How do you prevent STDs?

[Cade# 22]

Hi all, I'm new this board and this topic. I haven't heard this lifestyle before, but it's very interesting so I read some threads.

 

I have some questions. How do you prevent getting STDs??

[njbm 2,872]

Use a condom, get checked with a blood test.

[Cade# 22]

Use a condom, get checked with a blood test.

 

How often do you check the blood?

[JandKinBoise 858]

Swingers aren't going out every weekend for a huge orgy. Stds are actually fairly rare. Many swingers stay within the confines of a group of people they know and trust.

Thinking about swinging, and getting 4 people into bed isn't the same. If you pursue this hobby, you will find there are many roadblocks, with STDs just being one issue in a long list.

[Cade# 22]

Swingers aren't going out every weekend for a huge orgy. Stds are actually fairly rare. Many swingers stay within the confines of a group of people they know and trust.

Thinking about swinging, and getting 4 people into bed isn't the same. If you pursue this hobby, you will find there are many roadblocks, with STDs just being one issue in a long list.

 

Then, always the same couples? how long will it meet a new couple?

[njbm 2,872]

We get tested once a year. The most common STDs are HPV and HSV. Reduced by condom use, but not a sure thing. HPV has an inoculation for those under 45. Some other things can be cured by antibiotics. HIV is rare, to my knowledge, among swingers. This is an occupational hazard if you swing. Accept it or don’t swing.

[Cade# 22]

We get tested once a year. The most common STDs are HPV and HSV. Reduced by condom use, but not a sure thing. HPV has an inoculation for those under 45. Some other things can be cured by antibiotics. HIV is rare, to my knowledge, among swingers. This is an occupational hazard if you swing. Accept it or don’t swing.

 

Tnks bro ☺

[lcmim 1,082]

For us it is scheduled once a year. Full 10 panel

 

Testing should be proportionate to exposure.

 

Our Group has a nurse as our health administrator. Any one tests positive for anything we contact her. She then puts a notice out to our group reporting the findings , but not the source. This has two reasons. First it encourages reporting. Second it really does not matter as to the source. The time between exposure to finding is going to be long enough that the chances are pretty good that it has spread beyond the initial person and their playmates. This of course call for another blood test for us.

Otherwise for all intents and purposes our immediate playgroup within the larger group in fairly limited 4-5 people ( 2 couples +1) I hope this helps.

[Cade# 22]

For us it is scheduled once a year. Full 10 panel

 

Testing should be proportionate to exposure.

 

Our Group has a nurse as our health administrator. Any one tests positive for anything we contact her. She then puts a notice out to our group reporting the findings , but not the source. This has two reasons. First it encourages reporting. Second it really does not matter as to the source. The time between exposure to finding is going to be long enough that the chances are pretty good that it has spread beyond the initial person and their playmates. This of course call for another blood test for us.

Otherwise for all intents and purposes our immediate playgroup within the larger group in fairly limited 4-5 people ( 2 couples +1) I hope this helps.

 

Thanks for tha information and How long have you been in the group? don't you play outside the group?

[lcmim 1,082]

Thanks for tha information and How long have you been in the group? don't you play outside the group?

 

About a year. Who has the time? So no.

[Guest]

Good question……

 

The truth is there is no real guaranteed way of telling if a person is infected with a STD or STI because in many cases a person who has contracted an STD or STI doesn’t show any physical symptoms, or may not display any physical symptoms until the later / end stages of the disease or infection.

 

People are also correct about condom use, because you can catch virtually all of the STD’s and STI’s by giving OR receiving unprotected oral sex. This means you can wear a condom during penetrative sex, but if you give that person oral sex, or they give you oral sex you can still contract HIV / Hepatitis and various other diseases.

 

However in my personal opinion there are things you can do to limit your chances of contracting such a disease or infection, for example…..

 

 

1: Know Local Sexual Screening Procedure:

 

I’d say the first thing to do is research the sexual health screening procedures in your local area / town / or city, because doing so will arm you will valuable knowledge.

 

What follows is a true story:

 

Some years ago now we met a young single man for a social meeting, and sure arriving at the bar to share a few drinks everything seemed to be going well, until the question of when he last got sexually checked for sexual diseases or infections?

 

The young man paused for a moment and seemed to become slightly nervous, he then proceeded to say that he last got sexually screened at the main screening clinic in the city centre, which happened to be the same clinic we used.

 

I actually decided to play dumb and act like I didn’t know much about that clinic, in reality it was the exact same clinic I’d be using for over 10 years and I knew the building / location / and their operating procedures really well.

 

Playing dumb I asked the man where the clinic was?

 

He actually answered by giving me the totally wrong location.

 

I asked the man what street the clinic was on?

 

He couldn’t even answer and said he didn’t know.

 

I asked the young man what the clinic was called?

 

He replied by saying he couldn’t remember the name.

 

I then asked the young man what happened when he attended the clinic?

 

He replied by saying he simply walked into the front door and approached the reception and asked to be sexually screened, after which the receptionist told him to take a seat and after a brief wait his name was called and nurse led him into a private room where he completed the sexual screening test.

 

I asked the young man to clarify how this happened, and basically asked him if I walked into the clinic I just walk to the ground floor reception area and ask to be sexually screened? That I assume there is some kind of waiting room on the ground floor and a nurse calls your name out when they are ready?

 

The man replied sure, just walk in and ask at the first floor reception and you will be given and seat and seen shortly after.

 

The problem here is that I know for a FACT that the ground floor of that building doesn’t even have a reception area, and that the sexual screening clinic he was speaking about is actually on the 3rd floor and has been for over 20 years.

 

I then asked the man how long it tuck him to receive his results?

 

He replied by saying he got his result the same day, that he got his results only a few hours after completing the sexual screening tests.

 

I also asked him how he received his results?

 

He explained that someone from the clinic had called him and gave him the all clear and said he was totally free from STD’s or STI’s.

 

However I instantly knew this was a load of rubbish, I instantly knew he was lying firstly because the results from that clinic take about one week to arrive, and secondly people from that clinic will only contact you if they do find an STD or infection.

 

Plus the staff from that clinic will not call you on the telephone because for all they know anyone could answer the phone. Instead and to maintain confidentiality they will either send you a text message asking you to contact them, or alternatively will send you an email or postal letter asking you to contact them.

 

With that clinic if your results are clear you will hear nothing from them, but can call them after a week just to double check your results were clear.

 

In total this young man could not tell me what the clinic was actually called / could not tell me the proper location of the clinic / could not tell me the name of the street the clinic was on / could not even tell me what floor the sexual screening clinic was on / clearly lied about getting his results within only a few hours / clearly lied about someone from the clinic calling him and discussing medical results on the phone.

 

In all honesty my knowledge of the local sexual health screening procedures saved me from jumping in bed with a young man who was obviously a liar, and who obviously hadn’t been sexually screened at all.

 

If I didn’t have knowledge of the local sexual screening procedures then me and my girlfriend could have jumped in bed with that man and not only caught an STD or STI but the simply fact he was willing to lie about such things means he would be more than happy to lie to us again and could cause my relationship some major damage.

 

In my opinion the first step in protecting yourself is simply by getting checked out yourself and becoming very familiar indeed with your areas sexual health screening facilities / polices / locations / procedures / ECT.

 

I am totally unsure about other countries but your average city in the UK perhaps has around 2 to 5 sexual health screening clinics. These sexual health screening clinics are usually specialist facilities that receive government funding to undertake sexual screening tests. So for example if there are only 2 or 3 sexual screening clinics in your town / city then it shouldn’t be that hard to become familiar with them all.

 

There is nothing stopping you from visiting these clinics simply to ask questions / to figure out the location / figure out their procedures. For example you could simply ask the reception staff various questions such as:

 

Do you sexually screen people who just walk in off the street or do you need to book an appointment and come back a week later?

 

How long does it take to get your results back from sexual screening?

 

What floor in this building is the sexual screening facility on?

 

What sexual screening tests do you provide, blood, urine, swabs?

 

How does this clinic contact people if their results do come back positive for an STD or STI, do you phone people, write to them, email them?

 

Is there any kind of age limit for people been tested?

 

What times and days do you open, or close?

 

How long has the sexually screening facility been in this building?

 

Do I need to bring any kind of identification with me to the screening test?

 

Is the sexual screening tests free or is their a charge?

 

How long is the average waiting time if you simply walk in off the street and asked to be sexually screened?

 

If the results of a persons test come back all clear do you even bother contacting them, if so how would you let them know their test is clear?

 

 

Basically the more you know about your local sexual screening facilities and their procedures the more protected you will be.

 

For example you could meet someone who says they have been sexually screened in the main clinic in the town centre which is a small pink building, then you know for a fact the only sexual health screening facility in your town isn’t a small pink building, its actually a large green building.

