Swinging with my best friend.

[Newlycurious22 15]

So my husband and I have been married for 5 years. It has been pretty rocky. He never wanted monogamy and had never been in a monogamous relationship before me. We married and we’re having so much sex that it didn’t phase him.

 

Then we had some life troubles and the sex slowed way down. It has put a pretty big damper on our marriage.

 

The thought of having a non-monogamous relationship has always been an uncomfortable topic for me. My husband isn’t a cheater but her has expressed wanting to be more sexually adventurous. I always took that as an insult to me and our marriage.

 

Recently, I met a new friend. We got very close, very fast. She’s my best friend. We talk about everything and anything, all day, everyday. We went on a vacation with my side of the family and actually invited her and her husband with. It was the first time we had been around each other’s husbands. Immediately, we picked up on my friends’ husband being very flirtatious. I didn’t make anything out of it because my husband has been the same way.For the last month, we have spent numorous nights at their house and have been talking and getting together a lot. We have grown oddly comfortable with each other for such a short amount of time. There’s been a lot of sexual innuendoes. I finally addressed it in a light and playful manner with my best friend on if they actually wanted to swing. She said she was interested. We king of looking into 4-sums while on FaceTime but eventually started talking about something else.

 

I’m not sure if it will amount to anything. My husband says he’s conflicted because he has been suggesting this for years and I have been resistant to it and now he feel like because my best friend said she would, now I want to. Which I can’t totally disagree with.

 

I would be interested in swinging with them now, but can’t envision myself seeking other couples out.

 

Now I’m not sure about the following:

-my husband love each other but definitely don’t have a rock solid relationship. Lack of sexual excitement is a big problem. I’ve heard that swinging can be great for an already strong marriage, but can it be good for one that’s struggling?

-ive heard you shouldn’t swing with your friends. We are already so open with each other, so I don’t see a problem, but I’ve been warned not to do it. But like I said, I don’t think I would want to do it with random people.

-my husband could be right. I entered an emotionally abusive relationship at 15 and got pregnant shortly have so I have ZERO “adult” experiences. Maybe I am just now being open to this because I want to follow and be adventurous. I’m not sure. I do know that reading the stories and seeing some of the porn has gotten me extremely turned on.

 

Anyway, sorry that was so long, any advice from experienced swingers would be amazing.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . .I’ve heard that swinging can be great for an already strong marriage, but can it be good for one that’s struggling?

WELCOME to Swingersboard. I hope that the interactions you have here and the information available here are useful.

 

I recommend that you do not think on the question of whether or not getting into a swing relationship with friends is wise. That is not the important question for your situation. Swing seldom helps a married relationship that is (to use your own word) struggling. It is not unusual for sex to slow down as a married relationship matures. You mentioned, however, a life event that you believe changed the frequency and quality of sex? Are there issues still to be resolved that are the result of this event?

 

Wishing you well.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Lately I've been able to just cut and paste:

 

Swinging will never save a boring or bad relationship. Instead it is the sprinkles on top of the sundae of a great relationship. It will magnify the faults of a weak relationship just like it magnifies the strength of a great one. If you are looking to save a relationship by swinging, you are looking in the wrong place. Swinging is entirely built upon love trust and communication. If any of those three are weak or lacking, then jealousy, lies and deception is given the change to undermine the foundation. Swinging isn't a cure all. Sure, it may seem like a way to jump start an old relationship but this usually doesn't fix any of the other problems and just quickens the end.

 

The thought of having a non-monogamous relationship has always been an uncomfortable topic for me.

 

Some people (read 'most') are just not wired for this even if they have a relationship strong enough to support it. If that's the case, then that's how it is. Leopard - spots...just how it is.

 

I’ve heard that swinging can be great for an already strong marriage, but can it be good for one that’s struggling?

 

Absolutely not.

 

ive heard you shouldn’t swing with your friends. We are already so open with each other, so I don’t see a problem, but I’ve been warned not to do it.

 

In our humble opinion swinging with friends is almost always going to (at some point) be a big mistake. First, some people aren't wired for this and hoping that friends might be is not a good plan. Second, if (when) anything goes wrong, there's a very good chance that EVERYONE will find out what you all have been doing. Do you want your other friends and family to know this? Some people will tell you otherwise, but to every rule there is an exception and they are usually starting out with a solid relationship. That your relationship is already weak just multiplies the risks.

 

Maybe I am just now being open to this because I want to follow and be adventurous. I’m not sure.

