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We have had quite a few experiences in the short time we have been participating in the LS. One couple we have been with a few times, the husband hangs back and watches for the most part, some participation but mostly seems to enjoy watching things play out (which I can understand, I find watching my wife an incredible turn on, but I like to play too) But they are about on the same ground as us. Slow moving and each time takes some warm up and talk before we dive in. The other couple is very experienced, the husband usually has my wife's attention within a few minutes, and has her undivided attention in just a few more, I love seeing this ,however I am more shy (while clothed) and will sit next to his wife and place a hand on her knee, or just sit close to her, I have given her a back rub to start things off. I don't really know where I am at after 14 years with the same woman. It feels like trying to date again, without the objective of a full relationship :lol: . I brought this up the third time they came over, apologized to his wife for being shy. LOL, she said, "hun, you're anything but shy". Her husband said "When you have been swinging for a while, you get a feeling for what people are looking for, and when to do what" Does this seem normal to those in the lifestyle for a while? I can turn on the charm no problem and I am good at making people feel at ease, but that is mostly talking. Maybe it is just because I have been with the same number of people since 2004 until early this month, and am still really new to working my way up. Any thoughts, suggestions?

Mr. Dazed

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Its all about communication. We have both been in this situation where the partner we are with wants to go slow. Two weeks ago, the guy and my wife got started very fast. Although we are all undressed, I wasn’t sure if his wife was ready or willing to dive in with me. I put my arm around her and asked if she wanted to watch for a while. I could tell she was relieved. We sat back and watch our spouses enjoying each other and it was great. As she got turned on, she started to rub my cock and things escalated from there. Always good to just go with the flow and never force things.

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Funny, but the couples we swap with it's the women who get together to talk and map out a strategy. Usually they have their clothes off first, are playing with each other, and deciding how to use us for their pleasure. When it comes to sex, having more than one woman telling you what to do is a good thing.

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Adamgunn: all fair points, thank you.

 

Bluespruce1: this is what seems to me to be one of my hangups. Communicating when things start to get intimate. Going with the flow works for now, It's live and learn I guess.

 

Numex: The first couple I mentioned is like this. If we have play time arranged the wives will text each other through the day thinking up scenarios and such. By the time they visit we still hang out and BS but the ladies take the lead and we husbands jump in where they want us to/where we're told :D

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Having even less experience than you (only one LS'ish event) I feel much the same way as you. I have realized that I need to initiate rather than wait to be invited in. This will be a leap for me as I am a bit shy as well and then there is also the whole #metoo that gets in the back of my head (even if everyone is naked).?

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Flirting and turning on the charm can be difficult when you haven't done it in a while. It sounds like you're winning though so don't sweat it. As you get more comfortable flirting and see the benefits of it you'll gain confidence.

 

I think one of the easiest ways to flirt is to just give compliments. Don't be afraid to tell the woman that you find her attractive. Try to find things which are apparent she would like compliments on. It's not that hard to find if you look. Does her hair look especially sexy the way it lays on her shoulders? Does she have a playful smile or warm eyes. She's probably done something to look that way, even if she hasn't she'll appreciate you noticing anyway. Do her shoes make her legs look really sexy? Does the dress she has on make her breasts look really inviting or make her ass look really good. If it does then she probably wants to hear that particularly knowing what setting you are in so it's OK to get a little raunchy, say it with a coy smile and be ready to laugh. Above all, be sure that the compliments are sincere and don't go overboard. It will show a genuine interest and the conversation will flow much more easily when she gets comfortable with a mutual attraction. It won't take much and she'll probably be telling you all the shit she did to get ready for the night. Then all you have to do is listen and respond.

 

Speaking of laughing, I can't speak for all women but making my wife laugh makes her panties fall off, if she's wearing any. That's a little more difficult as a flirting technique but you don't have to be Seinfeld. Think of some funny things that have happened as a part of your lifestyle experience and be ready to work one into the conversation. Or think of some horrible things and make a joke of it. It could even be how you had to apologize to the last couple because you were like a high school kid trying to make a move and had to give a back rub for 30 minutes before you got even got a BJ while your wife had been spending that 30 minutes getting busy. See, that's funny!

 

The last couple we spent time with at our club was really funny and he had some great stories about things that had gone wrong like some woman giving him head with way too much teeth. He had us rolling talking about how he couldn't walk right for a week. Next thing I know my wife is in his lap rubbing his cock asking if it was OK now.

