New couple...need help meeting people

[DeAw 17]

New couple to LS. Not sure how to go about meeting people. We went to one club. I wasn’t impressed...seemed very seedy and dirty. Had a profile online for a day and got a bunch of creepy emails.

 

Any advice on where to meet people? Discretion is very important.

[padoc 1,703]

You have to develop a selection process. If you put a profile on AFF you're likely to get trolls. Look at SDC or SLS and PAY for a membership. You can then block single males, those without pics, etc. You'll still have to wade through some people who either can't read or who simply don't fit your criterion. Those websites post parties and sponsor meet and greets where the attendees profiles are posted under the event. You can use that to help screen what you want to do and where you want to go.Don't know what club you attended, there are some upscale places and some that are best described as seedy. This is not an easy hobby, if it were, everybody would do it. You can't just suddenly decide "lets be swingers" and then be inundated with attractive and playful opportunities. You need to develop peramaters for those you wish to meet and work on your selection process together. There are a lot of fun couples out there, especially in the large metro areas but you'll find that you'll have to kiss some frogs in the process.

[njbm 2,874]

Good advice by Padoc. If you get a little experience under your belt or you want to get into a sexy atmosphere, consider a lifestyle vacation. We enjoy the Bliss cruise and we’ve been on other LS cruises.

 

Also, check Desire RM and Desire Pearl in Mexico. No means no and there are non-swingers there who are swingers-in-training or people who just like the sexy vibe. So do not feel that you will be required to attend an orgy. Unless you want to.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Give it more time. We had a profile at SLS for nine months before receiving a meaningful and productive message. But once you get into a good circle of acquaintances, you will no longer need the on-line stuff.

[agreatguy 269]

We had a bad experience with online meets. We were on SLS and SDC. Creepy emails would most likely come on AFF as Padoc said. There are a bunch of single guys and a ton of bots that will send almost nonsensical emails to you. My experience with AFF was when I was single a few years ago. You'll get some single guys on any of the other sites and you'll get couples who don't represent themselves well. That was our experience and it turned us off of doing the online thing.

 

You've posted about the club being dirty and creepy in a couple of threads. I don't really know anything about ATL but isn't there a Trapeze there? Which club should you go to?

 

Can you explain what it was that felt dirty and seedy? By dirty do you mean in overall cleanliness like counters, table and floors were sticky and nasty, trash piled up? Seedy is a term that I hear more with adult video arcades where there are a bunch of creepy guys hanging out in the shadows waiting to pounce.

 

By your own admission you don't know much "when it comes to this". "This" being swinging in general or clubs more specifically? I'm wondering what your expectations were. Most people have the dirty seedy expectation and are pleasantly surprised, after visiting a club, because it isn't the perpetual orgy they imagine before walking through the door.

 

Finally, what is it you are wanting out of the lifestyle? It is what you make of it from voyeurism/exhibitionism, soft swap, full swap with with others(couples or singles), cuckolding, hot wifing, even foraying into fetish areas and to social swinging or anonymous sex and it's all ok as long as it is fulfilling your mutual desires and fits within your set boundaries. You won't find a lot of judgement here or in the lifestyle except when people display stupidity or disrespect. Stupidity being a willful disregard for good sense or judgement as opposed to ignorance or just not knowing. Right now it sounds like you just don't know.

 

Unfortunately the lifestyle isn't going to come to you. You aren't going to receive an engraved invitation to the most laid back and well attended house party where everyone is beautiful and hot and horny and respectful. You'll have to put yourself out there. If you're online you've got to write a profile that stands out and you've got to sort through the creeps to find that diamond. If you go to clubs you can't be a wallflower. If you sit in a dark corner the whole time every time you are going to look like the creeps or at least like you don't want to be approached. Fear of rejection is very real and it will happen. It gets easier the more you do it. Get up and mingle, say hello and introduce yourselves. Some people are jerks but you don't want to waste your time on them anyway. Most people will be happy to talk and it doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. If it comes up after some time, and it most likely will, be clear in your boundaries. We've had a lot of fun with other new couples who had no desire in any kind of swap but enjoyed parallel play on the same bed. We were that new couple once too. Our first experience was as exhibitionists and we progressed from there.

 

This is a great place for information. Read and ask questions. Most people are happy to share their experiences.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Lots of great advice above. A few things I'd like to add;

 

There are a lot of people on SLS who send out mass email messages trying to get anyone to respond. Kinda like flinging spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks. The way we pre-filter these is to include something in our profile some ways down along the lines of "If you send us a note, be sure to mention the word blue as it lets us know you read this profile". If they don't mention blue, delete, block, move on.