 

You both need to be sure (and have a solid relationship). It's more likely that you are just willing to try this hoping that it will save your relationship.

 

Then we had some life troubles and the sex slowed way down. It has put a pretty big damper on our marriage.

 

Instead of looking for a quick, easy fix, invest your time and effort at fixing whatever caused the original problem. There is no golden bullet. Use the same things that are needed to be successful swingers and apply them: love, trust, and (in this case, most important) communication. Start talking and trying to fix the problems. If you need someone to help with that, then get someone to help. We wish you the best, but you really need to stay away from swinging. Good luck and let us know how things go.

[PSULioness 847]

First you need to get your marriage worked out. Swinging will put additional stress on any problems you are having. You mentioned your husband wanted sex to be more adventurous, did he mean swinging or for the two of you to do sex acts you aren’t doing? Have you asked him if he wants to swing and if he does who does he want to swing with? Does he just want your blessing to not be monogamous? Are you sure he is monogamous? I would say marital problems must be solved before going forward.

Friends. You will most likely get responses to not play with friends. There are plenty of posts telling you about all that can go wrong with having sex with friends. You have to weigh if those comments can apply to you. For me it was a friend who expanded my sexual horizons. I was a heterosexual monogamous woman living with a great man. It was a close friend who I had in college who introduced me to another side of my sexuality. This friend and my new found sexuality did put stress on my relationship at first. Jealousy reared it’s head. The stress briefly caused a breakup at home and great conversation brought back together and to marriage. Our original play was with people who lived ours from us. We were able to separate our everyday life to our play life. At my husband’s suggestion we brought his best friend into our play. For me having sex with someone I know and like and who I can enjoy outside of the bedroom is so much more fun than being with someone who I have no connection with. I think a friend can be a great partner to play with.

[Newlycurious22 15]

WELCOME to Swingersboard. I hope that the interactions you have here and the information available here are useful.

 

I recommend that you do not think on the question of whether or not getting into a swing relationship with friends is wise. That is not the important question for your situation. Swing seldom helps a married relationship that is (to use your own word) struggling. It is not unusual for sex to slow down as a married relationship matures. You mentioned, however, a life event that you believe changed the frequency and quality of sex? Are there issues still to be resolved that are the result of this event?

 

Wishing you well.

 

No. Not really. My husband has never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship, so this is something that can’t really be fixed.

 

The life event I was talking about was the birth of our daughter. She had a birthday defect, and while she doesn’t have any problems now, it rocked our world. We both have some PTSD from the experience and our marriage and individual mental health went through a lot during those times.

[Newlycurious22 15]

First you need to get your marriage worked out. Swinging will put additional stress on any problems you are having. You mentioned your husband wanted sex to be more adventurous, did he mean swinging or for the two of you to do sex acts you aren’t doing? Have you asked him if he wants to swing and if he does who does he want to swing with? Does he just want your blessing to not be monogamous? Are you sure he is monogamous? I would say marital problems must be solved before going forward.

Friends. You will most likely get responses to not play with friends. There are plenty of posts telling you about all that can go wrong with having sex with friends. You have to weigh if those comments can apply to you. For me it was a friend who expanded my sexual horizons. I was a heterosexual monogamous woman living with a great man. It was a close friend who I had in college who introduced me to another side of my sexuality. This friend and my new found sexuality did put stress on my relationship at first. Jealousy reared it’s head. The stress briefly caused a breakup at home and great conversation brought back together and to marriage. Our original play was with people who lived ours from us. We were able to separate our everyday life to our play life. At my husband’s suggestion we brought his best friend into our play. For me having sex with someone I know and like and who I can enjoy outside of the bedroom is so much more fun than being with someone who I have no connection with. I think a friend can be a great partner to play with.

 

Yes, I’m sure he is monogamous. He would never cheat. He has been asking to swing for awhile and I have never been open to it.. The thought of doing it with complete strangers turned me off and I’ve only recently started exploring the idea when I considered doing it with friends.

[dazanconfsd 84]

Newlycurious22, from one newb to another. We started out with friends and it was almost disastrous. We recently had our first swing with perfect strangers and it was awesome. We were in the right head space for both encounters but friends are too close, especially if they aren't experienced swingers already. Hell, I don't think I would go there ever again (any friends). There are rules everyone plays by, there are boundaries that need to be set forth, and EVERYONE needs to be on the same page.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Dazed, thanks for posting that you had a bad experience with friends. A quick look through your profile doesn't come up with that story, although I might be missing it. Perhaps you might write that story up and post it as a cautionary tale.