 

You could meet someone who tells you they got sexually screened in the town centre in the sexual health clinic near the bus station, but actually you already know the sexual health screening facility they are talking about is in on the exact opposite side of town from the bus station.

 

I do agree this situation could prove difficult if you live in a very large city, but generally for smaller sized cities or town there are only so many places that do offer free sexual health screening. If you become familiar with those places and find out their locations and how they operate then it will arm you with valuable information that will easily allow you to spot people who are lying about been sexually screened.

 

 

 

2: Physical:

 

Perhaps the second beat thing you can do to help protect yourself is simply looking for physical signs of illness / sickness / disease / infection.

 

If we meet someone new then we would always insist on a social meeting first, and during this social meeting my eyes and other senses are firmly focussed on this persons body, and on the replies they give to our questions.

 

During this social meeting I am looking for things such as:

 

- Signs of physical illness.

- Signs of infection.

- Skin sores.

- Skin rashes.

- Skin blotches.

- Skin lesions.

- Skin abnormalities.

- Open or sore wounds.

- Constant itching.

- Over use of the toilet.

- Swelling.

- Stomach cramps.

- Infected gums or teeth.

- Pale or sickly complexion.

- Repeated coughing.

- Yellowing or discoloured skin.

- Withdrawn sickly features.

- Infections or sores around the mouth.

- Rotting or very unhealthy looking finger nails.

- Signs of sudden weight loss.

- Patchy or sudden hair loss.

- Constantly passing wind.

- Signs of serious sleep loss.

- Groans and moans of been in pain.

- Signs of depression.

- General lack of strength or stability.

 

 

I would also be looking for signs of hard drugs use such as:

 

- Needle track marks on arms.

- Heavily stained finger nails.

- Rotting teeth and gums.

- Slow slurred speech.

- General confusion.

- Stumbling when walking.

- Severe short term memory issues.

- Erratic behaviour.

- Uncontrolled shaking hands.

 

I would also be looking at the persons general hygiene levels such as:

 

- Is their hair washed.

- Is their clothes clean.

- Is their shoes clean.

- Is their finger nails clean.

- Is their face properly shaved.

- Is their teeth clean.

 

 

It is vital to understand that a person with an STD / STI might only display 1 or 2 of the things above / or maybe they display 5 or 10 of the things above / or perhaps they don’t display any of them at all because like stated not everyone who has an STD actually shows any outward symptoms, however using your social meeting to actually look for any of these symptoms will help identify some dangerous people.

 

I’d also point out that YES and STD or STI and strike a very clean person just as easily as it can someone with bad hygiene. However it is worth noting that catching a major STD or infection can often result in the person feeling depressed or been diagnosed and medicated for depression like behaviours, and one of the bigger signs of depressions (according to medical studies) is letting your hygiene slip.

 

For example if a person has recently found out they have a major sexual disease such as HIV then some people might think:

 

- Well what is the point washing my hair?

- Why even bother changing my clothes?

- What’s the point even brushing my teeth?

 

That people who are hit by sickness can become wrapped up in themselves, so upset and depressed about this illness that it can effect their everyday lives such as hygiene / communication abilities / confidence / general feeling of worth.

 

Remember a social meeting is not simply to see if you like someone, a social meeting is not simply a chance to see if you fancy someone or would fuck them. In fact a social meeting is your chance to find out about this person / look at this person / question this person / asses this person / listen closely to what they say / see how they react to difficult questions / to me a social meet is a vital part of the process.

 

 

3: Body Language:

 

With the above in mind I’d actually say one of the most powerful tools you can use is simply learning about body language / learning when you are been lied to / learning to notice the tell tale signs that someone is been dishonest / nervous / unsure / lying.

 

Lets look at a simple example…..

 

- If I asked YOU when you last got checked out?

 

Then if you have been sexually screened for STD’s / STI’s then you could probably answer me in a quick / calm / direct fashion without really been phased. The vast majority of people can usually remember roughly when they last got sexually screened / where they got sexually screened / what tests were undertaken / the general procedures that were used by that screening facility, so really answering a question that you already know the answers to is not that hard.

 

Generally if you ask someone who HAS been sexually screened they will happily say:

 

“Sure I last got tested about a year ago and the St Andrews health clinic in the city centre. They asked me to give a blood and urine sample at it all came back clean”

 

- If you ask someone who HAS NOT been sexually screened, someone who is trying to lie about been sexually screened?

 

The generally when you ask this person when / where they last got sexually screened for STD’s they will almost instantly become a little nervous or on edge, they will often “Pause for Time” for example they will begin to readjust themselves on their chair / will sit forward / will make some kind of body movement / will break eye contact / will look up towards the ceiling or even down towards the floor / the pupils in their eyes will move upwards or downwards / they will sometimes say things like “Hhhmmmm / Eeerrrrrr / Mmmmmm” as their brain tries to create a lie, they are basically stalling for time to figure out what to say.

 

But like stated someone who actually has been checked out and sexually screened doesn’t actually need to pause to figure out what to say.

 

Say for example that you asked ME when I was last sexually screened?

 

I wouldn’t be phased or confused by such a question, I’d simply tell you in a calm and quick manor that I got checked out about 1 year ago at the sexual health clinic in the city centre. My general posture wouldn’t change, I’d not begin to make an erratic movements, I’d not really need any time to pause, I could happily tell you other details about the clinic such as the general location / the size of the building / how long it tuck to get results and so on.

 

If you ask someone who is LYING TO YOU then you could expect that:

 

 

- They will become instantly on edge or slightly nervous.

 

- They will break off eye contact with you.

 

- They may readjust how they are sitting such as moving forward or backwards.

 

- Their eyes will probably move upwards or downwards.

 

- They will stall for time and will take a brief pause to dream up an answer.

 

- They may touch their head or face using their hand.

 

- They may begin to blink rapidly.

 

- They may touch their ears or the back of their neck.

 

- They may suddenly use one hand to touch or rub their other hand.

 

- They may suddenly move their hands under the table or even sit on their hands.

 

- They may fold their arms in a defensive position.

 

- They may suddenly be struck by a dry mouth.

 

- They may roll their eyes around.

 

- They may softly bite their bottom lip.

 

- May try to cover their mouth whilst they speak.

 

- May put their hands in their pockets.

 

- May begin to bounce their knee up and down in a fast paced motion.

 

 

I guess the subject pisses me off a little because over the years I have had various social meetings with single men, and several women who have 100% lied to us when asked if they have been sexually screened. Generally with body language your looking for a sudden change in the conversation, your looking for a sudden change in their posture or movements.

 

My best advice is to meet the person for a social meeting, to spend maybe 20 or 30 minutes chatting in general, speaking about your hobbies, speaking about general things such as your taste in food or music / holidays you have had / how long you have lived in the area and so on. THEN once the person is relaxed, once the conversation is friendly happy and flowing simply ask them when and where they last got sexually tested for STD’s and STI’s and very closely watch their response.

 

Please note that I said “Watch” their response, not just simply listen to what they have to say. See if they suddenly become on edge or nervous, see if they suddenly start to move around / touch their head / look away / begin pausing for time.

 

Sure in some cases a person may need a few seconds to remember when they last got checked out, that it may take a few seconds to recall such information. However if that pause is also accompanied by them seeming nervous / suddenly changing posture / letting out other signals listed above then chances are they haven’t actually been checked out at all, or at least not for a very long time.

 

By all means do Google searches or even watch videos on YouTube about body language, about how to spot someone is lying to you. Remember if someone is willing to lie to you at a social meeting, especially about something as vital as been tested for STD’s or STI’s then really you don’t want a person like that in your life anyway, even if they did turn out to be 100% free of STD’s the entire fact they are willing to lie about such big subjects will put you in danger anyway.

 

I also find that “Playing Dumb” can really help you spot liars, for example lets say I have a social meeting with a man, and when asked when he last got sexually screened his posture and movements suddenly change, that my trained eye thinks he is lying, well I won’t just stop the questions there, instead I will say……

 

- Oh you got checked out at a clinic in the city centre, where is that? I have never heard of that place before.

 

Obviously I have heard of the local clinics and know the place well.

 

- So what happened when you attended the clinic, how fast did you get your results?

 

- Hhhmmm so what kind of tests did the clinic preform?

 

- How did they give you your results?

 

- Oh that sounds great I might try that place, is it anywhere near the bus station?

 

 

The more questions you ask the more nervous a liar will be become, in a lot of cases they have no real idea where the clinic is / how big the building is / what colour the building is / what the procedures are / where its located / what its called / how test results are given / each question you ask forces the person to lie again, and with each lie they will become a little more nervous and let slip more tell tale signs of lying.