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I'm curious about this as well. My wife and I are getting into the lifestyle and my fear is going to an event and not having anyone socialize with us and/or invite us to play. It's helpful to see the suggestions being made.

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Just being generally positive is a good idea.

SMILE and look at their faces.

 

If there is a bit of work to do pitch in.

 

 

I remember one of my first parties. I decided to help set out the food, which was as usual the ladies job. By the time it was set up I had been the recipient of a kiss or two, some hugs and a spontaneous ass grab. I get no where near that attention in a 15 minute time span otherwise.

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I think one of the easiest ways to flirt is to just give compliments. Don't be afraid to tell the woman that you find her attractive. Try to find things which are apparent she would like compliments on. It's not that hard to find if you look. Does her hair look especially sexy the way it lays on her shoulders? Does she have a playful smile or warm eyes. She's probably done something to look that way, even if she hasn't she'll appreciate you noticing anyway. Do her shoes make her legs look really sexy? Does the dress she has on make her breasts look really inviting or make her ass look really good. If it does then she probably wants to hear that particularly knowing what setting you are in so it's OK to get a little raunchy, say it with a coy smile and be ready to laugh. Above all, be sure that the compliments are sincere and don't go overboard. It will show a genuine interest and the conversation will flow much more easily when she gets comfortable with a mutual attraction. It won't take much and she'll probably be telling you all the shit she did to get ready for the night. Then all you have to do is listen and respond.

 

This is solid advice in any setting. The common vanilla mistake is to mindlessly compliment something about a woman that she has no control over because you were noticing it. Pick something that she obviously put some thought and effort to, and that also compliments something she has no control over.

 

I was once in danger of getting caught staring at the cleavage of a beautiful blond I didn't know very well, and managed to think fast enough to turn it into "that's a really cool necklace". I've been having sex with her for ten years now.

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and my fear is going to an event and not having anyone socialize with us and/or invite us to play. ...

 

Don't judge your experience by this. It will happen when it happens. In the mean time show some interest yourselves.

 

 

If you want to be appealing have a great time with your SO and LOOK like your are having a great time. Others want to be part of a great time.

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Don't judge your experience by this. It will happen when it happens. In the mean time show some interest yourselves.

 

 

If you want to be appealing have a great time with your SO and LOOK like your are having a great time. Others want to be part of a great time.

 

We're naturally outgoing. But I'm not sure what the balance is between mingling and intruding. I know what you mean about enjoying each other.

 

Thanks

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We're naturally outgoing. But I'm not sure what the balance is between mingling and intruding. I know what you mean about enjoying each other.

 

Thanks

 

Just say hello and introduce yourselves then take the cues.

We've had people just walk up to us to tell us we made a cute couple. One couple came to tell us they watched us make out and they thought it was hot. Swingers generally don't mind being approached. The ones who might blow you off are doing you a favor because they aren't the kind to try to get to know you even if it's just for a few hours. When that happens take it for what it is and move on.

 

 

If you want to be approached, make yourselves approachable. For people who aren't the get up and introduce yourselves type smile as people walk by. Make eye contact, just say "hi" and see what happens.

As ICM said, have fun with whatever you're doing. If it's just the two of you pick people out of the crowd and find something funny about them, the way they're dressed or make up something about who they are and make comments back and forth just between the two of you. No one has to know what you're doing. The point is the two of you are playing a game, having fun, laughing, smiling and other people will want to be a part of it too. Sit there like a bump on a log, sullen faced because no one will talk to you and all you need to do is look in a mirror to figure out why.

 

Also, there's no shame in just absorbing the atmosphere on a particular night and not playing with anyone else. Not every night has to be an orgy. Our club has different atmospheres depending on the crowd. Sometimes we play with others, sometimes we play alone, sometimes we hang out a couple of hours, realize it's not our night and we go get some late night tacos. We've learned to go out with high hopes but no expectations of anything happening. We seldom leave disappointed even if nothing happened. It usually means our return trip will be fairly soon to try, try again.

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At a club, we often start off together on a bed in a open play area or in a room where we leave the door open. We always have a great time together and it does attract others. On more than one occasion, we've had a couple stand and watch us somewhat shyly at TPA and or Trapeze. We've briefly stopped, smiled at them and said, "feel free to join us, there's plenty of room." It turned out that couples Im recalling were very new and we ended up being their 1st experience.

