Overweight - No Thank You

[JnJinVA 17]

We will probably not be a fan of some for this question but it needs to be asked...

 

What do you do/say when you meet someone or you see their photos online and they are too big, clearly lied about their weight and/or posted old photos? We have been in this awkward situation more times than we care to remember. We aren't here to hurt feelings but if you are too big, we aren't interested. We aren't into all shapes and sizes and physical attraction means just as much to us as personality. So how do you nicely say "if you are fat we are not interested"? How do you nicely say "try being honest to others and yourself about your size?" Clearly everyone has a different definition of HWP in their own eyes and stating that in our profile has been ineffective. We have given birth, have jobs, have lives etc... and we are not even slightly overweight. Those things do not excuse you to put others in unwanted awkward situations or lie to yourself and others about your true size. - Frustrated

[njbm 2,868]

I have weight issues, so I am sensitive to the issue. My wife, on the other hand, is in tip top shape. I am ok with a woman who is overweight, but I have limits, too. I think you just have to say that you are not a match. We judge people on height, weight, age, appearance, but we never tell a person that we do not want to get together due to any one characteristic. Who knows why people do not want to be with us. We don’t take it too hard, we have each other. We do note that we have been wowed by people in person whereas we would have declined to play if we just relied on pix or a profile.

[JandKinBoise 858]

I'm an ass but if we get dressed up, ready to go meet someone, schedule a night to do this and then get there and the person is 15 years older and 25 lbs heavier, they don't get a lot of polite "We aren't interested". They get an ear full. We are as considerate to others as others are to us.

Honestly I can't even imagine what would go through a person's head to think this is OK and how the heck did they expect it to go down? Oh, you're old and fat, we are here to meet a young fit guy, oh well, wanna bj? wtf

 

As we approached the end of our group activities, J was slacking on working out and had put on about 10 lbs. Our last lover, after our last play date, sent a very friendly note that he must have spent an hour composing. Basically said that if J gets her motivation back to get in shape, he would be happy to help. By then though, we were friends so one can be polite.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

What do you do/say when you meet someone or you see their photos online and they are too big, clearly lied about their weight and/or posted old photos?

 

The online one is easy, "Thanks for contacting us, but we don't feel we would be a good match." Simple and works every time, and I don't see why anyone would feel the need to do more than that. Honestly, you sort of come off with an attitude like it's their fault for not being what you want. You set your standards so that responsibility lies wholly with you.

 

If it is in person and they have misrepresented themselves, then that is a different situation entirely. Then it is their fault if they didn't hold up their end of the bargain by providing you accurate information for you to make that evaluation, and the responsibility for that lies wholly with them. In those cases, I'd just disengage as quickly as possible while still retaining some sense of politeness. Lecturing them on the error of their ways isn't going to be any more effective, it just makes you look like an ass. The swinging community isn't that big, and their best friends may be the next hot couple you see that you are just dying to get together with, until "Oh yeah, them..."

 

They know what they are doing, and a meet that went nowhere fast conveys the message just fine.

 

We have given birth, have jobs, have lives etc... and we are not even slightly overweight. Those things do not excuse you to put others in unwanted awkward situations or lie to yourself and others about your true size.

 

Not sure what this has to do with anything. We go to work every day too and see fat people, skinny people, honest people, dishonest people. Pretty sure that's the same for everyone. I also think it's the height of arrogance to assume someone is lying to themselves, like you think you know them better then they know themselves? Again, if they lie to you in some form or fashion, different story. But, is it a lie, or was it something less, maybe just not meeting the expectation? Has someone ever walked away from a meet with you thinking "They were funny in their profile but sort of dull in person" or "They seemed well spoken in their profile but the way he/she talked turned me off" or whatever else about someone may not live up to what the expectations were. Was that a lie on your part that you weren't as funny, well spoken, etc. as what they thought you were in your profile? Or was it because based on very minimal information they were, right or wrong, expecting X and got Y? Do you feel like they have some obligation or right to spell out for you in detail why you didn't live up to their standards, or do you think "Nice to meet you, we need to be going now" was sufficient?

 

What I just described is the gray area of course. There are times when people are just flat out lying, and for them, don't waste any more of your time than you have to with explanations or whatever, just move on.

[shy_couple 459]

Agree with cplnuswing 100%.

 

Dishonesty is more the issue than the age or body type.

 

Or perhaps issue isn’t as much with big fat peoples as it is with big fat liars....

[MnM73 15]

We are a large couple and completely understand that we aren't everyone's cup of tea but neither of us hides or lies about what we are either. I personally haveonly been in the lifestyle about a year, my husband was in his previous relationship. I don't like to be rude or hurtful to people but if they have blatantly misrepresented themselves I think I would have to be upfront about it and tell them. As I would expect the same if I misrepresented myself.

[Sawman 84]

I am accustomed to meeting new friends for drinks or coffee with no expectation of play. Afterwards, people can decline to pursue fun for any reason. The rule is be sensitive. "No thank you, we are not a match," is enough. Just don't ghost the other party. This is a small community and gaining a reputation as discourteous or worse can be harmful to further fun.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I don't like to be rude or hurtful to people but if they have blatantly misrepresented themselves I think I would have to be upfront about it and tell them.

 

We don't like to be rude or hurtful either, but blatantly misrepresenting themselves...isn't that just a fancy way to say 'lying'. Anyone who is willing to lie about how they look, KNOWING that eventually we are going to probably meet them and will know the truth is probably willing to lie about just about anything else as well. We don't have the time and are not willing to put up with the potential drama that liars bring to the table. You don't have to remember the story you told if you stick with telling the truth.

 

That's also why when we meet for the first time, play is not expected. In fact, it rarely happens, if ever. This way everyone can be on the same page the next time we meet.

[padoc 1,703]

Life is too short and we'll not get younger or better looking if we put off playing with a couple if we click on first meeting. That being said, if a couple is 20 years older and 60 lbs heavier than their profile indicates, we'll finish our drinks and head for the door. Our 20/20 rule would kick in immediately. We know within 20 seconds to 20 minutes if we'll ever want to see them naked. In the above case, 20 seconds will be more than enough.