I would never pressure her into it or make her feel like she owes me.

 

So maybe we can try a soft swap for now and hold off of the threesomes until she is more comfortable seeing me with another woman. Maybe ease into it. Because i know this is something we both want. Our sex life is great but we have only had sex with eachother and i feel like were both ready to have some new experiences. I think we just need to slow down a bit and do it the right way so no one gets hurt.

 

Well Im gonna talk to her about it tonight. Ill post about it tomorrow. Thanks everyone. Great advice

[Ckeroticfun3 20]

I concur. Breaks should be on and unless you are ready to be a voyeur only as it sounds might happen. You need to back up and reroute your path until the communication, desire for you both to feel the erotic reward is thoroughly respected and the trust is renewed.

 

My warning: DO NOT START THIS WITH A FRIEND AND ESPECIALLY SOMEONE SHE CHOSE who is a friend. The access to wonder under the initial excitement is too risky

[ViSexual 1,008]

I agree with ChaTam. Don't worry about the FFM that's not even in the works yet. You both are wanting the MFM so just keep talking about it and then enjoy doing it. And, trust me, after she enjoys that, her whole attitude is going to change.

 

I remember my wife making a no intercourse rule once. We met a couple with a husband she really liked and she just took him by the hand and led him down the hall to our bedroom. Thirty minutes later they came out and she smiled and told me and his wife it was our turn.

[Guest]

On the one hand, you say you would be excited with her doing MFM. On the other hand, you’re saying MFM is only exciting to you because you view it as a step towards FMF, your real goal. Many men are quite happy with their wives doing MFM. That’s it. With hubby and I, the topic of swinging came up when another couple invited us to play with them. We couldn’t quite get hands around it at the time and said no but continued to talk about it ourselves. We both had interests, we both had concerns. It kind of settled on MFM being a good step into it. No promises of future FMF, most definitely not because it was the bi factor that kept me from saying yes to the coupe that invited us, no real discussion about other combinations. About several MFM, we decided to do swaps and gradually more but we have never gotten to an FMF. Yet, we both remain quite enchanted with the LS. You need to decide, whether you can be happy with a piece of the pie or if you have to have it your way or not at all. Swinging is not about fairness, there could be some night when she enjoys 3 or 4 guys, you just can’t do that with 3 or 4 women, can you. But would you enjoy it if she did and you were one of them.

 

The other thing, don’t start with a friend. Rad threw the material here and elsewhere, overwhelmingly the literature strongly recommends against playing with friends. We do now, but only after several years of being and the LS.

[Cbb434 16]

So didnt get a chance to talk last night. But I think ive just been over thinking this whole thing. Im still gonna tell her how i

Im feeling. But still going to go through with the mfm. Because i want this too. Most likely not with a friend tho, what you all have been saying makes sense. The risk of losing a friend isnt worth the reward.

 

Also i am prepared to be a voyeur at times during. Thats not a problem for me. And as chiccouplexx said i think mfm will be a good first step into the LS. And as the ffm threesome isnt really my end goal in all of this. It would be fun yes, but I guess what i really want is swaps with other couples. That is where i think we would both have the most enjoyment.

 

Do you think thats a better plan? Start with mfm because we are both comfortable in that situation, hold off on the ffm because shes not comfortable with that situation. And start off with with soft swap and work our way up to full swap as her comfort level seeing me with other women increases?

[Cbb434 16]

I hear ya. There isnt any issue with communicating the conflict. I just wanted to get a little advice before we talked about it again. And in doing so ive kinda worked out my own issues with the situation. If im comfortable with mfm then lets do it and worry about the rest later.

[Cbb434 16]

So we talked about everything. And it went very well. Talked about the potential for disaster if we do this with a friend and she agreed probably not the best idea. I said how since we are both at different levels of what we would allow happen. That we should start off with another couple. And she was like forget the threesome lets just do that. So all in all it went well. Thank all of you for the advice it really helped.

