I can't be the only person with this issue

[introvertswingr 55]

I wrote a long, rambling, emotional vomit of a post, and then I cut it down to this to hopefully be more on track and reduce the stock responses.

 

In general, I don’t like giving oral to either sex. I think/hope that is just due to pain issues. Maybe I am just a selfish twat. I am not a voyeur, and don’t enjoy watching others have sex. I don’t enjoy watching porn because the sounds and what not are just SO fake. I don’t enjoy giving hand jobs (again pain, but also I find it boring—even if I try to make a game of it) or fingering a woman. So, yes, it would appear that I only like receiving.

 

The problem comes when I am “out”. I don’t want to sit and watch the rest play together. A little of it is jealousy at how enamored with this woman’s vagina my husband is (I get it, new toy), but that is improving. Honestly, most of it is I am bored. If I stare off into space or rest my eyes, I “ruin the mood” for the others. If I sit and watch them, I feel like a creep (no offense to you voyeurs out there, it just isn’t for me) and am bored. I have tried focusing on faces, genitalia, that staring off into the distance thing you do when public speaking. No dice. I am working on faking it until I make it, but that is not my strong-suit.

 

So, I am just a selfish person who doesn’t care about other’s pleasure and doesn’t get aroused or pleasure from that? I do care in that I want them to have fun, but not enough, apparently, to psyche myself up into “doing what needs to be done”. There has to be someone else out there who doesn’t enjoy watching others or blow jobs or hand jobs, etc. What do you do to stay in the mood or at least not ruin it for the others? How do you not get bored?

 

Signed,

 

"I sound like a petulant, spoiled brat and it is a good thing this isn't a site to try to find partners because this post would 'bring all the boys to the yard'"

[couplers 4,649]

 

So, I am just a selfish person who doesn’t care about other’s pleasure and doesn’t get aroused or pleasure from that?

 

Seems to me that a "selfish" women could pretty much have her pick of men to service you however you want. There are guys that would be grateful to have straight ahead sex with a woman, any position that you specify. Some guys are happy just doing oral on a woman. You could probably find two guys willing to do both at the same time. You can always find a guy willing to do whatever sexual thing your interested in. Just be honest upfront to establish the expectations.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . I am working on faking it until I make it. . .

Don't do that.

 

I will offer myself as an example. My wife and I are considered very successful in the lifestyle. I get no big kick out of watching my wife or any other people having sex. I have no interest in porn. I do not expect oral sex from a woman (although I have never met a woman who does not enjoy oral sex from me) and I know many women who do not offer it. I do not feel a compulsion to shout out, "fuck me, fuck me hard." I am actually a fan of good-old-fashioned face-to-face copulation. I do enjoy watching a play partner's reactions and playing to those reactions.

 

Post Script: My wife gets no kick out of watching people have sex. You are not alone.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Just be upfront with new potential partners and never fake it. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. This lifestyle is to enjoy your likes.

[introvertswingr 55]

Seems to me that a "selfish" women could pretty much have her pick of men to service you however you want. There are guys that would be grateful to have straight ahead sex with a woman, any position that you specify. Some guys are happy just doing oral on a woman. You could probably find two guys willing to do both at the same time. You can always find a guy willing to do whatever sexual thing your interested in. Just be honest upfront to establish the expectations.

 

Yes, this is true. We already did that early on in our relationship and now it is...errr... payback time? So we (he) is looking for women for female on female. It tends to be easier to find a couple than a single woman, so there we are.

[introvertswingr 55]

Don't do that.

 

I will offer myself as an example. My wife and I are considered very successful in the lifestyle. I get no big kick out of watching my wife or any other people having sex. I have no interest in porn. I do not expect oral sex from a woman (although I have never met a woman who does not enjoy oral sex from me) and I know many women who do not offer it. I do not feel a compulsion to shout out, "fuck me, fuck me hard." I am actually a fan of good-old-fashioned face-to-face copulation. I do enjoy watching a play partner's reactions and playing to those reactions.

 

Post Script: My wife gets no kick out of watching people have sex. You are not alone.

 

So how do you or your wife handle the times when 4 becomes 3 people playing (you or she are sitting out)? What do you do with yourself? (HAHA-- When writing that, I had a vivid image of me standing anywhere not knowing what to do with my hands/arms. Thank God for water bottles.)

 

LOL-- at fuck me, fuck me hard. That tends to make me either roll my eyes or laugh/giggle (unless it jut fits with the situation and sounds genuine).

[couplers 4,649]

Yes, this is true. We already did that early on in our relationship and now it is...errr... payback time? So we (he) is looking for women for female on female. It tends to be easier to find a couple than a single woman, so there we are.

