I'm not sure if my wife into it or not

[Safyno 17]

Hello everyone. This is my first post and I hope to get my first experience.

 

My wife and I have a good communication and a good sex life and from maybe 3 years ago she told me that she dreamed that she get fucked from three guys and she really like it and don't want to wake up. It turns me on and I had an amazing sex that day and from time to time I remind her with that dream. To see her talking about having sex with someone not me, it is really driving me crazy and in return I told her about that experience (which didn't happen) with 2 ladies before we got married just to see her reaction. It was ok, she was curious to know the story in detail and one time we talked about the swinging idea and she told me that when she was younger her boyfriend asked her to have some fun with another couple and she said ok but as she said she wasn't planning to do, just some talk and she didn't want to with him.

 

However, now I want to start talking with her to do it and I don't know how to start or to ask her. Now we have 3 kids and she is more religious. Actually, I'm confused and need advice and suggestions from you.

 

Thanks.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

This is a very common question (nothing wrong with asking anyways however). If you don't know how to ask her, then you are not ready yet. Improve your communication so that you can talk about ANYTHING. Work on your trust until you both trust each other completely. Make sure that she knows and is reminded how much you love her every day, then you can just ask her if she ever thought about making this fantasy come true. If there is any doubt in her love, trust, and communication, she will just blow the answer off (and you will still have work to do). She might say that she doesn't want to make this fantasy come true, but if you are both at the same place and able to be completely honest with each other (including you telling her hot you think it would be) there is a chance that she will be open to the idea. Bottom line is you need to ask her and she needs to know that you are encouraging it to happen. There still remains a better than average chance that she will say that she isn't interested, in which case, you need to respect her wishes and let it go, but you won;t ever find out until the two of you can honestly, openly talk. Good luck and let us know how things go.

[agreatguy 269]

GoldCoCouple said:

This is a very common question (nothing wrong with asking anyways however). If you don't know how to ask her, then you are not ready yet. Improve your communication so that you can talk about ANYTHING. Work on your trust until you both trust each other completely. Make sure that she knows and is reminded how much you love her every day, then you can just ask her if she ever thought about making this fantasy come true. If there is any doubt in her love, trust, and communication, she will just blow the answer off (and you will still have work to do). She might say that she doesn't want to make this fantasy come true, but if you are both at the same place and able to be completely honest with each other (including you telling her hot you think it would be) there is a chance that she will be open to the idea. Bottom line is you need to ask her and she needs to know that you are encouraging it to happen. There still remains a better than average chance that she will say that she isn't interested, in which case, you need to respect her wishes and let it go, but you won;t ever find out until the two of you can honestly, openly talk. Good luck and let us know how things go.

 

This is great advice. I would add that if you are at that place where you can bring it up and she says she isn't interested it doesn't mean she never will be but you need patience to let it settle in. However it sounds as if she brought it up first in the form of "I had the(best, weirdest, funniest add whatever adjective you'd like)dream". She's thought about it at least in the abstract. It also means she does have a great deal of trust in you in order to be able to even relate the details of the dream. She had the opportunity before and turned it down "with him" as a boyfriend who obviously wasn't the guy she felt she was meant to be with so probably wasn't comfortable with the idea. That's what I see as encouraging.

 

Here's the reality though. For some people it will always remain a fantasy. They can imagine themselves going through with it, it being a wonderful and sexy experience but when reality sets in it becomes a different story. I like to scuba dive. I have had so many people tell me they are envious of me being able to do that. They want to be able to but there is something inside of them that says it's too dangerous so they like to hear my stories and see my pictures and will never put on a BC. It's a response mechanism that is built in that we have to overcome. The same one that tells us it is dangerous to jump from an airplane or rappel off a cliff(both of which I have done as well). It's hard taking that first step when your mind is saying go, go, go but every muscle in your body is saying no, no, no. I've seen people get to the edge of a cliff but they just won't trust the rope enough to lean back. I've seen plenty of teenagers and young adults break down crying because they get mad at themselves for not being able to do it. They can't overcome the fear of what they imagine can go wrong.

 

I will say that once you overcome that fear it is an incredible adrenaline rush.