 

 

If you ask 4 or 5 questions that will force them to lie, and you are fairly sure they are lying then at your own leisure you can say “Thanks for a nice evening we will be in touch soon” and can simply end the social meeting on a nice friendly note and walk away from the person.

 

If a person gives a nice, calm, direct and quick answer to your questions and you are fairly sure they are not lying then cool, well done. Really the only other answer that is worth a crap is if someone says:

 

“To be totally honest with you I haven’t been sexually screened for a long time, but I am certainly willing to get sexually screened to make sure everyone is safe”

 

In at least 4 or 5 different swinging situations I have actually met people for social meetings and then attended the sexual screening clinic with them. I will often suggest to a new partner that we BOTH attend the sexual health clinic together / at the same time and that way he/she can be sure I have been tested, and me and my girlfriend can be sure they have been tested, some people will happily agree.

 

Learning to spot lies is a very powerful tool, and learning to ask simple innocent questions that will force the person to lie even more is a sure way of uncovering their lies and making sure your not mistaken.

 

 

4: Health Questions:

 

During the social meeting you can also take the chance to ask some basic health questions, or even tricks questions / leading questions / disguised questions concerning the persons health, for example you could say:

 

“So this is a bit of a strange question but if we do meet up again and all end up in bed together is there anything we should know about from a sexual point of view?”

 

“For example, you struggle to cum / experience any pain when you do cum / suffer from stomach problems during or after sex / suffer from stomach cramps during or after sex / find it really difficult to use the toilet / come out in a rash after sex / get really itchy after sex / feel nausea after sex / have any strange discharge after sex / any strange swelling after sex / are allergic to any perfumed products such as deodorant / are allergic to latex in condoms / have any allergic skin reactions after sex / or any sexual hang ups / fears / concerns / or health problems that we should know about?”

 

If a person replies by saying things such as:

 

- Yes I do find it really hard to reach orgasm and it often hurts when I cum.

 

- Yes usually after sex the skin of my penis becomes blotchy and has a rash.

 

- Yes usually after sex I find it hard to pee for several hours.

 

- Yes funny you should mention it but I do often get stomach craps during sex.

 

- Yes I think I’m allergic to certain products as I also have a rash after sex.

 

- Yes my penis and groin area become very itchy after sex.

 

- Yes sometimes I do experience an allergic reaction in the form of swelling.

 

 

The basically you need to keep clear of this person and NOT have sex with them.

 

 

It is vital to understand that a lot of people who do contract an STD / STI actually suffer symptoms for many months or even years before finding out they have a disease or infection. Generally they will try to BLAME other things, for example.

 

- I have sensitize skin that’s why my penis swells and gets rashes or spots after sex.

 

- I am allergic to things such as shampoos / shower gels / soaps / and the people I have sex with use those products so that’s why I come out in bad rashes.

 

- I think I just get too excited during sex that is why I get stomach cramps.

 

- I think I just get nervous during sex hence why it takes me ages to cum and causing me pain when I finally do reach orgasm.

 

- The funny coloured discharge is nothing to worry about its been happening for years.

 

- I must be allergic to the washing powder that couple uses to wash their bed, that is why I suffer rashes and swelling.

 

- I get stomach cramps during sex because I have a bad digestive system.

 

- Oh its nothing to worry about its just something my body does.

 

 

People often think of every excuse under the sun before actually thinking they could have an STD or STI. In many cases people have STD’s and STI’s for years without even knowing, they just assume the pains / aches / rashes / itching / is all caused my something else, for a lot of people getting checked out is the last thing they do.

 

During these health questions I would also be very worried indeed by anyone who says:

 

- Yes I did once have an STD / STI but I went to the doctors about it.

 

- No I have never had an STD or STI but my ex girlfriend ended up catching one.

 

- I did once suffer some problems but it just went away on its own.

 

I think when you ask someone if they have / or have ever had an STD / STI then a lot of people like to say “NO” but accompanied with a few more words that is basically saying “THEY DON’T KNOW” but in a less obvious way.

 

Lets look at the examples above:

 

- Yes I did once have an STD / STI but I went to the doctors about it.

 

Translated into Honesty: Yeah I did catch and STD / STI and did experience symptoms so I went to the doctors which was fairly embarrassing because he asked to see my penis. The doctor gave me some medicine and I left his office never to return, the symptoms did seem to go away but I have not actually been to get checked out since, have not returned to the doctors, plus I have slept with about 10 people since then so actually I have NO IDEA if I have an STD or STI but I’m going to simply tell you “NO I DON’T” and the doctor cleared all that up.

 

- No I have never had an STD or STI but my ex girlfriend ended up catching one.

 

Translated into Honesty: To be honest I have no idea if I have an STD or STI but I’m going to say “NO I DON’T” and let you know that my ex partner had an STD or STD and that way if you do catch anything from me then its my ex partners fault not mine, that if you do catch anything from me I have already set up someone else to blame, it was my nasty horrible ex partner.

 

- I did once suffer some problems but it just went away on its own.

 

Translated into Honesty: I did suffer some severe symptoms but they faded away on their own, I have no idea at all if I’m still infected, if I’m a carrier, or what the problem was. This is my way of saying I have never been checked out.

 

 

When your asking these health questions anything that sounds like an excuse / sounds funny / passes blame / sounds unsure, is probably a big warning sign. Its kind of like someone saying…..

 

“I DO NOT have and STD or STI, but…….”

 

Really anything other than a clear cut “NO” is very worrying and it often a persons ways of saying they don’t actually know.

 

 

5: Medical Beliefs:

 

This is perhaps a strange one but is a subject to really look out for. During the social meet stage I always make an attempt to find out a persons feelings / opinions / beliefs about things such as doctors / hospitals / medical staff / injections / ECT.

 

True story:

 

Some years ago now we met a guy for a social meet and during the conversation I mentioned a few things about doctors, taking into account I worked in a hospital at the time it was a fairly normal subject for me.

 

The man in question however had a fairly strong reaction and spent several minutes explaining that he hated doctors / hated visiting the doctors / hated hospitals / that all doctors are stupid / that most doctors don’t have a clue what they are doing / that doctors always make lots of mistakes / that he avoids going to the doctors or hospital at all costs / that he also really didn’t like injections and had a phobia of needles.

 

The man spoke fairly strongly about his opinions of medical staff and medical facilities, basically he hated them with a passion. NOW ask yourself how likely is that man to attended a medical clinic of his own free will to be sexually screened?

 

If he hates medical settings then why would he ever willingly attended medical facility to be sexually screened?

 

If he has a phobia of needles and injections then how would he every manage to give blood tests so proper sexual screening tests can be completed?

 

If he mistrusts and hates doctors why would he ever willingly put his care into their hands which includes things like sexual screening?

 

If anyone we meets expresses that they hate doctors / mistrust medical staff / do not visit the doctors or hospitals / have not visited the doctors in many years / can not even remember the last time they visited a doctors or hospital / have phobias against needles and injections / then sure I take that as a massive warning sign.

 

I guess these things could be summed up as:

 

- Phobia of medical environments.

- Phobia of medical staff.

- Phobia of needles or injections.

- Phobia of finding out they are actually sick.

 

During social meets I will often say things such as:

 

“The other month I went to the doctors because I had a stomach bug and they only gave me the wrong medication”

 

“A few months ago I had to visit the hospital with a friend who had fallen over and we ended up waiting for 5 hours to be seen”

 

Such innocent comments often spark the person to speak about their own feelings and thoughts on the subject, for example some people may say their doctors is really good, or that they have had good experiences with medical staff, where other people will unleash a torrent of hate and mistrust against medical situations.

 

Sometimes I think you have to ask a question without really asking the question, that you have to use trick questions / leading questions / disguised questions to try and find out the truth about how someone feels about a given topic.

 

 

6: Trick Questions:

 

Like stated above I often find the best way to get honesty out of people is to use trick questions / to ask questions without actually asking the direct questions / to allow people to think you are OKAY about something when your really not.

 

Perhaps the best example I can think of is a question I often ask single men online. During the messaging / email type stage I will often say:

 

“So bit of a strange question but are you are actually single like your profile says OR would discretion and a bit of sneaking about be needed? Would we need to meet up and fuck when your partner doesn’t know? LOL”

 

This often makes the man think we are OKAY about the idea of cheating, we are OKAY about been his dirty little secret and affair fuck toys and its amazing how many men reply by back saying.

 

“Oh I’m really glad your okay about the idea of been discreet because actually I’m not single like my profile says, I’m actually married but she is a boring bitch, I’m in a sexless marriage, you only live once so I want more sex, blarr blarr blarr”

 

The same can be applied on a social meeting / or messaging when screening someone about STD’s and STI’s for example you can say things like:

 

- I am safety concious but I’m not that keen on condoms, what about you?

