Newcomers with questions

[NC_Seniors 519]

New members here from central/eastern NC. I hope this isn't too long of an introductory post, but we have some questions that span several of the forum topics, and I couldn't decide which one was the appropriate place for them. If this is the wrong spot, I trust the admins/mods will let me know to post them elsewhere.

 

My wife and I are empty nesters in our 60s and have absolutely *no* experience in the LS ... but we're curious about it. We have no interest in looking for a swap with anybody else at this point because we need to start slowly, so we believe it makes the most sense for us to visit a club or attend a house party. (In other words, not look for a meet-up.) The MOST we'd do there is be with each other in a group room or share a bedroom with another couple ... and we might not go *that* far. We're hoping some of you experienced members will be kind enough to share insights/info with us ... here are our questions:

 

1) Do you agree that a club or private party is the way to go? If not, why not? We'd certainly socialize and meet people, but again, no swapping.

 

2) We know we don't need anybody's agreement to have sex with each other in a "public" group space, but what about sharing a room with just one other couple? Assuming that we don't "chicken out" on same-room (maybe same-bed?) sex, is this something that we need to find a couple to agree to do with us and then all move to the bedroom together? Can we just find a bedroom that's got one couple already in it and ask if it's OK to share the space? If a couple is alone on the bed, can we simply "claim" half of it? Basically, what's the proper etiquette here?

 

3) We know there are always going to be newcomers to the LS. We also know that there are experienced swingers who are in our age group. But is the combination of our being new *and* seniors gonna cause people to walk away without even talking to us?

 

4) Finally, according the Web site SwingLifestyle.com, it appears there are only three places in central/eastern NC that have on-premise rooms:

The Going Place (Wilmington)

You Know Where (Fayetteville)

The House (Raleigh)

The first two are private membership clubs ... the third is a private house party. Does anyone have experience with any of these places, especially The House since that's the closest one to us? Does any of them stand out as especially good or bad for first-timers/seniors? What are the facilities like? What are your impressions of the staff/hosts? Etc, etc, etc?

 

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to share with us. Looking forward to your responses ...

[Sawman 84]

Hang out here in the forums and get used to etiquette, custom, and language. The more you interact with like minded adults the easier it will be to find your particular space in the lifestyle. Post an ad on an adult site and see who reaches out. Reach out to couples who seem like a nice fit even though distance might be a barrier. Good communication is the ultimate intimacy. A club is a good start assuming you can find one. Look around, talk, get used to the scene.

 

Age will not be an issue. The attraction must be mutual and there is no accounting for taste.

[NC_Seniors 519]

Post an ad on an adult site and see who reaches out. Reach out to couples who seem like a nice fit even though distance might be a barrier ... A club is a good start assuming you can find one. Look around, talk, get used to the scene.

 

Age will not be an issue. The attraction must be mutual and there is no accounting for taste.

 

Sawman -- Thank you for your responses on visiting a club and age ... much appreciated. That said, I don't understand why you suggested that we post an ad on an adult site to look for other couples when I wrote that we're not interested in a swap just yet. Maybe this is all just too new to us, but what am I missing in your recommendation? Thanks!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . That said, I don't understand why you suggested that we post an ad on an adult site to look for other couples. . .

I will not pretend to read Sawman's intentions in making his recommendation but I will suggest that many people become members of SLS simply to learn about house parties, public and private, that are not listed at the hypertext link that exists at the SLS log-on page. You can also learn more about swing clubs as there are conversation areas similar to the conversation areas here at Swingersboard. Some are specific to particular clubs. Yes, a profile must be created when you join SLS. But you need only tell as much about yourselves as you believe prudent. Tell people that you are new to swing and that you are in a learning phase. Photos are not requited in an SLS profile.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

First off:

 

1) Do you agree that a club or private party is the way to go? If not, why not? We'd certainly socialize and meet people, but again, no swapping.

 

Depends on what you are looking for. Are you just looking for another couple to play with or are you looking for FWB? Answer pending...

 

2) We know we don't need anybody's agreement to have sex with each other in a "public" group space, but what about sharing a room with just one other couple?

 

It's always polite to ask if you can share the room with another couple.

 

Assuming that we don't "chicken out" on same-room (maybe same-bed?) sex, is this something that we need to find a couple to agree to do with us and then all move to the bedroom together?

 

Usually the couples will talk before they go find a place to play, but if you find a couple playing and want to join in, then once again, you just need to ask and explain what you are interested in (ie: we're new to this, is it okay if we have same room sex?)

 

Can we just find a bedroom that's got one couple already in it and ask if it's OK to share the space? If a couple is alone on the bed, can we simply "claim" half of it? Basically, what's the proper etiquette here?