 

Your profile is your billboard. Don't write a single sentence and expect great people to show up. They won't. Likewise, people who can't get past a sentence or two on their profiles should likely be ignored. Spend some time on your profile. Be thoughtful, candid, and clear about what you are looking for and hope to find.

 

I concur that there are some seedy clubs and there are some very nice ones. I've been to both. You can find a nice one, I'm sure. On partners; think of this like dating. Swinging shares a lot in common with dating. It can take some time to weed out the less-than-desirable. But, you can with a bit of effort. We've found some great couples. On singles; single women are vanishingly rare. Single women who are bi are called 'unicorns'; fabled to exist, but no one's ever actually seen one, though there are rumors. Single men are considerably more common. My wife and I have found several boyfriends for her that have worked out very well. The good ones are respectful gentlemen who treat her kindly and with respect, while having some great play time with her. There are plenty of reasons for decent gentlemen to be in the lifestyle. It all depends on what you are looking for.

 

On discretion; this actually isn't all that hard. Only about 3-5% of the population is involved in swinging, and even if you did run into someone you know; you know the same about them. What are they going to do, run up to your boss and say "Hey they're swingers! I saw them at swing club!"? Doesn't exactly work, does it When you find decent swingers, they know discretion is important too. I don't think you have to worry about it. Some people travel a couple of hundred miles to go to a swing club so they are anonymous, only to bump into someone they know. It happens, but it's uncommon. The closest we came was that a couple we were introducing to the lifestyle knew a coworker of mine. The coworker remained perennially confused about how it was we met the couple! haha! You can increase your anonymity by not using your real names, even first names. My wife and I did that for a while. After a couple of years, it seemed pointless.

[DeAw 17]

Thank you for all the advice. I’ve connected with a very nice older couple that knows it’s new to us and asked if they would be willing to meet and talk with us about the LS and the do’s and dont’s. We’ll be meeting with them next week.

[DeAw 17]

It was our first time ever going to a place like that so we went on a night we knew it would be slow to check it out. There were some very creepy guys. Maybe if we had gone on a Friday or Saturday night it would have been different.

 

And the fact that neither one of us had a clue what to do probably didn’t help.

[agreatguy 269]

It was our first time ever going to a place like that so we went on a night we knew it would be slow to check it out. There were some very creepy guys. Maybe if we had gone on a Friday or Saturday night it would have been different.

 

And the fact that neither one of us had a clue what to do probably didn’t help.

 

Yeah, that probably wasn't the best night to go. Our club is open on Wednesday and Thursday. On those nights they'll pretty much let anyone in that will pay the price of admission and for single guys it's around $100. We haven't gone on those nights mainly because we work regular jobs and can't stay out that late. Other couples have told us that 1) It can sometimes be a real sausage party and 2) It's a much more mature crowd. Retirees perhaps that don't have to rise at 5am on weekdays? Fridays they let a limited number of single guys in. Usually about 5 but if the crowd is substantial they may up that a bit. Many of the couples that go on Friday, including us, will entertain the right single guy. Saturdays are couples only. See what your club's rules are and adjust accordingly. I think you'll find a much different atmosphere on a couples only night.

 

Don't be afraid of the larger crowd. In reality you'll stand out less even as newbies. There will most likely be several other newbies there as well. If you didn't get a tour your first time out ask for one the next time you go and ask questions about what to do. We've all been there and the club should want to help you feel comfortable. Our club will usually wait until there are 3 or 4 couples ready for the tour and will gather them up and let them make introductions. It's a pretty nice way to break that first ice.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Like any hobby (we consider this a hobby), it will take some time and lots of research to get a better understanding of it. JOINING (as in paying to be a member) allows you to better eliminate what you aren't looking for (usually creepy emails from single guys) and shows the other members that you are serious enough to spend a couple of dollars to check things out (lots of members block non-paying members from contacting them as well). Spend some time writing a good profile and (even if you have the face blocked out) POST SOME UPDATED PHOTOS (another thing that will keep others away...oh, and do not post any 'dick pics').

 

If you go back to a club, check the reviews first and go on a weekend (best night is Saturday). Things usually don't really get started until later in the evening so don't be disappointed that the place is rather empty at opening...but going early will give you a chance to get oriented before it does get busy. Let the owner (or whoever is at the door) know that this is your first visit and they usually will have someone take you around and show you the club. Then just plan on having a fun night out with your SO...anything else that MAY happen is just a bonus. At the same time, don't be wall flowers either. Everyone there is there to meet others so if you see someone you want to meet, just say hello. 'This is our first time here' is a great conversation starter.

 

It will take some time (or it may not, but plan on it taking a little time and effort on your part) to find a match, but there isn't really any rush (other than your own Adrenalin WANTING something to hurry up and happen) and the search is part of the excitement. Good luck and let us know how things are going for you.