Have you ever taken one for the team?

[introvertswingr 55]

Have you "taken one for the team"? If so, especially for females, how do you get aroused or get convincingly into it? Perhaps I am selfish, but seeing my partner having fun/excited isn't enough to get the juices flowing in this situation... if you will.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

We only have a few rules but one near, if not at the top of the list, is no taking one for the team. If one of us says no, then the answer for the two of us is no.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

We check with each other before play to make sure we're both on board. I've been surprised a few times by her in regards to a few guys she was willing to play with in regards to the guys looks.

 

I think the closest either has taken one for the team was me in a group play setting. When the time came for everyone to start playing I started off with a wife who I wasn't really attracted to. The sex ended up being pretty good and I did end up switching to another wife I was attracted to when people started to rotate. During round two I took the other wife back to a bed and the original joined after a time and I ended up having a threesome with both of them. It ended up being pretty fun but I don't think I'd seek that one wife or again. In order to make sure I could keep the fun going with her I kept my eyes focused on her eyes and facial expressions while she was orgasming.

[introvertswingr 55]

We only have a few rules but one near, if not at the top of the list, is no taking one for the team. If one of us says no, then the answer for the two of us is no.

 

Yes, I would prefer this.....but...circumstances. We'll see. I am not good at hiding what I am feeling (or not, for that matter), so it may resolve itself. That said, just because I start out not being into it, doesn't mean I can't get into it (like TwoFunTexans experienced). I am a hard one to arouse in some respects, and really easy in others -- depends on your point of view. I also have a lot of anxiety/nervousness when meeting new people-- so I am pretty much never excited to meet people. I still enjoy times we have after the fact.

[introvertswingr 55]

We check with each other before play to make sure we're both on board. I've been surprised a few times by her in regards to a few guys she was willing to play with in regards to the guys looks.

 

I think the closest either has taken one for the team was me in a group play setting. When the time came for everyone to start playing I started off with a wife who I wasn't really attracted to. The sex ended up being pretty good and I did end up switching to another wife I was attracted to when people started to rotate. During round two I took the other wife back to a bed and the original joined after a time and I ended up having a threesome with both of them. It ended up being pretty fun but I don't think I'd seek that one wife or again. In order to make sure I could keep the fun going with her I kept my eyes focused on her eyes and facial expressions while she was orgasming.

 

 

Focus on the positive or what is going right-- workable plan!

[Shore2Please 610]

I would say I did things that would be considered for the team. I was brand new to this and my husband and I swapped with another couple that we met on a cruise. Had a really great time in separate rooms. We both liked the couple so that wasn't the problem. The next day we had some play in the same room and I wasn't very comfortable with the situation. I didn't like putting on a show and the sex was very much different. I also didn't want to play with the wife sexually although I really liked her and to this day still like her. I just wasn't into women and I am still not. We have remained friends with this couple and have taken vacations together again.

[Guest]

The thing about taking one for the team, you really don’t know that you did until its all over. Many times, it’s not the one you thought it would be.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I *think* my wife once took one for the team . . .

 

We were at a club. I started playing with a woman (A) in the hot tub, just foreplay, not against our rules at the time. It was clear that the woman and I were into each other, then she and her husband (B) invited both of us into a room. My wife and I often had MFM threesomes, so I think my wife said 'ok' to sort of pay me back for my coolness with her and her lovers. I had a great time with the other woman, my wife not so much with the other guy.

 

They contacted us through SLS, A really wanted to see me again. My wife and I talked about it, she told me she didn't want to be with the husband again, but it was okay for me to go off with A. We met them at the club again, explained our rules, and I spent a very pleasant hour with A while my wife flirted and danced.

 

If I had known my wife wasn't turned on by B that first time, I think I would have said we wouldn't play with them. But who knows, I was thinking with my dick at that moment . . .

[introvertswingr 55]

I *think* my wife once took one for the team . . .

 

We were at a club. I started playing with a woman (A) in the hot tub, just foreplay, not against our rules at the time. It was clear that the woman and I were into each other, then she and her husband (B) invited both of us into a room. My wife and I often had MFM threesomes, so I think my wife said 'ok' to sort of pay me back for my coolness with her and her lovers. I had a great time with the other woman, my wife not so much with the other guy.

 

They contacted us through SLS, A really wanted to see me again. My wife and I talked about it, she told me she didn't want to be with the husband again, but it was okay for me to go off with A. We met them at the club again, explained our rules, and I spent a very pleasant hour with A while my wife flirted and danced.

 

If I had known my wife wasn't turned on by B that first time, I think I would have said we wouldn't play with them. But who knows, I was thinking with my dick at that moment . . .