 

Yes, no, just be polite and put yourself in the other couples place...what would you want another couple to say and do if you were already on a bed and they entered the room?

 

3) We know there are always going to be newcomers to the LS. We also know that there are experienced swingers who are in our age group. But is the combination of our being new *and* seniors gonna cause people to walk away without even talking to us?

 

Not at all. It seems that most 'swingers' are either young (20's) or empty nesters (over 45). Age and/or experience will not be a problem at all.

 

Can't help you with the final question but I'm sure that there are others that can. Set your limits and rules and have a great time. Let us know how things go!

[NC_Seniors 519]

GoldCoCouple,

 

Thank you VERY much ... As you can tell, we’re really feeling our way here. We started talking about having our first club/party experience several months back and I’ve been devouring every forum on this board for the past month now, making a list of things to know before we start so I can share it with my wife. I hope my questions don’t sound inordinately stupid, but there’s just so much to take in. We really appreciate your willingness to help us.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First off, welcome! We hope this site helps you find the answers you are looking for. All swingers are one point or another are right at where you are now and had many of the same very valid concerns and questions.

 

Yes, I think a club visit would be a great idea. Clubs can be very different from one another, and even different nights of the week at the same club can have a different vibe. I'd suggest Saturday, usually "couples night", would be the best choice. And, it's worth the travel to get to a club that you think will be a good fit. Like a lot of things in swinging, trying to force something that you don't have a good solid feeling about up front usually doesn't turn out well.

 

No problem going to a club with no intention of going any further than sharing a room/bed (perhaps). As long as you are up front about what your limits are with people you meet, then not a problem. No need to tell everyone that just says Hi exactly what you are there for, but when you run into someone who you think is interested in more than saying hi, then good etiquette to gracefully work that into the conversation early on just so everyone knows where everyone else stands. It's usually pretty easy since part of swinger making polite conversation with new people they meet usually includes the "so how did you guys get into swinging?" or "how long have you guys been swinging?" questions or some variation of that.

 

I agree that SLS or whatever site is most popular in your area can be a good resource even at the stage you are at. It will help you find events in your area. For example, an off-premise meet and greet may be a good stepping stone between where you are now to an on-premise club.

 

Good luck, and happy to have you here with us!

[NC_Seniors 519]

cplnuswing — Thank you for weighing in ... we need it!

[agreatguy 269]

After our first full swap, a couple that we had been talking to in the club invited us to join them in parallel play on the same bed. It was every bit as hot as the full swap we had had an hour before. The fallacy of clubs is that they are a constant orgy from open to close. It just doesn't happen that way. Sure, couples hook up but it feels like to us that more are there to watch, be watched or simply absorb the sexy atmosphere. Hookups actually take some time and work and they don't always happen for a variety of reason.

 

If you choose a club be confident in your boundaries and be able to articulate them, As long as you can do that I don't think it will be seen as "chickening out" but more as respecting your own rules.. Most swingers will respect them and some will be willing to play at whatever you comfort level is. Seek those couples out, reevaluate your boundaries often and move forward at the speed of the slowest participant.

[NC_Seniors 519]

Thank you, a greatguy ...

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Welcome to the board.

 

First, it's a great introductory post. The questions you raise are thoughtful. You are approaching the LS as partners, and that makes all the difference.

 

It's worth the two of you discussing--in some detail--your current comfort zones and your boundaries. These have already evolved (you posted here now, not a year ago...) and are likely to continue to change as you meet people in the LS. That continuing communication between yourselves is key both to success in the LS as well as to happiness.

 

The first questions to ask yourselves might include the following...

 

1. What do we want from our first contact with the LS? Do we simply want to have dinner with a more experienced couple and hear about their experiences? Do we want to be voyeurs at a party? Do we want to jump right in--and if so what does that mean to each of us? If not explicit, at least be specific.

 

2. Where precisely do our current comfort zones lie? Just speaking about the possibilities with other couples? Social nudity? Soft play? Again these are likely to change with time.

 

3. What are our expectations of others, and of each other? What must we experience together, what is okay experiencing individually? How do we check in with each others feelings during these explorations?

 

You'll also find it's worth talking through what would make each of you feel vulnerable during these explorations.

 

Good luck.

[NC_Seniors 519]

We appreciate your input, FL ...

[venusshaw 123]

New members here from central/eastern NC. I hope this isn't too long of an introductory post, but we have some questions that span several of the forum topics, and I couldn't decide which one was the appropriate place for them. If this is the wrong spot, I trust the admins/mods will let me know to post them elsewhere.

