Newbie needs some sagely advice: How to deal with this subject?

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Ok, so the wife and I have been on our third date with this swinger couple we met on c4p.com,

who have been in the lifestyle on and off for several years. Younger than us ( by 10 yrs approx),

but more experienced than us in the LS.

 

They have been on hiatus for a year, following the birth of their youngest child, so we are their first

"playdates" since they have gotten back in.

 

Of course, the wife and I are still new to this, having still only little over a year (active)in the LS.

 

Ok so onto our issue:

 

Last night was our third date with the couple, we will call K (female) & C (male).

When we left the date, on the way home, my wife said she had something to tell me and that I wouldn't like it.

Uh, oh, here we go....

 

While hot and heavy and and in Full Swap last night, I was having a go with with K, and my wife was going with C.

Now C has mentioned his preference has been to watch his wife go at it and to have sex with others.

I don't believe it is a cuck situation, but that he prefers to be a voyeur for the most part.

While we ( K and I) were going at it, my wife tried to get him to play with her. He of course masturbated my wife

to orgasm, but she wanted instead to have intercourse. He told her that he was having performance problems,

which he had the last time we all played together on our second date. Then, he struggled with maintaining

an erection and had to masturbate himself to orgasm. We chalked that up to the fact that we had all played much later than

we normally would have liked ( 2am versus before midnight)and he agreed it was an "off night for him."

 

So this time, my wife tried to initiate sex with him, and he again said he was having "performance issues".

My wife being the trooper she was, asked what she could do to help. He asked for oral, sans condom, and she obliged,

but said it didn't help him to get erect. Befuddled, my wife was about to join us when he © moved into position and

mounted my wife bareback. She was in shock, and quickly asked for a "condom check", at which point he got off of her,

and went to grab a condom. She said at that time, was when K and I reached our orgasms, quite loudly, and he returned,

condom freshly put on and began coming in the condom, no sooner than he had gotten it on.

 

So needless to say, my wife was rather shocked by it all, and did not enjoy herself on this date.

I did ask her why she didn't say STOP or NO to bring everyone to attention, but she didn't want to

break the mood on K and I.

 

So at this point I have two major concerns:

 

1. The fact that C broke our "Condom Only" rule, and tried to bareback my wife, which now has me worried that there could be potential

for STD. My wife said he wasn't inside her to even begin to stroke, because as soon as he went in, she put her hands on his chest,

( they were in missionary) pushed him back and asked for the condom check. Still to me, unprotected sex is just that: unprotected sex.

2. How do we broach the subject with C to not only rectify this issue, but also to get to the bottom of his performance issues?

My wife has now convinced herself it is her, and her self-esteem won't hear otherwise, as to why her and C cannot have intercourse.

She says he is great at Oral ( last date) and he can adequately masturbate her to orgasm ( last date and this date).

But of course, intercourse would make everything fair to all, if I'm with K having intercourse, so should she and C as well.

I know that K is bi-curious, and her and my wife had an excellent time on our 2nd date together, playing first.

For everyone involved I'd like to get to the bottom of this.

 

Thanks in Advance for sharing your thoughts....

[Sawman 84]

1) If you are concerned about an STI watch for symptoms and get tested. Although not impossible I would say the chances of infection are low.

 

2) You are not sexually compatible with the couple therefore the dating should not go forward. His issues are not your problem to solve and his desires are not your desires. Tell them thank you and move on. Swinging is exponentially more complex than binary dating. Three or four or more people must be in alignment for it all to work. Beyond casual coupling in a club scene, a couple finding the right couple has a long road ahead.

[Guest]

In the given case, if they ignore your boundaries or rules, you should walk away from them. On a broader level, there a lot of “swingers” out there who simply aren’t into the same thing that you are. We had several MFM and then tried swaps and enjoyed them as well. Summers we go up to this “tourist” town on weekends as do many others. We met a couple, seemed ideal, our age, she was going obviously braless, both very friendly to hubby and I. We had drinks with them, bumped into them on several times that summer, each time things were a little more friendly, hubby even said she was rubbing his thigh and so he rubbed hers and learned she didn’t wear undies and so on. So, next night, I came on to him, dressed the part, short little skirt that I slide up way high for him when on a bar stool, obviously braless, my hand on his thigh and then over to his hard cock. He removes and says, she would get jealous. I look over and hubby’s hand are all over her and hers on him as much as can happen there at a bar. Well, later we talked to another couple that they had introduced us to and we learned that he likes for her to get fucked and then he would go down on her. That was their thing. Very simply, they should have been looking for single men rather than couples.

[Alura 2,774]

When I had performance problems I knew I'd rather not be doing what I was. I suspect that's the situation with "C".

 

As Sawman wrote, y'all are not sexually compatible. Sometimes a couple must surrender to insurmountable difficulties.

[WeRblk2curious 26]

1) Beyond casual coupling in a club scene, a couple finding the right couple has a long road ahead.

 

Thank you for the sagely advice. So then, what do couples do? Other couples in our area we have met ( and turned down) seem to either be (1) Open Marriage, where each does there own thing,

or (b) are involved and only looking for their "unicorns".

Why is it that couples ( who say they are interested in couples) cannot say what they are simply into and leave it at that? If they are looking for a single male, just say that.

If they are looking to cuck /voyeur, just say that. If I have to say the one thing that disappoints me more often than not, is that for doing something that exposes and bares an intimate part of you,

people in the LS ( that we have met so far) seem unwilling to just be honest of their intentions. It makes it hard to keep trying to find a match.

 

Sorry, had to vent a bit, I apologize.

[padoc 1,703]

There is no explaining the behavior of other people. You can only deal with how that behavior effects YOUR relationship. The fact is that they were aware of your condom rule and he intentionally broke that rule. That makes him untrustworthy and if he's untrustworthy, she is too. In our world, neither of them would get a second chance. One of the basic tenants of swinging is trust, trust in your partner, your marriage and your playmates. Without trust, swinging is just fucking around and that's too risky.

[scots 33]

There is no explaining the behavior of other people. You can only deal with how that behavior effects YOUR relationship. The fact is that they were aware of your condom rule and he intentionally broke that rule. That makes him untrustworthy and if he's untrustworthy, she is too. In our world, neither of them would get a second chance. One of the basic tenants of swinging is trust, trust in your partner, your marriage and your playmates. Without trust, swinging is just fucking around and that's too risky.

I would go further & suggest this is their modus operandi. I wonder how many other couples have been caught out!

[Wornsilver 219]

I would go further & suggest this is their modus operandi. I wonder how many other couples have been caught out!

 

I totally agree with Scots. I told my kids there are only two rules: 1) Life isn't fair; 2) People are no damn good. Fortunately, we find many examples of fairness in life and goodness in people, so celebrate! But how disappointed you will be if you expect the contrary. Protect yourself, move along.

[Wornsilver 219]

Oh, and by the way, how is it that we are now using an adverb as an adjective? "Sagely"? Used that way? When did that become a thing? Do we all live in "the Valley" or sumthin'?

[agreatguy 269]

1) Get tested for your own peace of mind.

2) Find another couple. He broke one of your rules and that should be enough.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Two words: Bah bye.

 

Breaking the rules ends the game.