Lack of interest from men

[redheartbreaker 15]

So we're not exactly new to the ls. We've been doing this about 3 years now. But it seems like there's very little interest from men for me. We are a couple, and typically play with other couples. We've never had an encounter with single people before. I just feel like each time my husband hits it off with the spouse, but the men put very little effort into showing any interest in me. I'm not one to "throw" myself at other men. I'll do something to show I'm interested, but the men rarely really reciprocate. Is this normal? I would think in the lifestyle that I wouldn't have to throw myself at men to get them to actually present some interest, but it's getting to feel very odd for me. I'm a redhead, 5'2 and 120 pounds. Willing to have any advice from men or ladies to help me figure this out. Just getting tired of feeling like I'm finding couples just for my husband to do things with people and getting very little back from it. Thanks.

[agreatguy 269]

If that's you in the profile pic and avatar I can tell you I'd be delighted to show some interest in you and have it reciprocated...But I'm not in Florida. I'm also considerably older than you.

 

I will tell you this. Guys are weird and that's coming from a guy. Yes, you damn near have to throw it at them sometimes. We hate rejection and hate putting ourselves out there to be rejected. We look for clues, signs anything to tell us you are interested and even then we miss them. Read my rant in the club section about single guys. It's almost laughable.

 

Now, all that being said and taking your photos into account I really wonder what it is that you are doing to show interest. Is it verbal, eye contact, body language? Do you move into him a little, maybe give a bit of a tease. There is nothing wrong with flirting.

 

What age range are you attracted to? Younger guys don't get it and yes you just about have to strip down nekkid in front of them.

 

Where are you trying to meet other couples. The atmosphere can have something to do with it.

[gaga2018 27]

Hello redheartbreaker. If that's you in the profile I have to say I would show interest in you even though I'm a bit younger than you. I know what you are feeling right now. Few years ago, it was happening to me and I can tell you that is horrible. Do you normally talk to other couples or do you prefer your husband to take care of it? I think you and your husband should talk about it. You must not feel that way. He should help you out in order to go over this situation! Do you do things with other couples ? Or you just watch? Its not fair to you because both of you must have the same attention. I think the first step is talk to your husband. Anything you need we are here for you!

[redheartbreaker 15]

If that's you in the profile pic and avatar I can tell you I'd be delighted to show some interest in you and have it reciprocated...But I'm not in Florida. I'm also considerably older than you.

 

I will tell you this. Guys are weird and that's coming from a guy. Yes, you damn near have to throw it at them sometimes. We hate rejection and hate putting ourselves out there to be rejected. We look for clues, signs anything to tell us you are interested and even then we miss them. Read my rant in the club section about single guys. It's almost laughable.

 

Now, all that being said and taking your photos into account I really wonder what it is that you are doing to show interest. Is it verbal, eye contact, body language? Do you move into him a little, maybe give a bit of a tease. There is nothing wrong with flirting.

 

What age range are you attracted to? Younger guys don't get it and yes you just about have to strip down nekkid in front of them.

 

Where are you trying to meet other couples. The atmosphere can have something to do with it.

 

Yes, that's definitely me in the pictures. I get the not wanting to feel rejected but even some sort of hint that the other person is interested would be nice. Like, we were all in the pool and it became a skinny dipping thing. I took off my swimsuit top and there was no comments said about it, no obvious signs that he even looked at me which was kind of disheartening. I'm a small girl but it's not like i don't have a pair of boobs to look at. Figured if i was comfortable enough to get naked in that setting that it would bring on some sort of interaction, but it really was just talking about what i did for work. The most recent person in question is at least 10 years older than me. I'm 30 so I'm not looking for something short term like a one night stand type of thing. We actually like knowing the people we play with as friends. Unfortunately the meetups happen at their house and not in a place like a bar or just getting out. The lack of sitter for them makes that difficult. Thanks for the response!

[redheartbreaker 15]

With this particular couple it started with me talking to the wife, and him talking with the husband and then we all met up together for a pool night at their house. The other man worries me a little bit, as in he just likes being very involved with his spouse. That's fine obviously, I have zero problem with him making sure she is comfortable. But it seems like it also gets to the point it's kind of forgotten that I'm there for the same thing. My husband flirts and interacts with the spouse and i have no problems with that either. We talk at great lengths about all of this. I just feel like he's getting more out of things than I am. We play with other couples, we've done soft swap and full swap. With this most recent couple he's done things with the other spouse which we all said was good, was never any problems for me. But it's just not coming back my way, like the other man gets so focused on making sure his spouse is happy that I just get discarded. I'm not an openly outward person, i'm one of those where i meet you halfway sort of thing and lately feel like i'm going 80% and nothing at all comes back. Very frustrating with it.