 

If the person replies by saying I NEVER USE CONDOMS, I hate condoms, then you basically know anyone they sleep with is unprotected sex.

 

- I use to really like going out with the lads and having some drinks and a laugh, what about you?

 

If the person replies by saying YEAH me and the lads hit the town every weekend, we get drunk, we party the night away, I have a big group of male friends and we all have party nights and lads holidays together. Then you already know that during these none stop lads nights out and holiday that one of their objectives will be to fuck people / to have sex.

 

I find if you put a bunch of your stereotypical lads together then they will often play games such as who can pull a women the quickest / who can pull the best looking women / who can bare back a random women in the club toilets / who can fuck the most girls during the two week holiday.

 

I recall one man specifically who basically said him and his male mates go out every weekend without fail, they go out specifically to fuck women, and if they do not find a women to fuck they either get drunk or off their mind of drugs, usually a combination of all three, and really all I said is that in my younger years I use to like to head out on the town with my friends which urged him to spew out various hardcore stories about his endless lads nights out.

 

If we are meeting a man and I get any time alone with him during the social meeting I also say something along the lines of:

 

- Cant really believe it, a few weeks back at work a fit young women I work with asked if I’d like to fuck her. She knows I have a partner but she said she didn’t mind and had liked me for a while and that it would be just sex. Was a little confused because basically it would be cheating on my girlfriend, not really sure what to think about that subject, still trying to make my mind up? LOL

 

Some men will obviously reply by saying they haven’t really got any experience with cheating / don’t cheat / wouldn’t cheat / couldn’t get away with cheating / are to honest to cheat / would prefer to protect their relationship and job.

 

Where obviously other men would say GO FOR IT / ANY HOLES A GOAL. Get the girl at work fucked / I’d fuck her / who’s going to know / if you can get away with it then why not. This already tells me that this man is pro cheating, that he doesn’t mind lying, that he takes whatever chances that come his way, that he may even try to get my own girlfriend to cheat on me if we do have a threesome with him.

 

The fact that he is willing to cheat and take whatever sexual chances come his way does slightly increase the risks of him catching an STD or STI. Plus the fact that he is willing to lie / cheat / sneak around also means he could easily lie to us about been checked out for STD’s, that he could easily cause our relationship damage.

 

Perhaps a strange but other good comment to make is something along the line of:

 

- Was fairly shocked the other day, I was on my way home from work and noticed this street hooker / prostitute standing on the corner, and got to admit she was fucking gorgeous, she looked like a model or something and had a perfect body, she even looked spotlessly clean. Well I have never done anything like that and wouldn’t even know what to expect but if I was single I’d probably give her a try LOL.

 

Some guys would perhaps be shocked at that statement / wouldn’t really know what to say / would perhaps give a similar story and been once seeing a very attractive prostitute on the street but not actually doing anything with them.

 

Other guys however will openly admit that sure I have been with prostitutes / I’d happily fuck a street hooker / I use to fuck them near my old workplace / I went with a few prostitutes when my ex relationship went downhill. Either that or the man will pick up on my comments of “I’d not even know what to expect” and will reel off some story about how to approach hookers / how much they charge / where is best to take them for sex / how its easy to get a nice little blow job in the car.

 

True Story: But we once had a social meeting with a guy who we thought was divorced, during the social meet he confessed to still be married / still living with his wife / having two children with his wife / but then gave the age old reasons that his wife was sexually boring and he was stuck in a sexless marriage.

 

He then went onto openly explain that he tried fucking several of the street prostitutes near where he works, that at first he was relying on dirty street hookers for his sexual cheating lifestyle, but now he had decided that swinging would be better.

 

In reality what he was saying is….

 

“Yeah I have fucked various prostitutes in the back of my car without my wife even knowing a thing, but basically its a bit risky and costs me money so is it okay if your wife is my free prostitute instead? I mean I want the sex part but don’t really want the risk or financial cost so if I have a threesome I can fuck your wife for free?”

 

Needless to say this man been willing to fuck totally random and drug addicted strangers off the streets will sky rocket his chances of catching an STD, and really even if we had agreed to a threesome with him there is actually nothing saying he wouldn’t still be seeing prostitutes as well.

 

- So do you have any holiday plans, or a favourite place to go on holiday?

 

Seemingly a simple enough question but I actually know one person who freely admits his favourite place on earth is Thailand and that he has been about 10 times, and his entire reason for going to Thailand (which he openly admits) is because he can spend 2 solid weeks fucking various 16 year old lady boys, or young girls.

 

I’ll not go into detail here but will say every time he visits Thailand he spends an absolute fortune, that he visits top rated sexual establishments and pays a premium to bare back 16 to 18 year old girls and lady boys. I know on one specific occasion the came back from Thailand so sick that he had about 2 or 3 months off work and whilst I can’t be sure it strongly suggested that he had picked up something serious.

 

 

Like stated in various places above it can be fairly easy to mine information out of people if you speak about the subject yourself or pretend you don’t mind. I could simply say to someone during a social meeting that I had to give blood the other day at the doctors but that I do not really like blood tests. That comment alone could lead off into them having a 5 minute rant about hating doctors / hating needles / never visiting any medical facility, which tells me they probably have not been sexually screened for STD’s, and probably won’t even if asked.

 

 

7: Work:

 

This is perhaps a long shot but various professions (depending on the country / state) are actually sexually screened for diseases or infections as part of their job, for example:

 

Doctors

Nurses

Medical staff

Police officers

Firemen

Some care workers

Hospital staff

Some childcare staff

Some food factory workers

Some security staff

Some athletes

Military staff

Prison staff

 

Are often screened for diseases and infections due to their jobs.

 

However the list above is not ironclad fact, for example some police forces do test their staff for STD’s once every year or two, where other forces don’t. Some childcare staff are thoroughly screened so they can work with children, some are not. However its fair to say that some professions do actually undergo blood screening tests as part of their job.

 

For example I worked in a hospital for about 3 years and during that time was screened for diseases and infections twice. If I had any kind of disease or infection they wouldn’t have allowed me to work in that environment. Funny actually because whilst working at the hospital I had a brief sexual encounter with one of the nurses and she was also very concerned about STD’s and infections, she made it clear that is she caught anything like that she wouldn’t even be allowed to attend work.

 

Like stated the chances of meeting such a person may be are slim but you could say people who work in certain jobs are perhaps a little safer. That if you have to be sexually screened as part of your job then at least you know that person is getting tested at some point which is a lot better than never been tested.

 

 

8: Illegal:

 

Some years ago now I remember seeing several stories pop up in the news reports about how various states / countries had now made it illegal to knowingly give someone an STD or STI. Like stated it was a long time ago so I struggle to recall the details but from what I remember some guy with HIV had basically gone and slept around and knowingly infected people with HIV and basically the judges classed that as murder, that this guy had knowingly handed people death sentences.

 

There are now various cases where people are prosecuted and even put in prison for passing on STD’s and STI’s. From what I recall if you give a person a mild sexual infection then its classed as assault / if you give someone a major STD then its classed at attempted murder / if you give someone a deadly incurable STD its classed as murder which often has heavy sentences or even life in prison.

 

I am totally unsure on the legal ramifications of that statement, like stated some countries or states will have different rules, but to be honest I DON’T CARE!!

 

In other words I’d rather the person I’m meeting think it is totally illegal to give someone an STI / STD than them think it was perfectly fine behaviour. For example during a social meeting you could say something like:

 

“I have to admit we are a little worried about the risk of STD’s / STI’s. I mean did you see that news report a few years ago. By all accounts a man gave someone an STD and the courts (the courts in our country) charged him with attempted murder for passing on the disease and not been a responsible enough adult to get sexually screened before having sex with people”

 

“By all accounts its a real big deal now, if you give someone an STI or STD you can face anything from 2 years in prison for assault to life in prison for murder or attempted murder. The courts are now saying anyone who engages in sexual activity should be responsible enough to get themselves sexually screened, and if they don’t they are committing a serious crime and will be sent to prison, its all really scary so we would strongly urge all of us to make sure we are sexually screened ASAP”

 

 

I guess this is a SCARE TACTIC more than anything else, and like stated I don’t care what the laws actually say, if I’m meeting a new person I’d prefer that person to think they could get in serious legal trouble if they gave us an STI or STD and hadn’t been responsible enough to get checked out first. I’m happy if that person thinks they could get in trouble for passing on STD’d or STI’s and that they would be headline news, that their face would be plastered all over TV, that the courts would make an example out of them, that they could face lengthy prison sentences and even be placed on sex offenders registers for the rest of their lives.

 

I’d say perhaps 99% of people you meet to swing with wouldn’t even know if that was true or not, unless the person your swinging with happens to be a lawyer / judge / solicitor / or maybe a police officer. But sure 99% of people probably wouldn’t even know if the above is true or not and would perhaps urge some people to get screened.