[aboveaveragejoe 16]

I'm in similar situation Safyno, only with one kid and she's more involved with religious functions. Just try to do things mentioned here. My s.o is very perceptive so my subtle attempts to bring up the subject failed miserably.

 

I dunno, it could be having a little one is overriding her sexual desires. We use to fuck like crazy now she just has sex once per evening when we do and sometimes she don't even want to get off. I dont want to come off as a ass. I love my child and wife its just frustrating sometimes.

[Safyno 17]

yes Golgocouple you are absolutely right as agreatguy said that is a great advice you get the point of the whole idea while i was thinking sexually...

and yeah i think she had think about it before coz of her dream and that though pushing me to talk with her but i can see that it's better to slow down

thank you both

[Safyno 17]

Yes that religious functions what is make me not sure about her respond but i'm gonna follow the ideas up there and step will gonna lead to another and we will see if someone can add any advice for that

[couplers 4,640]

I want to start talking with her to do it and I don't know how to start or to ask her. Now we have 3 kids and she is more religious...

 

I agree with all of the above, but would like to add that having a long-term marriage and three children is actually a helpful in being nonmonogamous. She knows that you love her and provide for her. Let her know that she can have fun and sexual freedom as icing on the cake as well. If you're only interested in her playing (at least at this point), let her know that you're not looking to have sex with anyone else, you just want her to enjoy it. Then follow through and really make it all about her: listen to what she wants and be supportive, go in the direction that she wants, does she want you to be there or be alone, have sex with a friend or a stranger, go to a group setting or at a hotel?

 

As for religion, what is it that religion teaches us above all else? Treat others well, do not harm others. No one is cheating or hurting anyone else, instead it is a celebration of one of the greatest pleasures that God gave us and an extension of the sex life between you two.

[Safyno 17]

ok that's my abdate

she is ok with the idea but but she is not yet if she can do it with another guy and if she able to see me with another lady,

So as a first step she is willing to have sex with me in a group as she told me "let's start from there"

She suggest to be watched by others in a sex party or something like that.

We are in Germany and don't know from where we can start

We don't know even if it's ok in a swingers party that couples having sex without any other participants

We need advices and suggestions

Thanks

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Find a club and go. It's perfectly okay to only watch or just play with each other and not have anyone else participate.

[Guest]

I was sexually active in high school and college, married, had fantasies and dreams but through 20+ years of marriage, never dreamed of swinging. Husband passed, out dating and fucking, still no thoughts of swinging. Started dating someone I liked, went to a bar in Key West where patrons dance topless, even naked, danced topless and loved it. Loved doing it, loved the reaction of men, started dancing naked, more of the same. Now, the idea of swinging comes up and since I had waded in the puddle, the whole idea seemed much more real and much more desirable. Bingo, suddenly we’re in our first MFM. I don’t think its about sharing dreams and fantasies, I think its about getting your wife to take those baby steps, topless on the beach, bearing those girls for other men, a nudist colony visit, etc. Don’t expect them to just dive into the deep end of the pool, wade with them through the shallows until they see what the deep end is all about/\.

[Safyno 17]

Find a club and go. It's perfectly okay to only watch or just play with each other and not have anyone else participate.

 

I was sexually active in high school and college, married, had fantasies and dreams but through 20+ years of marriage, never dreamed of swinging. Husband passed, out dating and fucking, still no thoughts of swinging. Started dating someone I liked, went to a bar in Key West where patrons dance topless, even naked, danced topless and loved it. Loved doing it, loved the reaction of men, started dancing naked, more of the same. Now, the idea of swinging comes up and since I had waded in the puddle, the whole idea seemed much more real and much more desirable. Bingo, suddenly we’re in our first MFM. I don’t think its about sharing dreams and fantasies, I think its about getting your wife to take those baby steps, topless on the beach, bearing those girls for other men, a nudist colony visit, etc. Don’t expect them to just dive into the deep end of the pool, wade with them through the shallows until they see what the deep end is all about/\.

 

Thats a good advice i think i have to start step by step thats better... i think once she start see men's looking in to her body and like her and im sure they will she is really hot she will ask for more .. what do you think

[Safyno 17]

Thats a good advice i think i have to start step by step thats better... i think once she start see men's looking in to her body and like her and im sure they will she is really hot she will ask for more .. what do you think