[gaga2018 27]

I know that it is frustating. I don't care if a person is small or big, I care about their personality, their ways of seeig life and other stuff. Reading this thread, you have the right to be fully confortable. You are a good person. You have to talk to your husband as soon as possible and tell him what you feel

[agreatguy 269]

Your first post made it sound as if this was something that had happened with more that one couple. Now It sounds like this is more of an issue with just this couple. That would make more sense to me.

 

Some people just don't find chemistry individually. You may have chemistry as a group of friends and your husband and his wife may have sexual chemistry but you and the other guy just might not have it for whatever reason. It happens and that's OK.

 

It may just be that he really is more interested in seeing her pleased. Some couples like that. From what I've read I doubt that you are doing anything wrong, you're trying. You're attractive and sound intelligent from what you've written here. He just isn't feeling it. Looks to me like it's his loss.

 

Taking one for the team sometimes means you are letting your partner play while you don't because it's just not going to happen with the other person. If that's not OK with you speak up. You and your husband are in this together and he needs to know your needs, desires, fantasies aren't getting met. As much as he likes what's going on with her it sounds as if you probably should leave this couple behind and find one that fulfills you both.

[padoc 1,703]

Take your top off in our pool and you'll get a lot of interest…..from both of us!!

 

Sounds to me like you just need to move on and find a new couple.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Exactly, don't take it personally - it's about them not you. Move on to another couple and don't give them another thought.

[ViSexual 1,008]

First of all, you're cute as a bug. Maybe the Magic Kingdom pic makes men think you're too PG? LOL!

 

Honestly, too many of us husbands get into the lifestyle because we love our wives and love watching our wives. And that's just not fair to women like you. Couples who are into that should find single men instead of looking for couples with husbands the wife finds appealing.

 

Have you two thought about you and the other husband doing most of the getting to know each other? When you contact couples the first time, you take the lead and, with the other wife's approval of course, get to know the husband first. Make sure there's chemistry there before your husband and the other wife get involved.

[Tahoecple 319]

It took me a long time to figure out the primary attraction to swinging for me personally. I knew I loved it, I loved to experience new women. I loved to see my wife with other men. I loved it when everybody was having fun. But there was just something else that made it so God awful great that I couldn’t put my finger on.

 

Then it hit me, I’m an adrenaline junky. I ride and have raced motorcycles. I fly airplanes and love aerobatics. I was a rodeo cowboy an awful long time ago. If it’s an activity that raises the BP and pulse rate I’m in.

 

Swinging goes against everything we’ve been taught growing up. In high school the fight would be on if some other guy hit on my girl. Now I’m all for him to have sex with her if she’s into it. I think a lot of people revert back to those past experiences. It’s not like they aren’t interested in you, it’s just that they are afraid of making the wrong move or saying something that would piss off either you, your husband, or his own wife.

 

Every couple we’ve ever met when we are getting to know one another, when it’s about time to take it to the next level, I’m on one of the biggest adrenaline highs I’ve ever experienced. There’s the fear, the fear against saying something wrong, the fear I’m getting ahead of either my wife or the other woman. The fear that the other husband isn’t really into going any further. And the fear I didn’t understand those subliminal signals that I thought I received.

 

You have to remember that you are dealing with mortal men, and when a man’s blood starts flowing to the southern region unfortunately cognate thought and the ability to speak rationally usually goes south also. In that state we also don’t have the ability to relate to those little subliminal messages that women are so fond of using. If you want to see a man who doesn’t know you or isn’t familiar with you get totally confused. Wait until he gets a tent in his Levi’s and smile at him and arch your eyebrows just a tad. He will go nuts trying to figure out if you’re laughing at him with something in your eye, or if that was the come and get me signal.

 

To make this work one couple or the other has to take the lead. They need to just ask where this is leading, “you guys are a lot of fun, just where is this thing leading, would you two like to take this to the next level?” Something of that nature. With some couples you will be waiting all night for them to make that move. If they are ready fine, let’s play, if they aren’t sure, ok well call it a night and might try it another night, or look elsewhere. But don’t be afraid to vocalize what your thinking or to clarify where it’s going. You will find a lot of men out there who are turned onto you so much that they just can’t bring themselves to tell you for one reason or another.

[MarniJohn 172]

This is invaluable advice your getting and it's coming directly from men! Take it to heart, they know what they're talking about!

[BobGann 40]

Judging by your pics, and your willingness to be open here, maybe some of these guys who are not paying attention are just intimidated! A lack of confidence affects men just as much as much as women, and maybe they figure you are out of their league and slow to make a move.

[Guest]

I consider myself to be an attractive woman, 5’2” and 108 pounds but even with that, when we are going to meet someone whether at a couples club or just a bar, whether a couple or in search of a single male to join us in MFM, I make a point of dressing up a bit so I’ll look a bit more sexy than the norm. If its a couples club, then it might be a bit like something you would buy in a sex shop, but in a bar, casino or hotel, its basically a very sexy little black dress or short skirt with a top, perhaps braless. Doing so definitely gets us a bit more attention and chat begins.