Advice on where to find a male 3rd

[eldiablo311 201]

Hello,

 

My wife and I are trying to find her a respectful male for a regular, once a month, fuck buddy relationship. She prefers not to have one night stands and would feel more comfortable with a guy that she knows somewhat.

 

Do you guys have any advice for a website/dating site/app that would work best for our situation?

 

Thanks for your help!!!

[Sawman 84]

I have been that third with much enjoyment all around. Dating sites are awash with men playing alone and happy with a couple. You are in a buyers' market. Look for intelligent communication and any physical features desired. A meet and greet beforehand should be a given, maybe just hub present. Location is a big consideration.

 

A common complaint is about a single man who falls in love with the wife creating awkwardness and conflict. Attached men do not pose that threat.

[eldiablo311 201]

So just your average "dating site" like Match.com or something like that?

[JandKinBoise 858]

We found that SLS had a good selection of single males. Once you find the guy, go back and read Sawman's post again. He comes across as kinda 'oh and by the way' but this is excellent advise. Men will fall in love with your wife. Married men are less likely to interfere with your relationship. The husband should meet the guy alone beforehand and have a meal, a drink, and spend some time with him, always looking for red flags. In the end, YOU are responsible for placing her in his bed so take your time. The pool of men wanting to do this is huge and very shallow. It's the exact opposite of finding a female but just as frustrating. Good luck. Please be careful.

[eldiablo311 201]

Thanks for the advice!!

 

Any other thoughts are much appreciated!

[eldiablo311 201]

Has anyone used doubllist, or wifedates?

[JandKinBoise 858]

Well all righty then. Finding a guy on line is how you want to do it. Look over sites to find one that has the type of connection you seek. Craigslist used to have a specific breakdown of nsa hookup variations. That was good because you want your ad to be specific. A wide net will flood your inbox. A narrow net will flood your inbox as well but make it easier to cull. Specific title to start "Couple seeks respectful male for ongoing fwb relationship". Now, that will bring in the hordes.

In the body, list specific needs and request how these needs will be fulfilled. This forces the replier to read and write. Grade his writing like a 7th grade English teacher. Low quality writing tells a story you don't need to hear. Ignoring your needs, means he can't fulfill them or didn't read the ad. Either way..delete.

Your ad will be long, too long for most to read to the end. Toward the end, but not right at the end, put a sentence, "in the subj of replies, enter blue or your reply will not be opened". ANY reply without your keyword needs to be deleted without opening. Trust me on this. Now you can go thru the few remaining, and look for red flags.

Start a conversation with the ones you like, do this together. Do not send pictures but you can request them.

When you finally connect, keep your time together minimal and sex based. We (I) made the mistake of befriending the high quality guy we decided on. We took him on vacations and such. I could have easily lost my wife to him. Very rich, very good looking, very big dick that could fuck for hours, very in love with my wife. Love was the only thing that kept my under endowed broke ass with her.

And lastly, enjoy !

btw, ALL the advise given was learned the hard way, before we found this site. Also, a pay site will work way better than our method which was craigslist. Low population kinda forced our hand, better luck to you.

[adamgunn 1,460]

We also used the 'put the magic word in the subject,' as JandK suggested. As a result, you have the first indication of who will be respectful and pay attention to your rules. It works!

[eldiablo311 201]

Well all righty then. Finding a guy on line is how you want to do it. Look over sites to find one that has the type of connection you seek. Craigslist used to have a specific breakdown of nsa hookup variations. That was good because you want your ad to be specific. A wide net will flood your inbox. A narrow net will flood your inbox as well but make it easier to cull. Specific title to start "Couple seeks respectful male for ongoing fwb relationship". Now, that will bring in the hordes.

In the body, list specific needs and request how these needs will be fulfilled. This forces the replier to read and write. Grade his writing like a 7th grade English teacher. Low quality writing tells a story you don't need to hear. Ignoring your needs, means he can't fulfill them or didn't read the ad. Either way..delete.

Your ad will be long, too long for most to read to the end. Toward the end, but not right at the end, put a sentence, "in the subj of replies, enter blue or your reply will not be opened". ANY reply without your keyword needs to be deleted without opening. Trust me on this. Now you can go thru the few remaining, and look for red flags.

Start a conversation with the ones you like, do this together. Do not send pictures but you can request them.

When you finally connect, keep your time together minimal and sex based. We (I) made the mistake of befriending the high quality guy we decided on. We took him on vacations and such. I could have easily lost my wife to him. Very rich, very good looking, very big dick that could fuck for hours, very in love with my wife. Love was the only thing that kept my under endowed broke ass with her.

And lastly, enjoy !

btw, ALL the advise given was learned the hard way, before we found this site. Also, a pay site will work way better than our method which was craigslist. Low population kinda forced our hand, better luck to you.

 

Thank you for you words of wisdom! We really appreciate it!!

 

We will use the tips you mentioned to "weed" out flakes, and others we don't want to meet.

 

I am glad your wife stayed with you!! Lol

 

I think as long as your wife and you go into it with the understanding that it will be an experience primarily for the too of you and that, you will respect the other person's feelings, but ultimately this is for you and your wife and the 3rd person is a temporary passenger in your relationship...then things will go smoother. That is the mentality we are approaching this with. I feel like if you have strong communication, love, and understanding of the goal/rules, then there is a much better chance of having success and a great time together! A great adventure together! Lol

[andremichaux 15]

I’d be interested to be the third if it suits the requirements. Looking for a regular session with someone and keeping it discreet

[1hotminute 72]

I am interested in being a third. Where’d we figure the best place to try to hook up something like that would be?