 

That is the situation I am in. Early in our relationship, we had quite a few MFM's because that is what we could find (as overweight people). Now that I have lost weight, more couples are interested, so we are running into the "it is only fair" logic. The flaw in that, from my perspective, is that the husband in the MFM didn't have to do anything with the other male. With a couple or a bi woman, I am being asked to do things. It is what it is. I think we do better in the club settings where we have to make a split second decision --- if either of us say no (and we have to do it quickly), then it is a no.

 

To the point about not knowing until during/after-- we have experienced that as well. The guy of the other couple was having sex with me while my husband was doing mainly soft swap with the other female. The other guy was hurting me (unintentionally). I told him, he did it again, I told him again, his reaction was less than stellar. I "took it" because I could see/hear how much fun my husband was having. That said, I was a little bummed that my husband didn't step in and set the guy straight. He was in dick-brain land (and probably couldn't hear). I am still even more bummed that, in order to keep the peace and not interrupt my husband's flow, I didn't stand up more for myself. I told the guy to not go as hard/deep. When he did it again he said something like "what do you want me to do, cut it off?" (this was a few years ago, so my memory is not perfect). My normal self would have said "yeah, sure, if you can't follow simple instructions. Here's a knife."

[lcmim 1,081]

introvertswingr said:

When he did it again he said something like "what do you want me to do, cut it off?"

 

If you do it again I might...

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

If one of us isn't 'feeling it' about the other couple, we have 'code words' that lets the other know. Once one of us evokes the code, we politely excuse ourselves and move on. If, in your example, and something is already 'happening' but you are being hurt (or in discomfort or just not comfortable) I would rather have things stopped because there is no amount of pleasure that I could be receiving that would offset any amount of displeasure she might have to endure. We're a team, if we aren't both having a good time, then we need to move on.

[agreatguy 269]

If one of us isn't 'feeling it' about the other couple, we have 'code words' that lets the other know. Once one of us evokes the code, we politely excuse ourselves and move on. If, in your example, and something is already 'happening' but you are being hurt (or in discomfort or just not comfortable) I would rather have things stopped because there is no amount of pleasure that I could be receiving that would offset any amount of displeasure she might have to endure. We're a team, if we aren't both having a good time, then we need to move on.

 

We have a code as well. It would be a little more difficult to enact the code once things got started but not impossible. We stay close, usually within touching distance. This is important to her for the comfort in knowing should a situation like this arise I will be attuned and able to respond. I've never had to pull out(so to speak) once we've already engaged but have had to stop the activities from progressing further at a less intimate level. I believe I've handled it civilly and with little to no drama. I like to think how I would have responded in such a situation as the one described above but until it happens that dramatically I can only go through it in my head. Making her uncomfortable is one thing. Hurting her, especially after she's told him about it, is on another level and the response would probably not be as civil. Still it's good practice, even if just in my head, to see that these scenarios sometimes actually play out.

[introvertswingr 55]

We have a code as well. It would be a little more difficult to enact the code once things got started but not impossible. We stay close, usually within touching distance. This is important to her for the comfort in knowing should a situation like this arise I will be attuned and able to respond. I've never had to pull out(so to speak) once we've already engaged but have had to stop the activities from progressing further at a less intimate level. I believe I've handled it civilly and with little to no drama. I like to think how I would have responded in such a situation as the one described above but until it happens that dramatically I can only go through it in my head. Making her uncomfortable is one thing. Hurting her, especially after she's told him about it, is on another level and the response would probably not be as civil. Still it's good practice, even if just in my head, to see that these scenarios sometimes actually play out.

 

 

I am definitely one that likes to play out possible scenarios. I know that, had he heard, the husband would have done something. Downside to a club, they are loud-- even when you are playing in the same bed area. Like I said, I am surprised I was civil. That situation made me realize (if I hadn't before), that I don't react true to my character all the time once clothes come off. Probably my desire to be desired, feeling like the person is doing me a favor, etc. Who knows. Live and learn. To be fair to the other guy, it isn't hard to make me hurt, unfortunately, thanks to various issues. :/

[agreatguy 269]

I am definitely one that likes to play out possible scenarios. I know that, had he heard, the husband would have done something. Downside to a club, they are loud-- even when you are playing in the same bed area. Like I said, I am surprised I was civil. That situation made me realize (if I hadn't before), that I don't react true to my character all the time once clothes come off. Probably my desire to be desired, feeling like the person is doing me a favor, etc. Who knows. Live and learn. To be fair to the other guy, it isn't hard to make me hurt, unfortunately, thanks to various issues. :/

 

It's not unusual to get caught up in the moment. You're having sex so you're endorphins and adrenaline are all saying go, go, go, orgasm please!, may I have another? or you probably wouldn't be there. Some person other than your SO has found you desirable and is enjoying the same rush. That's part of the excitement of swinging.

