Scared of Sex

[kittylicker 16]

I have been married for almost 30 years and my wife is the only woman I have ever had intercourse with. EVER... I am scared to death to let another woman even see me naked, let alone touch, suck or insert in to her. When younger I was a nice 7" and thick but over weight now its looks like I'm only about 4". I'm still nice and thick but I am terrified of rejection or even being laughed at and now that Type 2 Diabetes has joined my body well staying hard even with my wife is an issue. My wife is very supportive and is my rock. She likes the going to parties and the club for other couples (mainly the other girl) but now I want to see her getting fucked while I watch because I feel in inadequate. I just want her to be sexually fulfilled. She says I am all she needs and she loves our sex life, and I hit all the right buttons and she gets off without any problems. And I do believe her but I just can't help but think it could be better. I also think that since I'm overweight and she is the small little petite woman (no one would ever think she is 49) and she is really into other small petite females (which I love also) but I can't help but think in my mind that the other females aren't interested in a fat guy so I psych my self out before we even go to the party. You know the old saying nothing good ever happens to me, that's my motto.

 

 

Our background..

 

We met when I was 17 and she was 14 at high school and have been together ever since. Our sex life early on was fantastic, we were sexually active almost daily for years. We started dabbling into sex clubs probably 20 or so years ago, not hardcore by any stretch of the imagination (we would go a few times per year), I guess we were more into watching and being watched at Trapeze or 2-Risque. About 15 years ago we started some soft swinging and girl/girl things and thats great. I have given and received oral from other girls but I never have been able to close the deal. 10 years ago we were friends with a couple and played strip UNO from time to time and at the end of the night the girls would do some things and from time to time we would swap for some oral. Then the other couple suggested the girls and one guy party one night and then the next week the other guy and the 2 girls would complete the deal so everyone was happy. Well 16 years later and I'm still waiting to complete the deal, we haven't seen or spoke to the other couple in about 15 years now, I felt as if I was rejected and it still haunts me today.

 

We still go to a club or hotel party from time to time but I can't get over it. I even shut down completely when we get there, I get extremely quite and people think im just being an asshole but that's not what it is at all. The only time I can talk to another couple is if I know there is absolutely no chance we would be having sex with them, then I'm funny and like to talk act like a normal person.

[kittylicker 16]

Thank you for reply and contributing to my further depression how its not a good look on a man.

[harplitt 25]

I gotta tell you that your emotions are valid. Your feelings aren't out of line based on what you experienced. That being said, you do not have to feel that way if you don't want to. I'm not saying there's a switch you can flip or anything, but you sound a bit wounded. And if you want to and take steps to do so, you can heal.

 

Step 1: trust your wife. She's been by your side for 30 years. That means something and if she says you make her happy and you say she is your rock, believe here and count yourself lucky. Not every one has that. Continue to trust her and believe her when she tells you how she feels.

 

Step 2: Find yourself a quality counselor you can trust. You deserve to be happy, and a counselor can help you see things in a healthy light.

 

Step 3: Start small and make some changes for a healthier physical you. I'm a stranger and I'm no body shamer. But, what you said seems to indicate that you are not satisfied with how you look and feel physically. Look at your diet. Consult with a doctor to develop a fitness plan. You don't need to look like you did 20 years ago, but you should be able to live your life feeling strong and alert and alive and happy and healthy. Do it for you. Not your wife, not that couple you mentioned, not anybody but you.

 

Step 4: Try to give yourself a break. You come off as a pretty decent guy with a good heart and a great wife. If that other couple did reject you, so be it. It says more about them than you. Maybe it was because of your shape or they weren't feeling the chemistry or who knows what. It doesn't have to matter. You control you, and you control your present. You can't control them or the past.

 

Step 5: Go to Desire Pearl. That place is awesome and we saw every shape and size there - all accepted and appreciated.

 

You got this, bud. You're gonna be just fine.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

The director Stanley Kubrick was intimidated by beautiful or fashionable women. This was hurting him professionally so he came upon a plan. He would start a communication using an intermediary. Perhaps you could use a similar technique — use, for example, your wife as an intermediary.

[padoc 1,703]

The OP needs way more PROFESSIONAL help than he'll find on this site unless he's looking for reassurance that letting himself go, being overweight and not being able to actually see his penis is OK and he'll have plenty of swinging opportunities. Get some help guy.