[Aaron911 45]

I have been that third with much enjoyment all around. Dating sites are awash with men playing alone and happy with a couple. You are in a buyers' market. Look for intelligent communication and any physical features desired. A meet and greet beforehand should be a given, maybe just hub present. Location is a big consideration.

 

A common complaint is about a single man who falls in love with the wife creating awkwardness and conflict. Attached men do not pose that threat.

 

We used a mutual friend who ended up owning my wife in every way and became obsessed with her and it ended very messy.

[Guest]

We never use the dating sites. It is a pain in the rear to find a guy that is available and who he says he is. Most are married and cheating and can't be available. And if you think about it, what kind of guy is it that he's lurking on swinger sites? Why doesn't he have a partner? We tried on all of them and I actually tried Ashley Madison. Someone above mentioned flakes...yep. This really is easy if you are serious about taking on a lover or having a threesome. Just do it the old fashioned way. For a steady option, just get one of your husband's friends involved. It doesn't matter if he's married or not. Actually married is better. My husband has some very handsome golf buddies and they are more than happy to join in or lay me when I want. The absolute best way to get a threesome is go out and pick up a guy. You can take the pick of the litter. What we do is go to a local upscale hotel during the week. I get all dressed up, my husband lets me loose in the bar and he watches me from afar. Go to a hotel that has meeting and convention facilities. There will be a lot of handsome men to pick from, and they'll be making all the first moves. Just pick and chat up the one you want. I make up a lie of why I am staying at the hotel for business and tell them I am married and thinking about having some adult fun. They'll get it. And after getting them all hot and bothered, just add that you have a threesome fantasy. This can go two ways. The guy might not want to do that. You can then just walk away and try again or lay them privately if you're into it. Remember they have a hotel room. If they agree to a threesome, just pick your husband out of the crowd. I just say," Do you want to ask him, or should I?" They don't need to know you're married to the guy.

[kittyswinger 260]

Attend to meetup.com events in your area. Choose events that are similar to your hobbies or interests. Or let your wife join dating meetup events. The only downside is some single guys are creeped out by married women (when the husband knows about it). It is mind boggling that it is more acceptable to them that the wife is "cheating". So it is up to you both if you are comfy for wife to swing separately or find a fb. Then just float the idea if hubby can join later. That is easier.

[Numex 2,416]

... A common complaint is about a single man who falls in love with the wife creating awkwardness and conflict. Attached men do not pose that threat.

This is another reason that the people who we play with are an all-married group. Although some play partners have "fallen in love," it flames out and the cliche about men not wanting to leave their wives is true.

 

And the cliche about single guys just wanting to fuck and leave isn't true. All the wives have stories...

[padoc 1,703]

Damn!! I missed the whole Unitarian church thing in college. I never got lucky attending the Catholic church although I didn't do too badly with a Central Catholic HS cheerleader.

[Guest]

For that type of relationship, we found it best to bring an old friend over into it. Have done it with one of mine and then when he moved away, did it with one of my husbands. Worked well both times (contrary to popular opinion about friends,swinging and sex. We foud that since the basic relationships were in place, there wasn’t that get to know you stage and no real jealousy ever developed, the original relationships were respected.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Chico, glad that bringing friends in worked for you. But for many, many others it didn't; their stories here are legendary.

 

For them, drama ensued, friendships were wrecked, they were ousted to their communities.

[ntx_partycouple 16]

 

A common complaint is about a single man who falls in love with the wife creating awkwardness and conflict. Attached men do not pose that threat.

 

 

Older post but I disagree with that... you take your chances, attached men may not pose as much of a potential for that but it's far from impossible.

The best you can mos likely do is to interview initially and be mindful of that possibility.

 

Here's the thing, you will probably form some level of attachment and you might think of those stronger than whatever arbitrary line you might choose that day as "love". Sometimes threesomes can become regular enough to be almost a "poly" relationship.

 

But you have that all the time you just don't think about it in those terms because since it's not a sexual situation you don't feel threatened. You might see a clerk at the donut shop everyday for a year or so, then they go on vacation and it's someone you shared jokes with and looked forward to seeing... don't you feel disappointment?

 

An old guy you see as you drive past a bus stop you're used to seeing moves to be with his son so he ca be closer to his grand kids and share expenses... What do you feel? But you never even spoke to him!

 

Of course those aren't quite the same .

However my wife has had regulars she's occasionally chose and from convenience played with more than just a couple of times. A couple of these guys didn't even know I was aware but we've had FBs we would see often enough to make it feel to me like they were my little brother or something. and the same with the guys that weren't aware of my knowing about it. The guys that were in the dark about my awareness also have tended to be those that I considered "boring" in that sometimes as at first I would want to know the details when she played alone with some guy but the ones that weren't so interesting were just available for her to knock of a quick piece after work and odds are there's people reading this that can relate.

 

If a n attached person is more likely to fall for someone probably had more to do with how much they are settled and satisfied in their own relationship and how much of a real threat that might be is determined to some extent by how the object of their affection responds. How committed you are to each other is probably the strongest factor,

I bet people here that only play with other couples fel a stronger bond to those couples in many cases than they do with people they don't swing with but maybe go camping or whatever with... it's not set in stone but we've had that and when you don't see them anymore because one of you moved and the distances make it not work the way it did before you feel a loss

 

Ok you're fucking the other guy's wife, but you feel like you lost a buddy... because you have. it can gt complicated but most of the time everyone's fine with it because no one's thinking in those terms.

I could tell an odd experience that sort of ties in but it doesn't fit here.

It probably happens that people lose their partner at times more because of the reaction and not trusting than because they run away with the other spouse but sure, you can find all sorts of any kind of example.