Haven't yet... Not really

[Me&HopefullyHer 15]

First I want to apologize for what might wind up being a rambling post but I will try to get my point across succintly. This is my first post here and LS is new to me/us (kind of). My wife and I have a great relationship, especially sexually. We've been married over 25 years and love each other completely. About 18 or 19 years ago we had been discussing the idea of swinging and 3somes/4somes, etc. After fantasizing about it for awhile we started to discuss actually doing it. My wife was the one who suggested that she might be more comfortable if we played separately at first to kind of test the waters. My preference was to do this together as it was an experience I wanted us to enjoy together. But I agreed. As it turned out I was the one who had the first opportunity. The first step was having drinks with someone I knew and telling her what I was interested in and that my wife was completely ok with it, etc. That night we just talked, flirted and kissed. When I got home my wife and I talked about it all, both got very worked up and had great sex. Probably a couple weeks after that is when the "real deal" was going to happen. Again, my wife was completely supportive and told me to relax and have fun. Which I did.

 

Here's where it went wrong. The next day when we began to talk about it (I was excited for us to share this) her response was, I can't believe you did it." Needless to say, I was floored.

 

It took us awhile to get past all of it but our love as well as our sex lives together is great. Fast forwarding to the present... We've begun to bring up the subject again (just flirtatiously, semi-jokingly right now) but I've let her know that I am interested in doing things. I'm specifically interested in MFM/MMF. I've let her know that I would truly enjoy seeing her go down on another guy (maybe more?) And that yes (even though I know it's often frowned upon in the LS from what I've read) I would also like to explore my bi side as the 3 of us played. She has said (half jokingly) that it's all up to me to set it up.

 

So my big concerns are 1- I would hate to have a repeat of when we tried something all those years ago and have her regret it all and 2-I know that my interests in MMF could be a bit if a hindrance in finding someone to play with.

 

Advice? Thoughts?

[agreatguy 269]

First I want to apologize for what might wind up being a rambling post but I will try to get my point across succintly. This is my first post here and LS is new to me/us (kind of). My wife and I have a great relationship, especially sexually. We've been married over 25 years and love each other completely. About 18 or 19 years ago we had been discussing the idea of swinging and 3somes/4somes, etc. After fantasizing about it for awhile we started to discuss actually doing it. My wife was the one who suggested that she might be more comfortable if we played separately at first to kind of test the waters. My preference was to do this together as it was an experience I wanted us to enjoy together. But I agreed. As it turned out I was the one who had the first opportunity. The first step was having drinks with someone I knew and telling her what I was interested in and that my wife was completely ok with it, etc. That night we just talked, flirted and kissed. When I got home my wife and I talked about it all, both got very worked up and had great sex. Probably a couple weeks after that is when the "real deal" was going to happen. Again, my wife was completely supportive and told me to relax and have fun. Which I did.

 

Here's where it went wrong. The next day when we began to talk about it (I was excited for us to share this) her response was, I can't believe you did it." Needless to say, I was floored.

 

It took us awhile to get past all of it but our love as well as our sex lives together is great. Fast forwarding to the present... We've begun to bring up the subject again (just flirtatiously, semi-jokingly right now) but I've let her know that I am interested in doing things. I'm specifically interested in MFM/MMF. I've let her know that I would truly enjoy seeing her go down on another guy (maybe more?) And that yes (even though I know it's often frowned upon in the LS from what I've read) I would also like to explore my bi side as the 3 of us played. She has said (half jokingly) that it's all up to me to set it up.

 

So my big concerns are 1- I would hate to have a repeat of when we tried something all those years ago and have her regret it all and 2-I know that my interests in MMF could be a bit if a hindrance in finding someone to play with.

 

Advice? Thoughts?

 

She pulled a classic "shit test" the first time.

Has she matured enough since then that you trust this isn't another one. It doesn't sound like it if you are having doubts. In your mind, what's the worst case scenario if it is another "shit test"?

 

As far as finding a M for MMF. It's probably not as difficult as you might think.

[Me&HopefullyHer 15]

I honestly don't think it was any kind of intentional test. I just think it was kind of buyer's remorse. Like, once things happened she was like oh shit, what just happened!? I guess I just want to be very careful and make sure we are both on the same page COMPLETELY. And I really think that doing something together instead of separately would make a big difference.

[agreatguy 269]

I honestly don't think it was any kind of intentional test. I just think it was kind of buyer's remorse. Like, once things happened she was like oh shit, what just happened!? I guess I just want to be very careful and make sure we are both on the same page COMPLETELY. And I really think that doing something together instead of separately would make a big difference.

 

Then you have got to bring it all out in the open with her COMPLETELY. Voice your desires and voice your concerns in the same kind of way that you would talk about any other major life decision.

You mention that she said(half jokingly) that it's all up to you. What exactly does that mean? She doesn't want to be a part of picking the guy? I think it's important, especially starting out, that you are both in 100% which means she is directly involved in the decisions, has input and veto power. I'd be afraid that she would pull the same, "I can't believe you did it" line. By having her involved she can back out at any time and not put you through what you went through before to get back to this point. Can you live with her decision?

 

Some people just aren't cut out for the lifestyle. It seems like there is a recurring theme on this board where fantasy and reality don't intersect. Some people can separate and compartmentalize the emotions of love, lust, desire, excitement, jealousy, compersion, etc. and are able to deal with each on its own. Other's just aren't wired that way. It's one thing to talk about the fantasy of it, it's totally different to see her actually go down on another guy or watch her fuck another guy and enjoy it for what it is or for her to see you do it. You have to make sure it's something she truly wants to do.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I, also, think that it's got to be a completely joint decision to pick the third. And I suggest that you wait until she's really enjoying the threesomes before introducing any MM play into the play. Unless she's turned on by watching two men, which some wives are, that just might become your second, "I can't believe you did that"!

 

If she's really onboard, it shouldn't be difficult to find what you're looking for. You'll be amazed at how many bi men there are who enjoy being a third with a nice couple.

[luv2was 117]

.... Here's where it went wrong. The next day when we began to talk about it (I was excited for us to share this) her response was, I can't believe you did it." Needless to say, I was floored. .... Advice? Thoughts?

Whoops!

 

Sounds like y'all have recovered nicely. As has been mentioned, keep the lines of communication open & honest.

 

You might want to try exploring this BBS more, both together & apart. There is a lot of wisdom & Experience here. If nothing else, what you can learn here should help you better determine if the LS for y'all, or not.