 

I don't understand. Is it that your husband wants to see you having sex with another woman and you don't like that? Or you just want to receive and not give with another woman? (And that's OK, there shouldn't be a need for reciprocity between spouses or among play partners. Symmetry is highly over-rated.) In any event, sexual play with others should be all about what you, or any individual, wants and not what your husband wants to see you do. If what you want is just to have other guys fuck you and eat you in the way you prefer, that's what you should do. If he wants to see two women getting it on, I'm sure he can find that with other women. Sorry if I am heading in the wrong direction with your situation.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

So how do you or your wife handle the times when 4 becomes 3 people playing (you or she are sitting out)?

Neither of us simply "sit it out". For me, the show is not over when I ejaculate. There are things that I like to do with my tongue and fingers that keep my play partner in a state of excitement. If I get through my refractory period while doing that, I can enter again and do more in-and-out.

 

The men my wife meets seem to do the same. My wife is not bisexual so the question of man hanging around while she does a woman does not arise. Within our circle of swing acquaintances, there are bisexual women and they often get together one-on-one during a house party. But they seem generally disinterested in having men hanging around simply to watch.

[introvertswingr 55]

I don't understand. Is it that your husband wants to see you having sex with another woman and you don't like that? Or you just want to receive and not give with another woman? (And that's OK, there shouldn't be a need for reciprocity between spouses or among play partners. Symmetry is highly over-rated.) In any event, sexual play with others should be all about what you, or any individual, wants and not what your husband wants to see you do. If what you want is just to have other guys fuck you and eat you in the way you prefer, that's what you should do. If he wants to see two women getting it on, I'm sure he can find that with other women. Sorry if I am heading in the wrong direction with your situation.

 

You aren't misunderstanding. I added more info that I wasn't intending to put in this thread so it wouldn't get confusing. Sorry-- it got confusing:). I agree with what you say, just have to work on him agreeing. It seems harder to find women than you would think. There are a few reasons in our situation which might play into that. I am wondering how he would find that with other women (other than at a club) where I would still be included (since, for us, this is supposed to be about us and we are both always present). I like kissing and double dildos-- so there is some I can get into

[introvertswingr 55]

Neither of us simply "sit it out". For me, the show is not over when I ejaculate. There are things that I like to do with my tongue and fingers that keep my play partner in a state of excitement. If I get through my refractory period while doing that, I can enter again and do more in-and-out.

 

The men my wife meets seem to do the same. My wife is not bisexual so the question of man hanging around while she does a woman does not arise. Within our circle of swing acquaintances, there are bisexual women and they often get together one-on-one during a house party. But they seem generally disinterested in having men hanging around simply to watch.

 

You are describing him exactly. My pain puts me out of the mood to even be touched at some points-- so I would like to be able to overcome my boredom at extending the play for the others.

[BobGann 40]

In my experience as a single guy with various couples, I've run into some couples who have "rules" and boundaries that they set up, and I don't see your situation as being any different than that. I would much rather have someone be upfront with their preferences and what makes them uncomfortable. That way I know it's not just ME!

 

If you explain your situation to your partners, and they know what they are getting into (no pun intended), then it's up to them to either move forward with what you are comfortable with or bow out gracefully and find another partner to engage with. As couplers mentioned, not only is symmetry overrated but is probably pretty impossible to find on a regular basis.

[couplers 4,649]

.... I am wondering how he would find that with other women (other than at a club) where I would still be included (since, for us, this is supposed to be about us and we are both always present). I like kissing and double dildos-- so there is some I can get into

You don't have a problem. It seems like your husband is trying to make his problem, your problem. As said before, guys will give you whatever sex you want in any way that you want it. And things are never symmetrical, you'll be able to find more partners than he will. He needs to attract the women that will fulfill his desires. It doesn't have to be evenly balanced and just because you're in different rooms (or even different buildings at different times) doesn't mean that you're not doing this together. Your husband should concentrate on you being satisfied (and watching if he needs to be present), then you can do the same for him. Trying to make it all one complex and symmetric machine may be asking for too much.

[Wornsilver 219]

You are describing him exactly. My pain puts me out of the mood to even be touched at some points-- so I would like to be able to overcome my boredom at extending the play for the others.

 

Did I miss something critically important? You have mentioned "Pain" several times, but I have not understood what that means--we usually don't think of sex as a painful experience. Why is it for you? You almost seem to describe pain that might be chronic, in your hands (giving hand jobs, blow jobs?). Having issues like that puts a different light on things. But, then again, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

[venusshaw 123]

You have not clear;y defined why you are in it at all. Looks like yo are a reluctant, not just an introverted swinger. If you are in it for your husband, watch his expressions and think that the other is you. If you are in it as a compromise of various complications that may be, may arise or may be perceived, then everything is wrong about this. Talk to your husband, that you don't like to be there when he does it, and you are not against him doing it. You don't have to be "US" if "US" does not exist naturally.