First Time Swinging - Mixed Emotions

[English Flames 26]

So my lady and I attended our first house party ever. It was our first outing as a swinging couple period. We had zero experience as well. We walked around when we first got there after we were given the tour. The atmosphere was light and playful. We had tons of attention! I had women telling me that I better be naked by the end of the night and that was two minutes into the tour! I have never been mentally undressed by so many women in so little of time. The wife was getting the same attention as well.

 

Feeling a bit nervous, we found a little empty spot in the backyard and snuck away to have a smoke. Once we were done, we decided to be social and grabbed some towels and robes, stripped and jumped into the pool. We found an empty corner and people started coming up to us and introducing themselves. All the veterans were funny and inviting and made us feel very comfortable.

 

Fast forward a bit, this couple makes their way over to us. We were excited. They were attractive and in our age range. We chatted for an hour or so when one of the veteran ladies comes over, we’ll call her Mrs. Shy, and asks us, “why aren’t you guys fucking yet?!” Before I could respond another lady jumps in and states “don’t listen to her. You guys go at your own pace”. She then yells back at Mrs Shy and states “Shy, leave them alone. They’re newbies.” Then the lady starts speaking to me and my wife. She reiterates “you guys just do or don’t do what you want. It’s up to you”. She looks at me and asks “would you fuck them?” I immediately responded “yes” and my wife says “yes” right after I do. Before I know it, we’re getting out of the pool and headed to a room together.

 

So this is we’re some things fall apart. He lays his wife down and mine lays down next to her. Us guys climb on top of our wives and start kissing them. My dick is not responding at all. Totally limp. I continued kissing and touching and while I’m kissing her neck she taps my shoulder. I look up and she gesturing to me to look down. I look down and he’s fingering my wife. He didn’t ask. Whatever, I was okay with it and she was enjoying herself too. Still no signs of life down there. Okay I thinking, it’s just nerves. I keep going. I go down on her and I’m enjoying tasting her and how wet she was. I look up and she’s making out with his wife and feeling her breasts. I’m turned on but still no stiffness down there.

 

I’ll spare some of the details from here, but the night ended with her getting split roasted with him taking her from behind and me trying to get hard in my wife’s mouth.

 

She enjoyed herself. She had me and another guy, and that was something we’ve both been wanting to try. She also got to explore another woman completely for the first time. She’s made out with some but never got to finger or eat a lady out. She got to try that too.

 

I didn’t entirely enjoy myself. I never achieved an erection though I was turned on. The guys wife never did anything but lay there the whole night. My wife complained about that too afterwards . She had plenty of opportunities to get more involved but seemed happy to just watch. I’m not entirely sure how I felt about the evening. I feel that if she would have gotten more involved I may have gotten hard and gotten into it more. It seemed to be more or less all about her husband. Since I never got hard, it also seemed like it was his duty to finish my wife off for me. I don’t know. I may be looking at it from a narrow view. I’m glad he got my wife off. I wanted her to enjoy herself and she did so it ended happily. I’ll also take some blame since I wasn’t really initiating anything with the other wife, mostly because she didn’t seem to perceptive the couple times I did touch her.

 

The take away for us was that neither of us had feelings of jealousy and that was a big concern we had. We also believe that the couple we hooked up with us was not looking for a swap situation. A question we forgot to ask and never brought up. The things I am having difficulty with is that he never asked to touch her when things started. He also didn’t have condoms with him. Also, neither of them really made sure we were doing okay nor did they seem to care whether things were progressing too quickly for us. They knew we were brand new.

 

Am I just over thinking or over reacting? It was bad enough I had performance anxiety and could not get hard. I’ve never had that problem before. I need some veteran opinions please. Sorry for the long read, but thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

[the Nomads 78]

Can I ask, how much time did you spend talking with them before hand? Did you cover what each side was looking for and what your limits are? our first party we spent all night talking and I don't think we adequately covered that topic. This led to different expectations when trying to set up the next meet and we determined then we were not compatible. The second time we covered them clearly and the results were much better. They knew how far we were willing to go that night and would check in with us to see if they could participate more without being pushy.

[English Flames 26]

Hard to say exactly but I’d say we spent 1.5-2 hours talking. It was more on the level of just getting to know them as people. They were polyamorous and he had a girl friend on the side. They were also into the BDSM world as well, which the Mrs and I didn’t see a problem with because we are into that kind of play too. These are two things that I see as possibly being red flags that we overlooked. Looking back, his wife was totally submissive and I’m sure that is why she didn’t engage much. I engaged with him and directed him a bit on what my wife likes, unfortunately he didn’t return the favor. We never discussed what each other was looking for or interested in doing not what our limits were. Big mistake! It’s not something we’re going to do again. Lesson learned the hard way! We were both so eager to jump in and get started and it’s a total newb mistake I know.

