Would you pull the plug if protection was required for oral sex?

[NC_Seniors 518]

Male half of the couple here asking you good folks to either correct my misconception or explain your rationale. Here's the issue ...

 

I've seen a number of posts in different threads on this forum that *seem* to suggest that if Couple 1 suggested to Couple 2 that they'd engage in oral sex only with protection (condoms and dental dams), Couple 2 would just call the whole thing off. Here are three of the actual quotes:

 

"I love the taste of a woman and would likely have never swapped if oral sex had been off the table."

"if I was told I had to use a dental dam to go down on a woman we'd be dressed and out the door in a heartbeat."

"if someone tried to put saran wrap over me before going down I think I would just call the whole thing off."

 

I have to ask ... really? I mean, you wouldn't just say, "OK, then we simply won't do oral"? Now I admit I might be misinterpreting these statements, but the way I read them, Couple 2 would -- apparently -- give up the passionate kissing, all over touching, manual stimulation, and PIV intercourse simply because they can't have oral sex the way they want it. I know you've all heard the saying, "Half a loaf is better than none" ... but isn't 80% of a loaf even better than half? If I'm misconstruing things here, tell me. But if I'm reading these sentiments correctly, then please explain to me why you'd walk away from what could still be a VERY pleasurable experience just because you can't get EVERYthing you want the way you want it. And yes, I *do* know that everybody gets to define their own rules for how they play ... but if this is your rule, I really don't understand it, so help me out. Thanks!

[Sawman 84]

Don't spoil the experience for her. You might not meet her/them again.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

First, I hope this "rule" comes up before the clothing comes off. That should be mentioned in the profile or the chat beforehand. And, if it were stated in the profile we would likely pass them by. We have "passed" on couples who do not kiss, for instance.

[padoc 1,703]

Kissing and oral is a big part of what turns us on to do together and to share with friends, so yes, we'd not consider playing with people who require latex for oral.

[NC_Seniors 518]

Fitlakecouple and padoc,

 

So you're confirming that you'd pass up the entire experience due to unprotected oral sex being off the table rather than just give up the oral and still have everything else? Not questioning why as your reasons are yours and they're certainly valid for you. Just want to make sure I correctly interpret what you're telling me. Please let me know ... thanks!

 

PS to padoc ... You wrote, "we'd not consider playing with people who require latex for oral". How about if they provided NON-latex barriers?

[ViSexual 1,008]

Everyone has their own rules and limits and some have none at all. And everyone has their own desires and needs for pleasure. As long as everyone involved is aware of the others rules and limits beforehand, there shouldn't be a problem.

 

I'm in the 'would decline' group when it comes to no kissing and protected oral. And I would respect the person who has those rules and hope they would respect my declining them. To each their own.

[padoc 1,703]

If we're going to lick and /or suck plastic or latex or saran wrap, we can just skip the middle man or woman and buy a dildo or a rubber hoochie or go to the local Publix and by store brand wrap. If plastic/rubber or latex was required for oral, we'd pass. Period.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I don't think the experience would be 80% awesome if I felt like a bacteria farm.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

The point is, anytime you put a stake in the ground regarding how you play you give other couples a reason to 'pass' on you. The more rules you have, the more reasons for them to look elsewhere for fun. And, rules can be all over the spectrum. We really hit it off with a couple and were ready to proceed when they announced that they only played bareback. Pass...

[findinganswers 369]

We are not a long time swinging couple and normally stay within a group of friends. I have never witnessed anyone ever using a condom or any precaution for oral sex. I would find in peculiar if one of the wives asked me to put on a condom before oral. I could tell you I am not one to lick Saran Wrap. On the other side, if someone asked me to put a cap on before screwing I would do it.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

The only zero risk is not to play.

[NC_Seniors 518]

Interesting set of responses ... would love to read more if anybody else wants to chime in.

[Jane1902 476]

I love to give head and certainly enjoy receiving oral, so yes it would be a deal breaker. Maybe I would wonder what else might come up, sort of a mindset. No kissing is also a no go. I don’t do anal or bareback. We all have our comfort zones.

[PSULioness 857]

The OP asked if protected oral sex was the only option why wouldn’t you just skip oral sex if you didn’t want to comply with the request. Why? Because if oral sex is part of your sexual fun you would be giving up that fun. Does the OP think the woman is there just to spread her legs with no foreplay. Am I supposed to put a lubricated spermicide covered condom in my mouth? Yuk!! If you want to cover up for sex, no problem, there isn’t much difference for me. I am also not going to cover a vagina with Saran or have mine covered.

To me these scenarios are just on here, I have never encountered anyone who only wanted that.

[NC_Seniors 518]

First, I hope this "rule" comes up before the clothing comes off. That should be mentioned in the profile or the chat beforehand.

I'd hope so too. If it didn't, the deception would actually be MORE reason for me to pass on the whole experience than the mere fact that the couple didn't want to do uncovered oral.

 

Does the OP think the woman is there just to spread her legs with no foreplay?

Uhhhhh, no ... nor did I suggest that. I suggested that a couple might be willing to skip oral sex if everything else is in play. You can do plenty of foreplay with hands, toys, fresh fruit, power tools, ...

 

Interesting thoughts, everybody. I'm clearly in a different camp on this in that I'd not turn down EVERYthing over any ONE thing, but that doesn't make any of us right or wrong ... just different. (It's why Baskin Robbins makes 30-something flavors. ) Thanks to all who have contributed so far. Others please feel free to "sound off" on this if the spirit moves you.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

When discussions become this complex, it is often because several issues are convolved. It might be worth attempting a deconvolution.