 

Personally I think it should be a law, that if you want to drive a car on the road then it has to be insured and checked that the vehicle is safe. Same applies if you want to go around having sex with people you should also have a responsibility to make sure you are safe / clean / not putting people in danger.

 

 

 

9: Rural:

 

From a sheer mathematical point of view you could say that picking someone to swing with that lives in a more rural / isolated location would greatly reduce the risks of catching an STD or STI.

 

That basically if you live in a city with a population of 1 million people then how many of those people have an STD? However usually within a 60 minute drive of most major cities there are countless small towns and villages with populations of maybe 5,000 to 10,000 people, some smaller villages have populations in the hundreds, so how many of those people have an STD?

 

Say for example a young man or women lives in a small town or village that is a fair enough distance away form the big city, then obviously that persons sexual options are going to be greatly reduced. If you imagine that a small country town has the population of around 3,000 people, then you would assume that maybe 90% of those people are actually to old or young for this person to play with.

 

That many small villages are filled with 60 year old retired couples or well paid working families. I think we have all heard this story before, a young boy or girl is born into small village life, and sure their parents have a wonderful house and whilst the child is young aged 1 to 18 the country life is perfect for them, they have miles of rolling grasslands and forests to play in, they have seriously low crime issues, they totally avoid certain bad elements that city life brings, for a child its amazing.

 

Then on reaching their early to mid 20’s many of these young people simply desire to escape the small village life and they head off to college or university in one of the big cities. They have spent their teenage years watching popular TV programs that are based in cities, things such as “Friends / Big Bang Theory / Sex in the City” or just your average American School Comedy films that glamorises life in the city as been a cool modern party lifestyle that’s full of friends and parties.

 

Sure many young people end up leaving the small villages either for education, work, or simply just to escape the lonely old village. Some people however end up staying in the small town or village basically all of their lives. I know one guy who comes into my work and he lives maybe a 40 minute drive from the city and lives in a fairly isolated industrial town where the small population is thinly spread over the area.

 

He has a little job within the town and if he is not working spends about 90% of his time sitting at home enjoying his hobbies such as films, music, gaming. Perhaps once a week he ventures out into the nearby city to pick up shopping and hobby materials that he can not find in his town. The point been I don’t actually think this guy has had sex in sometime, certainly not on a regular or frequent basis.

 

He knows a limited number of people in his town, the vast majority of which won’t be sexually compatible with him / wont be in the same age range, and he doesn’t get to visit the nearby city enough to actually meet people and sleep around. You could say his location has made him somewhat sexually isolated, it has severely reduced his options of sleeping around, and in turn dramatically lowered the risk of an STD.

 

Basically who would you feel safer with, some city dwelling party animal who goes out clubbing every weekend and is surrounded by a million sexual options everyday, or would you prefer to take a 40 minute drive to meet a 35 year old single man or women who lives in some small town and is probably crying out for sexual company, who isn’t surrounded by a million options, who gets to party once or twice a year if they are lucky all of which reduces the chance of an STD.

 

I guess the main point is simply don’t be scared to pick someone who lives a little bit away from the city or large town. Like stated virtually every major city has about a 100 small towns or villages that surround it in every direction, and sure a lot of the people in these small towns and villages don’t get to visit the big city much, don’t get chance to sleep around much all of which reduces the chances on an STD.

 

 

10: Sexual Background / Beliefs / Attitude:

 

Perhaps another good way to avoid STD’s and STI’s is simply looking at the persons attitude and belief towards sex. For example I have noticed various profiles online that say things such as:

 

- Anyone want to meet and fuck today.

 

- Age, size, race, looks not important, I’ll fuck anyone.

 

- Anyone want a sneaky blow job today, just turn up, drop your pants and I’ll happily swallow your entire load.

 

- I’m up for anything, will try anything once, will fuck anyone.

 

- Looking for bare back fucking, anyone want to ride by big fat cock.

 

- Got a hotel room tonight anyone want to pop round for a fuck, anyone.

 

I think perhaps the best ones I have heard are where men / gay men / bisexual men / or sometimes cross dressers or transsexuals write:

 

- In the house now totally naked, the door is unlocked, walk in, drop your trousers, fill up my ass, fill me full of cum, then walk away.

 

Basically ANYONE just come and fuck me, I don’t care who, I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your name is, I’m not bothered how clean you are / what your sexual beliefs are / what your sexual background is. I do NOT CARE if you’re a 100% total stranger, just meet me, cum inside me, let me swallow your cock, then feel free to walk away once you have used my holes.

 

Within this thread someone said they knew a guy who enjoyed meeting totally random guys and sucking their dicks. I have seen various posts like this, only the other week I noticed a post from a guy that basically said “I’m going to the football game this afternoon, if any guys want a quick sucking in their car after let me know” and sure the post in this thread said the guy who went round sucking off random guys ended up catching HIV which one of these random guys happily shot into his mouth.

 

If the person your speaking with is the type of person who is just happy to meet anyone and fuck them, happy to meet total strangers and have sex with them within 5 minutes of knowing them, then in my eyes that is a massive danger sign.

 

I will point out this is NOT just a man thing either, in fact I have seen various women’s profiles (often badly written / offensive / totally awful spelling) that basically says they just want to fuck dick / lots of dicks / big dicks / huge dicks / young dicks / old dicks, and at least 50% of their profile sounds slut like and big headed, usually followed by about 50 guys verifications and meet feedback.

 

Basically a list of 50 guys all saying they bare backed smashed this girl in the pussy ass and mouth and it was great, that she sure knows how to take a dick, that she meets totally random guys at the spur of the moment and gobbles down their cum.

 

Sure I’m not saying women like that are bad people, I’m happy that they are confident enough to explore their sexual desires. However some of those women actually have 4 or 5 male sex buddies and are still looking around to meet other random people. In fact a lot of girls write in their profiles that they already have a male FB (Fuck Buddy) but they also want to meet other random men and couples as well.

 

I mean sure I have nothing against such women but personally I’d prefer to avoid anyone who already has 2,3,4,5 fuck buddies and just meets total random people at the drop of a hat and fucks them. Basically if this person has met 100 random people and just fucked them then really I don’t want my relationship to be the 101st person they have met and fucked.

 

For me at least as soon as a women’s profile starts saying things such as:

 

I love feeling different guys cocks inside me / I just want huge massive big dicks filling me with cum / I’d love to suck off 5 random guys / love swallowing men’s cum / I already have fuck buddies but want even more / my pussy wants cock tonight / men with 9+ cocks please get in touch / had a fair few gang bangs in my time / can’t wait for tomorrows gang bang me and ten guys at the club, then basically I just pass that person by as I don’t feel that person would be safe for my relationship.

 

I guess it doesn’t matter if its a man or a women, there are basically two types of people on this planet, those who will just meet anyone and fuck them without any safety thoughts or concerns whatsoever, and those who won’t just meet anyone, those who are picky, those who prefer to get to know who they would be fucking first, those who are concious about things like STD’s and don’t want to end up getting HIV from some random car park blow job or by fucking anyone who comes along.

 

I think you find that a lot in the swinging world, some people are just happy to meet anyone who offers, I notice various posts from couples that basically just say “We have a free evening tomorrow who wants to come round and bang my wife?” where other couples are a lot more reserved and actually prefer to know who they are fucking, actually prefer some time to get to know the person first.

 

I generally categorise this as people who insist on having a social meeting, or even several social meetings first compared to those who simply say I’m free now anyone want to fuck, and don’t really care who turns up.

 

However there are a LOT of things you can find out about a persons sexual background / beliefs / and attitude for example during a social meeting you can try and find out things such as:

 

 

- Do they ever bother using condoms or do they just fuck everyone bare back?

 

- Do they have a party like lifestyle where they are out clubbing and have the chance of fucking different people every weekend?

 

- Have they had a lot of ex partners, have they slept with a lot of people before?

 

- Do they attend random sex clubs, random sex orgies, random gang bangs, dogging?

 

- Are they currently fucking anyone else, are they already involved with other couples or singles?

 

- Are they the type of person who would simply fuck anyone regardless of looks, age, sexuality, background, and so on?

 

- Do they feel been sexually screened is a good thing, or are they not bothered?

 

- Would they simply fuck anyone who asked or would they prefer to know someone a little first?

 

- Are they the type of people who would happily use prostitutes, or are they not interested in that sort of thing?

 

- Have they ever been with anyone that ha an STD or STI?

 

- Are they willing to do blind meets, to simply meet someone for sex without knowing anything about them?

 

- If another man offered him a secret sneaky blow job would this guy attend the meet?

 

- Has this person ever injected hard drugs or hangs around with people who do?

