Are we too selfish to swing?

[Out-N-About 52]

Everyone's been so nice, and I guess there's no better place to ask, so...

 

My husband says his biggest turn-on is seeing me do things, watching me watch things being done to me, and overall seeing/hearing me go crazy during sex. A little more graphic now - the idea of me sucking another guy's cock (or multiple guy's cocks), getting my tits sucked and worked by men AND women, and me sucking another woman's tits drives us both wild.

 

I'm not sure I like the idea of him doing something to another woman though, or another woman doing things to him. Is this selfish?

 

We also agree we wouldn't want anyone but him to fuck my pussy, and neither of us are into anal at all.

 

Would this prevent other "swingers" from wanting to get with us?

[Wornsilver 219]

Nope. And there's already a name for it, sort of. The people on this site have long advised that you define your limits and let your play partners know those limits. It's only fair. Once done, you will have lots of takers. What you describe sounds like fun.

[agreatguy 269]

To answer your second question first, I think it's limiting your options considerably with other couples "swingers". You'll find plenty of guys that are available however so that part of it should not be a problem. Just figure out how you want to do it. A cruise ship isn't likely to have many single guys. A club on certain nights will allow a limited number. Dating sights are full of them but expect to be inundated with communications. If your husband likes to watch you in all aspects such as flirting then you can go out to regular bars, sit apart to see who you might attract, hotel bars are a good place for this but be aware once you attract a guy's attention he may bolt when he finds out what you are up to.

 

Is it selfish? That depends on the two of you. If he truly doesn't want anything else then no, it's not. He needs to be completely honest about that though. Some guys think that if they let their wife have what she wants then she will give in to him later. That's a recipe for disaster. Only he can know the truth, and perhaps at this point he doesn't know for sure.

 

Why don't you like the idea? Jealousy? Just don't find that to be a turn on? Some other reason?

[lcmim 1,080]

I'm not sure I like the idea of him doing something to another woman, tho, or another woman doing things to him. Is this selfish?

 

Not necessarily selfish. Many have a version of this at some point.

 

Personally I believe that you might be short changing yourself more than your husband. Having something that limiting hanging over my head would drive me nuts. The freedom that comes with unloading this type of thing is like learning to breath again.

 

In our case we started out with my deciding that the vestiges of jealousy left in me was not making me happy. I, unilaterally, gave my wife a no holds barred Green Light. This meant any one, any time, in any manner, as long as it pleased her, with no repercussions from me. Just exercising my absolute belief in her love for me and my trust in her judgment set me free.

 

Was I SURE that I could live up to it? Pretty sure, at least as sure as one can be. There are some things you can not know for sure until afterwards. Happily, the first time I saw her eating a friend at a party , I found myself grinning like a kid on Christmas.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

If the trust and communication is there, you may find out as you move forward your fears just don't become reality. I used to be crazy jealous in my younger days, and I was 'concerned' that it would be a problem as we started, but with our love/trust/communication it just wasn't an issue. I KNOW that she is coming home with me and neither of us is looking for anything else but same fun with friends that we can be naked with (and sometimes a bit more...). I could be wrong, but that's why you need to keep talking as you go.

[Out-N-About 52]

Thank you

[Out-N-About 52]

;-)

[Out-N-About 52]

I guess there's a little jealousy, yeah. I just want him for myself, but the fact he's willing to let me share things with others is a big turn on...weird, huh?

[lcmim 1,080]

I guess there's a little jealousy, yeah. I just want him for myself, but the fact he's willing to let me share things with others is a big turn on...weird, huh?

 

You will still have him to yourself.

 

Does he have less of you because he lets you play? That has not been our experience.

[Guest]

Sounds to me the what the two of you should perhaps stay with MFM. He would see what he wants to see you doing, and you could focus on enjoying it without worry of whether he was going down on another woman. That’s the way we started and along the way, I quickly realized that it was all just totally sexual and any feelings of jealousy disappeared. Similarly, since it’s all about physical and visual pleasure, some of those artificial barriers also disappear and you enjoy yourselves so much more.

[adamgunn 1,460]

One of the things about swinging (and life in general,) is that if you stick around, things change.

 

If you two are happy with the way things are going, there's no need to change. (And, no, you're not being 'selfish.') If there's some concern about something, talk it over between yourselves, figure out what to do.

 

And then, down the line, if the two of you decide you want to add something else, why not?

[Markjorge1 59]

My husband wasn’t sure if he was ready for me to play with another man. He wanted me to play with other women and he wanted to play with women as well. We had lots of discussions and we agreed that he has to be okay with me doing whatever he was going to do. If he was able to play with a woman then I would be able to play with her husband. He agreed and we set up rules. We only play in same room and we do everything but penetration. It has been an amazing adventure together And we only go as fast as the slowest person.

[hkdilbert 182]

Try swapping your roles around and ask yourself (both) if you still feel the same way...

[Fitlakecouple 450]

If your pussy is off limits - yes, many couples will 'pass'. But, many will happily play within your boundaries - focus on them.

[venusshaw 123]

Any arrangement between two people that is transparent and honest, is fair between the two - nothing selfish about it. To your question whether you are limiting yourself - yes. You are off limit for most couples, as the other's wife will be left high and dry, and left to watch you with her man. If you are into soft play only, that is another limitation - as all those who want full play will consider waste of time to just go so far and no further. That does not mean you should do something you don't want to do. You asked for it and got an honest opinion.

 

If your pussy is off limits - yes, many couples will 'pass'. But, many will happily play within your boundaries - focus on them.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I'm not sure I like the idea of him doing something to another woman, tho, or another woman doing things to him. Is this selfish?

 

My dreams of her having sex with other men became an obsessive fantasy that I wanted to turn into reality. She thought I was talking her into having sex with other men so that I could have sex with other women. She said she couldn't bear the sight or the idea of me having sex with another woman. I wasn't interested in reciprocation. My fantasy was her having sex with other men.

 

We also agree we wouldn't want anyone but him to fuck my pussy, and neither of us are into anal at all. Would this prevent other "swingers" from wanting to get with us?

 

Yes it would.