How would you handle this?

[samandtammi 99]

I will try to keep this short. This happened in a club a few months ago and need some advice.

 

My husband and I are dancing, minding our own business and a couple comes over and tries to separate us. They were a good looking couple so he danced with her, I danced with him. While we were dancing, she loudly says to me, "OMG you are his dream woman he has been dying to meet you. I'm sure you are making his night just dancing with him." Already, I am uncomfortable because I felt a little anger in her voice. When the song ended we thanked them for the dance and again she was gushing about how hot he thinks I am. We walk away and get drinks. I forgot about them and we were simply enjoying the night.

 

Later in the evening I left my husband to go to the restroom. They were standing nearby and when she saw me, she grabs me and pulls me close to her. She says, "What are you doing with that man he's horrible. There is no way I would ever have sex with him. You can do so much better than him!" I told her I completely disagree, that he is my husband and I think he's very attractive. I turned to walk away while I hear her telling me that she's shocked that I am actually married to this man. (Although this is unimportant, my husband is a really good looking man, never have heard anything different).

 

I did not say a word to my husband because I decided she's crazy and would never say something hurtful to him. We go into the playroom and are happily playing together. Guess who comes over and tries to play with us? She was all over my husband and obviously not knowing what had been said, he wanted to play with them. I whispered in his ear that I did not want to play. He was not thrilled but told them another time. To diffuse the confusion I simply said she had said some unkind things when I bumped into her and I wanted nothing to do with her.

 

When we see them occassionally he still asks me to be nice to her but I just ignore her. What would you do?

[the Nomads 78]

I’m a communicate everything kind of guy anyway so I would have told him everything as soon as we got back or else called her out on what she said while in the play area. Sounds like a petty woman.

[Alura 2,774]

I agree with the Nomads, Tammi. Truthfully explain what happened to your husband. If the lady approaches you again, simply say,"My husband and I don't care to be acquainted with you." Then keep on ignoring the bitch. Whether she's a boor or "on something" are both valid reasons.

[udsarge 119]

Be honest with you husband. Ultimately it's about the two of you having fun together. If there was something that put you off to this particular crazy lady, then he should know about it. It's not that you don't want him to have fun, just not with her. I'm sure someone less objectionable will approach you 2 and she won't have a chip on her shoulder. Your husband might not have been "thrilled" and perhaps thought that you did not have due cause to stop the fun from happening when you objected. Ultimately honesty is the best policy, and he will understand that you had a reason to object to the crazy lady.

[ViSexual 1,008]

The last thing you want in swinging is drama. And that woman sounds like a drama queen.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

As soon as I read the part about how she was acting on the dance floor, I knew where this was headed. She's crazy, just ignore her or run the risk of giving her exactly what she wants, which is drama.

 

Regarding telling your husband, right then and there probably not the best time to go into all the gory detail, but I think after the fact that first night I would have filled him in on what happened from start to finish.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Never in my life have I stopped to worry if a woman who is eagerly trying to get me inside her thinks I'm attractive. You're sort of past wondering once you're at that point. Mission accomplished. She's into you.

 

Now that she's been "all over him", he's probably not going to be offended if you tell him the truth about how she was acting. He'll just realize she's a mess. As a guy, I'd rather know why that happened than think my wife is just no fun for no reason. Maybe save it for the next time she comes up, though.

[samandtammi 99]

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. We play alot with other couples so I thought he would realize right away that there was a very valid reason. I think I will tell him but try to find a kinder version than what she said. It was just horrible. She is crazy, no doubt!

[lcmim 1,082]

Tell him she was trying to wedge in between you.

Demean him in your eyes and then hit him up in the play room. Not so much crazy as manipulative.

[Alura 2,774]

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. We play alot with other couples so I thought he would realize right away that there was a very valid reason. I think I will tell him but try to find a kinder version than what she said. It was just horrible. She is crazy, no doubt!

 

Tell your husband the truth. When we try to "soften the blow" we risk not getting our message understood. My best to you both, but not the strange lady.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Run.