At house parties, Mrs Doc wears easy access clothing and little or no underwear. I get the ball rolling by fondling and kissing her in the presence of other guests eventually exposing her boobs or dropping her skirt. If it attracts attention, great, if not, nobody (certainly not me) has ever said that having sex with my wife is not a bonus. red dress 3.jpg

Being open, playful with each other, and smiling is pretty much an open invitation.

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Just say hello and introduce yourselves then take the cues.

We've had people just walk up to us to tell us we made a cute couple. One couple came to tell us they watched us make out and they thought it was hot. Swingers generally don't mind being approached. The ones who might blow you off are doing you a favor because they aren't the kind to try to get to know you even if it's just for a few hours. When that happens take it for what it is and move on.

 

 

If you want to be approached, make yourselves approachable. For people who aren't the get up and introduce yourselves type smile as people walk by. Make eye contact, just say "hi" and see what happens.

As ICM said, have fun with whatever you're doing. If it's just the two of you pick people out of the crowd and find something funny about them, the way they're dressed or make up something about who they are and make comments back and forth just between the two of you. No one has to know what you're doing. The point is the two of you are playing a game, having fun, laughing, smiling and other people will want to be a part of it too. Sit there like a bump on a log, sullen faced because no one will talk to you and all you need to do is look in a mirror to figure out why.

 

Also, there's no shame in just absorbing the atmosphere on a particular night and not playing with anyone else. Not every night has to be an orgy. Our club has different atmospheres depending on the crowd. Sometimes we play with others, sometimes we play alone, sometimes we hang out a couple of hours, realize it's not our night and we go get some late night tacos. We've learned to go out with high hopes but no expectations of anything happening. We seldom leave disappointed even if nothing happened. It usually means our return trip will be fairly soon to try, try again.

 

Thanks for sharing. What you said makes sense. I think we'll have to be there to know what the approach will be. I wrote the local club today asking to take a tour. Once I hear back at least we'll know what the place looks like and maybe where we want to start out.

 

Thanks again!

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At a club, we often start off together on a bed in a open play area or in a room where we leave the door open. We always have a great time together and it does attract others. On more than one occasion, we've had a couple stand and watch us somewhat shyly at TPA and or Trapeze. We've briefly stopped, smiled at them and said, "feel free to join us, there's plenty of room." It turned out that couples Im recalling were very new and we ended up being their 1st experience.

At house parties, Mrs Doc wears easy access clothing and little or no underwear. I get the ball rolling by fondling and kissing her in the presence of other guests eventually exposing her boobs or dropping her skirt. If it attracts attention, great, if not, nobody (certainly not me) has ever said that having sex with my wife is not a bonus. [ATTACH=CONFIG]11017[/ATTACH]

Being open, playful with each other, and smiling is pretty much an open invitation.

 

Not sure what TPA/Trapeze is but I'm sure if we get a handle on the social aspect of the lifestyle, we'll have no problem doing similar in regard to just starting to have sex and welcoming others that want to join.

 

Thanks!

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TPA (The Private Affair) is a swingers club in NE Maryland. Trapeze is a swingers club in Ft Lauderdale.

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TPA (The Private Affair) is a swingers club in NE Maryland. Trapeze is a swingers club in Ft Lauderdale.

 

Oh ok, thanks for the clarification.

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Love it when it’s very organic. For example last week we met a new couple at a bar. Had a few drinks and clearly there was a spark and we were interested in each other. We paired off and engaged in a long conversation. Body language says a ton. She got close to me and he got very comfortable with my wife. We did a bit of dancing and the hands got busy. We ended up grabbing some carry out and shared a hotel room down the street. As soon as we got in the room clothes came off - just about everything was nonverbal. We knew they wanted us, and we wanted them.

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Love it when it’s very organic. For example last week we met a new couple at a bar. Had a few drinks and clearly there was a spark and we were interested in each other. We paired off and engaged in a long conversation. Body language says a ton. She got close to me and he got very comfortable with my wife. We did a bit of dancing and the hands got busy. We ended up grabbing some carry out and shared a hotel room down the street. As soon as we got in the room clothes came off - just about everything was nonverbal. We knew they wanted us, and we wanted them.

 

 

I'd love to get to that point where we experience that level of chemistry with another couple...or several!!!

 

Things to shoot for I suppose.

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