emotional issue I am experiencing

[sinner 16]

I have no idea how to ask or explain this although has anyone ever felt left out or not important or some other emotion in a play session... If so, how did you deal with it...

 

In a nutshell, we have played 4 times... so yes we are still new... every experience was better than the previous except for a small hiccup at the second and last one.. I love sharing my wife and seeing the pleasure on her face so it is easy to put the spotlight on my wife so that she gets the attention... although once everyone has satisfied her and themselves... I am left frustrated... Now it is not that anyone hasn't touched me but also not like I played any roll to anyone either! I know I am not bad looking and also, not that hot where I am every couples dream, BUT I am not the person that would in any way force anyone to do something they don't want to but neither will I stop them when try to play with me... But the problem is that I am feeling so insecure there after that even when my wife gives me the shoulder, I feel completely rejected! How do I make sense of this and deal with it so it doesn't effect future play, could it simply be because it was the same couple and even though I know the answer to that, must I try and figure out how to prevent that from effecting our next play!

 

Although I mentioned this to my wife immediately at each session and we discussed this afterwords, is my mind playing the most fcd-up game with me where I am starting to doubt myself as in every aspect and if I am just maybe meant to sit and watch everyone... So yes I am open to any advice...

[adamgunn 1,461]

Okay, you need to explain better. You've played four times. I assume your wife has had penetrative sex each time. How many times have you had penetrative sex? The times you haven't, has it been offered and have you tried?

 

If it hasn't been offered, why?

If it has been offered and you declined, why?

[sinner 16]

Crap... How could I forget to mention important info like that... No penetration has taken place and nowhere in the near future is that in our plans as we get more than enough satisfaction from the build-up and the soft play...

 

Each evening has either started with a massage or games and has turned into a oral playground... what happened with these two events is that somewhere after things got hot attention from the other couple moves fully on my wife. While I enjoy this, by the time she reach climax, she doesn't have energy in playing for a while and I don't mind that because the smile and satisfaction I see in her eyes makes up for it.. It is more the fact that it almost feels like I am just there to help them get my wife naked and then they can take over and ignore me...

 

Just to update.. we have discussed it again since doing the post and have decided to play with another couple before reading too much into this and if it doesn't happen again, then we know the gut feeling I had was correct. My only concern is dealing with the mind and emotions so that I don't create what I fear at the moment when we play with someone else!

[lcmim 1,086]

It is reasonable to ask whether you, at first, did not understand the true interests of the other couple.

 

If their focus does not match with the two of you, and they did not intentionally deceive then no harm no foul.

 

If they did deceive intentionally then they are toxic.

In either case the simple answer is play elsewhere.

 

If they just need clarity and they are worth the trouble then work it out with them. Remember that you said you had to tell your wife, so they might be clueless.

They might not be aware that you feel that way. Your wife can help direct them if you choose to continue with them.

 

Last thought: (YOU)"BUT I am not the person that would in any way force anyone to do something they don't want to"

 

I have the same problem and need to remind myself that expressing a desire is not the same as forcing anyone.

[agreatguy 269]

I agree with Icmim. Be sure of the intended style of play up front. Make sure the other couple intends to "swap" (whether full or soft) if that's what you intend to do.

 

So she's getting all the attention. Does it not bother her that you are left on the sidelines? You need to be doing this as a team and just as you are there to make sure she is safe and getting what she wants she needs to be attentive that you are getting what you want. If you are bringing this up and she's not getting that part they may be more discussion needed until she does.

 

Also it sounds as if you may be a little timid and by your own admission you are insecure. That can lead to being easy manipulated by unscrupulous couples who want to get to your wife. I think it can also be a turn off for a lot of women in the lifestyle. My wife likes to feel desired and she likes to be told, flat out, that a guy would like to have some time with her. Be assertive in making it known what you want, not only to potential play partners but to your wife also. You can do that without being a jerk about it.

[adamgunn 1,461]

Thanks for explaining, Sinner. I totally agree with both icmim and agreatguy; I have little to add.

 

If the woman in the second and fourth experiences you had is the same person, I'd avoid them at least for awhile. Get more experience under your belt, you'll recover from these feelings pretty quickly is my guess.

[rdy2go 23]

Am I correct in assuming that your wife is getting all the pleasure and your not? Aren’t those truly involved in LS supposed to want each other to be pleasured and engoy the playtime together? From what I read, it appears that she’s playing and your not. In that case your wife is being selfish only worrying about her pleasure and not yours. What is she wanting in the play events? For her to enjoy some other men while you sit and watch? Maybe more discussion is needed to decide why your swinging. Is it understood between both couples it is a “swap” event? Maybe you should be more assertive. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. What’s the saying? “ THE GOOD LORD HELPS THOSE THAT HELPS THEMSELVES”. I guess , what I’m saying is—- TALK TALK TALK!

[Numex 2,459]

I agree with all of the above advice. Establish what is expected with each person in advance. There have been times when only my wife played with a couple while I watched, but we knew this was the deal beforehand and we fucked great afterwards.