[the Nomads 78]

We ran into that with the first couple. She was sub. She pretty much was along for the ride to help him get a connection. If you are into that and get the control dynamic then I guess it can work. I found she was kind of zoned out and not engaged. She would simply do as asked but didn’t really engage proactively.

[English Flames 26]

That is exactly how she was! He didn’t direct her at all, in fact didn’t seem to care she was even there! Seeing she was, as you said, along for the ride, I didnt engage her much either.

 

I feel better knowing I’m not the only one and that my feelings were some what validated

 

Have you come across that since and how would go about dealing with it? For me now, it’s a back out situation. We could have easily just picked one of the singles guys in attendance to play with.

[the Nomads 78]

We are still talking to the couple but I don't think its going to go anywhere. The talk is all one sided. I feel like he's just trying to trade his wife for my wife and she doesn't seem to care. I really don't judge them. It's their lifestyle but the more I learn about it the less I see it being compatible with what we are building. We are now set more than ever that this is an equal partners activity and I think it works best when thats the case on the other side. Maybe some of the more veteran people here can confirm but I get the impression that you can expect that the other guy will treat your wife with the same level of respect and status as he does his wife. If your wife is ok with that and you are ok with that then I guess it's a match.

[the Nomads 78]

That is exactly how she was! He didn’t direct her at all, in fact didn’t seem to care she was even there! Seeing she was, as you said, along for the ride, I didnt engage her much either.

 

More than likely he told her to do whatever you asked within a certain bounds. Thats what I found. I just was too nervous to ask anything of her.

[English Flames 26]

I find comfort in your responses. Although a MFM scenario is not off the table, and the wife and I have discussed that, we were going into the evening with a couples swap scenario. One where everyone plays with everyone and didn’t get that from them. I take blame that we didn’t let our situation known but, nor did they and they weren’t newbies. I felt a little taken advantage of. There were some signs that I didn’t pick up on until after. I’m okay emotionally with the aftermath and just chalk it up as a learning experience and now have a clearer idea of how we will approach future partners. I know I may have been more initiating with the other wife, but I’m not turned on by lay downs. It was incompatibility and it simply wasn’t going to work for us.

[the Nomads 78]

I find comfort in your responses. Although a MFM scenario is not off the table, and the wife and I have discussed that, we were going into the evening with a couples swap scenario. One where everyone plays with everyone and didn’t get that from them. I take blame that we didn’t let our situation known but, nor did they and they weren’t newbies. I felt a little taken advantage of. There were some signs that I didn’t pick up on until after. I’m okay emotionally with the aftermath and just chalk it up as a learning experience and now have a clearer idea of how we will approach future partners. I know I may have been more initiating with the other wife, but I’m not turned on by lay downs. It was incompatibility and it simply wasn’t going to work for us.

 

Live and Learn I guess. I do have to make this observation from my extremely new entry into this adventure. It will certainly make you good at several life skills including but not limited to: Being able to concisely explain what you want, Becoming a pretty good judge of people, and being extremely confident in holding your position.

[Jane1902 476]

I am going to acknowledge it can be difficult to speak up sometimes when not fully comfortable. I heard someone say they didn’t want to be the party pooper. Knowing you were new it would have been more considerate of the other couple to ask more about your interests, comforts. In hindsight perhaps he took your response of yes the two of you were interested as enough information for him to get what he wanted. I don’t think you’re overreacting, the two of you are able to talk about what works and will hopefully move on to more fun with a better couple.

[English Flames 26]

You said it! He took our “yes” as to move onto getting what he wanted. Again, I don’t think he took us into consideration at all. Live and learn indeed. This will allow us to make better decisions in the future and ultimately let us have more fun with more compatible partners. Thank you all for your responses. They’ve helped me digest the situation better and put me more at ease with all of it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

She reiterates “you guys just do or don’t do what you want. It’s up to you”. She looks at me and asks “would you fuck them?” I immediately responded “yes” and my wife says “yes” right after I do. Before I know it, we’re getting out of the pool and headed to a room together.

 

Sometimes when a couple is starting out, it's more about 'jumping in' and doing it than finding the right match for everyone. It sounds like you both decided 'ehh, close enough' and jumped (nothing wrong with that, but you've lived and learned some).

 

We also believe that the couple we hooked up with us was not looking for a swap situation. A question we forgot to ask and never brought up. The things I am having difficulty with is that he never asked to touch her when things started. He also didn’t have condoms with him. Also, neither of them really made sure we were doing okay nor did they seem to care whether things were progressing too quickly for us.

 

You chose the wrong couple. They didn't care about the two of you or than you were new, they (he) just wanted to fuck. Once again, you've lived some and learned some. It doesn't sound like you will be repeating this 'blind jump' again in the future.