 

- Are they the type of person who is happy to cheat on their partner or not?

 

 

I find a lot of guys are happy to BRAG about their sexual conquests, I have met a fair few guys over the years who after a little encouragement are sat their speaking about the random girl they fucked last weekend, or how they go out ever week looking for a new pussy to fuck. I remember one bisexual guy who told us a story about having bare back sex with an 18 year old boy in the gay clubs toilets only a few days before we met him for a social meeting.

 

I’m also very concious about men’s profiles that say they are happy to meet other men / women / homosexuals / lesbians / transsexuals / cross dressers, basically what this guy is saying is that if you have a HOLE he is willing to fill it with his cock. I have heard various women say they are put off by men’s profiles that say they are willing to meet transsexuals and cross dressers.

 

I see a lot of “Straight Men’s” profiles that actually say they are happy to meet transsexuals and cross dressing men. In other words I’m that desperate for sex that if you’re a men who is willing to dress up as a women I’ll fuck you.

 

Don’t get me wrong I have nothing at all against transsexual people / cross dressers / homosexuals, or anyone else for that matter. But if someone’s profile says they are willing to meet ANYONE regardless of gender / sexuality / age / size / looks / then sure it does put me off, if they are willing to meet anyone then it does increase their chances of making a bad decision and ending up with a serious STD.

 

I remember meeting one couple who during the several social meets talked about sex clubs. I played dumb and said I’d never been to a sex club but have often wondered what it was like? The male of the couple after a few beers began talking about times where 8 or 10 random men fuck his wife in a single night, how every weekend they attend sex clubs and gang bang his wife whilst he cruises around the club looking for random women to fuck and happily admitted that most of its no condom sex.

 

He explained that only 3 or 4 days before we met he was standing in a hot tub in a sex club banging his wife with 3 black guys they met that night, by all accounts 3 random guys cum inside his wife in a single night, he even said the security guards in the club were all stud their watching the guys fuck his wife.

 

Personally I don’t want to judge anyone and think people are free to make their own sexual choices. However that doesn’t mean I have to make their choices my choices. That actually I have a partner and child to look after and diving in bed with a couple that explore 10 guy no condom gang bangs every weekend isn’t a safe choice for my life, so personally I’d prefer to meet someone who doesn’t have as many sexual partners, who is more reserved about who they do have sex with.

 

I think learning about peoples sexual backgrounds and general beliefs and attitudes towards sex can help dramatically when trying to avoid STD’s. I mean is the person a risk taker / player / serial cheater? Is the person already involved with to many people / are they willing to meet anyone at all?

 

From my experience some people do find it incredibly easy to get sex, these people generally been the more sexually confident people, the types of people who often put themselves in situations where they can meet people to have sex with. Back in my university days we actually lived with two guys who were both psychically clean / good looking / confident guys, and each weekend they would make it their personal mission to head out partying and bring home a random girl each to fuck, that to them it was basically a game.

 

I’d call such guys “Players” and sure enough each weekend they would get dressed up and head out into the city and by about 1 or 2 in the morning would be stumbling in the door with some random girl who had agreed to fuck someone she had just met that night. The two guys would play games such as who can pull a girl the quickest / who can have sex with the sexiest girl / how many random blow jobs can you get in a single night / who can fuck the most girls in a single weekend and so on.

 

These guys were sexually confident people, they were good at approaching women and making small talk, they classed themselves as ladies men / charmers / gift of the gab / could talk the knickers off anyone. HOWEVER in contrast some people are not like that at all, some people are less confident, some people don’t go out partying and looking for new people to fuck every weekend, some people are not that great at charming random women and as a result will get far less sex.

 

Its kind of funny because I often see profiles that basically has a 25 year old man with a large dick and virtually perfect body. Some of these guys have six pack bellies / huge toned arms / strong legs / perfectly groomed / along with a 10 inch cock, and sure they look attractive, they look very sexy indeed, but in my experience its those types of guys who don’t really find it difficult to stick their penis is a new girl every weekend, that a combination of their body and dick size gives them confidence.

 

Then you see a profile of a nerdy looking guy who perhaps has a thin or slightly chubby build, his cock size is average, he is by no means a muscle bound hunk, he doesn’t have a body that looks like a professional models, isn’t as physically or sexually confident and as a result gets less sex, isn’t the type of person who does bring home a different girl every week so will reduce the chances of an STD.

 

 

 

11: Looking for Next Meet:

 

 

I think it also pays to look out for people who are always looking for the next person to meet, which perhaps sounds odd in the world of swinging. However some people will meet a couple and will be perfectly happy to explore a very regular and ongoing friendship with that couple.

 

In my life I have had 3 or 4 MFF threesomes where the women have only been sleeping with me, that they haven’t been sleeping around but spent most evenings laying in my bed snuggled up together. However on the flip side some people are always looking for the next sexual partner / next sexual meet / next person to fuck.

 

If you have had experience with group sex then how many times have you met someone (male / female / couple) and had a totally fantastic night with them. You got on really well with them / you laughed and giggled with them / felt really comfy / felt safe and respected / had amazing sex / just had this wonderful night and finally think you have found someone you connect with.

 

Then……

 

You wake up the next morning to find they have posted a notice on the local swingers site asking if any other couples want a fuck today? You wake up to find they haven’t even answered your message but now are to busy looking for the next person to fuck or speaking with a different couple. That after this amazing night with orgasms all round they now haven’t even answered your message, because basically some people are always looking for the next meet / always looking for something better / always looking for the next person to try fucking.

 

I have had MFM with guys and the next morning I have woken up and headed off to work and by the time I get home find out the man has gone and fucked a totally different couple and got a new vitrification within hours of meeting us.

 

I once had a MFF threesome with a girl and after fucking this new girl twice she pulled on her knickers and looked at her phone and said “Right better dash I have a date tonight” and ran off to meet some single guy from the swingers sites.

 

Don’t get me wrong I’m not against people sleeping around, I am not against people exploring with different sexual partners, BUT you also have to decided how safe that is for your own relationship?

 

If your concerned about STD’s and the risk of infection then what would you prefer:

 

A)Someone who is basically just fucking you / happy to grow an ongoing friendship with you / in some strange respect is offering you some kind of exclusivity. Like stated I have had various MFF situations where both women are only sleeping with me, where our threesome friend has taken herself of the dating market to explore a friendship with us, that hasn’t been sleeping around.

 

B)Someone who fucks you, then fucks someone else the next day. Someone who fucks you then attends a random person gang bang at the weekend. Someone who fucks you but is already fucking another 5 people as well.

 

 

It doesn’t really matter how big your dick is.

It doesn’t matter how good you are in bed.

It doesn’t matter how good looking you are.

It doesn’t matter how well you get along.

 

The fact is some people are always looking for the next sexual meet / the next best thing / the bigger better deal. Where some people are not, so basically if you want to stay safer then pick a partner who makes it clear that they do not want to sleep with loads of people / so not want to sleep with half the website but would prefer meeting one nice person or a couple and building a ongoing friendship with them.

 

 

12: Ask to get Sexually Screened:

 

This perhaps sounds really obvious but simply asking the person you have met to get sexually screened is an option. But sadly bar going with them to the clinic there is actually no way to guarantee that they will bother to get sexually screened.

 

This is where knowing your local sexual screening procedures comes into play, for example if you ask someone to get sexually screened before you play they might say things such as:

 

- Yes I went to get sexually screened, I got the results the next day.

 

BUT you actually know it takes at least a week or two for the results to appear.

 

- Yes I went to get sexually screened.

 

BUT actually they can not really tell you where / can’t give you the exact location of the building / can’t tell you basic information about the clinic such as the size of the building, name of the building, colour of the building.

 

Over the last 20 / 25 years I have asked various single guys to get sexually screened before we play and they return 2 or 3 days later saying they have been sexually screened and are all clear and I know for a fact they are lying.

 

I have had several guys say the clinic has rung them on the telephone to give them their results when I know for a fact that the clinics in my old city didn’t do that. In fact if you had an all clear they didn’t even bother contacting you, basically if you don’t hear anything via text message or postal letter then you are clear.

 

On the flip side however on 3 occasions I have met women for MFF threesomes and have actually convinced them to visit the local sexual health clinic WITH ME and not only get tested for STD’s but also to get hormone contraceptive implants fitted. In my experience if you ask a man to attend a clinic with you they will often refuse and say they will arrange it themselves, single women actually seem a lot happier attending a clinic as a team, are more likely to agree.

 

This also brings up the question of KNOWING HOW TO GET SEXUALLY SCREENED?

 

It kind of pisses me off but in the UK at least, or many other countries where getting sexually screened is a free service many clinics will only take a urine sample if they do not class you as been HIGH RISK.