 

My wife has made it abundantly clear that if she wants out at whatever point she decides that it is my responsibility to get her out and ask questions later. I"m always a little bit on guard because of it but since I do enjoy watching and listening to her I get pleasure from it. It's not like it's a distraction though. I apologized to the first couple we swapped with because I was more focused on my wife than my swap partner but now I feel like I am able to pay attention to both.

 

Kind of reading between the lines here but I gather that deep penetration is an issue. That's usually the case and it is for my wife at times. She has positions that she likes but still limit the depth and is very skilled at maneuvering into those positions or out of ones that she knows she won't be able to accommodate a guy's size in while still keeping the sexy vibe going.

[Norcalswing 24]

We only have a few rules but one near, if not at the top of the list, is no taking one for the team. If one of us says no, then the answer for the two of us is no.

 

Well said! That's us as well. And it's usually her that pulls the plug but no matter who, the answer is no

[mandjneworleans 19]

We have few rules, but one is, "No one takes one for the team". We also have a non-verbal signal between us that means we leave now, no questions asked.

[njbm 2,868]

It's not unusual to get caught up in the moment. You're having sex so you're endorphins and adrenaline are all saying go, go, go, orgasm please!, may I have another? or you probably wouldn't be there. Some person other than your SO has found you desirable and is enjoying the same rush. That's part of the excitement of swinging.

 

My wife has made it abundantly clear that if she wants out at whatever point she decides that it is my responsibility to get her out and ask questions later. I"m always a little bit on guard because of it but since I do enjoy watching and listening to her I get pleasure from it. It's not like it's a distraction though. I apologized to the first couple we swapped with because I was more focused on my wife than my swap partner but now I feel like I am able to pay attention to both.

 

Kind of reading between the lines here but I gather that deep penetration is an issue. That's usually the case and it is for my wife at times. She has positions that she likes but still limit the depth and is very skilled at maneuvering into those positions or out of ones that she knows she won't be able to accommodate a guy's size in while still keeping the sexy vibe going.

What positions limit deep penetration? Spoon? Any other suggestions? My wife is 4’9” and big penises can hurt.

[Alura 2,774]

Laura once said, "Why not take one for the team, Darling. It's sex! How bad can it be?

 

She liked to approach everything with a positive mental attitude.

 

[njbm 2,868]

A friend of ours said “Isn’t someone always taking one for the team to some extent?” Four way match is elusive. I try to be open minded. Some people are hidden sexual dynamos.

[bryonboru 60]

A friend of ours said “Isn’t someone always taking one for the team to some extent?” Four way match is elusive. I try to be open minded. Some people are hidden sexual dynamos.

 

Exactly, in a four way match there is always someone taking a little for the team even if it does turn out to be a fantastic encounter.

[lcmim 1,081]

Exactly, in a four way match there is always someone taking a little for the team ....

 

YEP, trying to NOT have that happen has a lot in common with trying to balance out Christmas presents to the grandchildren. Frustrating ,with nobody getting or giving exactly what they want.

[PeterJ 940]

A friend of ours said “Isn’t someone always taking one for the team to some extent?” Four way match is elusive. I try to be open minded. Some people are hidden sexual dynamos.

 

The wider a net you cast, the more fish you’ll catch. People don’t get to decide how particular their scope of desire is, but to my mind the wider your range of people you find desirable, the more enjoyment you will get out of swinging.

 

Personally, in sizing up prospective partners, my approach is to answer the question “would I do this person?” Not “is this person the acme of what I find attractive?” I also keep in mind that while I like to have FWB relationships with swinging partners and I hope to have at least some sort psychological connection to a partner while we are engaged in sharing mutual sexual pleasure, in the end for me a sexual liaison with a casual partner is as much about the act as it is about the partner. If they are someone I’d enjoy spending time with outside of a bedroom, so much the better. But I’ve had fantastic sex with people with whom I’d have little or no wish to even have a conversation that went beyond inquiring about what they’d like me to do with them and vice versa while are literally physically engaged.

[padoc 1,703]

We've discovered that there is likely no perfect 4-way match so as I've written before, our standards remain high but we look for couples who are "doable" as opposed to a perfect match. There have been a few occasions when my wife has said, "there is absolutely no way Im ever going to boink that guy". Usually it revolves around bad hygiene, bad breath or a closet smoker. Still, there have been times when the guy just hit all the right spots for her but the wife was just OK for me. It was still pleasant and we've had occasions when I thought the wife was just incredible but for Mrs Doc, the guy was just adequate. I guess we do sort of take a bit for the team but we'll never ask each other to do someone totally unattractive to repulsive no matter how hot the partner.

[njbm 2,868]

We get a lot of “we’re not a match” on the Internet from people very much in our demographic. Many have no certs and I suspect they do not play. I would like to think that we give viable candidates a shot to meet.The perfect is the enemy of the good.