[gaga2018 27]

Okay you are excited about having a MMF but your wife doesn't want you to have sex with another girl if you do a FFM. On one hand, it doesn't make sense! She is being selfish! The most important thing is to have a good communication so if you one of you don't have the same opinion you must not do it. It can ruins your life and your marriage. What's the point of having a threesome when one of the partners can't have sex with the 3rd person?

But you need to sit down and talk. You are not ridiculous you are being conscious of the risks because it can affect your life.

Are you willing to let her have sex with the person she wants although you can't do anything?

On the other hand, you can try doing a MMF and see if she changes her opinion. We are giving you advice but you must decide what's the best for you. Imagine that she likes a MMF and want to experience new things? Its a difficult situation that you two have. If I were you. I'd talk to her in order to know which are the rules etc... If you both want a MMF do it. If you are not sure about it just call of. But both of you need to enjoy the situation

[Cleve76Pom 24]

you need an open discussion, the male "friend" could be an issue, but do not proceed until you talk it out...

[venusshaw 123]

I think you guys are not ready for this and need a serious introspection, before you even get into a rules and expectation stage.

 

Each one needs to ask himself/herself:

Why am I in the Lifestyle? What do I expect from it?

If either of you is in it for self, and not the other, then forget it, will never work.

Will I be jealous if he or she has fun?

If you have not overcome envy and jealousy, forget about it.

Do either of you feel threatened that the other will be better than you?

If you are making comparisons forget about it, won't work.

Lifestyle works when each is in it for the other - the more fun the other has,, the more fun you have. It is about sharing and caring, even if you get nothing, you are having a great time because you are emphatic to the other having fun.

I am being judgmental, but I think you guys are not ready yet - it looks more like a competition of who get's what, rather than how the other can get what he/she wants.

Wish you guys all the best.

 

 

 

 

So a little backstory. Me and my wife have been together for 15 years. Since high school. We have a very strong relationship. And a very good sex life. We have talked on and off for years about having a threesome but have never made it happen.

 

Recently i have gotten her to try dvp with toys, fingers, etc.* Which is something that I've always wanted to do. And it turns out she likes it. Which is great because i like to do it to her. It happens quite frequently now and we both have amazing orgasms during.

 

So the other day she told me that she would like to have a threesome with one of our male friends. Which i agreed to. I think it would be great and it turns me on. Im kind of exited about the whole thing. Taking turns on my wife and hopefully trying the dvp out for real, if hes comfortable with dicks touching that is. Im cool with the whole thing. Even the fact that its one of my friends idk how i would feel doing this with a stranger.

 

So we were talking about it the other day and I brought up that maybe after the mfm threesome we do a ffm threesome. She said she would want to do that. Followed by "but you wouldnt have sex with the other girl". I was speechless. I didnt know what to say because we had just got done setting ground rules for the mfm. Which involved a lot of sex between her and the third.

 

Now i dont know what to do. It feels massively one sided and unfair. And dont get me wrong I didnt agree to the mfm just to get the ffm. I am genuinely into it. Also bit of info niether of us have had sex with another person only eachother. And i get it that she wants to have sex with someone else, but so do i.

 

But now im thinking why would i agree to this if shes the only one that gets to have sex with someone else. I thought this was gonna be the start of a great thing going back and forth between mfm and ffm threesomes and more. And i dont want to do the mfm and then pressure her into a ffm where i have sex with the other girl. Because that will just mess things up. I also dont want to tell her she cant have sex with the thrid. I want her to have that. I don't wanna do this and have feelings of regret or resentment towards her. Or even jealousy not of her and the third having sex, jealous that she gets to have sex with someone else and I don't. But on the other hand i still want to do it.

 

I guess im just really conflicted about this and she keeps talking about it and im trying to stay excited. But should i just call it off or go through with it because its something we both want? Am i being ridiculous about this? How should I proceed?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you*