 

Generally when you attend a clinic you are asked various questions such as:

 

- When did you last sleep with someone?

- How many people have you slept with in the last year?

- How many times have you had unprotected sex in the last year?

- Have you slept with anyone who has an STD in the last year?

- Have you slept with anyone injecting drugs in the last year?

 

Really that clinic is simply trying to SAVE MONEY, they are using a basic tick the box questionnaire to play Russian Roulette with your life.

 

Many people attend a clinic and basically say “Oh God I slept with someone last week and I think they might have given me an STD so I have rushed in to get checked out ASAP” Sadly however that clinic already knows that a lot of STD’s have a three month incubation period and won’t even show up on tests for at least three months.

 

In some cases I have heard about nervous women having one night stands with guys from nightclubs then dashing to the clinic the next day to get tested for STD’s, but like stated the clinic already know that a lot of STD’s won’t even show up on blood tests for some months after sleeping with the person.

 

The same applies to how many people you have had sex with, if you simply say “I have had sex with 1 person in the last year” then the clinic will class you as been low risk and will only preform a urine test which only covers mild STD’s and infections.

 

If you also say “I have only slept with one person in the last year and nobody that does hard drugs” then again you will be classed as low risk and simply offered a urine test which totally misses all the STD’s that can only be detected by blood tests.

 

Basically if you are getting sexually screened then you want a BLOOD & URINE test. Many clinics however will try to avoid giving you a blood test to save money.

 

Okay so HOW do you make sure to get a blood test?

 

In my experience the best thing to say is that…..

 

“Yes over the last year I have slept with 3 people. However what has got me really concerned is that about 6 months ago now I briefly dated a girl for a few months and had unprotected sex with her and sadly last week one of my friends informed me that girl use to inject drugs. She seemed fine when we met but by all account she has been on and off hard drugs for some years and I didn’t even know”

 

The other good thing to say is simply…..

 

“About 4 or 5 months ago I was dating someone and having unprotected sex with them and a few days ago they messaged me saying they just found out they have a serious STD but refused to say what or who they caught it from. I have tried messaging back since for more information but they have not answered”

 

I actually once got sexually screened and said….

 

“Maybe 4 or 5 months ago now I very briefly dated a girl and ended up having unprotected sex with her. I was hoping it would turn into a long lasting relationship but sadly it didn’t work out. Shockingly I have since found out that girl didn’t want to settle down with anyone because behind the scenes she works as a prostitute and suspect she might be funding a hard drug habit, I’m scared she has given me an STD”

 

Generally if a clinic think you have slept with someone who potentially INJECTS hard drugs, and that you had unprotected sex with them at least 3 or 4 months prior to your sexual screening test then the clinic will give you a urine and blood test.

 

Personally I always try to avoid telling a sexual screening clinic that I’m a swinger / that I have threesomes with other guys and women. Some people might say honesty is the best policy but personally in this case I don’t believe so.

 

Firstly if you tell such a clinic that you’re a swinger and explore group sex then you are likely to get a 30 minute lecture about how your been irresponsible and how dangerous it is to have sex with people. Secondly however I am fairly sure that comment will get saved on your file / medical record which could cause some serious issues down the line.

 

I mean be warned things like this DO HAPPEN!!!! But lets say in years to come you face a divorce and custody battle over your children and during the courtroom battle your ex partners lawyers happen to find a medical document that says you’re a group sex exploring swinger who is scared they might get an STD then suddenly that can sweep away your family in a heartbeat.

 

Lets say you apply for a really great job and during your application process they ask to see your medical records. THAT is now a very common thing, you apply to work in a hospital they will ask to see your medical records, you apply to work for the police / armed forces / certain high ranking jobs then sure they will ask to see your medical records, even some basic manual jobs are now asking to see medical records.

 

Well imagine you do apply for a great job and you lose that opportunity just because some eager clinic worker wrote notes in your records about you liking group sex and having gang bangs and orgy sex. You could actually spend 10 years of your life studying to be a teacher for children, then if even for a second that school sees your medical records and somehow the sexual screening clinics notes are attached then sure the school board will suddenly realise one of their teachers responsible for 8 year old children is a sex made sexual deviant who explores orgy sex, bye bye job.

 

It is just my opinion but I actually do not see any benefit whatsoever about telling your doctors / sexual health clinic / medical workers / about your swinging and group sex exploits. What good will telling them actually do?

 

I’d also point out that from working in a hospital I already know that hospitals and even doctors surgeries DO give people FLAGS!!! For example if you attend a hospital or doctors surgery and become violent you will get a “Potentially Violent Person” marker on your record. By all means telling your doctor or sexual screening clinic about your swinging hobby will probably earn you a “High Risk of STD” marker so other health worker who treat you in an emergency know you could be infected with anything.

 

In my time at the hospital people would come in for routine tests and the nurses would check what markers or red flags had been put on their files and if the person was any type of high risk then all of their blood or urine samples would be placed in special high risk of infection bags. Basically those bags say this person could potentially have HIV / Hepatitis / serious STD’s.

 

They use such bags for hard drug users / prostitutes / rapists / and am fairly sure if you tell health workers you’re a swinger it could easily earn you some flags. I sure some people will say “Oh don’t worry everything you tell medical workers is confidential by law” well honestly IS IT FUCK!!!! Plenty of people from courts / child services / jobs / emergency care teams / police can access virtually everything on your file if needed.

 

I guess the overall point is that simply ASKING SOMEONE to get sexually screened before you play with them is a good idea, and that making sure they get a blood test is the key point / making sure they know how to get a clinic to give them a blood test.

 

 

13: I n Their Home:

 

This perhaps sounds a little spooky but for whatever reason if your invited to a play partners house then it can not hurt to keep your eyes peeled.

 

For example look out for serious stockpiles of pill bottles and medication containers, look out for any signs they could be using hard drugs. In some circumstances if you have a social meeting with someone you like you could simply request a second social meeting at their house which you could either do alone or as a couple.

 

Say for example we met a nice guy for a social meeting then I could simply say to him that:

 

“Hey I know this sounds rather strange but could I pop to your house for a private man to man chat? I’d like to discuss a few things more such as our rules / boundaries / things that would please my girlfriend or wife. Plus is would be really nice to see where you live so we can get to know you better, it would make us feel a little more secure and help us get a better idea of who you are, I’d only stay a short while so could I pop over at some point?”

 

I guess 90% of guys would say “NO!!!!” and begin making excuses about why you can not visit their home. The usual excuse been “I live with friends and they never leave the house” which is often total bullshit, in reality they probably live with a wife and two children who have no idea they are swinging sites pretending to be a single guy, or they simply don’t want you to know where they live because they simply want to bang your wife without the possibility of any comeback on them.

 

However, if for whatever reason you do manage to see their place then sure keep your eyes peeled / look around / maybe ask to use the toilet and have a peek in their bathroom cabinet and see if you do notice bottles full of strange medications, such as medications to fight HIV or other nasty STD’s

 

 

14: Doctors Surgery Lie:

 

 

Speaking from a UK point of view I have met an awful lot of people who all say the same thing…..

 

“Yeah don’t worry I got tested for STD’s at my local doctors surgery”

 

Sadly however I already know in the vast majority of cases that is total bullshit, because speaking honestly most free doctors surgeries do NOT provide sexual screening services because in the UK there are special government funded clinics who carry out sexual screening tests.

 

This factor will perhaps change depending where you live / what country you are from / what state or region you live in. However in the UK at least its not my experience that doctors surgeries preform walk in / random sexual screening tests.

 

There are various factors to this such as:

 

A)The vast majority of local doctors surgeries do NOT receive funding to preform sexual health screening tests.

 

B)Most doctors surgeries are not exactly geared up to preform sexual health screening tests.

 

C)You actually visit a doctor when you are sick, you do not visit a doctor to just to check on the off chance that you might be sick.

 

 

Doctors actually spends many years training to cure people / training to heal sickness and injury, do you really think doctors spend 10 years in education and training just to sit their giving people urine and blood tests to simply check if they have an STD, or do you think nurses and other trained medical workers provide such tests?

 

In my experience the only time a doctor in the UK will give you a sexual screening tests is if you are already showing symptoms of what they believe is an STD / STI. In my experience doctors surgeries do not offer random sexual screening.

 

You also have to understand the actually time / effort / cost that a sexual screening test would take. Lets say for example that I walk into my local doctors surgery and on seeing my doctor say “Yeah really I just fancied getting myself sexually screened” then sure I would actually be wasting that doctors time, there would be 20 sick people sitting outside in reception waiting to be seen and I’d be taking up that doctors time.