[luv2was 117]

... To diffuse the confusion I simply said she had said some unkind things when I bumped into her and I wanted nothing to do with her.

If my partner said this to me, and I trusted them 100%, that is all I would need to hear (at the time anyway, for sure).

 

However... Over time, I suspect curiosity may get the better of me, and I would inquire. I think it is just human nature.

 

As has been suggested... When the right opportunity presents itself (especially if he brings it up), it may be a good idea to come clean with the whole story.

 

...When we see them occasionally he still asks me to be nice to her but I just ignore her. What would you do?

I agree that this woman is crazy, manipulative, and looking to cause a lot of drama.

 

Unfortunately, there is no real defense against crazy.

 

Another favorite guidepost of mine is:

"Never argue with a moron. People who are watching may not be able to tell the difference."

 

To be completely honest, I can't say that I always live it (I can have a fairly quick trigger when I feel that I am being bullied, or someone close to me is being threatened in some way), but pretty much without exception I have regretted caving and reacting to some rude (crazy) person's onslaught.

 

The worst thing you can do is get sucked into her drama, and stoop to her level. If ignoring her feels like the safest thing for you to do, then that is likely the most prudent course of action for you.

 

"Words may hurt, but silence kills..."

- Shotgun Wedding - Timbuk3

 

If you can keep your composure, kindness is usually the better path to take.

 

One of the premiere rules in the Swinger Lifestyle (LS) is that "No means No". ... If this person is repeatedly ignoring this, then it is quite probable that nothing you can do or say will deter them.

 

You could go to the club manager / owner though, and explain the situation to them. (Be safe and smart about it however.) I bet they will know how to handle it. It seems highly unlikely that you are the only recipient of this persons disrespectful behavior.

 

:-|

[luv2was 117]

Here are a few other similar nuggets:

 

 

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

― Mark Twain

 

 

"Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you."

[Guest sdsevits]

I am a single man age 52. I would say be open and honest with your husband. You don't want him thinking you are trying to spoil his fun but he needs to know exactly what she said. I realize it might sting but I would want to know that a woman said something hurtful or harsh about me so I can decide to say no. The way I see it is if she feels that strongly about not finding me attractive or not wanting to play with me then my girlfriend or wife is off limits to her husband. You don't want to play with someone that says one thing and acts the opposite!!

[samandtammi 99]

All very good advice and I certainly appreciate that! I did finally tell my husband (he asked). I told him the truth but not in such hurtful language. Being the amazing guy he is, he simply pointed out that not every woman will find him attractive, not every man will me attractive but that's a good thing. If we were all attracted to the same people, it would be chaotic! It did not phase him at all. He did say, however, that if she wanted to play with him, he wouldn't have cared what she had said previously.

Men are from Mars?

[adamgunn 1,460]

Sam and Tammi: And women are from Venus, not earth. Somehow, that's viewed as a positive.

 

No offense meant. . .

[samandtammi 99]

None taken, I coudn't agree more but that's a good thing!

[GamingBeeJay 20]

All very good advice and I certainly appreciate that! I did finally tell my husband (he asked). I told him the truth but not in such hurtful language. Being the amazing guy he is, he simply pointed out that not every woman will find him attractive, not every man will me attractive but that's a good thing. If we were all attracted to the same people, it would be chaotic! It did not phase him at all. He did say, however, that if she wanted to play with him, he wouldn't have cared what she had said previously.

Men are from Mars?

Nope. I think he just understands that this swinging thing is about casual sex and nothing else. If I found someone attractive and they wanted to play with me too, I couldn’t care less what they said about me. But I do agree, that chick had issues and someone from the start attempting to come in between you two is a huge red flag.

 

We’re they by chance a polyamorous couple?

[samandtammi 99]

No, turns out they were just dating and they dropped out of the club not too long after this happened. We haven't seen either one of them in several moonths. I appreciate all the advice! You guys rock!