 

It was bad enough I had performance anxiety and could not get hard. I’ve never had that problem before.

 

This is (unfortunately) a common occurrence. I'm going to say don't dwell on it, but it's much easier said than done. Look at this from your penis's point of view. All of his life he has been told never to come out in a social situation. Suddenly, there you are in a social situation and you're introducing him to the world. That already puts a certain amount of confusion and pressure on him. Then you tell him it's okay for him to stand at attention...in public...with your lady watching...so he can play with someone who ISN'T your lady...and you're telling him it's okay, she doesn't mind. That little bit of confusion and pressure now becomes a HUGE amount of confusion and pressure. Your poor penis doesn't know what it should do. Your eyes and ears are telling your brain that this is really hot and sexy. Your brain is telling your penis that this is really hot and sexy, but your penis is saying this can't really be happening, 'I've been fooled too many times before' and your penis takes the usual safe path of not doing anything that would embarrass itself (usually coming to attention in a social situation...potentially awkward and embarrassing). Give him some time to accept the new 'norm', that this really is okay for him to come to attention (and he won't get in trouble with your lady by standing tall for someone other than her or be embarrassed by being erect in public). Also know that everyone in the L/S understands that this 'happens' and won't think less of you or joke about it. This is an entire new and different situation than what 98% of the public would ever imagine being in (fantasize about: yes, but actually experience: oh HELL no!). It will be okay and just in case it doesn't become easier to do in the future, modern medicine has a pill that will help cure the problem. You probably won't need it, but it's good to know that there is a backup, just in case.

 

Good luck and let us know how you do your next time out.

[English Flames 26]

Thank you so much GoldCoCouple!

 

I agree with everything you said and I’m not taking any of this first experience to heart. It was what it was and yes, it was very much a “eh, close enough” jump-in situation. We were over eager to jump in and get our first experience out of the way. Yes, the whole first experience was a bit of a mind fuck, for lack of better words, for me. Had she participated, it would have turned out much differently. Live and learn I guess. I am glad you all agree with me that he was simply looking to get laid. Hell we could have easily done that with someone else. I now look forward to our next couple because it’s going to be more on our terms and should be a ton more fun!

[the Nomads 78]

... I now look forward to our next couple because it’s going to be more on our terms and should be a ton more fun!

Glad to hear it. You guys sound like a fun couple. If you ever find us near by please ping us and see if we can do drinks and see if we click. We don’t have plans to be in Cali but you never know. Good luck with your next adventure and let us know how it goes.

 

Mr. Nomad

[Dutchfire 18]

Glad to hear it. You guys sound like a fun couple. If you ever find us near by please ping us and see if we can do drinks and see if we click. We don’t have plans to be in Cali but you never know. Good luck with your next adventure and let us know how it goes.

 

Mr. Nomad

 

I’ll start by saying I’m the wife in the scenario. I’m excited to try again, we already have a much better idea of how to go about things for our next outing. One were he can enjoy himself too. I was telling English if you were ever in the area you would be fun to get to know you two. Lol!

[English Flames 26]

Glad to hear it. You guys sound like a fun couple. If you ever find us near by please ping us and see if we can do drinks and see if we click. We don’t have plans to be in Cali but you never know. Good luck with your next adventure and let us know how it goes.

 

Mr. Nomad

We certainly will! Thanks again for the advice. We need to add some photos already! lol

[the Nomads 78]

I’ll start by saying I’m the wife in the scenario. I’m excited to try again, we already have a much better idea of how to go about things for our next outing. One were he can enjoy himself too. I was telling English if you were ever in the area you would be fun to get to know you two. Lol!

Find us on SLS and let us know if you make it to the east coast as well. We keep our pics over on that site

[Gab32421 25]

So my lady and I attended our first house party ever. It was our first outing as a swinging couple period. We had zero experience as well. We walked around when we first got there after we were given the tour. The atmosphere was light and playful. We had tons of attention! I had women telling me that I better be naked by the end of the night and that was two minutes into the tour! I have never been mentally undressed by so many women in so little of time. The wife was getting the same attention as well.

 

Feeling a bit nervous, we found a little empty spot in the backyard and snuck away to have a smoke. Once we were done, we decided to be social and grabbed some towels and robes, stripped and jumped into the pool. We found an empty corner and people started coming up to us and introducing themselves. All the veterans were funny and inviting and made us feel very comfortable.

 

Fast forward a bit, this couple makes their way over to us. We were excited. They were attractive and in our age range. We chatted for an hour or so when one of the veteran ladies comes over, we’ll call her Mrs. Shy, and asks us, “why aren’t you guys fucking yet?!” Before I could respond another lady jumps in and states “don’t listen to her. You guys go at your own pace”. She then yells back at Mrs Shy and states “Shy, leave them alone. They’re newbies.” Then the lady starts speaking to me and my wife. She reiterates “you guys just do or don’t do what you want. It’s up to you”. She looks at me and asks “would you fuck them?” I immediately responded “yes” and my wife says “yes” right after I do. Before I know it, we’re getting out of the pool and headed to a room together.