[Alura 2,774]

More bits of wisdom from my late wife:

 

"There's only one way to find out if we want to fuck a couple the second time. Fuck them the first time."

 

"If a man isn't good in bed, I am. I can bring myself off, and him too!"

 

"If I were looking for perfection, Darling, I wouldn't be fucking other men."

 

If I remember more, I'll add them.

[njbm 2,868]

The late Mrs. Alura had the right attitude. If we play with another couple and it’s not a mind blowing experience, what’s the harm?

[padoc 1,703]

I would have enjoyed meeting her!!!!

[lcmim 1,081]

I would have enjoyed meeting her!!!!

 

As would we all.

[Jane1902 476]

I am a single so I can’t add anything but do have a few questions. Do most people start out looking for the exact match and then relax the rule? For those that were not initially attracted to the other partner what led them to change their mind? Some said they have been pleasantly surprised with a much better experience than anticipated, so I wonder how often do you have the reverse of wishing you had listened to your gut? I understand thinking someone is “doable” but I really prefer to be thought of as desirable.

[njbm 2,868]

I don’t think there is an exact match. We like people who appeal to us, who are in our age group and who are nice, reliable and show up when they say they will. It is harder than it sounds to pull off from an online site. We do better on lifestyle cruises, where you meet an array of people.

[agreatguy 269]

What positions limit deep penetration? Spoon? Any other suggestions? My wife is 4’9” and big penises can hurt.

 

Inverted Jockey, a version of missionary where he penetrates her straddling her closed legs. Depth is naturally limited but it may not be enough. You might experiment with it. Done right clitoral stimulation can be pretty vigorous.

 

Another position (don't know what it's called) is with her laying on her side, bottom leg in line with the body, top leg drawn up. He straddles her bottom leg and enters. She can adjust her top leg and hip to control depth. Some other advantages of this for her is she can look at him, touch his arms or even his chest and shoulders if he leans over a little. She also has access to her breasts and clit to play with fairly easily. For him it's very visually stimulating. Just the position enhances her curves. He can see and have access to her face, her breasts and her ass. It's more passive for her as far as thrusting back. She can't really get any leverage to do so but for me the visual stimulation usually makes up for that and if I want to get a little dominant I can lean over and kiss her deeply, grab some hair, or slap her ass. Physically for the guy, being on his knees like that he can alternate between long slow strokes or pound away as his energy and stamina allow and if he leans back a little he can see her wrapped around his cock. If anal might be involved it also makes a little digital or toy warm up pretty easy as well as transition.

[agreatguy 269]

We've discovered that there is likely no perfect 4-way match so as I've written before, our standards remain high but we look for couples who are "doable" as opposed to a perfect match. There have been a few occasions when my wife has said, "there is absolutely no way Im ever going to boink that guy". Usually it revolves around bad hygiene, bad breath or a closet smoker. Still, there have been times when the guy just hit all the right spots for her but the wife was just OK for me. It was still pleasant and we've had occasions when I thought the wife was just incredible but for Mrs Doc, the guy was just adequate. I guess we do sort of take a bit for the team but we'll never ask each other to do someone totally unattractive to repulsive no matter how hot the partner.

 

We've come to realize that we have much the same perspective. It comes in degrees. Sure we're all looking for 10s but a 6 might do just fine. If my wife is really into him I will try really hard to find something attractive about her and it doesn't necessarily have to be physical attraction.

 

This happened just recently. A couple walked into the club and we end up talking to them. I wasn't really attracted to her at first but as I saw my wife was getting turned on(he was really funny and outgoing) it turned me on. As that happened I began to find the other woman had a great personality and a sexy attitude that made up for my initial impression. When she relaxed and flashed a brilliant smile she was far more attractive than I first thought. She and her husband played off each other very well which made them a fun couple. As we got to know each other she became more physically attractive to me because of the other aspects of her personality.

 

A woman I had initially pegged as a 4or 5 at best turned out to be at least a 7 in looks, in my then opinion, but a 10 in fun and personality and at the end of the night she proved to be super passionate and we all had a memorable time. I don't know, Is that taking one for the team?

[adamgunn 1,460]

"Another position (don't know what it's called) is with her laying on her side, bottom leg in line with the body, top leg drawn up. He straddles her bottom leg and enters."

 

This is similar to the Sideways Samba. Lets call it the 'Sideways Tango'. Yeah, it's a great position.

[Guest]

I commented on this one a few months ago but as i think about it, I’m a bit submissive and so feeling like I have to do some guy that is, well, not my choice, can be a turn on. You know, I’m really doing it just to please hubby, being his “nasty” girl for him. That can be a bit of a turn on.