 

If by some miracle that doctor did actually agree to give me a sexual screening test then the doctor would have to use gloves / sterile wipes / gauss / plasters / needles / needle trays all of which cost that surgery money. THEN that doctor would have to post my blood samples off to a laboratory to be tested for STD’s, that process could take the best part of a week, for example that blood test could be in the post services hands for 2,3,4 days, then when it does arrive at the laboratory it could be sat in a mail in box for 2 or 3 days before anyone gets round to opening it.

 

Trust me I worked in a hospital and I have seen vital blood results sitting unopened in doctors mail boxes for weeks on end. Sure staff would deliver them to the doctors office and it would take the doctor a week to even open it. So sure the laboratory would receive the blood test and spend however longing checking it and writing out the results, and then would post it back to the doctors surgery which again could take 2,3,4 days just been posted.

 

Then when it does arrive back at the doctors surgery it could actually take that doctor 2,3,4,5,6,7 days to even notice it in the mail box. Honestly the entire process could easily take 3 or 4 weeks just to get a result back to the doctors, at which point if their is a problem that doctor will need to arrange another appointment with you and that alone could take another week or even two.

 

In total the process could take an entire month, on the other hand that same doctor could simply say….

 

“Hey why don’t you go to the specially funded sexual health centre in the city, the specialist centre who are 100% geared up to give sexual screening tests, do that and you will have the same results within a week”

 

This to me is basic business sense, lets say for example that:

 

- Your business gets funding / and gets paid to offer sexual screening tests, so does your business offer sexual screening tests?

 

- Your business DOES NOT get funding, and does not get paid for offering sexual screening tests, so does your business offer sexual screening tests?

 

Basically according to my knowledge doctors surgeries in the UK do NOT get funding / and do not get paid to offer sexual health screening tests. Like sated do you really think doctors spend years at medical school to spend all of their time writing name labels of bottles of urine and writing envelopes to post off to sexual health screening labs.

 

I have lived in the UK all my life so far and during that time have attended maybe 5 or 6 different doctors surgeries and not one of them has offered sexual screening tests. However a lot of people I have met for social meets insist that they simply walked into their local doctors and got a full sexual screening test, which is total bullshit.

 

Imagine a busy doctors surgery, if 40 people a week simply turned up at the doctors wanting sexual health screening tests then how would that doctor see all of the people who are actually sick?

 

In the UK they have specialist sexual health clinics / family planning clinics / screening clinics and within these clinics are not only the funding and materials to preform sexual screening but there are also trained staff to do the job. Those staff don’t just include nurses and other staff, they also include things such as STD grief counsellors and therapists.

 

I mean does your local doctors surgery actually have a counsellor that is specifically trained to speak with people who have just found out they have HIV? Does your local doctors surgery actually have the funding to post hundreds of sexual health screening tests per week? Does your local doctor have time to open and read hundreds of tests results per week and contact people about results?

 

I find that when you ask someone when they last got sexually screened that about 90% of people instantly say…..

 

“Oh yes I popped into my doctors and got sexually screened”

 

That they did it at their local doctors.

 

But actually its total bullshit.

 

Like stated I can not speak for other countries, and I can not speak for every doctors surgery on the planet, but from experience I know NHS / free doctors surgeries in the UK do not generally provide sexual screening tests.

 

I guess this again boils down to knowing your local screening procedures? Do doctors surgeries in your country / area provide sexual health screening checks? If so is there a cost attached or alternatively are there free clinics to handle that stuff?

 

In some cases if you meet someone for a social meeting and they say they have been checked / sexually screened at their local doctors then you could simply act dumb and mine that person for information, you could say:

 

“Oh wow I never thought of asking my local doctors, I usually use the free sexual screening clinic in the city centre but asking my doctor would save me a trip. What doctors surgery did you go to? What area is your doctors surgery in? Was the test free or did you have to pay? Was it a blood test or urine test? How long did it take to get the results back? Did you have some kind of symptoms or did you just walk in and ask to be tested? Forgive all the questions guess I’m just wondering if the clinic is better or the local doctors”

 

IF the person tells you the name of the doctors surgery / the location of the doctors then the next day after your social meet spend a massive 1 minute calling that doctors surgery and simply asking them if they do provide sexual health screening.

 

In many cases what the person says and what the doctors surgery actually does is very different indeed, for example the person might say:

 

- No I didn’t have any symptoms or anything I just asked my doctor to do a test and they did.

 

That is actually very unlikely because like stated doctors are there to cure sick people not to run a sexual health screening clinic.

 

- Yeah I got the results back in a few days.

 

Total bullshit, I mean what does your local doctors surgery actually have a fully sterile medical laboratory where they instantly tests samples? Nope it would take the doctor longer than 2 days just to post the sample to the relevant lab.

 

It really does piss me off when people say “Yeah I got a blood test for STD’s and I got my results with two days” I mean imagine that. The doctor would have to take this blood test and then literally dive out of their chair and run full steam to the closest laboratory, and then would have to stand over the lab staff basically hitting them with a ruler until they get the tests done, then would beat the lab staff until they provide a full report and test results, then the doctor would have to dash back to their office just so you have the result bright an early for the next day. Sound likely?

 

I use to work in a hospital and sure the pathology labs did perhaps have 10 or 15 people working there, but then on a weekend or during the night time hours the place was a ghost town and maybe had 1 person who was on call for emergencies. If you take into consideration that such labs get thousands of blood tests per week and that during the night time hours and weekends they basically don’t work then sure it’s going to take longer than a few days to get results.

 

Within my swinging life me and my ex girlfriend caught Chlamydia twice and both times it was from people who told us they had been sexually screened at their local doctors surgery. Like stated I can not speak for other countries but in the UK the vast majority of doctors surgeries will not offer sexual screening tests unless you are displaying symptoms of an STD.

 

In some cases a doctors surgery may offer sexual screening tests but generally those doctors surgeries would be in rural locations and for people who do not have access to a sexual health clinic, for example people living in small villages miles away from major cities probably can get sexually screened at their doctors surgery, but even then its unlikely that the doctor would do this unless the patient had symptoms or a good reason for requesting the test.

 

Like stated I have asked 5 or 6 doctors about sexual screening and they all refuse and refer you to a local clinic who gets funding for that sort of thing. I personally am very cautious about anyone who says they got tested at their local doctors or say they got the results within a few days. Urine tests can be tested very quickly, blood tests are going to take much longer and really its the blood tests that do check for all the major STD’s like HIV and so on.

 

I think for a lot of people who do not get tested for STD’s their “Go To Lie” is simply saying they got tested at their doctors. To me that sounds totally stupid, doctors do not spend years studying medicine just to sit their giving out random screening tests.

 

 

 

OVERALL:

 

 

In my opinion one of the best ways to avoid getting an STD / STI is not only to have regular check up’s yourself, but also to learn when you are been lied to by someone.

 

If you ask someone if they have been checked out for STD’s and they pause / become nervous / don’t give a confident answer / give confusing answers / let out body language signs of lying then they probably haven’t been checked at all or at least not for a very long time.

 

In my eyes a person might lie to you about been checked out for STD’s because they don’t want to lose face. The fact they have NEVER been sexually screened would cause them to feel shame or be embarrassed so they lie. But in my eyes anyone who is willing to lie to you is probably not the best person to be in your life anyway.

 

Its vital to remember that with most STD’s a person might show mild symptoms which quickly vanish and then might not actually show symptoms again for years, and also that a lot of STD’s have an incubation period, you don’t catch an STD and wake up the next day with symptoms, many of them can take weeks / months before they will even appear on a sexual screening test.

 

I guess the best way would be to meet someone and then make a deal to attend the local clinic together to get tested. To perhaps meet someone who isn’t interested in sleeping around, in fact I guess that is something that always confuses me because actually swinging doesn’t actually mean sleeping around.

 

Liking threesome or foursome sex doesn’t actually mean you have to fuck lots of people / fuck total strangers. Liking group sex just means you like group sex, it doesn’t mean you have to sleep with anyone who comes along. In that respect meeting 1 person or another couple who are interested in a longer term friendship would be safer from an STD point of view than just fucking loads of people.

 

Some people say swinging is about variety, that swinging is about fucking new people, but in my opinion there is also an aspect of greed. If you like threesomes then you can actually have threesomes with your partner and 1 other person, not a 100 people. In reality the more people you fuck the greater your chances of getting an STD.

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You are the Cliff Clavin of this site!

[the Nomads 78]

You are the Cliff Clavin of this site!

 

HAHAHA. I came here using the first unread button and I scrolled up to see the previous post. Halfway through scrolling I was like "This must be Sun&Moon. 5 minutes later I got to the top and sure enough. Cliff Clavin himself.

[Shore2Please 612]

Are there Cliff Notes?

[njbm 2,872]

Sun and Moon, thank you for your prodigious post. Do not join Twitter. You only get 280 characters.