 

First, there is issue of preference. There is no accounting for preferences. Every person and couple has them.

 

Second, there is the issue of perception/reality of cleanliness. To some people, oral-genital contact is 'unclean'. Provided there is no authentic illness, ordinary hygiene including bathing, bidet, whatever, is sufficient to make the genital area cleaner than many mouths. Showers with soap are part of the ritual of most in the LS.

 

Finally, there is the risk-management and risk-tolerance issue related to sexually transmitted infections. There are lists everywhere.

 

"Yes" means none of the above are concerns in the moment. "No" means one, two, or all three are concerns in the moment.

 

In most cases, preferences are mentioned early; hygiene issues are either apparent or non-issues; what matters are the STI risks, real or perceived.

 

It's worth reflecting on you/your partner's risk tolerance and risk management strategy before setting out to play, and further how you will communicate that with each other and with another couple.

[NC_Seniors 518]

So let me ask a different but related question ... what would you do if the other couple didn't say they require protection for oral but instead say that they just don't do oral with other people? Would you still pass on the whole experience or would you play with them?

[padoc 1,703]

Yes

[Jane1902 476]

For many oral sex is such a basic it feels wrong to make it a no. There is also the how and why to that come into play while being respectful of other people’s boundaries. The concept of no oral or only with dental dam leaves me feeling like I am unclean to you even if that isn’t the intention. There is another thread where the male partner just isn’t into it and his wife only wants him to go down on her. I’ll try to understand if he’s not that into it but what do you bring to the table? I am also a little perplexed by the “only for us” (I am a single) because why not give it your all?

[NC_Seniors 518]

Yes

 

padoc -- I assume you mean yes you'd pass, not yes you'd play.

[NC_Seniors 518]

For many oral sex is such a basic it feels wrong to make it a no.

 

Jane1902 -- And that seems to be the real crux of the situation. I still feel differently about it, but I guess that's OK. Thanks for your thoughts.

[agreatguy 269]

I think for us there is a progression leading up to intercourse in a full swap scenario. It starts with an introduction, moves into flirting, then perhaps some touching, a kiss, more touching, kissing, flirting, etc. Things progress and oral sex is a big part of that. In fact it's kind of the last thing that leads up to the main event. Each step gets you ready for the next step. It's also a way of learning a new partner, how they respond to you, what they like, how they communicate it with you. If I kiss a woman and she responds in a way that tells me she likes to be handled roughly or gently then each step of the progression is going to find me exploring how far she wants that to go. Each step communicates desires, builds excitement and anticipation of what is coming with the next step.

 

I can't imagine skipping any or all of those steps and the PIV intercourse being exactly the same as it would had I not skipped any.

 

OP, Could you walk into a room with a woman spread eagle, put your penis in her vagina until you had an orgasm and then leave? Or do you like getting to know the woman, go through a progression of stages to build the excitement and sexual anticipation? If you can understand the point of those questions then you should be able to understand why some of us want to experience all the aspects that we enjoy leading up to PIV intercourse. The goal is not necessarily to have sex, it's the whole experience. Sex and orgasm is just kind of the natural finale'.

 

As far as using protection I think most of us agree it's not pleasurable enough, sensations are dulled etc to the point that if that's required we feel like "why bother?". So if we can't go through those progressions then we'd rather not even start.

[NC_Seniors 518]

I think for us there is a progression leading up to intercourse in a full swap scenario.

agreatguy -- Excellent summation ... thank you!

[Judy39 145]

I don't see oral as an integral part of sex at all and have skipped oral on a number of occasions - no one ever complained!

I don't like receiving oral - instead of the build-up effect I get impatient and irritable. It doesn't work for me.

Giving oral and enjoying it requires a very high level of intimacy for me and I wouldn't offer it to a stranger.

I would absolutely worry about STDs if this was somebody totally new that I never met before and that would get in the way of me trying to relax.

One guy I met mentioned to me much later that my request for protected oral seemed odd to him at first but nonetheless we met many times so it must have worked for everyone involved!

I respect that some people will not be a match on this basis but it doesn't bother me. Everyone is different.

If I wanted to broaden my options or I if I were desperate for someone in particular I would probably reconsider, but as it stands I don't feel the need.

[adamgunn 1,460]

In the "What makes an unforgettable Cunnilingus?" the current response seems to be, 'whatever turns the woman on is best for that particular woman at that particular moment.' I think this can be imposed upon this thread.

 

If a woman wants to be intimate with me, I'm going to try to figure out what will give her the most satisfying time. If she doesn't want oral, fine. Let's find something else to do.

[padoc 1,703]

Yes, we'd pass. We'd BOTH pass. We both like oral and its part of foreplay even to completion in a swap situation which is part of why we're also open to soft swap couples. There is an intimacy involved in oral (and kissing) that we both love and find highly erotic. The taste and texture of a new partner is part of the thrill and the illicitness. Mrs Doc has even come to like kissing me after I've gone down on a woman. Without the intimacy of oral and kissing, its pretty much just mechanical sex and I can do that with my wife with a vibrator and do it better for her than than a guy who just wants to jump on and hump.

[Judy39 145]

If a woman wants to be intimate with me, I'm going to try to figure out what will give her the most satisfying time. If she doesn't want oral, fine. Let's find something else to do.

I love it when men ask what kind of sex I want,.. or better still, what sex I want on a given night! It's such a great sign that everything will be awesome and it fills every inch of my body with anticipation. It's also the reason I prefer to play with older, more experienced men Young men can be full of themselves and aren't as flexible in their approach.

[Sophy 569]

we would avoid any couple that has no-kissing rule and/or condoms for oral