 

So this is we’re some things fall apart. He lays his wife down and mine lays down next to her. Us guys climb on top of our wives and start kissing them. My dick is not responding at all. Totally limp. I continued kissing and touching and while I’m kissing her neck she taps my shoulder. I look up and she gesturing to me to look down. I look down and he’s fingering my wife. He didn’t ask. Whatever, I was okay with it and she was enjoying herself too. Still no signs of life down there. Okay I thinking, it’s just nerves. I keep going. I go down on her and I’m enjoying tasting her and how wet she was. I look up and she’s making out with his wife and feeling her breasts. I’m turned on but still no stiffness down there.

 

I’ll spare some of the details from here, but the night ended with her getting split roasted with him taking her from behind and me trying to get hard in my wife’s mouth.

 

She enjoyed herself. She had me and another guy, and that was something we’ve both been wanting to try. She also got to explore another woman completely for the first time. She’s made out with some but never got to finger or eat a lady out. She got to try that too.

 

I didn’t entirely enjoy myself. I never achieved an erection though I was turned on. The guys wife never did anything but lay there the whole night. My wife complained about that too afterwards . She had plenty of opportunities to get more involved but seemed happy to just watch. I’m not entirely sure how I felt about the evening. I feel that if she would have gotten more involved I may have gotten hard and gotten into it more. It seemed to be more or less all about her husband. Since I never got hard, it also seemed like it was his duty to finish my wife off for me. I don’t know. I may be looking at it from a narrow view. I’m glad he got my wife off. I wanted her to enjoy herself and she did so it ended happily. I’ll also take some blame since I wasn’t really initiating anything with the other wife, mostly because she didn’t seem to perceptive the couple times I did touch her.

 

The take away for us was that neither of us had feelings of jealousy and that was a big concern we had. We also believe that the couple we hooked up with us was not looking for a swap situation. A question we forgot to ask and never brought up. The things I am having difficulty with is that he never asked to touch her when things started. He also didn’t have condoms with him. Also, neither of them really made sure we were doing okay nor did they seem to care whether things were progressing too quickly for us. They knew we were brand new.

 

Am I just over thinking or over reacting? It was bad enough I had performance anxiety and could not get hard. I’ve never had that problem before. I need some veteran opinions please. Sorry for the long read, but thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

 

You guys had condoms right? Or did he go bareback?

[English Flames 26]

We did have condoms but not within reach. It all happened so quickly I hadn’t noticed whether he put one on. Apparently he didn’t and I’m a bit pissed about it honestly

[Tahoecple 319]

Years ago we had much the same experience. I can’t remember the name of the place. It was located in Oakland Ca., an adult motel where they held social dances. It was interesting, they had a bar, occasionally had entertainment, and music for dancing. Outside the pool and hot tub area’s were clothing optional.

 

We had been corresponding with a couple and decided to meet them there one night. Everything was going nicely, we were just getting to know one another. Somewhere another couple joined us inside the dance. One thing led to another, and the six of us end up in the couple we came to meet’s room.

 

The six of us were getting acquainted, and things were about to get interesting when there was a knock on the door. This was a cute looking couple, and evidently, they had been invited up by one of the other couples.

In no time the male half of the new couple starts hitting on every other woman in the room. One of the other guys starts coming on to the woman this guy’s with. She laugh’s and in no uncertain terms tells him she’s not into this and is here just to keep this guy company. It was a couple only dance, and this guy comes out with, “yea, she’s just the couple half to allow me to get into the dance.”

 

We were young and naïve, I hadn’t even considered something like that happening. The male half of the couple we were there to meet politely asked them to leave, I believe his exact words were, “get your fucking ass out of here before I put a boot in it.”

 

This was a lesson well learned. From then on I wasn’t afraid or hesitant in asking the personal questions before things went to the play stage. I’ll sit at the bar and talk to anybody, on any subject, and not delve into their history. If they are coming back to our room, or we’re going to theirs, I’m finding out who we’re dealing with. As friendly as most people you meet in this lifestyle are, they are still strangers if you’re meeting them for the first time.

 

I’m not talking about a life history, but at the least find out what they are interested in. I don’t think there was any threat from this guy. I don’t know who the woman was, most likely the whole thing came down to him wanting to get laid, and she was there to allow it to happen. Being this wasn’t what we were interested in, if we had known this beforehand they wouldn’t have killed the mood in the room with their appearance.

[English Flames 26]

Tahoecple, I hear you loud and clear. I guess being where we were and being naive, we took for granted what they were into. Never again will we make that mistake!