Appearances - and personalities - can be deceiving. How do we backtrack?

[KuriousKhajit 15]

Hey all!

 

Welp, we're stuck in a situation that makes us feel like we're in highschool all over again. Two situations, actually!

 

Bear with me here as I describe.

 

We're friends with Couple 1, who are longtime swingers and awesome people. Completely wonderful friendship. They threw a private swinger's party, which we gladly attended. While we were there, we met Couple 2, who looked cute and seemed fun. (And how bad could it be if Couple 1 likes them, right?). We played with them, had a pretty good time, exchanged kik profiles. Husband is border-line physically appealing to me, but on the right side of the border.

 

Bring in Couple 3, with whom we get along great. In the weeks to follow, we get some unsolicited real-time photos from Couple 2, and the contents of the photos show that they're playing with Couple 3. We think "wait, cool! You all know each other!" and send a flirty message to Couple 2 & 3, basically saying "have fun! We'll be thinking of you"

 

Couple 3 tells us, later, that they're chagrined and that Couple 2 has been become known for outing other couples - admittedly, only those who are already in the lifestyle - and that they're going to start keeping their distances from Couple 2 after this. Couple 1 - whom they ALSO know, as we discovered when we attended a second party - also privately tells us that Couple 2 has ticked off some of their other friends and will be phased out of parties.

 

Couple 2-Wife is now trying to get pregnant, but still playing with other couples/men. Couple 2-Husband is now ravening after me like a a starving wolf in the dead of winter if you laid out a dead cow in front of it. Hubby and I are not impressed by this new twist in his personality, we're disappointed that Husband can't also full-swap with Couple-2-wife and not feel worried, and we're super worried about their ability to be discrete.

 

Lastly - and most simply - while we were at the last party, we also met Couple 4. Couple 4-Wife is super HWP, hilarious, and generally our cup of tea. Couple 4-Husband is charming, respectful, and....very, very obese. Couple 4 propositioned us (again, very courteously), and we declined that night because we were on our way out, and then vaguely declined their invitations following since they live two hours away and we rarely check our S.L.S profile). We will be attending another one of Couple 1's parties along with Couple 4 on in two weeks, as it turns out, and I'm nervous about how that will play out.

 

So here are our questions:

1. Simplest: How do we deal with Couple 4(dissimilar wife and husband) at Couple 1's parties without actually hurting their feelings, but still swapping with others at parties? Is there any way for my husband to play with the wife where I don't have to reciprocate with the husband?

2. How do we distance ourselves from Couple 2 when we've already slept with them, and there is a strong possibility they will hear from other people in Couple 1's network that we're still happily swinging with others?

 

We've both "taken one for the team" in the past, and it really put a lot of stress on our relationship. We LOVE playing with Couple 1 and Couple 3 because everything is in balance and we click. Neither of us wants to get back into uncomfortable drama. Swinging should ultimately be fun, right?

 

Please help! We're trying to move forwards in a constructive way that doesn't burn any bridges.

 

 

Cheers,

Kurious

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

Why not tell everyone you are taking a break? That should not offend anyone and it gets you out from under couple #2 without having to risk being outed by telling them you don't want anything to do with them because they are fucking low lifes. Eventually, those couples will move on so that takes care of your rotund suitor. You can get back in touch with the ones you trust to not kiss and tell. (I personally would not given that they know each other and might say something that puts you back in the loop.) You could also look at it like the overweight guy is well aware that he is overweight and if he chooses to remain obese, he just has to deal with the fallout of his own choices. Everyone has preferences and for all you know, he gets attention from others whose preferences align with his outline.

 

If you are highly worried about being outed, in the future, you might want to be a bit more careful in choosing to whom you give enough personal information to ID you.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, you could just simply be honest and tell couple 4 that your husband does find Mrs. 4 hot as hell but that you are just sort of like the singer Meatloaf and you 'would do anything for love but I don't do fat'!

 

 

Seriously, there are folks, both men and women, who like obese but there are lots of us who just aren't physically turned on to it. In the car business we had an expression for, what we thought were, ugly cars. "There's an ass for every seat". I remember once when I ordered a new Chevy and the factory screwed up on the colors. It was a two tone and it came in with two colors that should never be on the same vehicle. And, as a matter of fact, they couldn't be ordered together.

 

 

I called the company and while I was arranging for the car to be returned, it sold. Heck, it wasn't even out on the lot yet, the customer had seen it on the convoy.

[introvertswingr 55]

Couple 4 -- It would be kinder to just tell them the chemistry isn't there. There is absolutely no need to get into "well, we find your wife hot, but not you". The end result is the same if they are looking for both of them to play-- it isn't going to happen. I don't see the benefit of singling out the male. Trust me, he knows. I used to weigh more than I do now, and we know. If people turn us down now, and it isn't because of me (e.g., they say your wife is hot), it is a stab in the ego/feelings of my husband. For what purpose? There is no need to be rude.

 

Couple 2 -- If you have no interest in playing with them anymore-- just tell them that. You don't have to give them a why. If they can't respect your no, that is further evidence that they aren't the right couple for you.

[Wornsilver 219]

You're trying, it seems to me, to not only find compatible relationships between four people, which is even more difficult that finding a match between two people, but expanding the universe to eight people. Without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't have experience with this, but my limit has been four. I don't have any advice beyond what is given above, but maybe you would do well to stick with one other couple at a time?