 

My wife and I are empty nesters in our 60s and have absolutely *no* experience in the LS ... but we're curious about it. We have no interest in looking for a swap with anybody else at this point because we need to start slowly, so we believe it makes the most sense for us to visit a club or attend a house party. (In other words, not look for a meet-up.) The MOST we'd do there is be with each other in a group room or share a bedroom with another couple ... and we might not go *that* far. We're hoping some of you experienced members will be kind enough to share insights/info with us ... here are our questions:

 

1) Do you agree that a club or private party is the way to go? If not, why not? We'd certainly socialize and meet people, but again, no swapping.

 

A club or a party, if you are first timers, there may be many people who already know each other and may not mingle with strangers. It may take you many visits before 'familiarity breeds attempt.' You could make prior online appointments and see how that works. You would be best positioned to travel to an adult only resort. There are many types of people there, you could talk and share your views with people and find likeminded people. A couple of visits, you will be familiar with the lifestyle and decide how far you wish to go and how to get there.

2) We know we don't need anybody's agreement to have sex with each other in a "public" group space, but what about sharing a room with just one other couple? You could with prior arrangement.

Assuming that we don't "chicken out" on same-room (maybe same-bed?) sex, is this something that we need to find a couple to agree to do with us and then all move to the bedroom together?

Absolutely. No jumping in.

Can we just find a bedroom that's got one couple already in it and ask if it's OK to share the space? You could always ask politely and respect their decision.

If a couple is alone on the bed, can we simply "claim" half of it? Basically, what's the proper etiquette here? NO.

 

3) We know there are always going to be newcomers to the LS. We also know that there are experienced swingers who are in our age group. But is the combination of our being new *and* seniors gonna cause people to walk away without even talking to us? NO, unless you bother them.

 

4) Finally, according the Web site SwingLifestyle.com, it appears there are only three places in central/eastern NC that have on-premise rooms:

The Going Place (Wilmington)

You Know Where (Fayetteville)

The House (Raleigh)

The first two are private membership clubs ... the third is a private house party. Does anyone have experience with any of these places, especially The House since that's the closest one to us? Does any of them stand out as especially good or bad for first-timers/seniors? What are the facilities like? What are your impressions of the staff/hosts? Etc, etc, etc?

 

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to share with us. Looking forward to your responses ...

No idea about these specifics. You call yourself seniors al the time an din your 60's. In the Lifestyle there are no seniors and juniors by age. I hope this makes you more comfortable now.

[padoc 1,704]

Going to a club on a couples only night is in our opinion, the best 1st step. You can do as little or as much as you'd like. Most well run clubs adhere to the concept that "no means no" but there should be ample opportunities for you to look, watch, get comfortable with the atmosphere and maybe find a place to make out with your wife, maybe flash a little or more depending upon how comfortable you two get as the evening progresses.

 

In our experience, a house party is generally a way smaller group of couples, and there is some expectation that people who go to the party are there to play. A house party tends to be more intimate and personal than the anonymous nature of the club scene. We attend parties with 10-12 couples, we all know someone there and we're generally all naked within an hour of walking in the door. That kind of thing may be a bit too advanced for your 1st time.

 

You could join SLS or SDC and stipulate in your profile that you're interested in a watch and be watched scenario. We experienced that once or twice early on and for a new couple, we found the experience to be incredibly hot. We quickly moved beyond that but initially, it was an incredible way to get our feet and ultimately more of our anatomy wet in this hobby.

 

BTW, we're now in our 60's and are still finding willing partners and playmates and are still enjoying fun recreational sex. As I've stated before, we started this in our late 40's and our ONLY regret is that we didn't do it sooner. Let us know how it turns out for you.

[NC_Seniors 519]

venusshaw and padoc ... thank you.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Sorry about the vanishing act for the last two days. Lets just say a trip to the dentist and two days of not doing anything with a return trip scheduled for Tuesday

 

I hope my questions don’t sound inordinately stupid, but there’s just so much to take in.

 

There are no stupid questions! This is a Pandora's box you are looking to open and there is no such thing as too much info. If in the end you do decide to go to a club, go with no expectations other than having a fun night out with the wife...anything else is a bonus. Some nights a club can be dead or just not the 'right' vibe (however Fri and Sat nights this usually isn't the case). Make sure to let the door know that you are first timers...they will usually have someone give you a tour (making sure you enjoy your first visit means you may come back for many more) and not feel like a deer in the cross hairs. Just have a good time even if it is only watching from the corners. The sex you have later that night is almost always amazing. Good luck and let us know how things go.

[NC_Seniors 519]

Lets just say a trip to the dentist and two days of not doing anything with a return trip scheduled for Tuesday

 

Owwwww ...

[NC_Seniors 519]

Anybody else?

[venusshaw 123]

NC_Seniors said:

venusshaw and padoc ... thank you.

 

You are welcome. You may get some clues in my blog at Experience The Ecstasy and Excitement of Erotica My Swinger Lifestyle - From Fantasy to Reality Swinger Sex Diaries